He Sees You When You're Sleeping

[rionaleonhart]

So, um, code_epic tagged me for this. Yes.

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "Five Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their Five Guilty Pleasures as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and list their names.



Reading truly awful fanfiction. This is – by far – my favourite of all the Lord of the Rings stories that I have ever read. It is the tale of Patricia, the most beautiful elf in all of the Shire. Aragorn, Frodo and the Witch-King all fall in love with her, but she is engaged to Figwit. By far my favourite part is when she and Aragorn are hunting, and she summons a sabretooth tiger (!) for him to shoot with her beautiful singing (!!):

"Oooohhhh aaaniiimaals!
Offf the woooodlaaand reaalm!
Coooommeee toooo uuusss!
Ooohh annniiimaaals!"

She says that she summoned a tiger rather than a deer because she loves deer and does not wish to hurt them. Later, she dies tragically in an attempt to stop a fight between the Witch-King and Figwit. A deer appears in a flash of light:

"Patricia saved my life yesterday." the deer said. "Aragorn would have killed me if she had not drawn the saber tooth tiger to him instead of me."

"I ATE SABERTOOTH TIGER?!" Frodo cried.

Ignoring Frodo, the deer continued. "I shall give unto Patricia my life."

The deer closed its eyes, and there was a brilliant flash of light. The deer feel to the ground, dead. Patricia sat up, alive.

It is so wonderful. So wonderful.

Watching Little Britain. I’ve been watching The Office (I can only speak for the British version, I haven’t a clue what the American one is like) lately, and it works because, although the humour is juvenile at some points, the programme is always very conscious of it and invites the watcher to laugh at how silly the juvenility is, rather than the juvenility itself. It also works because, as well as the humour, it has genuine pathos and adorability. Little Britain, on the other hand, is shallow, puerile, repetitive and ridiculously offensive.

I’ve watched every episode of it.

I don’t know why.

It’s one of the things I try not to mention, just in case my association with it makes everyone on my friendslist hate me for ever. IF EVERYONE HATES ME NOW I AM BLAMING YOU FOR TAGGING ME, code_epic.

Making fun of Pyramid Head.

Pyramid Head playing Dancing Stage/Dance Dance Revolution.

The one-sentence tale of Pyramid Head and his collection of crystal unicorns.

Pyramid Head’s Livejournal.

Pyramid Head as Father Christmas, and the subsequent Blank White Card.

What do these things have in common? The answer is, of course, that Pyramid Head would totally kill me for all of them. I mock Pyramid Head all the time, but it’s an uneasy, glancing-back-over-my-shoulder sort of mockery, because I have a horrible feeling that someday he’s going to show up and drag me to Silent Hill. Pyramid Head terrifies me. Does making fun of him count as a guilty pleasure?

Listening to incredibly cringeworthy music. My music collection includes:

Bree Sharp – David Duchovny (THIS IS ENTIRELY BACO’S FAULT)
Chip Skylark – My Shiny Teeth and Me (it is in sixth place on my Most Played list.)
Pokémon – Main Theme (First Series), 2 B A Master, Double Trouble, Viridian City, My Best Friends (WHICH I CRY WHILE LISTENING TO IT IS RIDICULOUS) and Together Forever.
DJ Night Force 9 – Pacman Eats Up All The Dots
Rocky Horror Picture Show – Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me (which actually cropped up when I asked iTunes ‘How can I make myself happy?’ for one of those ‘iTunes can answer your questions!’ memes. I could not stop laughing.)
David Brent - Freelove Freeway (It should seriously be illegal to have the line 'I got some hot love on the hot love highway!' in a song.)

AND THE LIST GOES ON.

Reading fandom_wank. Although I try not to judge people and to be generally nice, there are times when I just can’t resist the allure of mockery. For example, when a person reviews one of my fics in order to say ‘OMG I HATE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT CAPTAIN JACK LOVES BOTH THE DOCTOR AND ROSE HE IS STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT STRAIGHT STRAIGHT! CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS IS TOTALLY STRAIGHTY THE HETEROSEXUAL!’, I am likely to stare at the screen with a very odd expression, then crack up laughing and share it with the good people of galactic_conman. Yes, somebody actually did give me a review like that.

So yes, every so often I’ll head over to fandom_wank and read about the latest batch of crazy Harmonians explaining how, when Rowling says ‘HARRY AND HERMIONE WILL NEVER GET TOGETHER EVER EVER’, she actually means ‘OMG HARRY/HERMIONE OTP AND THEY WILL TOTALLY MARRY IN THE LAST BOOK AND HAVE THREE SQUILLION KIDS AND RON WILL FALL OUT OF A SEVENTH-FLOOR WINDOW BECAUSE HE IS NOT WORTHY OF HERMIONE’S LOVE’. Or Remus/Sirius ‘shippers going ‘ARGH TONKS LOVING REMUS HAS SOMEHOW DAMAGED THE REMUS/SIRIUS RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN SIRIUS DYING A YEAR AGO.’ Seriously, can’t the poor werewolf just move on? They’re both fine pairings, but some of the people who support them are just scary.

I always clear f_w from my History after looking at it. I don’t know why. Maybe I feel that clearing it will somehow clear the fact that I’ve just spent half an hour laughing at people from my conscience.



Anyone who wants to do this should consider themselves tagged.