(Again with the insane lateness! I hate Things To Do.)
Hee, panicky wizard (Dumbledore? Or Gandalf?) icon!
Eee, happiness that you like the madness that is this... thing. He would be concerned. Poor Top Gear Dog. Poor Richard.
Jeremy peered out of the window in search of some sort of clue that showed them where they were.
"Does that look familiar to you, Rich?" he asked, pointing to a hill in the distance.
"Yes, it looks like every single other hill we've passed in the past few hours. Honestly, maybe you should just call some kind of navigation service."
"Right, then." Jeremy made a brief call to FindMe, who informed him chirpily that his nearest settlement was a small town called Hogglesbrook.
"I'm sure May knows where that is," said Jeremy. "I'm calling him, Richard. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to spend the night with us." Richard gritted his teeth. Harriet looked weirdly thrilled. TG hoped fervently that she would not have to put up with this kind of insanity when Jeremy was returned to his usual form. Although she would miss Harriet; she was a good deal nicer than Jeremy.
Jeremy dialled May's number.
"Hello, May!" he said, his voice far too cheerful for Richard's liking.
"What is it?" asked May suspiciously. "Has there been another bodyswap? Am I talking to Top Gear Dog?"
"No, you idiot, it's still me. We were wondering if you might like to join us out here in the wilds for some fun."
"Jeremy, your idea of fun is blowing things up. I'm not sure I want to be there when you destroy the countryside."
"Oh, May, I have so many more ideas than that. Although I'm sure some blow-"
Hammond snatched the phone from Jeremy and handed it to Harriet. He gave Jeremy an irritated glare. "I hate you, Clarkson," he muttered.
"Hammond, how can you hate someone as loveable as me?"
Richard made a 'shh'-ing motion and gestured to the phone.
"Er, hello," said Harriet.
"Oh," said May. "Who are you, then?"
"I'm Harriet."
"Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you."
"Likewise."
There was an awkward silence, and then Jeremy mimed eating copious amounts of food.
"Oh, right, yes, erm... would you mind too much coming down here and bringing us some food? We, er, don't really have any."
Jeremy attempted to mime petrol. The gesture came out alarmingly lewd. Jeremy grinned; Richard punched his arm and hissed, "Petrol!"
Harriet nodded. "And, er, maybe some petrol?"
"Right, yes, I think I can manage that. Where are you?"
Harriet looked slightly confused. She glanced over at Jeremy and Richard. "We'll be as close to Hogglesbrook as we can get without the police relising it's us," hissed Richard.
"Um, we're near, ah, Hogglesbrook. Do you know where that is?"
"Oh, yes, I've spent plenty of wonderful holidays there."
"He knows where it is," Harriet whispered.
Jeremy rolled his eyes. "I knew he would. Bloody know-it-all." He grinned. "I hope he knows as much about..."
Hammond pointed a warning finger at him, and then drew it across his throat.
"Right, well, 'bye then!" said Harriet.
"Goodbye," said James.
Harriet frowned at Richard. "You know I'm going to have to put up with that bruise?"
"I could punch you too if it makes you feel any better."
Harriet shook her head and sighed. Poor old May didn't know what he was getting himself into.
(Erm, I clearly made the navigation service up, because although I'm pretty sure such a service exists, I have no idea what it's called. Also, I'm quite sure there are no towns called Hogglesbrook in the UK. Although I could be wrong, of course.)
no subject
Hee, panicky wizard (Dumbledore? Or Gandalf?) icon!
Eee, happiness that you like the madness that is this... thing. He would be concerned. Poor Top Gear Dog. Poor Richard.
Jeremy peered out of the window in search of some sort of clue that showed them where they were.
"Does that look familiar to you, Rich?" he asked, pointing to a hill in the distance.
"Yes, it looks like every single other hill we've passed in the past few hours. Honestly, maybe you should just call some kind of navigation service."
"Right, then." Jeremy made a brief call to FindMe, who informed him chirpily that his nearest settlement was a small town called Hogglesbrook.
"I'm sure May knows where that is," said Jeremy. "I'm calling him, Richard. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to spend the night with us." Richard gritted his teeth. Harriet looked weirdly thrilled. TG hoped fervently that she would not have to put up with this kind of insanity when Jeremy was returned to his usual form. Although she would miss Harriet; she was a good deal nicer than Jeremy.
Jeremy dialled May's number.
"Hello, May!" he said, his voice far too cheerful for Richard's liking.
"What is it?" asked May suspiciously. "Has there been another bodyswap? Am I talking to Top Gear Dog?"
"No, you idiot, it's still me. We were wondering if you might like to join us out here in the wilds for some fun."
"Jeremy, your idea of fun is blowing things up. I'm not sure I want to be there when you destroy the countryside."
"Oh, May, I have so many more ideas than that. Although I'm sure some blow-"
Hammond snatched the phone from Jeremy and handed it to Harriet. He gave Jeremy an irritated glare. "I hate you, Clarkson," he muttered.
"Hammond, how can you hate someone as loveable as me?"
Richard made a 'shh'-ing motion and gestured to the phone.
"Er, hello," said Harriet.
"Oh," said May. "Who are you, then?"
"I'm Harriet."
"Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you."
"Likewise."
There was an awkward silence, and then Jeremy mimed eating copious amounts of food.
"Oh, right, yes, erm... would you mind too much coming down here and bringing us some food? We, er, don't really have any."
Jeremy attempted to mime petrol. The gesture came out alarmingly lewd. Jeremy grinned; Richard punched his arm and hissed, "Petrol!"
Harriet nodded. "And, er, maybe some petrol?"
"Right, yes, I think I can manage that. Where are you?"
Harriet looked slightly confused. She glanced over at Jeremy and Richard. "We'll be as close to Hogglesbrook as we can get without the police relising it's us," hissed Richard.
"Um, we're near, ah, Hogglesbrook. Do you know where that is?"
"Oh, yes, I've spent plenty of wonderful holidays there."
"He knows where it is," Harriet whispered.
Jeremy rolled his eyes. "I knew he would. Bloody know-it-all." He grinned. "I hope he knows as much about..."
Hammond pointed a warning finger at him, and then drew it across his throat.
"Right, well, 'bye then!" said Harriet.
"Goodbye," said James.
Harriet frowned at Richard. "You know I'm going to have to put up with that bruise?"
"I could punch you too if it makes you feel any better."
Harriet shook her head and sighed. Poor old May didn't know what he was getting himself into.
(Erm, I clearly made the navigation service up, because although I'm pretty sure such a service exists, I have no idea what it's called. Also, I'm quite sure there are no towns called Hogglesbrook in the UK. Although I could be wrong, of course.)