Riona (
rionaleonhart) wrote2006-02-14 04:52 pm
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Entry tags:
The One Without The Gannet
A while ago, I speculated about a hypothetical ‘tell me which one of my fics to summarise sarcastically!’ meme.
kadrin said that, hypothetically, he would choose Of Towns and Toasters, one of my Doctor Who/Silent Hill crossovers (and you know that something’s wrong with you when you have to put a ‘one of’ in a sentence like that). Hypothetically, I wrote this.
OF TOWNS AND TOASTERS
The Expurgated Version
Toaster: *explodes*
Doctor: I’m going to crash-land the TARDIS on an alternate version of Earth, specifically aiming for the area in which the differences are largest! What could possibly go wrong?
Rose: I’m not even going to answer that.
Doctor: Wow, it certainly is foggy.
Rose: ...no, it really isn’t.
Chapter Two
Phone: I am ringing!
Doctor: I don’t answer!
Phone: I stop ringing!
Readers: ...most pointless scene ever.
Doctor: OMG WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY INVISIBLE WOLVES.
Rose: ...excuse me what?
Readers: Oh, yeah. ‘Bad Wolf’. Subtle, Riona.
Doctor: And now, as a convenient excuse to keep us here, we need a new toaster! Seen any, Rose? ...Rose?
Chapter Three
Rose: I am in a hospital. You may expect my sudden appearance here to be explained at some point. It is, however, not. BECAUSE IT’SFREUDIAN SILENT HILL.
Doctor: Conveniently, I just happen to stumble across and decide to enter the building that Rose is in.
Patient Records: We are remarkably up-to-date, considering that this town is completely abandoned. That’s one of the nice things about Silent Hill: you never really have to explain anything.
Riona: I briefly and pointlessly flash my Britishness. This is one of my more irritating habits that I never seem quite able to overcome.
Doctor: No guns for me, thanks.
Every Silent Hill Protagonist Ever, With The Exception Of Marianne Sulia, The Protagonist Of Silent Hill 17: The Merchant of HELLTOWN, Who Can Blow Up Monsters With Her MIIIIIIND: You are an idiot.
-
Cat: Meow.
Rose: I am overwhelmed by guilt.
-
Cat: Meow.
Doctor: Awww, it’s a caaaaat.
Dalek: Hi.
Doctor: ...ARGH
Dalek: I really don’t work as a Silent Hill monster.
Doctor: AAAAAAH WHY WON’T THE DOOR OPEN
Dalek: Why am I such a pathetic shot?
Doctor: OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN
Door: *opens*
Doctor: Well, that was anticlimactic.
Chapter Four
Doctor: Hey, let’s go to this place just because it was mentioned on this random piece of paper!
Riona: Just trying to keep to the spirit of the games.
Brochure: Silent Hill will move you and fill you with a feeling of deep peace. I hope your time here will be pleasant and your memories will last forever. (Actually, I’ve only just realised how significant that quote is as I was typing it out. I thought that the brochure was just a joke, but now - ergh. Dammit, that means that it’s especially significant for James, and I shouldn’t have used it in the fic. Grrr.)
Portraits: We are obviously very clever and meaningful.
Doctor: ARGH DALEK
Not A Dalek: Tricked you!
Doctor: HOORAY NOW I WILL MELT THESE WAX DALEKS.
Rose: ...you’re weird.
Doctor: Did I mention that I killed everyone?
Rose: ...
Epilogue
Doctor: Go away.
Rose: No.
THE END.
Also, that Johari thing, because I'megotistic interested in seeing how others perceive me because I'm egotistic. So!
Johari (in which you get to compliment me!)
Nohari (in which you get to abuse me! 'procrastinating' is, alas, not on there.)
EXCUSE ME NOHARI RELIGIOUS AND UNETHICAL ARE EXTREMELY NOT ANTONYMS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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The Expurgated Version
Toaster: *explodes*
Doctor: I’m going to crash-land the TARDIS on an alternate version of Earth, specifically aiming for the area in which the differences are largest! What could possibly go wrong?
Rose: I’m not even going to answer that.
Doctor: Wow, it certainly is foggy.
Rose: ...no, it really isn’t.
Phone: I am ringing!
Doctor: I don’t answer!
Phone: I stop ringing!
Readers: ...most pointless scene ever.
Doctor: OMG WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY INVISIBLE WOLVES.
Rose: ...excuse me what?
Readers: Oh, yeah. ‘Bad Wolf’. Subtle, Riona.
Doctor: And now, as a convenient excuse to keep us here, we need a new toaster! Seen any, Rose? ...Rose?
Rose: I am in a hospital. You may expect my sudden appearance here to be explained at some point. It is, however, not. BECAUSE IT’S
Doctor: Conveniently, I just happen to stumble across and decide to enter the building that Rose is in.
Patient Records: We are remarkably up-to-date, considering that this town is completely abandoned. That’s one of the nice things about Silent Hill: you never really have to explain anything.
Riona: I briefly and pointlessly flash my Britishness. This is one of my more irritating habits that I never seem quite able to overcome.
Doctor: No guns for me, thanks.
Every Silent Hill Protagonist Ever, With The Exception Of Marianne Sulia, The Protagonist Of Silent Hill 17: The Merchant of HELLTOWN, Who Can Blow Up Monsters With Her MIIIIIIND: You are an idiot.
Cat: Meow.
Rose: I am overwhelmed by guilt.
Cat: Meow.
Doctor: Awww, it’s a caaaaat.
Dalek: Hi.
Doctor: ...ARGH
Dalek: I really don’t work as a Silent Hill monster.
Doctor: AAAAAAH WHY WON’T THE DOOR OPEN
Dalek: Why am I such a pathetic shot?
Doctor: OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN
Door: *opens*
Doctor: Well, that was anticlimactic.
Doctor: Hey, let’s go to this place just because it was mentioned on this random piece of paper!
Riona: Just trying to keep to the spirit of the games.
Brochure: Silent Hill will move you and fill you with a feeling of deep peace. I hope your time here will be pleasant and your memories will last forever. (Actually, I’ve only just realised how significant that quote is as I was typing it out. I thought that the brochure was just a joke, but now - ergh. Dammit, that means that it’s especially significant for James, and I shouldn’t have used it in the fic. Grrr.)
Portraits: We are obviously very clever and meaningful.
Doctor: ARGH DALEK
Not A Dalek: Tricked you!
Doctor: HOORAY NOW I WILL MELT THESE WAX DALEKS.
Rose: ...you’re weird.
Doctor: Did I mention that I killed everyone?
Rose: ...
Doctor: Go away.
Rose: No.
Also, that Johari thing, because I'm
Johari (in which you get to compliment me!)
Nohari (in which you get to abuse me! 'procrastinating' is, alas, not on there.)
EXCUSE ME NOHARI RELIGIOUS AND UNETHICAL ARE EXTREMELY NOT ANTONYMS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.