rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
Riona ([personal profile] rionaleonhart) wrote2017-08-19 12:14 pm

In My Fear And Flaws.

I recently had a conversation with my housemate about how extremely screwed up the Animorphs books were, containing the line, 'Yeah, that's not the first genocide in the Animorphs books.' It reminded me that I once wrote an Animorphs-inspired short story for school, and my English teacher called my parents because she was worried about my psychological health. (Look, we were prompted to write about nightmares! Were you expecting something nice?)

Seriously, though. There's one book where a kid's parents have been enslaved by mind-controlling aliens, so he goes, 'Well, I'll just murder this terminally injured kid and morph into him and go "look, I've made a miraculous recovery!" and then I'll have his parents,' and our heroes end up trapping him permanently in the body of a rat on an isolated island, which gets a reputation for being haunted because passing sailors can hear the rat-kid's psychic screams. One of our heroes, in rat form, is forced to chew through her own tail so their horrible plan will work. I was maybe ten years old when I read this.

Wait, are the Animorphs books the origin of my fondness for the Teenagers Suffering Horribly genre? They're definitely the origin of my writing style; the influence is really, really obvious when I reread my early Pokémon fanfiction. I've kept the 'very straightforward prose, lots of dialogue' aspects to this day. (And, on a content note, I'm still writing about teenagers suffering horribly.)


The theme of the inevitable Linkin Park segment in this entry is 'songs Linkin Park inexplicably never released on an album and don't have on their official YouTube channel EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE GREAT', because I went on a desperate hunt after hearing 'No Roads Left'. I've never heard Mike sing like this before! He usually raps or sings more gently; I had no idea he could manage something this desperate. And 'Across the Line' (warning for suicidal themes) is easily polished enough to be an album song; the buildup of the instruments is great. (The cats just had a DRAMATIC BATTLE while I was listening to it, and it made for the most incredible background music.)

Moving to some softer songs, 'She Couldn't' (again, suicidal themes) is also very good, although at least I can see why this one never ended up on an album: it was recorded in the Hybrid Theory era and wouldn't have fit with the harder sound of their other songs at the time, and the sampling might have created legal issues. And I love the instrumentation and singing on Blackbirds, although the lyrics hurt.

(Hard to think of any song from this band where the lyrics don't hurt. I'm doing a little better now (writing that horrible Until Dawn timeloop fic was incredibly cathartic and helped me claw myself out of a bad psychological dip), but it's been a really tough month. Chester's death in many ways feels like the death of my childhood, and it also got tangled up in my head with the death of a friend of mine under similar circumstances years ago, so I've been grieving on a weird number of levels.

WAIT, CURSES, I GOT SAD IN AN ENTRY AGAIN AND THE RULES SAY I HAVE TO POST SOMETHING CUTE TO MAKE UP FOR IT. Here are Chester and Joe putting on a stupid puppet show with puppets of the band members. I love the 'making fun of friends you know really well' feel of it. I also enjoyed Chester bouncing around ridiculously to a silly version of 'One Step Closer'.)
wolfy_writing: (Default)

[personal profile] wolfy_writing 2017-08-19 11:33 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, that is one seriously dark book series. And yeah, it does sound like your exact taste in literature, on the Teenagers Suffering Horribly front.

Straightforward prose and lots of dialogue can be a really effective style.

No Roads Left sounds very different, you're right.

Dramatic cat battle!
wolfy_writing: (Default)

[personal profile] wolfy_writing 2017-08-19 12:05 pm (UTC)(link)
That is absolutely horrifying! Why did I not read this when I was a kid?

Aw, Mabel!
apiphile: (fuck your ideals)

[personal profile] apiphile 2017-08-19 05:47 pm (UTC)(link)
I've never read an Animorphs book in my life but given that "everyone knows where they were when they first read [character name] getting stuck as a hawk" is a popular Tumblr meme I think my mental health is probably the better for it.

... then again when I was 12 my best friend and I were rabidly obsessed with Flowers in the Attic and I'm sure that's a step DOWN in terms of overall social acceptability.
apiphile: (fuck your ideals)

[personal profile] apiphile 2017-08-20 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I think it's differently troubling, like, FitA definitely left me significantly interested in sibling incest; Animorphs just gave you a narrative boner for Suffering Teenagers, which is basically all you need to become a successful YA author, right?
magistrate: The arc of the Earth in dark space. (Default)

[personal profile] magistrate 2017-08-20 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
Aw man, every once in a while I'll go on Amazon and look at the Animorphs books – because, you know, my childhood – and then be sad because they're so many of them that even if they're individually cheap, they're collectively very expensive.

I think the fact that I grew up on, like, Animorphs, Choose Your Own Horrible Death Adventure books, Redwall, the Color Fairy Book series, and the Chronicles of Prydain probably explains a lot about me.

(...my cousin had a Chronicles of Prydain computer game that I would play when I went over to his house. I remember it being creepy as fuck. ...I remember several games I played as a tiny magi being creepy as fuck. Huh.)

But then, I tend to think children are terrifying little balls of mystery and undeveloped morality and are probably perfectly happy to digest a lot of dark horrible stuff as part of their emotional development, so.

(Wasn't there a book in which Rachel ripped her own or another's arm off and beat someone with it? Or, like, some kind of fragment or evil double of Rachel did that? Possibly in the form of a polar bear? Am I making that up? ...I do remember Cassie turning into a polar bear to fuck with racists in an "I can be white. Look." sense at one point, I'm pretty sure.)
john_egbert: A little less than clever. ((PMMM) Charlotte *Bwuh?*)

[personal profile] john_egbert 2017-08-21 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
Animorphs was probably one of the most formative reads of my childhood; I was terrified by them and loved them in turn, and I am 100% sure they're responsible for present!me's tastes in body horror. (I still remember the scene, small as it is, where Rachel's mom tells her she has a piece of pepperoni stuck in her teeth and as she pulls it out she realizes it's actually a scrap of throat tissue left behind from when she ripped an alien's throat out with her teeth. A friend gifted me PDFs of the series recently, and I'm so excited to do a reread.

magistrate: The arc of the Earth in dark space. (Default)

[personal profile] magistrate 2017-08-21 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
[I still remember the scene, small as it is, where Rachel's mom tells her she has a piece of pepperoni stuck in her teeth and as she pulls it out she realizes it's actually a scrap of throat tissue left behind from when she ripped an alien's throat out with her teeth.]

Man, I do not remember that scene! I wonder why I don't remember that scene? It sounds pretty memorable.

...also, with all the people coming in and discussing terribly traumatic details from the books, I'm kinda beginning to feel like I'm in the Candle Cove creepypasta. This... these books did actually exist, right?


[A friend gifted me PDFs of the series recently, and I'm so excited to do a reread.]

DO WANT.

(Unless it's Candle Cove.)
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[identity profile] redsilverchains.livejournal.com 2017-08-22 08:07 am (UTC)(link)
OMG HEY, Animorphs and Linkin Park! Two of my favorite things! Animorphs is still one of the things I constantly reblog on Tumblr - and I don’t even LIKE Tumblr most of the time, but the Animorphs fandom is great in general. I was in its late LJ fandom too. I read the books when I was already in college and I just thought…how were these brilliant-but-fucked up books targeted at kids, how??

I think Cassie would be a Linkin Park fan. She likes Nice is Neat…excuse me, Nine Inch Nails, after all.

Ahhh, I am bypassing those songs for now…it’s one of the hurty days.

Funny how you talk about fic as catharsis. I am having some fic-shaped ideas…not of Linkin Park, exactly, but of the world set in A Thousand Suns. Comes off listening to it as therapy, obviously. I don’t know, though, if I’ll ever put them on paper; we’ll see.

it also got tangled up in my head with the death of a friend of mine under similar circumstances years ago, so I've been grieving on a weird number of levels

I’m so sorry about your friend! It’s been reminding me of one of my friends who died too. Not under similar circumstances – he just died in his sleep one day – but that was my crash course in grief, and my feelings on it are re-bubbling up to the surface too.

Screw death, tbh.

That puppet show is amAzing. I like how Chester is really making an effort with the puppet-y voices (his Joe-laugh, omg) but Joe is just dryly amused. And yeah, you can feel the in-jokes zinging all over the place!

I also enjoyed Chester bouncing around ridiculously to a silly version of 'One Step Closer'

I, um, uh. I mean, that is hilarious and adorable, but I am also kind of… turned on? THANKS A LOT, CHESTER. Who knew the stages of grief would include things like "what the hell is he even doing in this video oh my God" and "okay I’m going to Google Images because brain decided to remind me of how Chester looked extra handsome in black and white photos"?
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[identity profile] redsilverchains.livejournal.com 2017-08-24 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
I missed the big memorial in my city, probably because I spent most days after just listlessly going through the LP Reddit and getting horribly sad over live performances and how magnificent he was in them. I’ve been toying with going to the next ones though, even though they are at bars and I’m not really a drinker. Just to let some steam out with other fans!

You've probably seen the band’s latest message about a tribute concert? I have to admit my heart did a leap when they talked about 'rebuilding'. I have no idea how I’ll react when they announce what they will do about vocals, but at the same time, I hope it helps the guys to immerse themselves in theirs and Chester’s art. I really do.

Grief is such a brutal thing, and the way it never really goes away

Yep. It’s good, in a way, because it means the love was and is there. But it sucks when I find myself still scanning a crowd, half-hoping I’ll see my friend and knowing deep inside that I won’t, ever.

I’m dreading when LP shows up on stage again and I see just five faces. : (

I encourage making something out of your fic-shaped ideas, if you feel up to it!

Thanks! Actually, even just writing here, talking about this with you and other people online is helping. Just letting it out in writing is helping. But it’d be cool to make something creative + healing. : )

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SHIRTLESS EIGHTY PERCENT OF THE TIME, CHESTER

IT’S SO RIDICULOUS. Like… HOW DARE YOU HAVE SUPER VISIBLE HIPBONES THAT MAKE ME THINK THINGS, CHESTER.

Speaking of hips, I was attempting to rewatch the Bleed it Out video a few weeks ago and yeah, it has that One Cringey Line…but then a few seconds later, Chester is doing some obscene pelvic thrusts while singing angrily. And nooooo.

I just pressed backspace because it was so inappropriate on multiple levels, lol.

I was so embarrassed when I realised how much this guy turned me on

Hah, my first reaction like that was way back when the In the End video dropped. There’s a bit where he sort of…smirks coyly at the camera when it zooms on his face? I was in high school and living in a mostly-teen-girls (plus a couple of male-attracted guys) boarding house at that time and you could practically HEAR the collective pants-drop whenever that vid came on (and it came on a lot, it was everywhere remember) and it got to that part. Fun times.
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[identity profile] redsilverchains.livejournal.com 2017-09-02 04:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I just saw Mike’s paper cranes thing on instagram and it hit me all over again how much WORSE this is for everyone who knew him personally. I know about the thousand paper cranes story where folding them gives you a wish— and I sure know what I’d wish for in his place. :(

In my heart, I don't want them to bring in anyone new. It'd technically be possible for them to continue as they are; they still have a vocalist in Mike.
I’ve also thought, technically they could bring in, idk, Jared Leto or someone close to Chester who could (somewhat) cover his parts - but I would always feel so strange and think of that person as not-Chester singing Chester’s lines.

I also saw this recording of an 'In Pieces' performance recently; the video's a bit shaky, but there is some excellent sexy dancing.

……
…Yeah so I think he just impregnated the mic stand in that video. While singing a breakup song. Oh Chester.

re: In the End: seriously, that closeup was such a boyband moment. Joe or the camera guy or whoever SO knew what they were doing when they planned that shot, lmao. Also, this was the day of ye great BsB v N*SYNC wars so I’ll bet they were like "hey, we need to hook in all the teenage girls that we haven’t hooked in yet! Can you do it, Chester?" and Chester was like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and the rest was history.

[personal profile] rosa_heartlily 2017-08-25 06:43 am (UTC)(link)
'Crawling' is kind of an anthem for me and has been for a long time. Chester's death didn't hit me anything like as hard as it's obviously hit you but it still hit. For me, it's tangled up with the shock of someone younger than me dying. Is grief ever about ONE thing?