Annoying vampire PETA! Edward would so go to every meeting and read bad poetry about the tender and defenseless little humans! And possibly go for something like the whole "Sea Kittens" thing by being all "You wouldn't eat humans if they had a cute name, like 'Giant Puppies'! You don't eat puppies, do you?" Only to get the inevitable awkward "Um, I do," from the guy in the back.

And real PETA and annoying vampire PETA could get in a fight over vampire PETA's "Eat animals, not humans!" campaign. Several vampire PETA members would resign in disgrace after it came to blows and a few real PETA members got eaten. PETA would declare a moral victory and start recruiting volunteers to be eaten by vampires in order to spare the animals.