I'm thirteen and cool now and that means I'm going to make things dark >:(

I think it's normal at thirteen to write things that are Cool and Dark and leave adult you look back going "Wow, I thought that was a good idea?"

A lot of people seem to end up in cages in this fic.

Yeah, you had A Theme here.

“How am I meant to get out?” I asked. Despite the situation, I was feeling oddly calm.

I like that his response to "You're going to turn into a Pokemon-human hybrid unless you can get out fast!"is to calmly ask the girl who clearly didn't escape that fate how to get out, and of course she has the answer!

Free writing tip: don't suddenly break up the narration with '[CHARACTER]'S VIEW' when you're trying to be dramatic.

I really hope more people realize that "Do a little bracket at the beginning of the scene explaining whose POV it's from" is not how you switch POVs!

Because, before I die - I'd like to know what it feels like to fly, Zell thinks in the fic I'm ripping off. Plus, of course, the phrase is in the fic's title. I'm not the most subtle of thieves. As a member of Team Rocket, I'd very much be on Jessie and James's level.

Ah yeah, I remember being thirteen and going "That detail is really good! I want to have written that! What if I literally write that?"

It's possible Cassandra is just impressed by Michael's acting skills because hers are so bad in comparison. She's whispering unnecessarily, and, given that she's able to see what's happening around her, I'm pretty sure she has her eyes open. Neither of these are great things to do when you're pretending to be asleep.

"Why is he so convincing at pretending to be asleep? Is it the closed eyes? The lack of talking? Who can say?"

YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THAT IN CASUALLY

Thirteen-year-old Riona "Just watch me!"

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY 'TEN MINUTES LATER'

But the reader wouldn't know how many minutes later it was! Eight? Twelve? Thirty-five? A billion? Three? It could be any number!

“She said I jumped off the cliff. She never said you wouldn’t see me again,” said a familiar voice. I turned around, seeing the figure through tear-blurred eyes.

Fakeout!

My arms passed straight through him. And you could have heard a pin drop in the Pokecenter.

Double fakeout!