rionaleonhart | How Long Have You Been On Fire?

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How Long Have You Been On Fire?

Here's a fun meme I attempted about half a year ago. I haven't really written anything for a couple of months, and right now I need to relearn how to get into a character's mindset, so it seems a good time to repost it.

Ask any character you think I might be able to manage a question, and I'll reply in-character as them with an answer (or possibly reply as myself going 'WHAT THE HELL, I CAN'T DO THIS'). Feel free to ask either as yourself or as another character.

Ask away! (You may, if you wish, ask multiple questions (perhaps of multiple characters) or attempt to engage the characters in extended conversation.)

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Dean, how is the "rehymenation" working out for you?

Also, I want to know if Troy Bolton is up for questioning, but I can't think of a decent question.

Hey, uh, I heard you wanted to talk to me?

Uh, yeah I was just wondering with this being your final year and all what your plans are for after high school and such?

Dean liked Jake. Not in any weird kind of way. It was just...cool to have a hunter around close to his own age. Most of the people Dean saw hunting were either scruffy veterans Dad's age, or little kids like Sam. Jake was nineteen, not much more than a year older than Dean, and he was cool. He liked classic rock, and eighties metal played way too loud. He could pull of trick shots in pool, and had rebuilt the engine of his car. And he seemed to like Dean. It was great, the two of them hanging around, tinkering with engines and just talking shit. The most fun Dean had had on the road in years.

So of course the fairies would fuck everything up.

---

"Dammit!" Dean shouted. It wasn't as satisfying in her new higher voice. "God-damn stinking fairies with their stupid sense of humor! If you don't put me back, I'm gonna catch you sons of bitches and I'm gonna stomp on you! In heels!"

"Calm down, so...er, Dean." Dad put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "It won't do a bit of good to upset them worse."

"They turned me into a chick!" Dean turned and stared at her dad. "Sparkly little bastards!"

It wasn't until Dean looked at Jake that she realized she was stretching the front of her shirt a bit. She turned and zipped her jacket up.

"You're dad's right," Bobby said. "We don't want to piss them off worse. The thing about fairies is that they always leave an out. What you gotta do is figure out what that is."

There was an annoying tinkling in the air. "To have thine manhood restored to thee, thou must no more a maiden be."

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean shouted. "To go back to being a dude, I gotta stop being a chick? Big help, Tinkerbell."

Bobby coughed. "I don't think they mean maiden in that sense, Dean."

Dad started staring at his shoes. Jake went scarlet.

"Oh." Dean looked down. "Oh, no."

---

Bobby handed Dean a shot of whisky. "Here. Drink up."

Dean looked at it. "I'm allowed whisky now?"

"Special circumstances. You're gonna need it. Drink up."

Dean downed the shot and then coughed. "So, I'm really gonna have to..."

"If you want to be a man again," Bobby said.

"Damn." Dean couldn't think of any other words. "I mean, damn."

"You could always stay a woman, if you'd rather. It's your choice."

"Almost worth it," Dean said. "But no. I want my dick back."

"Then we need to find a man. You know anyone?"

"Do I know any guys I want to have sex with?" Dean gave Bobby a look. "What the hell kind of question is that?"

Bobby shrugged. "Never know. Look, if you're really desperate, I could..."

"No!" Dean pressed her hands to her eyes. "God, no! No offense, Bobby..."

"None taken," Bobby said sarcastically.

"But you're practically my uncle. It'd be weird. Can't I just go out to a bar or something and find some random dude?"

"Are you stupid, boy? For starters, you're not even old enough to get into a bar, and those fake ID you pretend you don't have all have a man's face on them. Second, I'm not letting you run off with some stranger, and having him do God-knows-what to you. Third, what the hell do you think will happen when you turn back? If you're lucky, the guy will run off screaming. No, it's gotta be someone we can trust."

"I'll do it," said Jake. Seeing Dean and Bobby's look, he added, "I don't mind. It's kind of my fault, really. I was supposed to be watching Dean's back."

"Jake..." Dean started. But there really wasn't anything good to say at a moment like this. "Thanks."

"No problem." Jake looked away. "For a fellow hunter, you do what you gotta do."

---

Dad was outside the gates of the salvage yard, with a bottle of tequila. He'd already managed to put a good-sized dent in it. He gave Jake an unsteady glare.

"Now you do what you need to do with my...Dean. But you do anything to hurt him, and...just don't hurt him, okay?"

Dean wished a giant hole in the ground would open up and swallow her. Or possibly swallow Dad. That would work better, actually.

Jake squeaked out a frightened "Yes, sir!" and led Dean off.

(to be continued)

"So," Jake asked, sitting in the backseat of the Impala. "Should we...kiss?"

Dean shrugged. She didn't really want to kiss Jake. It'd be weird. But maybe it'd make it less weird for him?" "If you want."

Jake leaned forward and pressed his lips against Dean's. He had chin stubble, and from the smell of his breath, Dean wasn't the only one who'd had a shot of Bobby's whisky that day.

Jake pulled back. "That was weird."

"Yeah. Maybe we should skip kissing. Go straight to the next bit."

"Okay." Jake looked at Dean. "What's the next bit?"

"What do you usually do with a chick?"

"The thing is..." Jake looked down. "I've never..."

"You're a virgin?" Dean stared at Jake. "Seriously?"

"So are you!"

"Not really! Only because of the freaking fairies! I've had tons of chicks!" Well, strictly speaking, she'd only gone all the way with one. But she'd done stuff with tons of chicks - well, four - and had actual sex.

"Have you?" Jake gave Dean an odd look. "Well, then what do we do?"

"Look, let's just take off our clothes. It's easier to get things going when clothes are off." Dean unzipped her jacket and began pulling off her shirt.

---

"The thing is, I think I might be gay."

"What?" Dean looked up from her nipples. The part of being a chick that involved having your own set of boobs wasn't actually all that bad, she'd decided.

"I'm pretty sure. I just never really hit it off with women. Nothing sparked. And I've had...thoughts about guys." Jake smiled crookedly. "I thought maybe you might be..."

"You thought I was gay?"

"Well, you seemed to be flirting." Jake held up his hands. "Hey, I didn't mean anything by it. This would just be a lot easier for me if you were still a guy."

"If I was still a guy, I wouldn't need to do this."

There was a long, awkward naked silence.

---

"Look, just stick it in. Get this whole mess over with."

"What if I hurt you?"

"I'll deal."

"But your dad said..."

"Mentioning my dad is the worst thing you can do right now. Seriously, if I could have a boner, it'd be wilting. Just stop talking, and stick it in."

---

It did hurt, but not all that much. Mostly it was really weird, having things stuck up holes that didn't normally exist.

After about ten minutes, Jake finished up.

Dean closed her eyes and waited for the spell to break.

---

"You're a man again," Jake said.

"Promise?"

"Trust me."

Dean opened his eyes. He drew a sigh of relief when he saw his dick lying there, same as always. "Fucking fairies." He sat up and got dressed.

Jake climbed into the front passenger seat. "You...you okay and everything?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Dean drove the whole way home, in the most awkward silence he'd ever been a part of.

---

When Dean pulled up to the roadhouse, Dad was still out front. So was about half the tequila.

"Goodnight." Jake opened the car door and practically ran out. He dashed inside the roadhouse, avoiding the drunken John Winchester in his way.

Dean sighed and stepped out of the car. "Hi, Dad."

"Hey, son." Dad looked back. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Everything back in place."

"And Jake, he...I mean it wasn't...keeping in mind I don't want details or anything..."

"It was okay. He was okay. Probably as well as could be expected." Dean sat down on the steps next to his dad. "Fairies suck."

"You got that right." John held up the tequila bottle, looked at it, then passed it over to Dean. "Tomorrow you're going to go back to being good and not drinking until you're twenty one, you got that? Special circumstances."

"I know." Dean took a swig from the bottle and leaned against his dad.

John slung an arm around Dean.

They kept passing the bottle between them.

Neither of them spoke.

...

That sound you hear? Yeah, that would be the sound of my BRAIN EXPLODING.

Told you I was the Trickster.

Oh, and you need to see Tall Tales. Because it has the Trickster, and he's the best character on the series. Try surfthechannel to find it. I don't have the link right now.

Seconding the 'Tall Tales' recommendation. It's episode fifteen of season two, and I loved it so much the first time I saw it that I actually watched it again in the same day.

HAHAHAH That was brilliant! Dean with boobs would be pretty funny: (s)he'd totally sit in all day and look at them/play with them and Sam would get all pissy.

Any reasoning for picking the name Jake out of interest? (my brain is a strange place, and since I've been reading Stephanie Meyer, I was totally imagining it as Jacob Black. And now I want Supernatural/Twilight crossovers...)

Glad you like it.

No reason for the name. Making it Jacob from Twilight would be...interesting.

I only want Supernatural/Twilight crossovers if they do the sensible thing and chop off Stalker Boy's head.

It was a bit of a random cracky conclusion, just the fact it was a Jake that fixed cars....

I think that that^ would make a GREAT crossover. I don't hate Edward with THE FIRE OF A BILLIONTY SUNS or anything, I just think it would be pretty amusing to see him wasted by the Winchesters. Dean and Sam >>> sparkly stalker vampires.

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How Long Have You Been On Fire?

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Troy

Re: Troy

Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!

Re: Fic about Dean's first hymen - I think there's something horribly wrong with my brain!