(This seems to have taken me a while because I had to look up 'Specialis Revelio'. Or I'm just slow.)

I am so ridiculously pleased that you like it; I have an incredibly stupid grin that stretches for miles. I'm pretty sure I would watch it too, but I don't think Top Gear wouldn't be the same if any of them were removed.

"I'm not a Death Eater!" said Harriet, sounding very worried. However, she said it a little too quickly for Hermione's liking.

"Roll up your sleeves!" she snapped. Clarkson congratulated himself on the decision to not get a tattoo of the Bugatti Veyron enclosed in a heart. Although he still wanted one.

Harriet did so, and Hermione peered at her upper arms and muttered "Specialis Revelio" a few times. Satisfied that there was no sign of the Dark Mark, she sighed. "Fine, you can roll your sleeves down now."

"You know," said Clarkson, "I do have friendly eyes."

"I'm so happy for you," snapped Hermione.

"I think," said May pleasantly, "what Jeremy means is that Harriet has friendly eyes."

Ron rolled his eyes again at the sheer ridiculousness of those names. "Your parents must have really disliked you," he muttered.

At this point, worried expressions came over the faces of Jeremy, Harriet and Richard.

"May, do you happen to know if there's been any more news about the - ah, alleged kidnapping?" asked Richard.

Hermione looked very curious at this. "What kidnapping?" She glanced at Jeremy. "Did you kidnap her? Because I don't know why you'd want to keep someone so annoying."

Jeremy frowned at her. "I think you'll find all three of these people find me very pleasant company."

Richard snorted. "You spent the entire journey here either humiliating us or making horrible references to..." Richard trailed off as he remembered May was still standing there. "Horrible references to, er, things."

Jeremy grinned his unpleasant grin again. "Why, yes, Richard, thank you for reminding me - "

Richard interrupted him, red-faced. "May, back to the original question, any news about the kinapping? Any. Tell us all of it."

May frowned. "Well, the insane policeman was sacked; apparently he's hoping to get a job on Top Gear. I don't think there's anything else new; they're still looking for Harriet."

Hermione glanced over at Harriet. "Why did you kidnap him? He isn't famous; I've never seen him before."

"Well, I restate my earlier point about blithering idiots," sneered Clarkson.

"Hermione's not an idiot!" snapped Ron. "She got Os in all her subjects for the OWLs!"

"Apart from Defence Against the Dark Arts," Hermione reminded him quietly.

Clarkson snorted. "I've never even heard of OWLs, so that doen't count. And I am famous."

Hermione looked at him in bemusement and irritation. "We aren't talking about you, you self-centred idiot! None of us have ever seen him!"

"I have, actually," said Scarhead-boy. "He wasn't called Harriet, though. His name was... er, Jiminy or something, and he was talking about cars. I think those two blokes were there as well. And maybe the dog." TG nodded her thanks at being noticed, and settled against Harriet again, attempting to remind her that she wasn't the only sane one there.

Clarkson grinned. "Even the psychiatric ward thinks we're the best show on telly."

Hermione stared at him, disdain etched all over her features. "For the last time, you stupid, stupid girl, we're not talking about you! Honestly, you're the one that needs psychiatric help."

May wondered when the right time would be to tell the very irritated girl what exactly had happened.