rionaleonhart | Death By Tiny Walking Tomato Is Just Embarrassing.

Final Fantasy XII finally came out in Europe a few days ago, and I got my hands on a copy this morning. First impressions!

- Good Lord, this game is pretty. Although the opening video did make me think 'er, hang on, I didn't mean to buy a Lord of the Rings game.'
- Silver hair is obviously bad luck in this world.
- I cannot stop thinking of Vaan as 'Tidus Mark II'. Also, he sounds like a woman. And walks like one, too. I may just be picking up on this because I've been reading ~~and maybe possibly writing~~ too much genderswap lately.
- WHY DO ALL THE EVIL PEOPLE HAVE BRITISH ACCENTS? I had no idea we were so sinister! Well, all right, I did, because we have the grand tradition of being villainous in films. Still, I find it terribly amusing.
- I hated and despised the battle system at first - possibly because it is replacing the basic underlying battle system that has worked perfectly well for eleven Final Fantasy games and which I was very comfortable with, thank you very much - but I've only played for a couple of hours and, although I'm not exactly prepared to defend it to the hilt yet, I've already lost a lot of my hatred for it.
- Awww, Giza Rabbits! When I attacked one, it didn't fight back - it just ran away from me a lot and then cast Protect on itself, and then I realised that I would never have the heart to kill one ever.
- I am so desperately looking forward to Fran and Balthier showing up. All I know about them is that they are sky pirates and apparently awesome, and THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
- Rogue Tomato? Stupidest monster ever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I will admit that this does have definite advantages over random encounters; for one thing, you don't have to suffer loading time every time you enter or finish a battle.

(Everyone talks constantly about Axel? Really? He, er... really doesn't appear for that much of it. I do rather like him, though.

AND HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE PLAYED A GAME IN WHICH YOUR SPACESHIP GETS EATEN BY A GIANT FLYING SPACE WHALE? GO TO THE BACK OF THE CLASS.)

It worked for Knights of the Old Republic! I'm just a little irked by your assertion that the encounters worked for eleven games WHY SHOULD WE CHANGE IT? Because as much as I love the Final Fantasy series, I don't want to play the same game over and over, and I think it's good they're messing with the formula. As long as it has a big sweeping story and awesome characters and moogles and pretty men and magic.

On DeviantART, most of my favourite fanartists just won't stop drawing him and ffrants was inundated with rants about KHII and he is in icons. Everywhere! Everywhere! It's all I can do not to throw my hiking boots at my computer. CAN'T YOU PEOPLE FIND A NEW CHARACTER TO OBSESS OVER? I am probably bitter about the size of any game fandom with Japanese stuff in it as compared to all my tiny, tiny Western game fandoms. COME ON, SANDS OF TIME HAS PRETTY MEN! MAN. AND SNARK! AND A FEMALE LEAD YOU CAN DEMONIZE. ...On reflection, maybe it's for the best.

I have played a game where I'm an undead knight with no lower jaw who can pull off his own arm and beat things with it! And turn enemies into chicken roasts, which I can eat for health! And another one where I can run around in a circus made entirely out of meat! And one where I can pilot a giant robot monkey in a battle against my giant statue nemesis, who wields the power of the ULTIMATE INSULT.

Seriously, you don't want to get into 'Who's Played The Weirdest Game' with me. I've played Lucasarts adventure games.

Ah, sorry; I actually meant it in a less, er, 'IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CHANGED. THIS IS A FACT' way than I made it sound. Essentially, it's a personal thing; I was very much in love with the old battle system, and have a colossal aversion to change. (I will be interested in seeing what you think of the XII battle system! And the game still manages to feel like a Final Fantasy, which is good.)

I'm an undead knight with no lower jaw who can pull off his own arm and beat things with it! And turn enemies into chicken roasts, which I can eat for health! And another one where I can run around in a circus made entirely out of meat! And one where I can pilot a giant robot monkey in a battle against my giant statue nemesis, who wields the power of the ULTIMATE INSULT.

Oh, damn, that's going to be hard to beat. Um. KINGDOM HEARTS HAS MAGICAL CLOTHES THAT TURN YOU INTO A LION CUB. AND DEFEATING A GIGANTIC FACE WITH SONG. AND WHEN YOU GET ARRESTED YOU ARE SUCKED INTO A COMPUTER AND HAVE TO FIGHT COMPUTER PROGRAMS WHILE RIDING A MOTORBIKE. AND THE SECOND GAME HAD AN ENDING SEQUENCE TO WHICH

dracothelizard's REACTION WAS:

'WHY IS GOOFY MOLESTING THAT KID? DONALD GET OFF GOOFY. STOP KISSING THE BOY AND CUDDLING HIM! STOP IT WITH THE ROMANTIC MUSIC PLEASE!'

AND I'M USING ALLCAPS SO EVERYTHING I SAY IS TRUER.

ALSO, THE OPENING VIDEO FOR THE SECOND GAME LOOKS LIKE THIS. DO NOT TRY TO PRETEND THAT THAT IS SANE.

Damn it, I cannot beat the circus made out of meat. But I gave it a damn goood try.

You have no idea how tempted I was to go out and get an Axel icon just for this comment.

Perfectly understandable! I just have all these capital letter Opinions about, you know, the games industry as a whole. One of them is about how much I hate it when the developer releases pretty much the same game with a different story (CRASH BANDICOOT, I AM LOOKING AT YOU), or when they go to the opposite extreme and change everything about the game that got it fans in the first place (SCREW UBISOFT AND WARRIOR WITHIN *cries hysterically*). Squeenix has been coming perilously close to the former. The change will probably annoy people, but honestly, if that made a difference, they'd have combusted long ago. An aversion to change is a really bad thing in the industry, because it's constantly warping and expanding and getting new technology.

You probably be unable to shut me up when I finally get it, so there you go.

KINGDOM HEARTS HAS MAGICAL CLOTHES THAT TURN YOU INTO A LION CUB. AND DEFEATING A GIGANTIC FACE WITH SONG. AND WHEN YOU GET ARRESTED YOU ARE SUCKED INTO A COMPUTER AND HAVE TO FIGHT COMPUTER PROGRAMS WHILE RIDING A MOTORBIKE.

Oh it is on.

Giant face? Been done. Defeating face with song? Okay, maybe not, but defeating a giant hand with song, this I have done! But what else have I done? DEFEATING A GHOST PIRATE WITH ROOT BEER. FIGHTING A FAT BOMBER ON ROLLER BLADES WITH ICE SPRAY, THIS I HAVE DONE. DUELING BANJOS, I GOT 'EM. CABER TOSSING, WHICH YOU WIN WITH A RUBBER TREE. MURRAY, THE TALKING DEMONIC SKULL! TELEKINETIC BEARS! BARBERSHOP PIRATE QUARTETS! LAVA SPIDERS INEXPLICABLY NAMED 'PHANTOM'. DRESSING UP AS A TENTACLE TO WIN THE HUMAN SHOW. SECRET SERVICE VAMPIRE COWBOYS.

Okay, the music is very pretty, but the rest of the video is WHUT. Does it make more sense when you've played the first game?

I am so not going to admit defeat ever ever ever, thus, WHOO!

You are evil. Except you didn't succumb. Er. Name me somebody you're sick of seeing of so that I can resist and get not!revenge.

AHA, DEVIL MAY CRY! AND, ER, A GAME CALLED MONKEY ISLAND, I THINK, WHICH I HAVE NEVER PLAYED, WHICH IS A PITY, BECAUSE IT SOUNDS HILARIOUS. FEAR MY GAME-IDENTIFICATION SKILLS.

Okay, Kingdom Hearts is clearly never going to beat this. It does have a level in which you have to break a curse by hunting down teleporting jellyfish that have been stealing pirate gold, and at one point Winnie-the-Pooh has an out-of-body experience, and when you defeat one of the bosses he becomes a living house and continues trying to kill you in house-form, and there is blatant teenage-boy/Mickey Mouse and other-teenage-boy/Donald/Goofy unholy-threesome, but its crackiness appears woefully inadequate now. Clearly you do not need to admit defeat, because your victory is obvious. But you obviously have a taste for odd games, and so Kingdom Hearts wouldn't be a bad thing to play.

(Also, there are puppies hidden in treasure chests. Which just seems cruel, frankly.)

You know, I think the video might actually make less sense when you've played the first game.

Devil May Cry, Monkey Island 1 - 4, Psychonauts, Metal Gear Solid 2, Day of the Tentacle, Sam and Max Hit the Road, Medievil and Darkwatch, to be exact. Man, Lucasarts used to be so awesome. And yes, play Monkey Island! I think it's actually really easy to ~~download~~ legally obtain copies of the original two Monkey Islands.

I think it might be less that I have a taste for odd games and more that games are just odd. They don't have to deal with plausibility or anything, just be fun. And have cool stuff to put on the back. And some game boss music just came up on my playlist. Neat.

Really? Huh...maybe Kingdom Hearts just has the combined crack of being a Squeenix game and crossed over with Disney, who used to be pretty cracky themselves in the old days. It would explain a lot. Or maybe it's just that it's Japanese. Gotta love the Japanese.

Oh, yes, I've just remembered! I may not have played anything quite as insane as your games, but I have played a game with the greatest evil robot ever. (She rallies the other robots through ridiculous pop music! And you can't tell me that you haven't always wanted to hear a song with the lyrics 'Don't stop until we dominate; won't you feel great/When we exterminate all organic life?'.)

Monkey Island is LOVE.

Just interrupting your little comment war for that.

Death By Tiny Walking Tomato Is Just Embarrassing.

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