rionaleonhart | You Could Be So Much Better.

Watched the Derren Brown: Behind the Mischief documentary last night, and I had forgotten how freaking charming Derren Brown is. HE COOKS BREAKFAST WITH HIS PET PARROT PERCHED ON HIS SHOULDER, HOW ADORABLE IS THAT. HE PRETENDS TO EAT THE CAMERA LIKE A DORK. And The Heist is still just stunning. The replication of the Milgram experiment is so distressing to watch.

(When I watch Danny's 'you bastard' to Derren at the end, all I can think of is David Mitchell and Richard Ayoade in The Big Fat Anniversary Quiz:

Derren: (after the clip of Danny's post-robbery reaction in The Heist is played) Your question is this: what did I make him do that made him call me a bastard?
(...)
Carr: What have you gone for, Richard and David?
Mitchell: We think that he made him come in his pants. The way he was, you know, bending over - 'you bastard, you bastard' - there was definitely a sort of breathless ecstasy to that.
Ayoade: He seemed quite pleased about it.
Mitchell: There was certainly a sort of wily grin there.
Ayoade: And then do a bank heist afterwards.
Mitchell: Yeah. We also thought there could be the bank thing slightly involved, too.

And, erm, it actually does look very sexual, now that they mention it.)

Also, I have now finished the first series of Misfits! I was a little worried that Curtis' superpower would be used purely to go 'EXCITING CAN'T-BELIEVE-THEY-WENT-THERE PLOT DEVELOPMENT OH WAIT NO CURTIS TURNS BACK TIME TO MAKE IT NOT HAPPEN', but then the fourth episode was one of the most brilliant pieces of television I've ever watched, so I can forgive it. Wow. Curtis is so lovely! (Making sure Kelly is all right, awww.) And Nathan is hilarious. And Simon simultaneously breaks my heart and makes me go AUGH SIMON YOU ARE SO CREEPY STOP BEING CREEPY.

The scene where Curtis appeals to Nathan for help in the car park made me crow with laughter and rewind to watch it again. NATHAN, YOU PRAT. You should know better by now, Curtis.

And then the fifth episode managed to include quite a few of my favourite things. Manipulative age-gap shouldn't-be-doing-this relationships in which one party is painfully selfconscious, yeah. Also, most endearing tale of attempted arson I've ever heard. (I have the very strong sense that Simon is bisexual and that Blond Git is his ex-boyfriend. Is this just years of fandom warping my perspective?)

AND THEN THE LAST EPISODE OF SERIES ONE HAS POSSIBLY THE CRUELEST FINAL SHOT OF A SERIES EVER. Bloody hell.

So, yes, the first series of Misfits is really, really good. I'm deeply intrigued.

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True. Mark's going to be all "So, am I his favorite yet?"

"You've been his favorite for ages."

"Well, maybe I should cement my status by buying him more curries."

"What, you think he's going to go like Jeremy and decide he likes Robbie Williams best?"

"Jeremy likes Robbie better than me?" And then Mark would start plotting how to make Jeremy like him best (liking Robbie is okay, but it's important that Mark be the favorite.)

And he assumes Richard likes him best already, because he's his superhero-colleague! And then he's a bit stuck on how to make the Stig like him, because he doesn't know Robbie is the Stig.

And he'll be bothering Richard about how to make the Stig like him best, and Richard will be all "I have no idea how to get the Stig to have feelings about boy bands. I'm not even allowed to talk to him!"

And then Mark will get a "Stig loves you!" note written in tire-marks, and Robbie will pretend to be jealous.

Howard the canonical Top Gear fan becomes mildly jealous. Also, that's quite the big note, then.

It's a very big note. He uses a parking lot or something.

Aw, Howard would be jealous, and Robbie would overhear, and start looking for a parking lot big enough to write "Stig loves you nearly as much as Stig loves Mark", so Howard feels love and Mark gets to retain his favorite status.

Eventually, he just writes it on that runway Top Gear has, and everyone there is staring at it wondering who the Stig wrote it for, and why they're loved nearly as much as someone named Mark.

Either that, or he wanders into the Peep Show universe, creating confusing by adding another Mark and another Jeremy into the mix, and leading Peep Show Mark to have another sexuality crisis while Peep Show Jeremy is all "The Stig's in love with you? Can you get me passes to the show, a go in the Bugatti, and a trip to the parallel universe where I'm a big famous rock star and everyone loves me?"

He uses the street in front of Mark's house, and all the neighbours are like 'great, another mental Take That fan'.

Howard feels the love, AND secretly wants to steal the Stig costume for some kinky roleplay.

Basically, you just want a Big Mark and Jeremy Crossover, don't you?

And eventually, at Top Gear, they'd be all "Oh no! The Stig's into Take That!" Jeremy would say something about Robbie Williams being the best one, and be mystified as to why the Stig was suddenly so nice to him.

Just one more Mark and one more Jeremy. Largely because Mark Corrigan would be completely unable to cope, as that's what he does.

Although at some point Jeremy would mention how Will Young is better than Robbie, and you don't want to deal with a sulking Stig.

The other Mark soon finds out that not everybody is cheered up by a nice hat and a scarf.

Oh, that would not be pretty.

"James, why has the Stig dumped all of my Will Young photos on the track?"
"Why do you have enough Will Young photos to cover the track?"

Mark and Mark would so not have a successful conversation. Mark would be all "He's talented and attractive and women like him! Being around him is going to backfire horribly on me in some way!" Meanwhile, Mark would be all "You don't like the hat and scarf? How about a slightly different hat with that scarf? Or, and this may sound crazy, a slightly different scarf with that hat?"

The Stig would drive over ALL the pictures, and then Jeremy would start shouting at him, and suddenly lose his voice.

And Corrigan is trying to be obliging and polite, and ends up wearing two different hats and four different scarves, and tries to flee.

He's allowed to speak again when he says "No, Robbie Williams is way better than Will Young!" only the Stig hasn't told him that, so there will be a lot of futile attempts to shout.

"How do I escape? I'm weighted down by hats and tangled up in scarves! I'll be trapped here forever!"

James and Richard have never been happier with Stig.

And then Jeremy is all 'Maaaaark, you were meant to tell him about how I'm the greatest musician in the world ever! Not steal his clothes!'

"The Stig stole Jeremy's voice, and he won't give it back!"
"That is the best news I've heard in my life!"

Jeremy would so do that.
And Mark would be all "You can't expect me to do that! I was confused by hats!"

Jeremy threatens Stig with a chainsaw, but he's not impressed.

And Owen is all '...that's music? I - of course it is. It's, er, something.'

Yeah, chainsaws don't work against the Stig. Try Boy Scouts.

Mark Owen would try so hard to be polite, and be all "That's...very creative. I'm certainly not going to be able to get that out of my head for a while. You know who needs to hear this? Robbie. I'll go call him."

Robbie and Jeremy would actually hit it off.

They would. They so would. And it would be terrifying.

Owen interferes by carefully steering Robbie away and suggesting they go out for a kebab.

Although Jeremy would just follow them.

True, but with a kebab Jeremy would have his mouth full and there'd be less talking.

You Could Be So Much Better.

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