Alex, although I hugely enjoy him on the show, is an absolute sexual void for me.

yeah, same. He's just so violently awkward in a way that suggests any kind of physical interaction with him would be against his will.

Greg is undeniably sexy, but, the moment I try to read anything remotely explicit, my mind starts going 'hey, he looks a little like your cousin, right?'

sucks to be you, i've had multiple sex dreams about greg and they were ALL GREAT (way before Taskmaster! back in the days when he'd show up as a guest on Mock the Bloody Week!).

I never really grasped it until I found myself holding my breath while watching someone throw a frying pan into a hula hoop across a stage.

This also the level of sense most sport makes to me.

I really love this show! I keep having the 'you're in love with a thing, you should be putting that energy into writing fic!' impulse, but I genuinely don't think I'm capable of writing fanfiction for Taskmaster; I can't envision it at all.

DRAW!!

then Lou forced him to eat ACTUAL ASHES.

See this is why the man does not exude any sexuality. his behavioural norms are just too weird for that.