rionaleonhart | The Answer, My Friends, Is Blowing In The Wind

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The Answer, My Friends, Is Blowing In The Wind

"Canon" 'ship: The Doctor/Rose/Jack (Doctor Who). And, um, I’d like to elaborate, but I seriously think that I’ve run out of rambling. Suffice to say that the Doctor and Rose are adorable, and then they start to get kind of scary, and then Jack comes in and totally balances the relationship out and everything is wonderful with Jack and also hooray for subtext!

"Watch me trample over the established relationships!" 'ship: Macbeth/Banquo (Macbeth). YES I KNOW THAT THEY ARE BOTH MARRIED AND THAT BANQUO HAS A SON AND THAT IT MAKES VERY LITTLE SENSE AND THAT MACBETH HIRES PEOPLE TO DO THINGS TO BANQUO THAT ARE NOT USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH LOVE. I CAN’T HELP IT. THE SHAKESPEARE-TOLD ADAPTATION WAS MADE BY RABID FANGIRLS I SWEAR WITH THE SHIRTLESSING AND THE MACBETH GRABBING BANQUO AND KISSING HIM IN THE HALLWAY AND THE ‘I’M CLEARLY MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THAT’S WHY I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, THAT AND POWER’ SCENE AND I’M WEAK LEAVE ME ALONE.

"...WHY IS IT NOT ILLEGAL TO BE THAT CUTE?" 'ship: Tim/Dawn (The Office). After briefly lamenting the fact that none of the Office fanfiction in existence is about the English version (who are Jim and Pam? Are they the American equivalents of Tim and Dawn? TIM AND DAWN ARE THE BETTER NAMES HA. AND ALSO THEY ARE UNDOUBTEDLY CUTER BECAUSE NOBODY IS CUTER THAN TIM AND DAWN), I have to say that this is the most adorable pairing ever. They’re just so cute and awkward and I love them, I love them to death and I want them to keep being quietly jealous and playful and adorable at each other for ever.

"You are one sick bastard" 'ship: Tim/Gareth (The Office). Okay, I know that it’s weird and scary and that Tim is a nice young man and Gareth is the creepiest person who ever lived. I can’t help it. It’s a disease. Also Tim said he was giving out kisses for a pound on Red Nose Day, put a pound in himself for Gareth, forced himself upon him, and then didn’t kiss anyone else. SUSPICIOUS? oh god something is seriously wrong with me.

"It's like a car crash" 'ship: James/Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2). Because there are some incredibly freaking cool aspects of it (James being assaulted by his own repressed sexual desires? SIGN ME UP. Um, I don’t mean that you should sign me up to be assaulted by my repressed sexual desires. Please don’t), but when all is said and done it’s James/Pyramid Head. JAMES/PYRAMID HEAD. PYRAMID HEAD IS REALLY FREAKING SCARY AND JAMES IS BATSHIT INSANE AND PAIRING PYRAMID HEAD UP WITH ANYTHING APART FROM TWINKLE THE CRYSTAL UNICORN IS BOUND TO RESULT IN HORRIFIC TWISTED SCARINESS.

"Makes no canon sense but why the hell not" 'ship: TORN/PECKER (Jak and Daxter series). THEIR NAMES ARE NOT CAPITALISED IN THE GAMES, I MERELY WRITE THE PAIRING IN CAPITALS TO EMPHASISE HOW MEANT-TO-BE IT IS. TORN IS THE ELF-LIKE LEADER OF A RESISTANCE FACTION. PECKER IS A PARROT-MONKEY HYBRID. THEY ~~FIGHT~~ COMMIT CRIME!

"Everyone else loves it but I just don't feel it" 'ship: Seifer/Squall (Final Fantasy VIII). I do like their relationship, but I can’t see it being romantic or sexual. I can see mutual respect and Seifer being someone Squall doesn’t need to push away, and so the only person he’s really close to prior to the game, even though they’re rivals. In fact, I’m going to quote something I said on them in a comment a while ago, because I am lazy:

I don't see any romance there, though. I can see mutual respect. I can see some degree of feeling betrayed on Squall's part when Seifer begins fighting for the Sorceress. I can see Seifer being necessary in Squall's life as a person who is, in a way, close to him - I think I read an essay on the Internet at some point that said that Squall isolates himself from the people he cares about, because he fears on some level that if he cares too much about them they will vanish as Ellone did. Seifer provides the only real human contact he has, because Squall does not regard him as a person who is hugely important to him, and so he does not need to push him away. Seifer can only be important to Squall because Squall doesn't think of him as being important to him, if that makes any sense whatsoever. Which it probably doesn't. I'm just rambling at this point.

"Yeah, I don’t think relationship counselling is going to solve that" 'ship: James/Mary (Silent Hill 2). BLAAAAAAAAARGH. And also awww. But mostly BLAAAAAAAARGH. Yeah, I’m getting really lazy on these answers. JUST WATCH NOW I WILL RAMBLE FOR EVER ON THIS LAST ONE:

"Brilliant when done well, truly awful when not" 'ship: Seifer/Zell (Final Fantasy VIII). And by ‘well’, of course, I mean ‘by

thebaconfat’. Baco has written some absolutely fantastic Seifer/Zell fics, but alas you will have some difficulty finding them, because she took them down out of embarrassment. She took them down because she didn’t think they were good enough. THESE FICS WERE BETTER THAN PRACTICALLY ALL THE OTHER SEIFER/ZELL FICS OUT THERE PUT TOGETHER. There were no weepy confessions of love. They were in-character. They made sense. I have copies and distribute printouts of them on street corners to people desperately in need of good Seifer/Zell. THEY SAVE LIVES.

Possibly.

If I wanted to kill

thebaconfat, I would put these fics up on the Internet with the following Author’s Note:

You should have been able to read these fanfics earlier. Do you know why you couldn’t? IT IS BECAUSE BACONFAT TOOK THEM DOWN. BACONFAT HAS BEEN WITHHOLDING THESE FICS FROM YOU. CLEARLY YOU SHOULD GO AND KILL HER. HER ADDRESS IS

...and then I would put her address there, but I cannot do that right now because I do not know her address. I intend to find it out, however. I intend to find out the addresses of a number of the people on my friendslist, because I have my Gap Year next year and I do not know what to do in it, and stalking you creepily and turning up unexpectedly at your door, possibly in a Pyramid Head costume, seems as viable an option as any.

So! I could easily have Baco killed, should I want to. But I would not do that any time soon, because I like her and also she writes very good fanfiction, and I have noticed that both the quantity and the quality of a person’s fanfiction tend to decrease somewhat after death. There have been some notable exceptions, but they have all been confined either to Spira or to Silent Hill.

An Example Of Fanfiction By A Dead Person:

ARE YOU MY MUMMY? ARE YOU MY MUMMY? ARE YOU MY MUMMY? MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY

So no, I will not kill

thebaconfat yet. I will instead kidnap her and force her to work on my Seifer/Zell farm. Then there will be lots of good Seifer/Zell fic and everyone will be happy and I will be a zillionaire.

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BUT I WANT GOOD SEIFER/ZELL. D: SEE THE PAIN ON MY FACE? It is like this:

Also ahaha you really make me want to play Silent Hill EVEN THOUGH I have a history of being scared shitless by toddlers draped in bedsheets hiding in a closet. <-- IS A TOTAL WUSS okay

MY WORK HERE IS DONE

Seriously, I can't deal with horror. It reduces me to a quivering wreck, but I play it anyway. I DON'T KNOW WHY. You should have seen me jump at Certain Scenes.

Also Tim said he was giving out kisses for a pound on Red Nose Day, put a pound in himself for Gareth, forced himself upon him, and then didn’t kiss anyone else.

I want to see this -- show? movie? I am too sick and lazy to go look it up myself -- now, just for this bit. I SAY SUSPICIOUS INDEED!

I agree with you on the Seifer/Squall pairing -- I just don't see it myself, but then again, I have a somewhat scary relationship with my OTPs where once I pair them up, they can be with NO ONE ELSE. EVER EVER

ARE YOU MY MUMMY? IS NOTHING TO JOKE ABOUT. How is it possible that kids can be one of the freakiest things ever? Aren't they supposed to be all cute and stuff? Is it some scientific theory no one has discovered yet?

It is a sitcom cunningly disguised as a documentary! If you were ever to watch it, you would need to see the original British series because it is the one with that scene in it (episode five, series two) and also America is obviously much worse than England BECAUSE YOU ARE THERE (I THINK) OH BURN!

I have a somewhat scary relationship with my OTPs where once I pair them up, they can be with NO ONE ELSE. EVER EVER

BUT BUT BUT WHAT ABOUT JACK? JACK CAN BE PAIRED UP WITH EVERYONE.

And yes, I understand that joking about the Empty Child is something that Should Not Be Done for the sake of everyone who's ever watched that episode.

...

...please let me in, mummy, I'm scared of the bombs...

HOW CAN IT BE A SITCOM DISGUISED AS A DOCUMENTARY? WHAT SORT OF CRAZINESS CAN IT BE? AND AMERICA IS WORSE ONLY BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE DOCTOR WHO. ANYWAY, ENGLAND IS OBVIOUSLY WORSE BECAUSE ITS FRIES -- ER, CHIPS? -- DO NOT HAVE FREEDOM HO HO BURN!

I do not remember you rambling about The Office much at all. Have I just not seen it? And if you haven't, why not?

BUT BUT BUT WHAT ABOUT JACK? JACK CAN BE PAIRED UP WITH EVERYONE.

...well. Yeah, but, see. In my mind, their pairing is as much emotional as anything else, and I can't see Jack having that emotional bond with anyone else. I mean! Look! He was all, "I was much better off as a coward," and, and, you can see how much he's changed! In "The Empty Child" and "The Doctor Dances" he was all a con-man and not as goofy and fun and then with them he's all enjoying himself a ton! So, I mean, in one way of course he can be paired up with everyone, but in another, I kind of consider him and the Doctor and Rose to be in a separate category and if he had to choose anyone to stay with, it'd be them.

...of course, that, uh, doesn't really have anything to do with your point I guess. I am okay with Jack being paired up with other people, because it is canon and it's Jack.

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND AT ALL ABOUT THE JOKING!!111! THE EMPTY CHILD WILL BE YOUR GRAVE

I am sure you saw this, but I am just checking to make sure that you know I made a post about Doctor Who?

IT PRETENDS TO BE A DOCUMENTARY ON A WORKPLACE WITH TAKING-A-MOMENT-TO-FOCUS-THE-VIDEO-CAMERA AND SUDDEN CAMERA MOVEMENTS. I DON'T KNOW. AND OUR PROCESSED POTATOES DEFEAT YOURS BY BEING PROPER CHIPS. PROPER THICK CRISPY DEEP-FRIED SALTED-AND-VINEGARED CHIPS. NOT YOUR SILLY THIN 'FREEDOM FRIES'.

I have not been rambling about The Office, partly because I only just developed an interest in it very recently and partly because, unlike Doctor Who which is very hard to dislike, The Office is the sort of show which people either really like or really really hate. I'm always uneasy about rambling about things like that, because I worry that people will go out and find them and then go 'OMG HOW CAN RIONA LIKE THIS? I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR HER AND WILL NOW BLOW UP LONDON TO EXPRESS MY DISAPPROVAL.' (I can't stop grinning right now, because I just saw the two Christmas Specials that concluded it, and at the end Tim, his arm around Dawn, kisses the side of Gareth's neck. My 'ridiculously cute' and 'sick bastard' pairings both at a single moment! Marvellous. NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT IT WAS PROBABLY JUST TO WIND GARETH UP, AND THAT 'RIDICULOUSLY CUTE' AND 'SICK BASTARD' PAIRINGS ARE NOT GENERALLY THE PERFECT COMBINATION.)

I did see it, and I will comment on it as soon as I think of something to say!

OH I SEE IT IS LIKE THE BLAIR OFFICE PROJECT. I have not actually seen the Blair Witch Project, so possibly my comparison failed TIMES A BAJILLION. I WOULD LIKE SOME CHIPS NOW. But wait! Do you have potato chips? The thin crispy Lays stuff? What's it called? UM THAT MEANS YOU LOSE TIMES A BILLION

I have some fandoms that're like that, where I am convinced everyone would lose respect for me and blow up the Internet if they knew. (THIS IS ALL MAKING ME VERY CURIOUS ABOUT THE SHOW.) I would totally be interested in hearing you ramble about, if you ever decide to!

Okay I was just making sure! You do not have to comment if you don't want to, although I'd love to hear anything you had to say!

The fact that I worry about them blowing up London and you worry about them blowing up the Internet, coupled with the fact that you exhibit no evidence of Being A Human, leads me to the inescapable conclusion that you in fact live on the Internet. Hmmm.

If you get the chance to watch it, do! Just don't judge me if you hate it. Please?

Also, I had no idea what you meant by 'Do you have potato chips? The thin crispy Lays stuff?' until just now, when it occurred to me to look up 'lays chips' on Google Image Search, which gave me the answer and also a picture of a naked woman.

Which was odd.

But yes, we have those! They're called 'crisps'. Hooray!

I hear that chocolate in America is dreadful. That makes me feel very sorry for you and want to send you lots of good chocolate.

Oh yes, here in America, we frown on prostitution but encourage the production of commercialized naked women in little plastic bags for people to eat. Yum yum.

Aha! Crisps. Soon, I will be prepared to go to England, so long as I stay in restaurants only. Where they sell chips and crisps.

I would guess that the chocolate is pretty bad, but I've never really had any other kind. And, you know, I would totally not object to being sent lots of good chocolate.

Also, you've got a very good point about Jack. He does improve the Doctor and Rose, but also being with them improves him, and he would probably be very different without them.

...SUDDENLY I AM FULL OF TORCHWOOD-RELATED FEAR.

FURTHER PROOF OF THE INCREDIBLE AWESOMENESS OF THE OT3!

I really hope I am able to see Torchwood, because America television is full of teh dumb.

THE SHAKESPEARE-TOLD ADAPTATION WAS MADE BY RABID FANGIRLS I SWEAR WITH THE SHIRTLESSING AND THE MACBETH GRABBING BANQUO AND KISSING HIM IN THE HALLWAY AND THE ‘I’M CLEARLY MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THAT’S WHY I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, THAT AND POWER’ SCENE AND I’M WEAK LEAVE ME ALONE.

Where is this?

I have copies and distribute printouts of them on street corners to people desperately in need of good Seifer/Zell. THEY SAVE LIVES.

And through email!! IT IS SO TRUE.

I love you. Half the time I don't even know what you're talking about but you make me laugh so damn hard. And I just finished reading Macbeth, so now I have to go find that scene from the adaption you sent me and I hope I didn't lose it because HOLY FUCK I REALLY HAVE TO SEE IT NOW.

I have copies and distribute printouts of them on street corners to people desperately in need of good Seifer/Zell. THEY SAVE LIVES.
They do! You are teh win. You wouldn't happen to have good Squall/Zell fic available for distribution, would you? Cuz that can be tough to find, too (though admittedly not as tough as good Seifer/Zell, which is so nonexistent it might as well be an oxymoron).

Seifer/Squall = AGREED.

Hey, welcome back! And thank you! *preens* Also, if you would like to express your opinion of Macbeth (the original play or the adaptation, when you've seen it, or - of course - both), I would totally be interested!

Another Path To Your Destiny is very good and also mildly Squall/Zell-y, so yay!

On a completely unrelated note, my mother would very much like to quote a bit of the beta-ing you did for Lnescuh in her dissertation. Would you mind terribly if she did?

*glomps* I'm supposed to be writing a 1500 word essay right now. But I think I'm going to update LJ and then watch the Macbeth scene, if I can find it. Aren't I a smart cookie? *tackles the S/Z* Watch me wind up reading this, too. PROCRASTINATE? ME? NEVER.

I wouldn't mind at all! Am I quote-worthy? o.O I don't even remember what I said. BUT I DO REMEMBER LNESCUH. WHERE IS MORE LNESCUH, HUH?

PLEASE STOP MAKING ME WANT TO WATCH CRAZY BRITISH THINGS THAT I HAVE NO ACCESS TO (note: please do not actually stop).

I am totally with you on James/Pyramid Head. It is scary and disturbing and thirty different kinds of wrong wrong wrong, but it is also kind of incredibly cool. In conclusion: If Patrick had never written Save Point, we'd all be better-adjusted, more normaler individuals. But what kind of life would that be?

If you show up at my house in a Pyramid Head costume, be assured that I will give you the high-fiving of a lifetime.

There have been some notable exceptions, but they have all been confined either to Spira or to Silent Hill.

ROFLROFL

Also, your explanation of Seifer/Squall makes perfect sense to me and, uh, that is all.

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The Answer, My Friends, Is Blowing In The Wind

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