rionaleonhart: final fantasy xv: prompto, the best character, with a touch of swagger. (looking ahead)
My sudden, intense burst of writing for Final Fantasy XV again continues! This is rather less serious than my last couple of fics. Somehow I still haven't written a Noctis/Gladio/Ignis/Prompto fic, but at least this incorporates three of the four. Sorry for leaving you out, Ignis.

In a weird way, my approach to pairings in this game reminds me of writing for Top Gear. Even if there are some pairings I enjoy more than others, I'm happy to write the boys in any combination. Rather than 'shipping anything specific, I just have story ideas and then go 'right, if there's going to be romance in this one, which character combination would work best with the concept?'

(Newer followers: er, yes, I'm afraid there was a time when I wrote a lot of Top Gear fanfiction.)

I use so many italics when I'm writing Prompto. It's like I'm seventeen again.

I should note that I originally posted one of the scenes in this - the Prompto/Gladio one - as a kinkmeme fill, back in January (I was the second filler). It's been slightly tweaked to fit into the wider story.


Title: Well, This Is Awkward
Fandom: Final Fantasy XV
Rating: PG-13/R? Let's just go with the UK rating system and say 15.
Pairing: Prompto/Noctis, Prompto/Gladio, Noctis/Gladio, Prompto/Noctis/Gladio
Wordcount: 3,000
Summary: When you're on the road together, you can end up in uncomfortable situations.


Well, This Is Awkward )
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
Assassin's Creed is now the single fandom in which I have written the most by wordcount. In about six months, it managed to beat the record it took Top Gear a year and a half to set. I loved my time in Top Gear fandom, and it was where some of my strongest fandom friendships were forged, but it was a slightly odd thing to have at the top of my writing leaderboard for almost a decade.


I finished playing Final Fantasy Type-0 HD a couple of days ago! It's an interesting game. On paper, it's not great: it's a PSP port and looks it; the plot never really gripped me; it throws a load of incomprehensible jargon at you the second you start the game up; there are so many characters that none of them get any real depth or development, although most of them are likeable enough (and then there's Machina, who is the worst). But the battle system is great fun, and the ending really stayed with me and, I think, retroactively made me care a lot more about everyone. Possibly even Machina. I can't imagine how much it would have affected me if I'd been more invested from the start.

Final Fantasy Type-0 also deals with a concept I find fascinating; it's set in a world where, as soon as someone dies, all memories of that person are erased. It's interesting to see the different ways people cope with that. Some people are glad not to be held back by grief, or find it reassuring to know that their loved ones will be able to move on if they're killed; some fear being forgotten. One character writes down the names of everyone she meets; if she looks at her list and finds a name she doesn't recognise, she'll know that someone she once knew has died. Everyone carries a tag with their personal details on it, so that it's possible to establish who they were and contact the next of kin who won't remember them. It could be an interesting thing to borrow for AUs.


On a very different note, I attended a recording of The Unbelievable Truth last week, courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] reipan! I can remember very little, I'm afraid (I don't know how I used to write up those huge recording recaps five years ago), but here are a couple of pieces. The guests were Jon Richardson, Henning Wehn, Susan Calman and Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Entry, i.e. Jack Dee; the host, as ever, was David Mitchell.


Calman spun a bizarre tale in which absolutely nothing sounded remotely plausible. Everyone sat in silent confusion, not daring to buzz. Eventually, Wehn buzzed just to exclaim, in despair, 'Something has to be true!'

At the end of her lecture:

Mitchell: And at the end of that round, Susan, you've managed to smuggle four truths past the rest of our panellists.
Richardson: Not the bloody lasagne sandwich.
Mitchell: One of them was the lasagne sandwich.
(Richardson expresses his emotions by knocking over his water bottle)

I just like it when they make jokes that will never work on radio. At one point, Calman sang the praises of Boris Johnson and said we should leave the EU, then shook her head and mouthed no. Richardson pointed out that the broadcast could very well end up misrepresenting her views.


When other people buzzed in, the light indicating Henning Wehn would sometimes incorrectly light up. During Henning's first lecture, there was a buzz and Mitchell did a wonderful double-take. (buzz) 'Henning. - Henning???'

Given that this error couldn't be reliably reproduced, Mitchell started to wonder whether he was just imagining Henning's name by the light.

Mitchell: (looking at Henning, frowning) Maybe I love Henning.
rionaleonhart: friendship is magic: rarity looks horrified. (oh no no no)
I don't often post audience participation entries these days, simply because there's not much of an audience left to participate; Livejournal and Dreamwidth are very quiet places! But I'm fretting about various things at the moment (nothing insurmountable, things are probably going to be fine), and I could do with a distraction, so it's worth a try:

Ask any fictional character you think I might be able to manage a question, and I'll reply in-character as them with an answer (or possibly reply as myself going 'WHAT THE HELL, I CAN'T DO THIS'). Feel free to ask either as yourself or as another character.

You may, if you wish, ask multiple questions (perhaps of multiple characters) or attempt to engage the characters in extended conversation. I've attempted to answer as real people in the past, but I'm specifying fictional characters this time, I'm afraid!

(Alternatively, or in addition: name a canon you know I have at some point enjoyed, and I'll dig up and post an extract from the unfinished fanfiction I've almost certainly got lying around.)

Feel free to comment even if we haven't talked in six years! If you're not sure of my fandoms (I have approximately a billion fandoms), my tag list should give you an idea. Although for some reason I have a 'buffy' tag? Don't ask for Buffy; I've seen about four episodes and you'll be disappointed.


To avoid duplicates on the 'unfinished fanfiction' question, below are links to the different versions of this entry (and the list of fandoms I've thus far posted snippets for in each one):

Livejournal: The Mentalist, My Little Pony, Harry Potter
Dreamwidth: The Last of Us, Uncharted, Top Gear, Assassin's Creed, The World Ends With You, Dangan Ronpa, Ghost Trick, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Prison Break
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
Videos I didn't realise were essential to my life until I discovered they existed: Jensen Ackles holding a tiny pig. I love that you can see him steadily becoming more and more fond of it.


I'd forgotten how much I 'shipped Dean Winchester with both of his parents in 'In the Beginning'. That's, er, that's unfortunate. (To my mild surprise, the only Supernatural fic idea that's really struck me since I started this rewatch is one about Dean teaming up with his mother to hunt in 1973. JUST TEAMING UP, I PROMISE; IT'S NOT ANYTHING CREEPY. I was expecting something about the brothers, but I'll take whatever inspiration I can get. I'm also half-tempted to write something about Dean and Bela meeting again in the space between the third and fourth seasons; they infuriate each other, but in a weird way they also help each other cope.)

Dean twitching on the hotel bed during his nightmare in 'Wishful Thinking' really got to me. He looked so young and vulnerable and I really, really wanted to give him a hug. To be honest, I want to hug Dean fairly frequently whilst watching Supernatural.

'Heaven and Hell' is an interesting episode; it contains a fair few things that don't quite work for me (lengthy awkward sex scene with very little chemistry, too much focus on Hell as a place of physical rather than psychological torture, Dean's awestruck and improbable 'It's beautiful' upon seeing a tree), but it also contains a lot of things I adore. In particular, I love that Sam, Dean and Ruby spend the entire episode working together. They make an amazing, amazing trio and I wish we could have so many more episodes of them working as a team. And Dean comes to respect and trust Ruby!

'Heaven and Hell' is also the episode that convinced me Castiel had a great big crush on Dean, incidentally, and the episode in which I wholly embraced Genevieve Cortese as Ruby. And, if I recall correctly, it's the first episode in which Sam refers to the Impala as 'she', which makes me smile so much. It's an imperfect episode, but in many ways it's a good one.


A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was Annie Edison of Community, and I teamed up with Dean Winchester and Jeremy Clarkson to fight our evil doppelgangers. Dean ended up kissing my double, for some reason. Much affronted, I demanded that he kiss me as well. He did. I woke confused but intrigued.
rionaleonhart: friendship is magic: rarity looks horrified. (oh no no no)
In my last entry, I mentioned the subject of inappropriate stories for Disney to adapt (Disney's The Human Centipede, for example). [personal profile] kadrin, because he is magnificent, posted this work of genius in the comments.

Unfortunately, that work of genius did indirectly lead to the following incident, also known as How [livejournal.com profile] reipan Ruined My Life:

(We are at a party hosted by our mutual friend Yuffie and her boyfriend. Also in attendance are various friends, acquaintances and people I have never previously met. I have brought along a printout of the above-linked work of genius and shown it around. Someone asks where it came from.)
Riona: Well, I have a blog, and—
Rei: She's kind of Internet famous.
Riona: I'm not Internet famous; I just—
Rei: She's Internet famous. I have met people who have heard of her.
Partygoer: What are you Internet famous for?
Riona: I'm not—
Rei: Top Gear fanfiction.
Riona: ...oh, God, really?
Rei: Yep. Sorry, but it's what most people know you for.
Riona: (trying to salvage the situation) You write one story in which the Top Gear team— (I am going to say 'train Pokémon')
Rei: Have sex with cars.
Riona: ...
Riona: ...
Riona: ...well, actually, I wrote more than one story about that.
Riona: ...
Riona: I'm - I'm going to leave now.

REI. People did summon me back when I attempted to escape, though, so I suppose I'm not ostracised? (Rei later, having observed that one of the guests had a wonderfully rich voice, made him read an extract from Fifty Shades of Grey aloud for our amusement. She's wonderful really. BUT ALSO TERRIBLE.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy xii: fran glares; tremble with fear! (don't cross me)
(EDIT: My brother has shown me that I am in fact in the wrong. I am a fool, and I apologise to Professor Layton for casting aspersions on his puzzle expertise.)

DEAR PROFESSOR LAYTON:

NO. AN ANALOGUE CLOCK'S HOUR AND MINUTE HANDS DO NOT PASS OVER EACH OTHER TEN TIMES BETWEEN TWELVE NOON AND TWELVE MIDNIGHT; THEY PASS OVER EACH OTHER ELEVEN TIMES. YOU SAY 'THEY START AND END ON TOP OF EACH OTHER SO TWO OF THE TWELVE HOURS DON'T COUNT', BUT TWELVE TO TWELVE INCLUSIVE IS THIRTEEN HOURS.

YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PUZZLE EXPERT AND I WANT MY PICARATS BACK.

I'm enraged by this silly puzzle in a silly DS game to such an extent that it's actually sort of hilarious. Seriously, though, if you're going to make a game based entirely on puzzles, you really do need to make sure that all the puzzles are correct.

(The American version of Professor Layton and the Curious Village has a different puzzle featuring a digital clock, apparently. I HOPE IT IS A LESS RAGE-INDUCING ONE.)

It's a good game! I am just smarting at the injustice of it all.

(And then I stumbled across this wonderfully silly piece of dialogue and I forgave everything:

Stallholder: You want to take some sausages home with you? These are some links you don't want to be missing!
Layton: No, thank you.
Stallholder: Too bad! Not to bust your 'chops' or anything, but the deal was a one-time offer! Maybe you would've said yes if you'd known what was at 'steak'! Har har har har!
Layton: I think we're done here, Luke.
Luke: I couldn't agree more, Professor.)


A couple of nights ago, I dreamt that Jimmy Carr was almost run over by a car.

In the ocean. The ship he had been in with Charlie Brooker, David Mitchell and Richard Hammond had sunk, and they were all treading water, and the car came CHARGING TOWARDS HIM OVER THE WAVES.

Hammond managed to barrel it out of the way before it hit him.

I'm just posting this because I'm amused by the Carr-car thing.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (oh very well)
Last night, I watched the extended 'Health and Safety' episode of QI on a television with rather poor reception. The static and jumpy picture made it look as if Jeremy Clarkson leant over to make out with David Mitchell over the credits. I was deeply confused.

Typing that has made me realise that I sort of want fanfiction about Clarkson and Mitchell. Not necessarily Clarkson/Mitchell (not really a pairing I want to see, although were someone to write it I would be forced to read out of sheer curiosity), but stories in which they're thrown together somehow and forced to work with each other in spite of their differences. Take Mitchell's excessive caution and Clarkson's 'if it's not working, you haven't hit it with a hammer enough' approach, and then apply that combination to any extreme situation.

Seriously, this would be amazing. Clarkson and Mitchell are trapped in the Arctic! Clarkson and Mitchell in the zombie apocalypse! Clarkson the Hufflepuff (everyone at Hogwarts is as surprised that he's not a Slytherin as you, but I am irrationally convinced that he is a Hufflepuff) and Mitchell the Ravenclaw (I don't think there's any doubt on this point) trying to subdue the leaderless Death Eaters after Voldemort's defeat! I was going to say 'forget fanfiction; let's make it into a sitcom', but then I realised that would basically be Peep Show.


On an unrelated note, here is a video of Darren Criss putting on a surprise public performance of 'Part of Your World' from The Little Mermaid.

Darren Criss, you have made things so awkward for me by being my perfect man. I was already doomed never to find love, and now you've made my doom that much more certain by giving me extremely specific standards.

(I also have a bit of a crush on Blaine, his character in Glee, who is highly unlikely to reciprocate on account of being, amongst other things, fictional. WHEN WE FIRST MEET BLAINE, HE'S CHECKING A POCKETWATCH. IT'S ONLY VISIBLE FOR A MOMENT, BUT IT'S THERE. BLAINE HAS A POCKETWATCH, GUYS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THAT'S HOT, BUT IT IS.)
rionaleonhart: top gear: the start button on a bugatti veyron. (going down tonight)
I was on a train for a while today, so I decided to play a game I've seen around on LJ before: put your music player on shuffle, then write a ficlet for each song that plays. You have only the time frame of the song itself to write; when the song ends, finish your sentence and move on.

Below are the results! The length of each song is in brackets after the song name. Obviously, having been hastily scribbled down in the span of a few minutes each, they're not great works of literature, but I had fun with them. May have to try this again.


Waterloo Road (two ficlets, both with series two finale spoilers) )

Final Fantasy (two for VIII, one for X) )

Glee (one, Kurt/Blaine) )

Top Gear (one) )
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (oh very well)
Here is an enjoyably ridiculous (if perhaps slightly cringe-inducing) scene from episode 6.07 of Waterloo Road, in which Ronan, having collected money from people betting on him to win, deliberately tries to throw a debating contest (the topic under debate is school uniforms). Sadly, nobody has yet uploaded my other favourite scene from this episode, in which Finn gets a well-deserved punch in the face and Tom's reaction, after punishing the puncher, is 'Though I can't say I didn't enjoy that.'


I have now posted almost all my fanfiction to date on [livejournal.com profile] riona_archivic! There are still some commentfics and such that I haven't yet gathered together, but all my main works of fanfiction are up there.

Number of separate fandoms for which I have had to create a tag on the fic archive: sixty-six.

Do I really have sixty-six different fandoms? Even if I count only the fandoms for which I've actually written full pieces of fanfiction, rather than just snippets or responses to prompts, the number comes to forty (that's including fandoms for which I have only written crossovers). The number of separate pairing tags, meanwhile, is eighty-five; twenty-six of those pairings are het and fifty slash.

More statistics, because I like statistics!

Cut for people who do not like statistics (or who, despite liking statistics, aren't particularly interested in statistics about my writing, which is fair enough). )

I started writing for fun about a decade ago, when I was twelve or thirteen, and since then I have written approximately 410,000 words. There are people on my flist who could bang that out in an evening, of course, but I'm quite pleased. Let's keep writing! (Although my output is nothing compared to this Super Smash Brothers fic upon which I have just stumbled, which is almost three million words long. Three million. And it was started in 2008. It can't have been started much earlier than its first posting, because Brawl was only released in that year. That's an average of over three thousand words a day, maintained for two and a half years. How is that even possible? If I were an evil scientist, I'd definitely want to kidnap the guy writing this.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (can't tear us apart)
Here's an attempt at a self-imposed writing challenge: alphabet ficsnippets! The first snippet contains one character whose name (first name, surname or nickname) begins with A and one whose name begins with B, the second a B and a C, the third a C and a D and so on until Z and A. (You're welcome to try it yourself, although this will obviously be easier for people who have eight million fandoms.)

Below the cut is the first half of my crack at this challenge: A/B to M/N. Fandoms represented are Pokémon, Supernatural, Blackadder, The Mentalist, Phineas and Ferb, Doctor Who, High School Musical, Fullmetal Alchemist, Final Fantasy V, Final Fantasy VIII, Merlin, Life on Mars, Katawa Shoujo, Sherlock Holmes (Conan Doyle version), Avatar: The Last Airbender, Top Gear, Jak and Daxter, Death Note, Harry Potter, Peep Show, Shakespeare's Othello and [livejournal.com profile] zarla and [livejournal.com profile] jazaaboo's Left 4 Dead OC survivorverse.

There is a possibility that I have too many fandoms.


Alphabet ficlets, A to M )


It's only been a couple of months since I last wrote something, but I still feel oddly rusty. I hope you enjoy these, anyway!
rionaleonhart: top gear: the start button on a bugatti veyron. (going down tonight)
I don't know exactly when I discovered fandom, but I believe it was when I was twelve or so, about a decade ago, and so it seems an appropriate time to begin posting my fanfiction to [livejournal.com profile] riona_archivic, which I have created as a way of keeping all my writing backed up in one place. I'm up to mid-2004, working forwards. You don't need to join it - it's really for my own reference, and I'll still be posting new fanfiction here - but you're welcome to join if you're interested. In addition to all the fiction available on the Internet, it contains quite a bit of terrible writing I've later taken down out of embarrassment (filed on the old shame tag JUST SO IT'S EASIER FOR YOU TO FIND IT AND ME TO CRINGE), and I'm planning to archive my unposted and unfinished 2004 NaNoWriMo effort there (I suppose I'll create an 'unposted' tag for things that have never been posted anywhere). Also, I've added a bit of context and commentary for most things in the headers, if you're interested in that sort of thing.

If you do join, the tags page sorts the fiction by fandom, pairing and year written. I would strongly advise not adding it to your flist, because there are hundreds of stories I haven't posted yet and it would become very cluttering very quickly.


Some notes on the experience of archiving:

- I actually wasn't as bad a writer in my early attempts as I'd thought I was. I wasn't good, certainly, and some of my early work makes me cringe, but I was never really terrible. (Although I did occasionally write things that were incredibly ill-advised. DON'T READ THE FINAL FANTASY FAIRYTALES. JUST DON'T.)

- In a way, reading my early works, which simply and obviously weren't good, is less painful than reading later ones, which are almost good but scuppered by a couple of glaring flaws. I suppose I have more distance from the earlier ones, both emotionally and stylistically. Later not-good fics are too close to my present writing for comfort.

- I can see my writing evolving over the years! It is quite exciting.

- In my first few years, I wasn't really 'in' fandoms; something in a canon would interest me, so I'd write a fic about it, and then I'd move onto the next interesting thing in the next canon. I think the first fandom I really felt I had a presence in was Red Dwarf, although my fanfiction for it has been lost. (This is probably fortunate; it was not good fanfiction.)

- I don't write female characters as much as I should, but I'm coming to realise that that wasn't always the case. In my early teenage years, I wrote to explore ideas that interested me, and sometimes those ideas involved girls. What changed? I never stopped loving female characters; why did I stop writing them? Can I return to my original 'the gender of the character is irrelevant; wouldn't this make a cool story?' attitude?

- Of course, the larger number of female characters in my early writing can be in part attributed to the fact that I wrote more about original characters, many of them female. My original characters in my early teens were all such brats.

- I've always been primarily a gen writer. I'd thought this was an inclination I discovered in the Supernatural fandom, because I didn't really 'ship anything in Supernatural, but no; my fanfiction has always been predominantly gen. Supernatural wasn't an anomaly; the anomalies were Scrubs and Top Gear, where most of my writing was slash.

- Sometimes I recognise elements of characters I would later write in my characterisation of earlier ones, which is always a bit disconcerting but was particularly so when I realised that my Gippal/Baralai fanfiction was on some level Jeremy Clarkson/David Mitchell.

- My fourteen-year-old self was not a great wit, but this extract from her attempt at a Lord of the Rings Mary-Sue parody did sort of crack me up:

"We must go up the Snowy Mountain," cried Gandald.

Amy knew there was going to be an avalanche. "Let's not bother. I heard on the weather forecast that there would be avalanches today."

"OK," said Gandalf.



A reminder, in case you missed it: if you decide you want to join the archive, you won't want to add it to your flist. I've still got six years of archiving to get through. There are literally hundreds of entries to come. (Also, please bear in mind the year in which something was written. I certainly hope I've improved over the past decade. If you hold something I wrote at thirteen to the same standard to which you hold the things I am writing in my twenties, you are going to be disappointed.)
rionaleonhart: top gear: the start button on a bugatti veyron. (going down tonight)
Well, that's university over and done with.

...bit anticlimactic, really, isn't it? Hang on:

You defeated UNIVERSITY!

Thank you so much for your support, both in the comments to my previous entry and over the past four months of stress. I am so lucky to know all of you. (I suppose it's conceivable that You, The Reader might be someone I do not, in fact, know, but I'm sure you're excellent anyway.)

I feel a bit odd now. I don't quite know what to do when I don't have a massive deadline looming over me, it seems. What do people do when they're not panicking over dissertations?

Ooh, I can start writing again! Well, yes, I was writing before, but now I can write without guilt. The drive to write may well have scarpered now that the allure of procrastination no longer hovers about it, but let's give this a go anyway:

Give me a prompt (or several), and I'll write you a one-sentence fic.

(I should become slightly less terrible at responding to things now. Let's hope.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (you have got to be kidding)
I was going to be responsible. I really was. [livejournal.com profile] anewcitylife offered me a ticket to last night's Would I Lie To You?, and I reluctantly turned it down; my deadline was approaching, after all, and I needed to work.

And then I got another offer from [livejournal.com profile] amandapear, and it turns out I have only so much willpower.

Whoops.

So, Would I Lie To You?! The guests were Rhod Gilbert, Rufus Hound, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Miranda Hart.


Out-of-Context Theatre:

'I'm just going to take some cocaine and shag my rent boy.' - Lee Mack

'A Garibaldi and an anus are fairly different-looking things.' - David Mitchell

'Please don't use the bit where I compared paedophilia to drink-driving for the trailer.' - Lee Mack

At the end, David Mitchell got to his knees behind Rob Brydon's desk.


Would I Lie To You? recording, 30th April 2010. )


That was a rather disjointed recap. I apologise! My memory is somewhat impaired, because we were seated behind a camera and the autocue and so we had to strain to see anyone.

([livejournal.com profile] causethesounds' recap is over here.)

And now I really am going to get some work done. No more recordings until my deadline! Unless a ticket for the Mitchell and Brooker Sexually-Frustrated Bickering Hour happens to fall into my lap, because I can't resist that. These things are terrifyingly addictive. TWO MONTHS AGO I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A COMEDY RECORDING BEFORE. NOW I HAVE GONE TO SEVEN. (My considered opinion: The Unbelievable Truth, You Have Been Watching and Would I Lie To You? recordings are all great fun, but the You Have Been Watching ones are my favourite.)


According to [livejournal.com profile] causethesounds, I sound very like David Mitchell online, and so seeing me interact with [livejournal.com profile] sos_your_face is a strange experience, as she sounds like Charlie Brooker. I was amused and rather flattered by this.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hmmm)
I have been to see the recording of the first episode of the second series of You Have Been Watching, with [livejournal.com profile] anewcitylife, [livejournal.com profile] causethesounds (EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: causethesounds at the time) and [livejournal.com profile] derryderrydown! (It's a shame my username isn't 'bionaleonhart'; we almost had an alphabet theme going.)

My companions were wonderful. The recording was extremely enjoyable; not quite as funny as the recordings of The Unbelievable Truth, but, for reasons that are about to become clear, just as engrossing. The problem is that I am going to be unable to provide a detailed report, as I was more than a little distracted throughout by how much I needed to have sex with Charlie Brooker.

Seriously, we found ourselves sitting only four rows back, so we had an excellent view of his stupid weird attractive face, and I proceeded to spend the next three hours fighting back bizarre sexually-frustrated noises and the urge to run onto the set and, I don't know, lick him or something. This is not something that has ever happened to me before. How can that man exist?

I was actually shaking afterwards. It's ridiculous.

(Oh, yes, there were panellists, weren't there? They were David Baddiel, Liza Tarbuck and Kevin Bridges, but I'm afraid you won't see a great deal of them in here. LOOK, I CAN'T HELP IT IF I WAS STARING AT BROOKER THE ENTIRE TIME.

Actually, I've managed to recall a little more than I thought I would be able to.)

The episode will be broadcast tomorrow (Thursday) at ten in the evening on Channel Four, but obviously I'll be covering some things that won't be in the final cut.


You Have Been Watching recording! )


Oh, I can't remember anything else. THE POINT OF THIS ENTRY: CHARLIE BROOKER IS A SEXY BASTARD. I don't know how or why, but it is true.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hmmm)
I have been to another recording of The Unbelievable Truth, with [livejournal.com profile] anewcitylife and [livejournal.com profile] causethesounds! It was hosted, of course, by David Mitchell; the panellists were Fred MacAulay, Susan Calman, Liza Tarbuck and Charlie 'Charlie Freaking Brooker' Brooker.

I'll say that again: one of the panellists was Charlie Brooker.

I cannot express how excited I have been for the past week.

I was trying to be dignified whilst queueing with [livejournal.com profile] anewcitylife and [livejournal.com profile] causethesounds, and almost succeeded until we spotted Brooker nearby, taking a phone call, his dry cleaning over his shoulder. Charlie Brooker is a real person! I can confirm this because I saw him with my eyes. We all promptly became extremely giggly, which set the tone for the evening.

Here is my report on that evening! (This report may, I'll be honest, be slightly biased towards recording exchanges between David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker.)


Charlie Brooker's hair was astonishingly stupid. It brought me a great deal of joy.

David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker have such chemistry. They really do. I just want to sit and listen to them disputing things for hours.

Mitchell and Brooker were sort of monopolising each other's attention; they certainly seemed to have more extended exchanges than other members of the panel, although perhaps it just seemed that way because I was paying particular attention to the Mitchell-and-Brooker exchanges. I'd describe the tone of their relationship at the recording as 'playful hostility with occasional outright flirting'. I don't think I could have asked for anything better.


And here are some of the things that were said! )


It was an absolute joy. Thank you so, so much to [livejournal.com profile] amandapear for the tickets.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
Thank you so much for being so lovely in the comments to my panicky previous entry! My dissertation supervisor has proposed a course of action that means I can simply add a couple of explanatory paragraphs to my dissertation and keep my sentence analyses as they are. The day is saved! (Seriously, I would have had to redo everything.)

Naturally, this calls for celebration with stupid crossovers. Have the beginning of an incredibly ill-advised Top Gear/Prison Break fic; I wrote this a while ago, but it never actually got anywhere.


"Good evening!" Jeremy addresses the camera, beaming despite his obvious exhaustion, the thin layer of grime coating his features and the inexplicable forest setting. "Now, eagle-eyed viewers may already have noticed that we are not in our traditional studio for this episode, and there's a very good reason for that." He pauses, apparently for dramatic effect. "We are on the run... from the law."

Another pause, this one somewhat less dramatic.

"James?"

James, sitting on the ground behind Jeremy, gives the camera a look of deepest misery.

"Well, as James is sulking, I suppose the task of introducing the segment falls to me," Hammond says, coming into shot and somehow managing to project a sense of soul-deep exhaustion and bouncy energy at the same time. ("It's our lives," James mutters audibly in the background. "It's not a 'segment', and what we should be doing right now is covering our tracks, not making a bloody television programme.") "As a car programme, one of the questions we're always getting asked is, of course, 'what do I do if I accidentally crash a home-made tank into an American government building and get arrested for terrorism?' Well, fear not, people of Britain; tonight we have your answer." He nods solemnly. "You can't say we're not thorough."



I think I was planning to have Jeremy sharing a cell with Scofield. This seems unwise. Quiet break-outs are difficult enough even when one's cellmate isn't the loudest, most unsubtle man on the planet. (Hammond, meanwhile, was going to be with T-Bag. That could not possibly have ended well.)


I just flicked to another page in my notebook and came across the line 'Dreamt about Charlie Brooker fighting Mewtwo'.

It can't have happened more than a month ago, but I cannot remember this at all. How was he fighting Mewtwo? Physically? Mentally? With the power of scorn? Why were they fighting? Who was winning? We may never know. (But I suspect that Mewtwo was winning. Sorry, Brooker, but Mewtwo has incredibly powerful psychic abilities and it does not know compassion. Your psychic powers are moderate at best.)
rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
Ahahaha, oh, dear, I fear my parents may be becoming concerned by my uneventful love life. An exchange I recently had with my father via the incomprehensible medium of Google Wave:


Riona's Father: Loved the VD Post!

MY DEAREST HARRIET
YOU COULD BE PALLY YET.
IF SOMEONE GRABS YOU WITH THEIR LARIAT
DON'T DILLY-DALLY, PET

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


Riona: I automatically interpreted 'VD' as 'venereal disease'. I just thought you should know.

OH DAD
DON'T BE SAD
THAT I HAVEN'T YET MET A SUITABLE LAD
UNIVERSITY, AFTER ALL, 'S DRIVING ME MAD
AND I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH UNTIL MAY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


Riona's Father: Of course you did.

A scholarly lady named Harriet
Was senseless to Time's Wing-ed Chariot.
Her ramblings eternal
Upon her Livejournal
Did not dispose her to marry yet.


I might have been mildly ticked off had the pressure not been presented in such a hilarious format.


In the comments to my entry on The Bubble, [livejournal.com profile] anewcitylife proposed retitling the show The Abuse David Mitchell Half Hour.

I would love to watch The Abuse David Mitchell Half Hour. David Mitchell is needled and mocked, and he makes quietly self-deprecating comments until eventually he snaps and flies into one of his amazing minute-long rants. (Obviously I am not proposing this rather cruel concept out of any dislike for David Mitchell. I adore David Mitchell. I just happen to feel that he is at his most hilarious and adorable when he is nettled. Sorry, Mitchell.)

What are some other television programmes that do not exist but clearly should? There's the documentary about David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker's crime-fighting adventures, obviously; they have no physical fighting ability whatsoever, but their sarcasm is devastating. There's Master Who, the weirdly-reminiscent-of-Tom-and-Jerry Doctor Who spinoff in which the Master attempts to take over the world in every episode but is thwarted by Donna Noble. There's Celebrity Big Brother: Top Gear Edition, in which Clarkson, Hammond and May are locked in a house together and the public make bets on how long it will be before they somehow blow it up. By what do you feel our televisions would be infinitely improved?
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (oh very well)
Real-Life Conversation Theatre:
Riona: (at university, speaking to [livejournal.com profile] sparklenight) I could actually show a clip from Newswipe in one of our Discourse in Public Life seminars; it'd be completely relevant. I'd just have to find one where he isn't...
Coursemate: Hi!
Riona: ...swearing outrageously or pretending to masturbate. Hello!
Coursemate: ...my God, what are you talking about?


Even random YouTube commenters, I have discovered in my browsings, 'ship Charlie Brooker/David Mitchell!

Yes, but [The Big Fat Quiz] was quite amusing. David Mitchell was his partner (now that sounds... quite right).

Aww. David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker would make such a cute couple. There'd be an eternal spiral of self-deprecation and nihilism, so much so that their little cottage would be consumed into a whirlpool of misery. It'd be brilliant.


(An interesting side-note: these may quite possibly be the only coherent comments I have seen on the whole of YouTube. From this sample, I can draw the highly scientific conclusion that Mitchell/Brooker 'shippers are the only YouTube users who know the slightest thing about spelling and punctuation. Therefore, 'shipping Mitchell/Brooker improves intelligence. Solid fact.)

Sorry about all of the Brooker/Mitchell entries, guys! (And sorry for the inconsistent name ordering; I haven't yet settled on which permutation I prefer.) I think I just need an outlet, because I appear to have abruptly fallen in love with the idea of a pairing that literally nobody has written. With Mark/Jeremy, at least I have the subtext of Peep Show itself to console me in the near-absence of fanfiction by people who have picked up on it; Brooker and Mitchell have very little recorded interaction. I really have no excuse for 'shipping them. But 'ship them I do, and it has left me with a craving for which not even the Internet, it seems, can cater. They could hypothetically be so interesting!

The thought of writing either Brooker or Mitchell intimidates me, but it is looking increasingly as if I must at least attempt this. Just so it exists on the Internet somewhere. In fact, the more Screenwipe I watch, the trickier it becomes to keep Brooker's style of speaking from leaking into my journal entries, so I may not need to worry about capturing his voice; I just have to keep watching his programmes until I actually become Charlie Brooker.

Anyway, enough moaning, because I've just worked out which Pokémon Brooker would have on his primary team, and the idea delights me. Please enjoy this visual argument for Voltorb and Onix.


One man, one Voltorb, one Onix. Can you tell which is which?


I never thought it was possible for a man to look more like an Onix than Jeremy Clarkson did. I was wrong.
rionaleonhart: revolutionary girl utena: utena has fallen asleep on a pile of papers. (sort of exhausted really)
Well, it turns out that, when I'm trying not to update my journal, I just resort to miserably playing Solitaire to procrastinate, which achieves even less and makes me unhappy. Whilst I tear out my hair over whether to analyse every sentence or every independent clause or every clause, dependent or not, in these book blurbs (RIONA, STOP PANICKING SO MUCH. Yes, you have quite a lot to write, but you have a third of a year in which to write it. Even if you average only two hundred words a day you will be fine. Now work on your Austen essay until you have a chance to talk to your supervisor about this), have some tiny ficsnippets I wrote a little while ago for an 'alphabetically pair up the characters in your icons' meme I failed to finish.


Fandoms represented: Ōkami, Merlin, Top Gear, Supernatural, Derren Brown, Doctor Who, Final Fantasy XII, Life on Mars, House, Harry Potter, Pokémon, Jak II, Scrubs, Kingdom Hearts, Death Note, The Mentalist, Silent Hill 2, Final Fantasy VIII, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Final Fantasy X and, er, Final Fantasy Versus XIII. )


I sort of want to see the kids from Homestuck as the Doctor's companions. Is that wrong of me?
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (open the way)
I don't post about it much nowadays, but I still love Top Gear so much. It is a beautiful, brilliant series about three charmingly useless friends who go out and have adventures. It's tense (that part where Jeremy was trying to get around the other car on the Road of Death, augh), it's touching, it's hilarious, it is generally wonderful. The full-episode specials wouldn't look out-of-place in a cinema. I wish full-series DVDs were available; I really can't understand why they aren't.

I miss writing for it, actually. I haven't written Top Gear fanfiction for about two years, but the trio really were a delight to write for. I just don't know whether I'd be able to fall back into their voices after such a long period away from them. Also, very few of those of you I first met in the Top Gear fandom are still active there; it is now full of strangers, which is a bit scary. I do occasionally yearn for the days when the Top Gear fandom was ridiculously close-knit and we all met up to be dorks in West London.

Jeremy Clarkson is one of my favourite characters ever. He is such fun to write and watch! He is an amazing, ridiculous lunatic who will strap an enormous engine to a pickup truck and drive it across the English Channel, who is incapable of venturing near anything remotely flammable without somehow setting it alight, and the fact that he is a real person (even if he is putting on a bit of a persona) just makes it so much better.

(And more terrifying, admittedly.)

With particular reference to yesterday's Bolivia specia: my goodness, that trio are dedicated. I am awed. The number of times they nearly got themselves killed in the name of making good television: ridiculous. The oxygen-deprivation and parts of the Road of Death were actually painful to watch.


More musing on Shadow of the Colossus: how many videogames are there in which the fact that the hero becomes stronger with every enemy he kills is a plot point?

I love it when videogame stories do things that wouldn't work in any other medium.

I really need to stop playing Shadow of the Colossus, though. It's not good for me. I'm trying to get the Time Attack items at the moment, but killing the colossi is more harrowing every time I attempt it. The fight with the thirteenth is my favourite, in terms of both visuals and gameplay, but my enjoyment is somewhat hampered by the fact that it is also the fight that makes me feel most guilty. It is so pretty and graceful and doesn't even try to attack you! Shadow of the Colossus is making me hate myself.

It's actually making me feel guilty for my actions in other games as well. In videogames, I am used to 'Here are your enemies; they are evil, or at best mindlessly vicious. Kill them to save the world.' In Shadow of the Colossus, it's more 'Here are your enemies; they are unique and beautiful and, given the emptiness of this land, probably not hurting anyone. Some of them don't even want to attack you. Kill them for, essentially, personal gain.' And now I am questioning my true motives in other games. I WASN'T KILLING ALL THOSE SOLDIERS IN FINAL FANTASY XII TO SAVE THE WORLD; I JUST WANTED THE ITEMS FROM CHAINING.


Last night, I half-watched quite a lot of Peep Show, then fell asleep and dreamt that Mark and Jeremy (Usborne, not Clarkson) were snogging on a bed whilst Mark internally freaked out.

Not that I am complaining about such a dream, but now I have a bizarre urge to write Mark/Jeremy fanfiction. This is a bad idea for many reasons. My writing and Peep Show have entirely incompatible styles of humour! I'm not sure Peep Show even has a fandom!