rionaleonhart | We'll Go Together.

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kingdom hearts

We'll Go Together.

Well, I finally managed to finish Kingdom Hearts II (yes, that did take me a long time, shut up). I must say, that's probably the least tedious eight-million-final-bosses sequence I've ever played through. I have no idea how the game managed to keep it all interesting, but I must congratulate it.

Why did nobody tell me that the ending was so gloriously slashy? I think that Sora/Riku/Kairi has got to be an OT3 of mine now. (Also, when did Riku become so alarmingly hot?)

Please, please tell me that, when Riku said, "If the world is made of light and darkness... we'll be the darkness," I wasn't the only person who interpreted it as 'Stay here and live in sin with me, Sora.' I AM NOT A BAD PERSON, I SWEAR.

I do, however, deem the ending to be insufficiently on crack. HONESTLY, KINGDOM HEARTS II. THE FIRST GAME SET A STANDARD WITH EMPTY FAKE DISSOLVING WORLDS AND ISLANDS SPROUTING OUT OF NOTHINGNESS AND RIKU BEING POSSESSED BY A MAN WHO FORCED HIM TO WEAR A GRASS SKIRT. ALL YOU HAVE IS - well, all right, you have people living inside Sora and Kairi (who have also become worryingly hot at some point why is everyone so attractive all of a sudden?) and a flying metal dragon thing and an exploding heart-shaped moon and being attacked by buildings in space and the most irritating monochrome swirly boss battle background in the world (seriously, my depth perception was shot to hell) and - well, all right, it was sufficiently cracky. I'm sorry I ever doubted your drug usage, game designers.

Also, I wept for Auron a lot.

~~ALSO ALSO OH MAN RIKU/MICKEY OTP.~~

I do hope we see more of the Nobodies in the future. It was awesome to have villains with such a variety of personalities.

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"RIKU/MICKEY OTP."

*brain explodes* You can't pair Mickey up with Riku, whoever the hell he or she is!

Please tell me there's no way of pairing up Donald or Scrooge with anyone?

Please tell me there's no way of pairing up Donald... with anyone?

Oh, I almost don't have the heart to show you this.

Clearly you do :p.

Right, so Spiky Hair Boy and Silver Hair Boy TOGETHER (wink wink) go through a door and become MISSILES (what?!) and WHY IS GOOFY MOLESTING THAT KID? DONALD GET OFF GOOFY. STOP KISSING THE BOY AND CUDDLING HIM! STOP IT WITH THE ROMANTIC MUSIC PLEASE!

HELP ME I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. This is the most absolutely, unspeakably priceless reaction anyone has had to anything ever.

I should probably advise you never to play the Kingdom Hearts games, then.

Not if it's going to RUIN my happy childhood memories of reading Donald Duck comics, no.

Heh. I'm going to show you the opening video, because it makes even less sense (although it has fewer Disney-characters-molesting-small-boys incidents) and I'd love to see your reaction to it.

"although it has fewer Disney-characters-molesting-small-boys incidents"

This implies that it has SOME of those incidents.

Do those kids have their OT3 Tropical Island, or something?

AND THEN THEY DISINTEGRATE? WHAT? I DID NOT SEE ANY HIGH LEVEL MAGE CAST A SPELL!

Okay, who fights with a giant key? Seriously.

What kind of trippy fight is that? What?

What's with the random disintegration?

And Escher did the design. Okay. And more trippy fighting. Am I supposed to get an epileptic fit now?

NEVER TRUST SMALL CHILDREN, SPIKY HAIRED BOY! NEVER TRUST SMALL CHILDREN! They will entrap into some... flowery thing.

And everyone's back on the OT3 island! Oh. Wait.

He is STANDING on the BOTTOM of the SEA.

The Japanese guys with the black hoods made more sense even though I didn't understand them, because they were simply plotting EVIL. The rest made no sense at all, but at least Donald and Goofy behaved decently.

Hee, I love that you refer to it as the 'OT3 tropical island'. Obviously you understand this game already!

Opening and ending of the first game, if you haven't had your fill of crack yet.

Okay, the voice in the opening SORT OF sounds like Maria from Silent Hill. Thank you, Disney/Squaresoft whatever, for freaking me out.

Right. Disney + Japanese game-makers = utter craziness.

I cannot believe you've made me think of Sora, the most cheerful boy in the world, as Maria. ("See? I'm real.") You are a terrible person.

I was just thinking that the first-game ending seems much saner than I remembered on the rewatching, and then I realised that it's still completely on crack; it just seems sane in relation to the second game. Oh, dear.

The voice just sounds a lot like her! And also: *does smug!dance at having freaked you out*

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IT WAS JUST A TINY 'WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHARACTERS' CLIP AT THE END, AND AURON WALKED INTO THE UNDERWORLD AND DISSOLVED INTO PYREFLIES. IT IS NOT FAIR, WE HAVE ALREADY HAD TO WATCH THAT HAPPENING ONCE.

Thanks to numerous crackvideos, I can no longer think about the dragon without hearing "TROGDOOOOOOR!" and when playing the game in French I was able to identify which Nobody was Axel (with hoods up) by his hips. The real kicker is: this isn't actually any more cracky than the game was on its own. (DELETED WORDS, LOL. WE HAVE AN AUDIENCE OF TEENAGERS, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY'LL FILL IN THE BLANK WITH?)

~~ALSO ALSO OH MAN RIKU/MICKEY OTP.~~ = Indeed. My point about crack? If it wasn't verified before, it sure is now.

However, as much as I love my crack, this rant still holds (http://eva-kasumi.livejournal.com/122189.html). Apparently Zelda is the only series that can get it right. THANK YOU, Twilight Princess. ~~Especially since I almost thought you were going to fail me, too. BUT YOU PULLED THROUGH. FABULOUSLY.~~

(YES YES THE NOBODIES WERE WIN OMG. They were so much win that Malificent and Pete's arc sort of died halfway through the game. Srsly, wut. BUT I DIDN'T CARE BECAUSE NOBODIES! <3!)

Well, Axel does have quite stunning hips, and when the hoods are up the builds and voices are all you have to identify them with.

I just - Riku picked Mickey up and twirled him, and my brain exploded. STOP TRYING TO KILL ME, KINGDOM HEARTS.

Some day, I'd love to make a list of all the things about the Kingdom Hearts games that are completely on crack. It would stretch for miles.

The only game crackier than KH2 is Shadow Hearts: Covenant.

For the Man Festival!

Did I not get that far or something? Because I thought it was pretty damn cracky BEFORE whatever that is. I really really really ought to buy that game. ...and a PS2. e_e

T-the Man Festival? The 100-Tier Wrestling Ring tower? Fighting the little loincloth wearing men balancing curries on their heads, all in pursuit of becoming a real man and doing battle with the Great Question? The event that occurs after battling the Great Question which is just too unspeakable to outline here?

... Yes. Yes, you do need to buy this game.

Apparently, I really do. Wow. I met Joachim's teacher but that was it for creepy men in loincloths. I was thinking that the French twins, Joachim himself, and Andre were about as cracky as things could get. But, as usual, I appear to have underestimated the Japanese.

MALIFICENT AND PETE ARE AWESOME. AND MY TRUE OTP IN THE KINGDOM HEARTS UNIVERSE.

AND THEY ARE MUCH COOLER THAN THE NOBODIES.

... AND THEY ROCK.

YEAH.

so there.

I AM TRYING TO REMEMBER IF IT WAS YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WROTE THAT FANTASTIC MALIFICENT/PETE SET FOR 1SENTENCE. IT WAS SO MUCH WIN.

ALSO ALSO OMG. AT THE CON TWO WEEKS AGO. WOMAN IN FULL MALIFICENT REGALIA. ON THE DANCE FLOOR. GETTING HER GROOVE ON. ABSOLUTE PNWAGE.

And hey, at least I NOTICED that there was a giant gaping plothole as far as they were concerned. I bet a lot of people didn't even realize they were missing. =O

Um. Yes, that was me. It was noooot so much win though, because now that I actually own the game and have played it more than once, I can see there were some inconsistencies. Laaaaame.

But they're still my favourite thing in KH2. Which is why the fact they aren't even shown in the end credits makes me want to die a little inside. No love. No love at all, dang it.

(Also, that Maleficent cosplay sounds fantastic.)

IT WAS WIN. IT WAS UBARWIN. FOR SERIOUS. Nobody cares about your minor inconsistencies. WIN, I SAY. >=O

That IS pretty lame, Square-Enix. Seriously.

(IT WAS. IT WAS SO MUCH FANTASTIC. IT MADE ME HAPPY ON THE INSIDE.)

STOP THAT. THAT'S SLANDER. IN REVERSE. And yes, it was pretty lame. I mean, as if them facing off against hordes of Heartless isn't worryingly ambiguous enough, they just never follow it up! Dang it, Kingdom Hearts, there was at least one fan who actually gave a damn!

Wrong icon. I must spam in Riona's journal to point this out. ICONS ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS, PEOPLE.

Mercy, he does look kinda like James.

I love the ending! ("Gloriously slashy" = understatement) So much of it is just... insane. I died at least three times just trying to get my bearings in that Final Boss Area (WHICH WAY IS UP? AM I FALLING OR STANDING? WHAT?! WHAT?! WHY AM I RIKU NOW?! AUGH!). I do not know what they were on to have made those games.

Also, I wept for Auron a lot.

I had a fit at the screen when they pulled that one on us again. ONCE WAS ENOUGH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SQUAREENIX.

re: more Nobodies, have you watched/played Chain of Memories?

Oh, God, the 'WHY AM I RIKU NOW?' part. I barely had time to register that Sora's health was being sapped and that the Xemnas clone thing was being immensely irritating before I was suddenly dead. IT IS NOT MY FAULT; I WAS DISORIENTED AND IT, ER, DID NOT OCCUR TO ME THAT I MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AT RIKU'S HEALTH BAR WHEN I WAS, Y'KNOW, BEING RIKU.

I did! I thought 'okay, what the hell, who would send Squall little pink wings? You don't know him at all, do you? Oh, it must be Rinoa'.

That was, er, slightly cruel to Rinoa. Sorry, Rinoa. (And, of course, she could have been sending them just to tease him, which would actually be rather marvellous.)

I have played Chain of Memories! I really liked Larxene and I missed her in this game a lot.

I had no idea what had happened the first time they swapped. I made squeaking noises and hammered on the jump button, but Sora didn't move and of course Riku was just jumping around like a spaz and being hit by everything which wasn't anything new. I had to be told I was supposed to be steering Riku around. IT DOESN'T HELP THAT RIKU HAS, WHAT, THE MOST PATHETIC HEALTH BAR IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

Larxene was awesome. Though I do not think there was anyone in the Organization that I truly did not like. It makes me very sad that you have to cause them all to die.

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We'll Go Together.

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