"Well, you don't use it as a sword, everyone knows that," said Hermione smartly, "and you shouldn't be using magic if you don't." And she grabbed Ron's wand and handed it back to it's rightful owner. Ron nodded his thanks.
"I see you no longer have any dubious methoids of silencing me, Hammond," said Jeremy, grinning widely. "Unless of course you want to try changing me back and then-"
"Punching you?"
"You know it's very rude to keep interrupting someone," said Jeremy, crossing his arms.
"Also," said Harriet, "that would be my body you're punching, and I would quite like it returned to me, please."
Richard turned to look at her. "Oh, we don't even know if May's idea would work. I doubt these three clowns would help us anyway."
"Well, I'd like to try it."
"As would I," said Jeremy, evil grin firmly intact.
"Excuse me," said Ron, "but I'd like to know how exactly we're involved in this plan."
Hammond slapped his forehead. "It doesn't matter. The plan doesn't matter, Harriet wanting to get back in her own body doesn't matter, Clarkson stalking me doesn't matter; we'll just stay in Hogglesbrook forever and drink tea or whatever it is they do here."
"They do quite a lot of fishing," said May placidly.
"Well, they'd have to have some interesting conversation after spending time with you, Slow."
"Well, Jeremy, at least I haven't terrified poor Hammond and kidnapped a teenage girl."
"I am the kidnapped teenage girl," said Jeremy.
Ron raised his hand. "Could someone tell us what the bloody hell's going on?"
"If you promise not to help us in any way, yes," said Hammond.
"Done," said Ron. "I can't think why I'd want to help a group of people who've done nothing but insult us since we arrived anyway."
"Right, excellent," said Hammond. "The teenage girl and the demented, evil bloke have swapped bodies, so the one that looks like a teenage girl is, in fact, a man called Jeremy Clarkson, and the one that looks like a very strange man is, in fact, a teenage girl called Harriet. Happy now?"
"What have you and the bloke with the idea you don't want to tell us about got to do with this?"
"For some reason I can't really remember right now, we're friends with Clarkson."
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HAMMOND IS SELFISH. AND TERRIFIED.
I am pleased to cause grinning!
"Well, you don't use it as a sword, everyone knows that," said Hermione smartly, "and you shouldn't be using magic if you don't." And she grabbed Ron's wand and handed it back to it's rightful owner. Ron nodded his thanks.
"I see you no longer have any dubious methoids of silencing me, Hammond," said Jeremy, grinning widely. "Unless of course you want to try changing me back and then-"
"Punching you?"
"You know it's very rude to keep interrupting someone," said Jeremy, crossing his arms.
"Also," said Harriet, "that would be my body you're punching, and I would quite like it returned to me, please."
Richard turned to look at her. "Oh, we don't even know if May's idea would work. I doubt these three clowns would help us anyway."
"Well, I'd like to try it."
"As would I," said Jeremy, evil grin firmly intact.
"Excuse me," said Ron, "but I'd like to know how exactly we're involved in this plan."
Hammond slapped his forehead. "It doesn't matter. The plan doesn't matter, Harriet wanting to get back in her own body doesn't matter, Clarkson stalking me doesn't matter; we'll just stay in Hogglesbrook forever and drink tea or whatever it is they do here."
"They do quite a lot of fishing," said May placidly.
"Well, they'd have to have some interesting conversation after spending time with you, Slow."
"Well, Jeremy, at least I haven't terrified poor Hammond and kidnapped a teenage girl."
"I am the kidnapped teenage girl," said Jeremy.
Ron raised his hand. "Could someone tell us what the bloody hell's going on?"
"If you promise not to help us in any way, yes," said Hammond.
"Done," said Ron. "I can't think why I'd want to help a group of people who've done nothing but insult us since we arrived anyway."
"Right, excellent," said Hammond. "The teenage girl and the demented, evil bloke have swapped bodies, so the one that looks like a teenage girl is, in fact, a man called Jeremy Clarkson, and the one that looks like a very strange man is, in fact, a teenage girl called Harriet. Happy now?"
"What have you and the bloke with the idea you don't want to tell us about got to do with this?"
"For some reason I can't really remember right now, we're friends with Clarkson."
May smiled. "Now, my idea..."
Hammond resisted the urge to hit him a lot.