"I AM NOT H. HIPPO!!!!!!!!!" yelled the second boy in a fury, setting upon Jedidia. "I'M FRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The backstory for this is incredible and I am so here for it.

So, er, I suppose he's my mother's Rupert Bear OC.

YOUR MOTHER IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HER

This is how people interact, right?

Gonna have to give it to 12 year old Riona on this one: this is exactly how people in the Pokémon world interact.

I asked Fred what Pokémon he wanted in this fic, and he really did say he wanted a Weedle called Butter because he thought it would evolve into a Butterfree.

I also love Fred. You have an amazing family.

Like Vulpix, Meowth is a Pokémon I wanted but couldn't actually catch because it wasn't available in Pokémon Red

Y’know, it’s kind of sweet that this fic of wish fulfillment involves you going on a journey with your brothers.

Turning around, I saw her locked in a furious battle with Sparky.

For a given measure of ‘furious’, seeing as how no one apparently noticed until now.

"What? That STUPID Pikachu shocked you!!!!!!! That hurts!!!!! Don't you want me to get back at it?"

Secret’s bloodlust is wonderful.

I've never really thought about whether some Pokémon particularly like other species of Pokémon.

Pokéracism on the horizon.

Secret scratched back. The Meowth scratched again.

It’s like Pong, but way more exciting. And with slightly less blood.

I just chucked the Pokéball.

Aw, Rachel. Don’t take all the fun out of it!

Stardreamer.

i cant breathe

(and looking very smug about it)

Sparky is a dick.

Sparky was shocking Foamy regularly

Sparky might be on his way to becoming a serial killer. These are clear warning signs of sociopathy. If nothing else, he’s definitely a certified sadist. I’m very concerned for the small children in his vicinity.


Sparky's so pointlessly evil and it's magical.

Get out of here Bowser and Ganondorf, screw you Hannibal Lecter and Jason Voorhess, get your shit together Satan: none of you have anything on Sparky the Ripper.

and gave a satisfied smirk as he fainted.

DANIELLE REIN IN YOUR CHILD.

Right, that's it, you ****!

Tart.

I find it really strange that we all buy exactly the same thing.

Have any of these kids eaten today…?

I like that Fred always defends Butter's value

More reason why H. Hippo Fred is Best Boy.

"Sparky's personality is just fine!" protested Danielle.

I’m worried for you, Danielle. Blink twice rapidly if you need us to call someone.

You're only level 3! You're nothing. The weak perish. The strong survive. And I am the strong!"

Sparky: DARWIN WAS RIGHT! (I’m laughing at work and going to get fired and it is totally this fic’s fault)

A million of your kind couldn't match the power of my Thundershock

Sparky is the best antagonist in the history of the written word.

sending a blast of electricity into the Weedle

We’ve gone beyond ‘generalized dickishness’ and straight up in to ‘premeditated Weedle slaughter’.
"Don't make me do it to you," he said, very softly.

I…I’m kind of intimidated? By a ridiculously megalomaniacal Pikachu from a fic you wrote when you were twelve? But, like, for real.

Danielle was pretending not to hear, but I saw her wince.

This is a really weird domestic abuse type situation and I am starting to think Danielle needs an adult.

"You are asking for it, Jedidia," Danielle pointed out.

Oh, darling. No. Noooo. We have to get you in to therapy stat.