(It looked that way in my head. Of course, in my head, Johnson appears to be flirting with everyone within a ten-mile radius, Mark included. Maybe he should meet up with Captain Jack.)

Jeremy would demand the Stig, and Jeremy would refuse on the grounds that the Stig is useful and not rubbish, and end up going "Look, you can have Hamster. There isn't much of him, but your Mark looks a bit rubbish to tell the truth." And Jeremy would go "Only if you get the Stig to autograph him!" and Jeremy would agree. And then Jeremy would try to sell Richard on eBay, and Jeremy, who'd discovered that Mark is a completely rubbish Top Gear presenter would try to get him back and end up bidding ten times as much as everyone else, and Jeremy would go "A thousand pounds!" (because no one else would believe it was real, the bids would stay low) and promptly ship Richard off. And Jeremy would be all "Hamster! I own you now!" and get in some huge mad argument about the illegality of slavery. And Mark would slink off back to Jeremy, hoping he could get some of the thousand pounds to pay for back rent, only by the time he got back, Jeremy had spent it all on drugs, and possibly video games.

Except it's against the rules of eBay to sell humans, or portions thereof, so that might not work.