Trabia Garden

I'm Just Fighting Fire With—

Mon, 21 May 2012 08:00:42 GMT

A couple of days ago, I thought I'd pick up the Undead Nightmare add-on for Red Dead Redemption again, as I'd never finished it. As I rode through the New Austin desert at night, I suddenly saw an alert informing me that a mythical creature had appeared in the area. Said mythical creature was War, one of the horses of the apocalypse, and it wasn't difficult to find; its mane, tail and hooves were on fire. I broke it and hitched it and now it is my trusty steed.

In my last entry, I said that if John Marston had a Pokémon, it would be a Ponyta. I'm pleased to have my belief so thoroughly justified.

In other news, I was watching Channel 5 yesterday. During an advert break, a short trailer for Big Brother played, in which the hosts (I was going to say 'judges', but I don't suppose Big Brother really has judges, does it?) stepped out onto a balcony above an arena and one dramatically announced 'Let the fun and games begin!'

I don't know whether this is deliberately trying to echo the phrase 'Let the Hunger Games begin!', but I really hope so. The publicists for a slightly cruel reality show deliberately evoking a work about reality shows taken to outright evil extremes? Got to admire that.

The thing I was watching, incidentally, was 'Desperate Souls', episode eight of Once Upon a Time. My thoughts mainly consist of 'MR GOLD, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD'. At the beginning I was thinking 'Well, Mr Gold seems sort of... nice? Bit creepy, but pleasant enough? Not particularly like his fairytale counterpart?' And then he became more and more magnificent and bastardly until I was just gaping at the screen. I fear and sort of admire him.

I am more amused than I should be by all the mirror-based puns whenever Sidney Glass is around. Keep it up, Once Upon a Time.

And I really like the friendship between Emma and Mary Margaret. I want Mary Margaret to find out Emma's true relationship to her - it could be so interesting! - but it doesn't look like that'll happen for a while. Still, I'm enjoying this series immensely, so for now I'm happy to wait.

It's just occurred to me that the ridiculous Once Upon a Time concept is one that can be applied to other fandoms. What if the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender or Final Fantasy X were living in a small town in our world, having lost their memories? ...well, they'd just go about their business, I suppose, unaware of their former lives. It would essentially be a 'mundane existence' AU. This is a terrible crossover idea.

(Hey, what if the cast of Final Fantasy VIII were living in a small town in our world because Rinoa secretly put them there with her sorceress powers, trying to keep them from fighting Ultimecia and getting killed? One day, it occurs to Squall that, although he and Rinoa are married, he can't remember how they met. She becomes quite strange and cagey when he asks her about it. Slightly more workable as a concept, but I still don't think I'd be able to write it.)

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Seven Always Ends Up Eating Nine In These Things.

Thu, 17 May 2012 19:58:41 GMT

It's been months since the first instalment of the character-number questions, but I have not forgotten about them! I'm just really slow.

Here is the second instalment! Fandoms represented are, as before, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy XII, Final Fantasy XIII, Peep Show, Phineas and Ferb, Red Dead Redemption, Portal, Uncharted and The Mentalist, with the inevitable mentions of Silent Hill and Pokémon.

( Some day I'll just have 'a delicious piece of cake' as the ninth character. )

There are yet more answers to come! Goodness knows how long it'll take me to get to them, though.

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And I Don't Even Need Your Love.

Sun, 13 May 2012 08:34:42 GMT

Have some more thoughts on Community! I'm a few episodes into the second series.

( Spoilers up to 'The Psychology of Letting Go'. )

In other news, I have finally seen the film version of The Hunger Games. I enjoyed it! A few notes:

- The Cornucopia makes so much more sense now! When I read that the mouth stood twenty feet high (or seven metres, actually, because the measurements were all inexplicably converted to metric for the UK release, but I think it was twenty feet in the original), what I envisioned was this. I could not work out how people were meant to get the stuff.

- WHY DO CATO AND PEETA LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME

- Pairings I came out of the cinema 'shipping: Katniss/Cinna (acceptable), Katniss/Haymitch (endlessly wrong). I'm not sure how this happened.

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Look At How Handsome My Face Is.

Tue, 08 May 2012 20:10:05 GMT

I mentioned in my last entry how hot I found it when Jeff was beaten up in Community. On further watching: Jeff seems to be injured quite a lot, doesn't he? He's always being beaten up or having his head slammed onto a desk or getting accidentally kicked in the face. I probably shouldn't enjoy it as much as I do. Keep it up, Jeff. Also, sorry. It's not that I don't like you; it's just that you're particularly attractive when you're in pain.

The paintball episode ('Modern Warfare') is a magnificent, magnificent thing. I really love the shot where Jeff wakes up, gets out of his car and makes his way across the abandoned grounds. Gave me a bit of a craving for a Silent Hill crossover, to be honest. (Or post-apocalyptic Community fanfiction, but then the episode itself more or less fulfilled that craving.)

I think, although I 'ship Jeff/Annie the most, I sort of 'ship Jeff/everyone. Which is great, because Jeff also 'ships Jeff/everyone. Hooray!

And then, after writing the above, I watched 'Pascal's Triangle Revisited', the first-series finale.

( Spoilers for the first-series finale of Community. )

So, yes, thumbs up to the first series of Community! I have very much enjoyed it and look forward to seeing more.

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I Shall Have A Birthday Cake.

Thu, 03 May 2012 11:20:37 GMT

I tried to tell my mum what happened at the end of Waterloo Road 7.30 and ended up laughing myself to tears. IT'S JUST SO STUPID. Never change, Waterloo Road. (For the curious, here is what happened in Al Bhed: Waterloo Road fyc lmucat tufh, cu drao taletat du suja dra ahdena clruum du Scotland! Yht drao fana uh dra luylr drana! Yht drao ymm kud uid yd dra puntan vun y bruduknybr! YHT DRAH DRAO FANA YMM RED PO Y MUNNO.)

NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT, DON'T RUN AWAY, THIS ACTUALLY ISN'T A WATERLOO ROAD ENTRY.

Because I have been watching the first series of Community (I'm up to 'Basic Genealogy') and really enjoying it! Although it took me a while to rearrange all the erroneous impressions I'd formed prior to watching. From what I'd gleaned from the Internet, I was expecting Community to be in essence the Nerdy Adventures of Troy and Abed; I was convinced that they were the centre of the show. I was vaguely aware that there was a Britta somewhere. I'd never even heard of this Jeff guy. TURNS OUT THIS JEFF GUY IS QUITE IMPORTANT. (Come to think of it, I don't think I knew that Annie, Shirley or Pierce existed either.)

I didn't really have any interest in romance between the study group members for the first few episodes, but then 'Debate 109' suddenly had me 'shipping Jeff/Annie with my entire being. I would not have expected this pairing to hurtle into my heart, but I'm not about to complain. ADORABLE. And now every episode has me shouting 'GUYS. BE TOGETHER, GUYS' at the screen. Every time they interact my heart tries to force its way out of my chest and out of the window and up into the sky. (This deranged metaphor, in case it is not clear, means that they are really cute.)

Please don't tell me whether they do actually get together or not. The narrative seems to be leaning towards Jeff/Britta, which doesn't really interest me, but I'm holding out hope. Really, though, I've no idea what's going to happen relationship-wise. For all I know Britta could end up with Abed, Troy could end up with Pierce, Jeff could end up with Shirley and Annie could have a terrifying romance with the Greendale Human Being.

I don't much care for Pierce, I have to say, but I'm fond of all the other central characters. In particular, I really like Jeff. I was wary about him at first, but by this point I've fallen for him. Always had a bit of a weakness for jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold characters. Also, you know, it was sort of hot when he was punched in the stomach and then elbow-slammed to the ground in that episode with the bully. Just saying.

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A Leaf Fell And Landed In His Hand... Erotically.

Wed, 02 May 2012 19:54:02 GMT

Last So Wrong It's Right recording of the series yesterday! The guests for the first episode were Susan Calman, Richard Osman and Rob SOMETHING BEGINNING WITH B, I CANNOT REMEMBER, SORRY ROB SOMETHING (EDIT: Rob Beckett! Thank you, ruthi! I'd noted him down as 'Rob Bennett' and only realised that was wrong when I got home); the guests for the second were Calman again, Shaun Pye and Miles Jupp. The host, of course, was Charlie Brooker; this is the second recording I've been to at which he has speculated on shagging himself via time travel. Here is my report!

( So Wrong It's Right recording, 1st May 2012. )

I think this series of So Wrong It's Right is going to be broadcast on Radio 4 later this month, so keep an ear out for that! In the meantime: everyone knows the thoroughly excellent Would I Lie to You? is on BBC One on Fridays at the moment, right? Well, it is.

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Fanfiction: The Waterloo Road Academic Games (Waterloo Road/Hunger Games)

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 20:45:14 GMT

Almost exactly one month ago, I posted an entry saying I wasn't going to write this. WELL DONE, ME.

(Slightly spookily, amy_wolf posted a comment in that entry predicting that it would take me about a month to crack. I am in awe of her powers.)

I'm going to warn you right now that, if you're hoping to see a load of Waterloo Road pupils being unpleasantly killed, you'll be disappointed. I just don't have the heart.

Title: The Waterloo Road Academic Games
Fandom: Waterloo Road/Hunger Games
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 7,300
Summary: As controversial new initiatives go, making pupils fight to the death is perhaps a bit much, even for Waterloo Road.
Notes: Technically set in series six, but I've played with the timeline slightly; there are some series five characters in here.

( The Waterloo Road Academic Games )

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The Only Amount Of Moon I'm Looking For Is One Hundred Per Cent Of A Moon.

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 21:02:04 GMT

I spent the entire seventh-series finale of Waterloo Road swinging wildly between 'YES YES YES THIS IS AMAZING' and 'NOOOOOO THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER'. I am going to focus on the THIS IS AMAZING bits in this entry because the WORST THING EVER bits are a bit more spoilery.

We got to see the Josh and Finn friendship! It hasn't really been focused on for ages! And it was adorable! And Josh told Finn off! ('I used to look up to you'! Their dynamic has changed so much; it's infinitely healthier now.) I was a little afraid, when Josh walked away from Finn just after they'd entered the school, that this episode was going to be all about how all the gangs want to kill Finn and none of his friends will speak to him and he's tragic and alone and being beaten up for ever. I'm glad he wasn't alone, at least, although I certainly can't remember the last time an episode didn't contain a scene in which Finn gets beaten up.

We got Tom protecting his son! The Josh-Tom relationship continues to be my favourite thing about Waterloo Road. DON'T EVER TRY TO HARM JOSH, BECAUSE TOM WILL FIGHT YOU.

Another of my favourite things about Waterloo Road, of course, is Tariq. TARIQ BE MINE AND ALSO NOT IN A GANG THAT MAKES YOU DO STUPID THINGS. At one point I suddenly realised that I was saying 'Tariq Tariiiiq Tariiiiiiiq TARIQ' aloud at varying levels of squeakiness and vowel-extension, probably when he was being amazing at the prom or when I realised why he had stowed the bag in the boys' changing room. It's a good thing I watch Waterloo Road alone; I'm not sure I'd be able to suppress all my stupid heart-eyed squeaking in company. I just - I just love him so much.

When Tariq saw Josh and asked how he was, I made such an odd noise. I so so so want them to be friends.

I didn't see Nicki on that coach at the end. She'd better be in the next series, or I will be really sad. She's a fantastic character and she's only been around for seven episodes and she hasn't really had a plotline yet!

The very end was rather clumsily done, I think, but other than that this episode was more or less perfect. I enjoyed every moment, even the ones that made me want to bury myself in a hole and cry.

I checked Twitter immediately after the episode finished and 'OMG Josh' was trending. As it should be.

AND NOW THE SERIES IS OVER. No longer will I get weirdly excited and post entries about things you don't watch every Wednesday! You may not miss it, but I will.

It has been such a good run of episodes. Probably my favourite term since Waterloo Road began. But it had lots of Josh in it (and Tariq, with whom I appear to be madly in love), so of course I'm biased.

Now somebody write fanfiction in which Josh and Tariq become friends. Or Josh/Finn fanfiction, because I suddenly seem to be in the mood for it. Or... or maybe Josh/Tariq? I might not say no to Josh/Tariq. All with lots of Josh-and-Tom interaction, naturally.

(I said back in 2010 that Sambuca Kelly was a Hufflepuff, but on further consideration I think she's actually a Gryffindor. Tariq, on the other hand, I'm absolutely certain about: he is a Hufflepuff and refuses to accept it.)

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Don't Be So Hard On Yourself.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 08:49:58 GMT

Second episode in a row with no Josh? This is not acceptable, Waterloo Road; pull your socks up. He's in the preview, though, so I am looking forward enthusiastically to next week's episode. (I - I think? Because my thoughts on the preview, apart from 'Josh!!', were 'THIS ALL LOOKS INCREDIBLY DISTRESSING'.)

I didn't think 7.29 was a great episode - it felt a bit fillerish, which is a shame for the penultimate episode of what has generally been an excellent term - but I still enjoyed it, because every time I watch it Waterloo Road sneaks into my brain and snips all the connections to my critical faculties.

Actual thoughts on the episode: WAIT, WHAT, A PUPIL LEFT WATERLOO ROAD AND YET IS STILL IN THE PROGRAMME? This is unheard of! With the exception of Janeece, and that's because she later got a job there. Apparently Waterloo Road doesn't actually exist in some weird dimension where people cease to exist the moment they're no longer a part of the school.

It's almost a shame; I was sort of counting on Kyle ceasing to exist the moment he walked out of the school gates, because he's such a bad influence on Tariq. I was hoping that Tariq would be able to unleash his inner good guy with him gone. But, alas, the writers of Waterloo Road have suddenly remembered that people who leave Waterloo Road are still people; they're just people on the other side of the school gates. In any other programme, I would have gone 'yes, of course Kyle is still a part of Tariq's life, that makes sense'; in Waterloo Road, I go 'what? What? But - but he's not at the school any more. I don't understand. People who've been expelled don't just carry on existing.'

I crowed with laughter when Janeece's password turned out to be 'janeece'. Of course. I was also quite amused (whilst cringing) by the deeply, deeply uncomfortable erectile-dysfunction conversation between Grantly and Tom, particularly when Grantly asked if he could be honest and Tom, his expression quite plainly saying I would rather eat my own leg, barely managed a '...'course.' And, although I probably wasn't supposed to be, I was amused by all of Michael's talk about turning the school around. They were trying to turn the school around all the way back when Jack Rimmer was headmaster! Are you telling me that not one headteacher has managed to turn the school around in the seven series since then? Have they perhaps started to turn it around? Maybe it's now at a ninety-degree angle from its starting position? Or has the school been turned a full three hundred and sixty degrees, therefore finding itself in need of being turned around again? What exactly is Waterloo Road's rate of rotation?

Serious matters: Scout broke my heart a bit. And FINN, YOU IDIOT. YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT. I'm fond of Finn, and bless him for his behaviour after he realised what an idiot he had been, but when Tariq beat him up I could almost have applauded.

(Tariiiiiq please be a good person I love you. Maybe I should attempt fanfiction in which Tariq keeps an eye on Josh after Josh gets back from hospital, and Finn - of course - assumes that their developing friendship is just an attempt on Tariq's part to piss him off. Mastering Tariq's voice might be tricky, though; his speech is peppered with slang that doesn't come naturally to me. Writing Waterloo Road fanfiction is a continuous struggle against dialects I don't quite know the rules of.)

I sort of love that the point at which I immediately started posting far too much about Waterloo Road was the point at which Tom and Josh hugged. I don't think I've ever had such a specific, pinpointable trigger for MASSIVE EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT before. A fictional father and son hug once, and over the subsequent month I write fourteen entries and fifteen thousand words of fanfiction. It - it was a really good hug.

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Take A Look At How Far You've Come.

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 11:24:46 GMT

I posted Don't Look Back (my Waterloo Road/Silent Hill crossover) to fanfiction.net and it got two reviews, both of which conclude with 'please update soon'. I - I don't think I have the heart to say 'er, sorry, that's actually the end, he's presumably trapped in his own head for ever, have a nice day.' (One of them wasn't logged in, so I don't even have the means to say it.)

The main reason for this entry: I just watched episode 4.17 of The Mentalist, 'Cheap Burgundy', and I'm quite excited about it. Thoughts!

( The Mentalist: 'Cheap Burgundy'. )

New episode of Waterloo Road tonight! ♥! ...WELL, I CARE. BBC One at eight, if you've absolutely nothing better to do. I just want more people to watch this terribrilliant programme.

I don't suppose I've really sold it with all my 'THIS IS SO BAD, SO BAD, I LOVE IT' entries. Erm. The characters are engaging? The plots are invariably stupid, but the characters and the relationships between them are genuinely engaging. I think so, anyway.

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Then He Goes To School, Where He's Stupid Again.

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:16:45 GMT

I suspect I may now be past my PRODUCING VAST QUANTITIES OF WATERLOO ROAD FANFICTION phase of the past few weeks, which is a shame because I have come up with the perfect idea for a work of Waterloo Road fanfiction. It would be called Tom Clarkson Shags His Way Through the Staff Room, and it would be magnificent. Should I write this, I fully expect to receive the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Something with a similar premise already exists; it's called Waterloo Road. The problem is that Tom doesn't move from relationship to relationship quickly enough, so quite a few members of staff leave the school before he has a chance to jump into bed with them. This simply won't do.

(I've just gone through a list of former Waterloo Road characters and listed all the female former members of staff I could find. There are fifteen. One is a lesbian, one is married, and of the remaining thirteen Tom has at least attempted a relationship with six of them. Conclusion: if you're a woman working at Waterloo Road, there's basically a fifty per cent chance that Tom will fall for you. NOT HIGH ENOUGH.)

Are there any buddy-cop dramas out there in which the buddy cops are a middle-aged woman and a teenage boy? I ask because of this picture:

This is a picture of Josh and Karen of Waterloo Road. I found it whilst checking the Waterloo Road tag on tumblr (it was posted by gabriellablogs, I think? I - I don't understand tumblr) and saved it as 'unlikely buddy cops.png', and suddenly I really want to see this become a reality. Not necessarily with these specific characters (although I am likely to fall desperately in love with anyone who writes that AU); I just think the middle-aged woman/teenage boy buddy cop dynamic could be really interesting. They're both skilled detectives and they get along well, but she's much more experienced and they both know she's very much the leader.

(Josh, of course, would make a terrible cop because of his penchant for bad boys. STOP FALLING IN LOVE WITH ALL THE SUSPECTS, JOSH.)

In other news, because I swear I am still capable of talking about other things, Once Upon a Time reached these televisual shores a few weeks ago, so I thought I'd take a look. It is ridiculous and amazing and I sort of love it. I'm not feeling any particular desire to check out the fandom at the moment - possibly because Waterloo Road has swallowed my heart - but it's something I really enjoy watching. The problem is that I enjoy the Storybrooke parts a thousand times more than the storybook parts. (Or so I was going to say, but the third episode was broadcast yesterday and the fantasy-world parts in that actually managed to hold my interest. Keep it up, Once Upon a Time!)

My brother and his girlfriend came in yesterday and asked what I was watching, and in attempting to explain it to them I realised how incredibly stupid the premise is. I think that might be part of the reason I like it so much.

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Fanfiction: Don't Look Back (Waterloo Road/Silent Hill)

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 10:00:07 GMT

Well, apparently this is the unsettling product of feeling slightly unwell and listening endlessly to the Glee version of 'Somebody That I Used to Know'. Enjoy?

(To be honest, Josh's current storyline cries out for this crossover, and I tend to write Silent Hill crossovers even when they're not being cried out for. I don't know why I didn't anticipate this.)

Title: Don't Look Back
Fandom: Waterloo Road/Silent Hill
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,600
Summary: Set in series seven, during Josh's illness. Josh doesn't know where he is, he doesn't know how he got there, and he doesn't know if he can trust his own mind.

( Don't Look Back )

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You Just Decked The Director Of Education.

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 12:26:10 GMT

My verdict on episode 7.28 of Waterloo Road: NO JOSH, TERRIBLE EPISODE.

I did enjoy this episode, actually, which is a good sign; Josh is in his final year of school (noooo Josh don't leave), so if I found myself incapable of enjoying episodes without him I would be in trouble. It could still definitely have been improved by the presence of Josh, though. I just want Tom to be comforting his son in the background of every scene; is that really so much to ask?

If I wrote for Waterloo Road, I would at this point (well, not at precisely this point, but once Josh is back from hospital) trap the school in a time vortex so Josh, Finn, Lauren and Tariq would never be able to leave. (Actually, if I wrote for Waterloo Road, I'd have trapped the school in a time vortex back when Sam was still around and Karen was still headteacher, although sadly in that case we'd have missed out on Tariq and Nicki.*) Why did I have to get emotionally invested in a programme with such a high cast turnover and such a small fandom?

(I'd need to find some way of ensuring Josh didn't cut his lovely hair whilst in the time vortex, of course, because then his hair would never grow back and it would be awful.)

Something not about Waterloo Road for you: have a handful of notes I forgot to include in my original write-up of the Bhaskar-Madeley-Humble-Jupp Would I Lie to You? recording in March.

Just prior to the recording actually starting:

Brydon: Yes, I can. (pause) I should point out that when I say 'yes, I can' it's in a response to a voice in my ear asking 'can you hear me?'; I'm not just trying to motivate myself.

Mitchell, in response to Humble's claim that she'd dressed in a giraffe outfit to photograph giraffes, opined that a real giraffe would probably be able to tell the difference between a fellow giraffe and two people in a giraffe costume. He used the phrase 'Surely it takes a giraffe to know a giraffe'.

Later:

Humble: Well, as you said, it takes a giraffe to know a giraffe, but...
Mack: (haltingly, frowning) Can I just say: you two keep saying it takes a giraffe to know a giraffe, but I'm not a giraffe, and I know what a giraffe is.

During retakes, Mitchell was asked to re-record one of his lines with slightly more pre-watershed-friendly language. Brydon saw fit to imitate his voice when telling him what the line in question was. Mitchell became quite annoyed.

Mitchell: Well, why don't you just fucking do it?

* I've previously spelt her name Nikki, but according to the credits it's actually Nicki. I feel a bit silly now. I was convinced that Nikki was the correct spelling! Where did that conviction come from? I remember trying to check the spelling before I first mentioned her in an entry, so I must have got that impression from somewhere.

For those of you who wish I'd abandon my apparent quest to post an entire fandom's worth of entries about Waterloo Road, incidentally, there are only two episodes left of the current term, so there's light at the end of the tunnel! Although I can't promise I won't try to fill the gap with fanfiction. Apparently the fact that Waterloo Road pieces get two comments if you're lucky hasn't deterred me from writing them.

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Fanfiction: So Talk (Waterloo Road)

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 15:32:02 GMT

On Easter Day, I saw my brother. We sat down at a table, and he turned to me. 'So,' he said. 'I notice that your recent entries have been exclusively about Waterloo Road. What the fuck?'

He implored me to think of my readers. Sorry, readers; here are six thousand words of Waterloo Road fanfiction.

Title: So Talk
Fandom: Waterloo Road
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 6,200
Summary: What if Matt had still been teaching at the school when Josh came out? In which friendships are forged, lessons are (possibly) learnt and an offer of support goes badly wrong.

( So Talk )

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Ring A Ring O' Roses...

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 20:45:45 GMT

Thoughts on episode 7.27 of Waterloo Road:

JOOOOOOSH :(

JANEEEEEECE :(

To a lesser extent FINN NO DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THIS :(

There were brief glimpses of loveliness in the seething ocean of heartbreak that was this episode, though. Tariq treating Josh gently and being concerned about him made me clasp my hands over my heart. Tom mouthing 'All right?' to Josh before the exam, awww (and helping him out of the building! and worrying he's been a bad father!). Lauren's concern also touched me. BASICALLY ALL OF MY FAVOURITE MOMENTS IN THIS EPISODE CENTRE ON PEOPLE WORRYING ABOUT JOSH.

That's not strictly true, actually, because I also loved Chalky being the sweetest man in the world. Bless him. Bless Janeece, too, for keeping her head held high after that nightmare.

Looks like there's not going to be any Josh in next week's episode, to my sorrow. Still, perhaps I need a break from all the weekly nooo nooooo stop making horrible things happen to him look at his little tragic face distressed keening. When he comes back, I sort of want him and Tariq to become friends. Except I don't, because then Finn would kill someone.

I'm trying to write nice fanfiction in which Josh and Matt form a friendship, but of course because it's Waterloo Road they would inevitably end up being accused of having an affair, and I don't want that to happen. Very much a staple plot of Waterloo Road, 'teacher wrongly (occasionally correctly) suspected of having affair with pupil'. The other staple plot is, of course, 'pregnancy!', and I don't particularly want to write about Josh getting pregnant either.

Do you know how many Waterloo Road characters have been pregnant? Thirteen. Those are just the ones I can think of right now; there may well be more. That's almost two pregnancies per series. (Number of those pregnancies that were actually planned, incidentally: maybe two. The most common source of income in Rochdale must be legal action against condom companies.)

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Fanfiction: The Course of School Trips Never Did Run Smooth (Waterloo Road)

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 08:34:09 GMT

MORE WATERLOO ROAD FANFICTION, HOORAY. Thank you so much to apiphile for contributing the idea for this!

Those of you who know apiphile may assume at this point, understandably, that this fic consists largely of horrible incest. Fear not (or 'prepare for disappointment', I suppose, depending on who you are): there is no horrible incest here at all! (I should clarify that this doesn't mean you've misjudged apiphile; there was, of course, a horrible incest aspect to her suggestion. I just happened to disregard that part.)

Title: The Course of School Trips Never Did Run Smooth
Fandom: Waterloo Road
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2,500
Summary: Josh goes missing on a moor; Lauren and Sam take it upon themselves to find him.
Notes: Set around the second half of series six.

( The Course of School Trips Never Did Run Smooth )

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You're At My Mercy! And I Don't Have Any! You're At My Nothing!

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:36:50 GMT

Just over a week ago, culf posted an entry speculating on how some of her favourite characters would fare in the Hunger Games. I found this idea interesting, and so I used a random number generator and a numbered list of characters from various fandoms to generate a set of tributes. The results:

Madeleine Hightower (The Mentalist)
Rin Tezuka (Katawa Shoujo)
Candace Flynn (Phineas and Ferb)
Teresa Lisbon (The Mentalist)
Rainbow Dash (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Grace Van Pelt (The Mentalist)
Oerba Yun Fang (Final Fantasy XIII)
Applejack (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Donna Noble (Doctor Who)
Mulan (Disney's Mulan)
Samantha Carter (Stargate SG-1)
Allison Cameron (House)

Tidus (Final Fantasy X)
Jeremy Usborne (Peep Show)
Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)
Sam Tyler (Life on Mars)
Professor Layton (Professor Layton)
Finn Sharkey (Waterloo Road)
The Master (Doctor Who, John Simm incarnation)
Brett Aspinall (Waterloo Road)
Dr Perry Cox (Scrubs)
Bobby Singer (Supernatural)
Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
Josh Stevenson (Waterloo Road)

(One of the characters the random number generator fell on was actually the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube from Portal. I didn't include it. Those things are hardy; nobody else would have stood a chance!)

I'm going to envision the arena here as the actual arena in The Hunger Games. Characters are stripped of any special abilities they might have (the Final Fantasy characters can't use magic, for example, and Iroh can't Firebend). Below the cut are some thoughts on what might transpire. culf detailed how and in what order everyone would die. I haven't done that here; there are some vague thoughts on who would kill whom, but these are really just scattered ideas about how each character would cope.

( The 74th Fandom Hunger Games. )

I've just realised that I haven't mentioned Applejack or Rainbow Dash at all. I JUST CAN'T PUT THE BRIGHTLY-COLOURED TALKING PONIES INTO THE HUNGER GAMES ARENA. I CAN'T DO IT. I don't want them to be killed. I thought at first that perhaps they could kick the Master to death, but I don't want that either. It's just wrong. They do not belong in the Hunger Games world.

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You'll Have To Pay The Toll.

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:54:57 GMT

I seem to be posting about every episode in Waterloo Road's current run. I suppose that's what happens when there's a prominent Josh storyline. By the end of the series, you'll feel like you all watched it along with me, although obviously what you're watching is an edited version of Waterloo Road with particular emphasis on Josh and the episode's ratio of hugs required:hugs received. Today we are watching episode 7.26!

Josh has now received hugs in two consecutive Waterloo Road episodes! I strongly approve of this and hope it keeps up. He just needs a lot of hugs.

Although, while I love Lauren for hugging him, I do not love her for subsequently persuading him to make a terrible decision. It's like someone saying to me, 'Well, you seem able to see fine when you're wearing your glasses; why do you bother with the glasses at all?' That's really not how it works, Lauren. Now the trailer for the next episode looks really distressing and it's all your fault. (Well, I suppose it's Josh's fault to some extent for following your terrible advice.)

noooo Josh please be okay :(

Jez has never really interested me - I find him incredibly bland - but I actually cared about him a bit in this episode, which was a surprise. Possibly because he did a Chris Mead by putting himself in a ridiculously compromising position with a pupil out of naïve concern. (Bless Chris. I miss him and his habit of going so far out of his way to help pupils that everyone assumed he was shagging all of them. 'One of the pupils is working as a stripper to make ends meet? Better go to the bar where she's stripping to have a chat with her; I'm almost certain that's within the bounds of appropriate teacher-pupil behaviour.')

I still love Tariq, even though he needs a good whack on the head sometimes. His relationship with Emily is adorable. Although he really needs to drop the 'BETTER MOCK YOU WHEN PEOPLE ARE AROUND SO NOBODY KNOWS I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU' act. Forget the gang stuff, Tariq; just run away with Emily. You can become reporters together. I know you're a good guy at heart.

Finn's little meow when Madi was complaining about Mercedes absolutely cracked me up. Somebody put it on YouTube immediately.

Something from earlier episodes I failed to mention: I find it really interesting that Matt and a friend of his decided to have a child by means of sperm donation and raise it as friends. I've wondered for years why it's not socially acceptable to raise a child with someone you're not romantically involved with.

(If Waterloo Road is to be believed, it's not socially acceptable because of the risk that the mother will fall in love with the doctor who delivered the baby, but that's Waterloo Road for you.)

(THIS PROGRAMME IS RIDICULOUS, WHY DO I LOVE IT SO MUCH)

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Ex Nihilo Omnia.

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 18:18:50 GMT

TERRIBLE CONCEPT TIME: Waterloo Road Hunger Games. One boy and one girl are taken from each year and thrown into the arena. I bet it's Max Tyler's idea. I bet they did it every year at John Foster's. Max considers it a brilliant incentive for the pupils to work harder; low academic achievers have their names entered into the draw more often. (This also, of course, means that the Games generally propel the school up the league tables by killing off low achievers. Excellent idea all round, really.)

Tom is in a relationship with Rose Kelly when the Games begin, and they're torn apart horribly when both Josh and Sam are chosen. Possibly Finn tries to volunteer as a replacement for Josh, more because he's attention-seeking and self-destructive than for Josh's sake, but Josh, despite being terrified, won't let him. (In canon, of course, Finn only joins Waterloo Road after Max leaves; I'm playing with the timeline a bit to make this work.)

I can't imagine Josh survives for very long. Sorry, Josh. Sam I wouldn't count out.

Lindsay James could be an interesting pick for the arena. Ooh! Maybe both Lindsay and Emily are picked! Because I'm horrible! Lindsay would on the whole be very prepared to kill, I feel, but I can't see her ever harming her sister.

Of course, this means that three of the four pupils I've sent into the Games so far are former John Foster's pupils and therefore likely to be relatively high achievers at Waterloo Road. I'm also inclined to throw in Vicki, who's one of the school's best pupils, as she might be capable of some cunning play. Sorry, Max; the odds should have been in your favour, but there are no guarantees. But I'm not actually sorry, Max, because you are a despicable human being.

Maybe Aiden Scotcher and his phenomenally potent sperm get thrown into the arena and everyone ends up pregnant, including the boys. On second thoughts, perhaps not.

(I'm not going to write this, incidentally, or at least I hope I'm not.)

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Fanfiction: Across the Road (Waterloo Road/His Dark Materials)

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 10:15:24 GMT

Why on Earth did I write almost five thousand words of this? Who on Earth is going to read a Waterloo Road AU in which they all have daemons? I - I hope you enjoy this, audience, if you exist.

Title: Across the Road
Fandom: Waterloo Road/His Dark Materials
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Some unrequited Josh/Finn
Wordcount: 4,800
Summary: Scenes from the Waterloo Road of another universe. Josh, Tom and Finn all have a lot to cope with, and their daemons don't always make things easier for them.
Notes: This is mainly set during Josh's sexuality crisis (episodes 6.03, 04, 05) but also touches on the fire drill incident of episode 7.24.

( Across the Road )

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Because It's Not Like I'd Ever Write Stupid Crossovers Without An Invitation.

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 10:55:49 GMT

Regarding The Mentalist: I had no idea how much I 'shipped Cho/Summer until the end of 'At First Blush'. TURNS OUT I 'SHIP CHO/SUMMER QUITE A LOT.

I like Summer! I think she could be Santana Lopez's cousin; they have very similar faces, expressions and attitudes. After her first episode, I actually tried to find out whether Summer was played by Naya Rivera. You can't trust me on these matters, though; I'm terrible at telling faces apart. There was one point when I thought more or less every actor in North America was Neil Patrick Harris. It's entirely possible that they look absolutely nothing alike and I am a lunatic.

I thought I'd try rewatching Waterloo Road from the beginning, but it turns out that I find the early episodes really difficult to endure because I'm so distressed by what an awful person Tom is in series one and two. NOOOO TOM I'M SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU.

So I rewatched Josh's coming-out story instead and spent the entire time brimming over with love for Josh's relationship with his father. I love it when they tease each other, and I love that, no matter how difficult Tom finds a situation, he will try to fight through it and do what's best for Josh. He doesn't always succeed, but he always tries.

I'd forgotten how jealous Finn is when Josh gets a boyfriend. 'Look, I don't care that he's gay. He can go out with every lad in the school for all I care; it's just... when you like girls, it's different 'cause you have your mate and then you have your girlfriend. If he's with another lad, then he's gonna be like his new best mate. Where do I fit in?' Bless you, Finn.

I must have completely missed this before, but Josh mentions Chlo! When Tom is reluctant to allow Nate to stay the night, Josh points out that he probably didn't make a fuss when Chlo wanted to have boyfriends over. Tom must have told Josh about her! Maybe they've met! I DEMAND FANFICTION ABOUT THEIR FIRST MEETING.

And then Tom gets over himself and goes 'yes, of course he can stay, why not?' and I just love their relationship so much, you guys. It's by no means perfect, and they both slip up sometimes, but they try so hard.

Favourite father-son duo ever. ♥!

I'm so pleased that Josh has let his curls grow back. Josh's hair is my favourite character.

I love Waterloo Road so much. It's quite possibly my favourite thing on television in all its ridiculous, melodramatic glory, and it's so strange to think I'd never have discovered it had I not, finding myself alone and without Internet access one night, turned on the television at exactly the right moment for it to catch my interest. Seriously, had I switched it on sixty seconds earlier or later, you probably wouldn't be suffering all my endless entries about it now. Sorry about that. Nobody else is posting about it! I feel the need to make up for the deficit!

(The person who has been cast as the Doctor's next companion was in Waterloo Road, incidentally. Excellent. I am going to take this as an invitation for stupid crossovers.)

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It Turns Out The Writers Don't Hate Me After All.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 21:37:59 GMT

Episode 7.25 of Waterloo Road just aired, and Grantly Budgen you are not supposed to make me cry. That's not how it's supposed to work!

But it's all right, because the second-to-last scene of that episode was THE BEST SCENE IN THE HISTORY OF WATERLOO ROAD. QUITE POSSIBLY IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

I was ecstatic. No, seriously, I leapt into the air and made a noise so high-pitched I startled my cat. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR SIXTY-FIVE EPISODES. THERE WERE POINTS WHEN I THOUGHT IT MIGHT NEVER COME, BUT FINALLY IT DID.

Long-time endurers of my Waterloo Road ramblings may have worked out by this point that Tom Clarkson has finally hugged his son.

AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. IT WAS SO SATISFYING. IT WAS AS IF THE WRITERS CAME ACROSS ALL MY WEEPING ABOUT THEIR FAILURE TO HUG AND WENT 'LET'S MAKE UP FOR ALL OF RIONA'S FRUSTRATION BY GIVING HER THE BEST HUG POSSIBLE.' EVERY SO OFTEN I HAVE TO STOP TYPING THIS JUST SO I CAN SKIP AROUND THE ROOM IN DELIGHT. I KNOW I'M RIDICULOUS. I DON'T CARE. THIS IS GREAT.

Also I still love Tariq a bit. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE JOSH AND TOM HUGGED. I genuinely don't think I've ever been so delighted by an event in a work of fiction before.

The scene in question starts at the 54.20 mark on the iPlayer, in case anyone else is as weirdly invested in this fictional filial relationship as me. I know nobody else is that weirdly invested, but humour me. On the plus side for you guys, at least you won't have to put up with any more 'WHY DON'T THEY JUST HUG' entries.

Hearts hearts hearts. I love you, Waterloo Road, despite all your many, many (many, many) flaws. I'm so glad you love me too.

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Somehow This Gives Me Hope For My Future.

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:04:09 GMT

So this appeared in The Times this morning.

I'm going to pretend that all these line breaks are for suspense, but in fact they're so the pictures will be correctly centred on my layout.

Frankly, if celebrities didn't want me getting weirdly invested in their personal lives, they probably shouldn't be entering into engagements that are genuinely the most perfect thing in the entire world. Congratulations, you two. I hope you produce fabulously witty and intelligent children, and I hope you're so happy that rainbows sprout up wherever you place your feet and everyone else cries with jealousy. You are both inspirations to me. Keep on being excellent.

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I Think I Got Every Claim Wrong.

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 09:30:35 GMT

Last night, courtesy of valderys, I went to a Would I Lie to You? recording! On David Mitchell's team were Sanjeev Bhaskar and Richard Madeley; on Lee Mack's were Kate Humble and Miles Jupp. The host, of course, was Rob Brydon.

(I'm not sure whether I've ever mentioned this before, but prior to every Would I Lie to You? recording - every single one - Brydon claims that someone asked him on Twitter to demonstrate his 'small man in a box' voice at the show. Nobody's fooled, Brydon, you massive showoff.)

Here is my report! For anyone unfamiliar with the concept: Would I Lie to You? is a panel show in which a panellist on one team reads out a fact about themselves from a card, and the other team cross-examine them in order to determine whether the fact is true or false.

Out-of-Context Theatre, because I cannot remember the context for this at all:

Mack: Before the show, Rob wanked me off. Did you do that for David as well?
Brydon: I did.

( Would I Lie to You? recording, 16th March 2012. )

I hope you enjoyed this writeup! I've no idea when it's going to be broadcast, I'm afraid; probably at some point in the autumn.

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May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favour.

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 16:57:42 GMT

Today, encouraged by th_esaurus, I started reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I've only read the first four chapters, but I thought I'd note down my impressions so far.

It took me a while to dissociate The Hunger Games from Twilight, possibly because of the first-person perspective. When Katniss and Gale were hanging out on the outcrop, all I could think about was Edward Cullen sparkling in a meadow. So far, though, The Hunger Games seems to be quite a lot better than Twilight; the writing style is less laboured, the heroine is more likeable and things actually happen! Things can get a bit held up by flashbacks at points, but at the moment I'm enjoying this book.

( Thoughts on the first four chapters of The Hunger Games. )

I love Katniss's love for Prim, to nobody's surprise. I'm vaguely fond of her friendship with Gale and have absolutely no desire for romance between them. I have an anti-desire for romance between them, in fact. My main 'shipping-related feeling towards this book so far is that Katniss/NOBODY PLEASE is my OTP.

Finally, and most importantly: I was bizarrely distressed when Katniss threw the packet of cookies out of the train window. THE IDEA OF COOKIES BEING WASTED IS JUST SO AWFUL. EVEN FICTIONAL COOKIES, APPARENTLY. I was looking forward to vicariously eating those, Katniss!

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