And on the "Reality's trying to confuse me" front; http://www.topgear.com/uk/stig

The little green dot on his ankle? My ankles do the same thing! (I'm not joking, this is completely real!)

I'd know if I were the Stig, right? I was terrible at trying to learn to drive! The only thing I was any good at was...high-speed cornering.

Aside from the thing with the knee and the cats, none of the rest is even remotely true, though.