Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2007-08-08 01:21 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2007-08-08 01:21 pm
Together, They Commit Crime.
I'd rather hoped to have more of this written by now, but I seem to have become slightly stuck on the actual heist, alas. Still, have In Which Our Heroes Meet, the first instalment of The Adventures of Balthier, Fran and Captain Jack Harkness: Time-Travelling Sky Pirates of Ivalice. Dedicated to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cane_tie and squeemu, two powerful reasons for why the thirty-first of July is an awesome, awesome day.
More of this will be written when I am struck by inspiration. It is a completely open universe; please feel free to write about the Time-Travelling Sky Pirates of Ivalice if you want to. I NEED THESE THREE TO HAVE SO MANY GLORIOUS ADVENTURES TOGETHER.
Set prior to the events of Final Fantasy XII and at some unspecified time after Series Three of the new Doctor Who. This section vaguely alludes to a spoiler of which you will already be aware if you've watched any episode of Torchwood or any of the last three episodes of the third series of Doctor Who.
This has to be at least the fourteenth time Captain Jack Harkness has found himself chained up in some form of dungeon. He suspects that it probably comes of being all too easy to trick into wearing handcuffs. As twenty-three days have now gone by and it has become increasingly clear that absolutely no sex is forthcoming, he is starting to become slightly bored and restless, and so he rather perks up when thick grey smoke suddenly floods the room. Burning to death is not exactly high on his list of desired events; it is, in fact, one of the most unpleasant things he has ever experienced, but at least a fire devastating the place would be slightly more interesting than the monotony of this endless waiting for nothing.
The smoke quickly disperses, however, and when it has cleared, there are two people standing there: a man and a woman.
“The smoke was necessary?” the woman asks. She appears to be a member of a species Jack has never encountered before and rather wishes he had; long, rabbit-like ears rise through the intricately designed helmet she is wearing, and she moves with a grace that is not quite human.
“Dramatic effect, Fran; dramatic effect,” the man explains. “Where’s the fun of it if we can’t cause a little stir? Now, what have we here?”
“Are you the rescue team?” Jack asks, pointedly rattling his bonds.
“Well,” the man says, looking at him with mild curiosity, “that depends entirely on whether you can make it worth the trouble, doesn’t it? As it happens, we only came to relieve your captors of a few of their more interesting possessions.”
“You can let me go while you’re at it, can’t you? It can’t be that hard.”
“You were the man apprehended on his way to assassinate the Emperor, weren’t you? They won’t like it if I let you go. I can’t say I’m very popular with the palace at the moment, but there’s no need for me to raise the price on my head any higher than necessary.”
“They said I was trying to assassinate the Emperor,” Jack corrects him.
“Whatever your actual intentions were, in the eyes of the Archadian army I’ll still have assisted the man who was trying to overthrow the Empire,” he says, leaning casually back against the bare stone wall. “So, how can you tempt me to release you? You can’t be terribly bright, or you would have made more of an attempt to make yourself inconspicuous before breaking into the imperial palace, so you’ll have to find something else to recommend you. Did it not occur to you that your accent might give you away?”
“Would you believe me if I said I honestly didn’t know it was the palace?” Jack asks, a little sheepishly.
The man raises an eyebrow. “Not in the slightest.”
“My teleporter was thrown off,” Jack tries to explain. “Probably a solar flare or something. It landed me in this place. I didn’t know where I was, so I went up to the nice-looking man in the suit of armour to ask, and next thing I knew I was locked up in here.”
“There are no teleport points here,” the man says. “You couldn’t have been thrown into the palace by accident, no matter how shady a dealer you buy your Teleport Stones from. If you want to ingratiate yourself, perhaps you should make your lies to your potential rescuers a little less obvious. Don’t suppose you have a pen with you, do you?”
“Check the front pocket of my jeans,” Jack says. “As I’m so generously letting you borrow it, you couldn’t set me free, could you?”
“Jeans?” he repeats, entirely ignoring what is definitely, in Jack’s opinion, the more important part.
“Pants. Trousers. Whatever you call them. You know, if you undid these shackles, I’d be able to fetch it for you myself.”
“I think I can probably manage,” the man says, extracting the pen so lightly that Jack barely has the chance to pretend he’s half-crouching for any other reason, which is obviously unfair. He pulls a piece of parchment out of his pocket (parchment, Jack thinks, amused; haven’t seen that in a while) and, after a brief and clearly dubious inspection of the ballpoint, he holds it against the wall and begins sketching a rough map with quick strokes. The woman watches, occasionally murmuring things too quietly for Jack to hear.
Jack coughs and rattles the chains again. The man turns around, looking rather exasperated.
“Look, Mr...?”
“Harkness.”
“Mr. Harkness. Do you know who we are?”
“No idea,” Jack says. “I’m not all that fussy about who lets me out of here, though.”
“Well, before you become too eager to join the merry crew, you should probably know that we are a pair of sky pirates. Rather infamous ones, in fact.”
Jack is made none the wiser by this, and his confusion is apparently visible in his expression, because his new acquaintances look at each other and shake their heads almost in unison.
"Sky pirates," the man says, folding his arms and cocking an eyebrow. "Dangerous ruffians. I wouldn't associate with us if I were you."
"Good thing you're not, then," Jack says, with his most ingratiating grin. "I'd probably miss out on a lot of fun." He looks pointedly at the bunny woman's less-than-adequate clothing. She does not appear to be particularly impressed.
"Fran has teeth and claws, Mr. Harkness," the man says, evidently amused. "I can vouch for their sharpness. You have a pen – one of very low quality, I might add – and, apparently, a malfunctioning teleportation device. I would advise you to take your eyes elsewhere."
"You'd be welcome to join us," Jack offers, magnanimously.
The man looks somewhat taken aback, then looks with clear astonishment at Fran, who has started to make a quiet sound, not quite like human laughter but clearly equivalent to it.
"You don't often laugh, Fran," he remarks.
She quickly reassumes her composure, but there is still a hint of amusement in her voice when she speaks. "We are not often made such an offer."
The man laughs. “Very true. I can’t say this was what I was thinking of when I asked how you could persuade us into letting you go, but it’s certainly the most interesting proposal I’ve heard for a while. You’ll have to try a little harder if you want your freedom, though.” He pulls out a watch on a chain and inspects it. “Well, we must leave our captive friend here for the moment; there are treasures to be acquired. If we’re not chased out by four dozen Archadian soldiers, we may have time to chat on our return. Good day.”
And, before Jack has time to formulate a coherent response, they are gone.
-
Some time passes – he has no way of telling how much – and Jack is almost on the verge of sleep when he hears a noise. He opens his eyes, and a moment later the two of them come creeping around the corner, the man carrying what appear to be several solid gold tablets.
“These will do nicely,” he says in a low voice, slipping the tablets into the quiver on Fran’s back. Jack has to wonder why he didn’t just do that before. “Shall we go?”
“You can’t just leave me here!” Jack protests.
“On the contrary, I rather think I can. Come on, Fran.”
“Wait!” Jack says, desperately. He is so, so tired of being left behind. “I’ve got something more valuable than those.”
“Oh?” the man asks, sceptically. “I feel it only fair to warn you that, if this turns out to be your body, I am going to refuse to speak to you.”
“Do we know each other?” Jack asks, mock-startled. “But no, it’s not. Although I do have a very nice body.”
The two sky pirates exchange glances. Fran tilts her head slightly and makes a subtle motion with her left hand. This apparently means something to the man, who turns back.
“If we’re going to be doing business, I suppose it’s only polite to make introductions,” he says. “My name is Balthier, and my partner's, as I’m sure you’ve gathered by now, is Fran. You would do well to remember them.”
Jack grins. Now, at last, they're getting someplace. "Captain Jack Harkness."
"Captain?" Balthier repeats, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, we are important, aren't we? Would you mind telling me, my good Captain, who you captain for?"
Jack shrugs. "Whoever'll have me."
"If you're a mercenary, you'll have better luck elsewhere. We pirates prefer to keep our spoils to ourselves."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Jack says, dropping his voice and waggling his eyebrows in a deliberately overblown fashion. "I don't deal in money."
"And you genuinely believe that we are going to need a lecherous madman aboard the Strahl?" Balthier asks, amused.
"Well," Jack says, grinning confidently, "a lecherous madman who knows how to travel in time, maybe."
There is a brief silence. Fran regards him with suspicion.
“Travel in time?” she repeats.
“And I’ll take you out for a drink,” Jack adds, hopeful.
“You know,” Balthier says, thoughtfully, “there was a very valuable sceptre that went missing almost a century ago. I think I may have just worked out who the thieves were.”
-
(Here take place the events of Time-Travelling Sky Pirates of Ivalice: In Which Our Heroes Eventually Get Around To What They Came Here For.)
cane_tie and squeemu, two powerful reasons for why the thirty-first of July is an awesome, awesome day.More of this will be written when I am struck by inspiration. It is a completely open universe; please feel free to write about the Time-Travelling Sky Pirates of Ivalice if you want to. I NEED THESE THREE TO HAVE SO MANY GLORIOUS ADVENTURES TOGETHER.
Set prior to the events of Final Fantasy XII and at some unspecified time after Series Three of the new Doctor Who. This section vaguely alludes to a spoiler of which you will already be aware if you've watched any episode of Torchwood or any of the last three episodes of the third series of Doctor Who.
This has to be at least the fourteenth time Captain Jack Harkness has found himself chained up in some form of dungeon. He suspects that it probably comes of being all too easy to trick into wearing handcuffs. As twenty-three days have now gone by and it has become increasingly clear that absolutely no sex is forthcoming, he is starting to become slightly bored and restless, and so he rather perks up when thick grey smoke suddenly floods the room. Burning to death is not exactly high on his list of desired events; it is, in fact, one of the most unpleasant things he has ever experienced, but at least a fire devastating the place would be slightly more interesting than the monotony of this endless waiting for nothing.
The smoke quickly disperses, however, and when it has cleared, there are two people standing there: a man and a woman.
“The smoke was necessary?” the woman asks. She appears to be a member of a species Jack has never encountered before and rather wishes he had; long, rabbit-like ears rise through the intricately designed helmet she is wearing, and she moves with a grace that is not quite human.
“Dramatic effect, Fran; dramatic effect,” the man explains. “Where’s the fun of it if we can’t cause a little stir? Now, what have we here?”
“Are you the rescue team?” Jack asks, pointedly rattling his bonds.
“Well,” the man says, looking at him with mild curiosity, “that depends entirely on whether you can make it worth the trouble, doesn’t it? As it happens, we only came to relieve your captors of a few of their more interesting possessions.”
“You can let me go while you’re at it, can’t you? It can’t be that hard.”
“You were the man apprehended on his way to assassinate the Emperor, weren’t you? They won’t like it if I let you go. I can’t say I’m very popular with the palace at the moment, but there’s no need for me to raise the price on my head any higher than necessary.”
“They said I was trying to assassinate the Emperor,” Jack corrects him.
“Whatever your actual intentions were, in the eyes of the Archadian army I’ll still have assisted the man who was trying to overthrow the Empire,” he says, leaning casually back against the bare stone wall. “So, how can you tempt me to release you? You can’t be terribly bright, or you would have made more of an attempt to make yourself inconspicuous before breaking into the imperial palace, so you’ll have to find something else to recommend you. Did it not occur to you that your accent might give you away?”
“Would you believe me if I said I honestly didn’t know it was the palace?” Jack asks, a little sheepishly.
The man raises an eyebrow. “Not in the slightest.”
“My teleporter was thrown off,” Jack tries to explain. “Probably a solar flare or something. It landed me in this place. I didn’t know where I was, so I went up to the nice-looking man in the suit of armour to ask, and next thing I knew I was locked up in here.”
“There are no teleport points here,” the man says. “You couldn’t have been thrown into the palace by accident, no matter how shady a dealer you buy your Teleport Stones from. If you want to ingratiate yourself, perhaps you should make your lies to your potential rescuers a little less obvious. Don’t suppose you have a pen with you, do you?”
“Check the front pocket of my jeans,” Jack says. “As I’m so generously letting you borrow it, you couldn’t set me free, could you?”
“Jeans?” he repeats, entirely ignoring what is definitely, in Jack’s opinion, the more important part.
“Pants. Trousers. Whatever you call them. You know, if you undid these shackles, I’d be able to fetch it for you myself.”
“I think I can probably manage,” the man says, extracting the pen so lightly that Jack barely has the chance to pretend he’s half-crouching for any other reason, which is obviously unfair. He pulls a piece of parchment out of his pocket (parchment, Jack thinks, amused; haven’t seen that in a while) and, after a brief and clearly dubious inspection of the ballpoint, he holds it against the wall and begins sketching a rough map with quick strokes. The woman watches, occasionally murmuring things too quietly for Jack to hear.
Jack coughs and rattles the chains again. The man turns around, looking rather exasperated.
“Look, Mr...?”
“Harkness.”
“Mr. Harkness. Do you know who we are?”
“No idea,” Jack says. “I’m not all that fussy about who lets me out of here, though.”
“Well, before you become too eager to join the merry crew, you should probably know that we are a pair of sky pirates. Rather infamous ones, in fact.”
Jack is made none the wiser by this, and his confusion is apparently visible in his expression, because his new acquaintances look at each other and shake their heads almost in unison.
"Sky pirates," the man says, folding his arms and cocking an eyebrow. "Dangerous ruffians. I wouldn't associate with us if I were you."
"Good thing you're not, then," Jack says, with his most ingratiating grin. "I'd probably miss out on a lot of fun." He looks pointedly at the bunny woman's less-than-adequate clothing. She does not appear to be particularly impressed.
"Fran has teeth and claws, Mr. Harkness," the man says, evidently amused. "I can vouch for their sharpness. You have a pen – one of very low quality, I might add – and, apparently, a malfunctioning teleportation device. I would advise you to take your eyes elsewhere."
"You'd be welcome to join us," Jack offers, magnanimously.
The man looks somewhat taken aback, then looks with clear astonishment at Fran, who has started to make a quiet sound, not quite like human laughter but clearly equivalent to it.
"You don't often laugh, Fran," he remarks.
She quickly reassumes her composure, but there is still a hint of amusement in her voice when she speaks. "We are not often made such an offer."
The man laughs. “Very true. I can’t say this was what I was thinking of when I asked how you could persuade us into letting you go, but it’s certainly the most interesting proposal I’ve heard for a while. You’ll have to try a little harder if you want your freedom, though.” He pulls out a watch on a chain and inspects it. “Well, we must leave our captive friend here for the moment; there are treasures to be acquired. If we’re not chased out by four dozen Archadian soldiers, we may have time to chat on our return. Good day.”
And, before Jack has time to formulate a coherent response, they are gone.
Some time passes – he has no way of telling how much – and Jack is almost on the verge of sleep when he hears a noise. He opens his eyes, and a moment later the two of them come creeping around the corner, the man carrying what appear to be several solid gold tablets.
“These will do nicely,” he says in a low voice, slipping the tablets into the quiver on Fran’s back. Jack has to wonder why he didn’t just do that before. “Shall we go?”
“You can’t just leave me here!” Jack protests.
“On the contrary, I rather think I can. Come on, Fran.”
“Wait!” Jack says, desperately. He is so, so tired of being left behind. “I’ve got something more valuable than those.”
“Oh?” the man asks, sceptically. “I feel it only fair to warn you that, if this turns out to be your body, I am going to refuse to speak to you.”
“Do we know each other?” Jack asks, mock-startled. “But no, it’s not. Although I do have a very nice body.”
The two sky pirates exchange glances. Fran tilts her head slightly and makes a subtle motion with her left hand. This apparently means something to the man, who turns back.
“If we’re going to be doing business, I suppose it’s only polite to make introductions,” he says. “My name is Balthier, and my partner's, as I’m sure you’ve gathered by now, is Fran. You would do well to remember them.”
Jack grins. Now, at last, they're getting someplace. "Captain Jack Harkness."
"Captain?" Balthier repeats, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, we are important, aren't we? Would you mind telling me, my good Captain, who you captain for?"
Jack shrugs. "Whoever'll have me."
"If you're a mercenary, you'll have better luck elsewhere. We pirates prefer to keep our spoils to ourselves."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Jack says, dropping his voice and waggling his eyebrows in a deliberately overblown fashion. "I don't deal in money."
"And you genuinely believe that we are going to need a lecherous madman aboard the Strahl?" Balthier asks, amused.
"Well," Jack says, grinning confidently, "a lecherous madman who knows how to travel in time, maybe."
There is a brief silence. Fran regards him with suspicion.
“Travel in time?” she repeats.
“And I’ll take you out for a drink,” Jack adds, hopeful.
“You know,” Balthier says, thoughtfully, “there was a very valuable sceptre that went missing almost a century ago. I think I may have just worked out who the thieves were.”
(Here take place the events of Time-Travelling Sky Pirates of Ivalice: In Which Our Heroes Eventually Get Around To What They Came Here For.)
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As twenty-three days have now gone by and it has become increasingly clear that absolutely no sex is forthcoming
*ROFL* Oh, Jack. And Balthier's reaction to his proposition! And Fran being wnderfully Frannish!
I can't even quote favourite lines, they're all too awesome! You must write more.
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Thank you! I certainly intend to write more; I, er, just have to work out what's actually going to happen.
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THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER I LOVE YOU.
lol @ the last line. and twenty-three days without sex? how did he COPE!? ♥
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also have you seen the beginning of my tyler/angel fic in my journal? it is all
thanks to youyour fault. ♥no subject
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PLEASE
“Dramatic effect, Fran; dramatic effect,” the man explains. “Where’s the fun of it if we can’t cause a little stir? Now, what have we here?”
fdjasklfjdasiljfkda ♥♥
Seriously. I cannot believe how well you got Balthier's voice. I want to quote all of his lines with flailings.
And the teleporter vs teleport stones are genius.
“I think I can probably manage,” the man says, extracting the pen so lightly that Jack barely has the chance to pretend he’s half-crouching for any other reason, which is obviously unfair.
Hee! Hee. Hee. Of course Balthier would be good at that and of course Jack would keep them in his pants for occasions just like this. Well, er, maybe without the being kept in a dungeon for days and days.
Balthier calls it his "merry crew"! Jack's pen is of low quality! You have on idea how much I am gleeing over all of his lines. And! And Fran laughing. ♥ You are amazing.
“These will do nicely,” he says in a low voice, slipping the tablets into the quiver on Fran’s back. “Shall we go?”
I love that Balthier came back just so he could say that in front of Jack. Hee.
He is so, so tired of being left behind.
fdasjklfdjaslijfldacry
"Captain?" Balthier repeats, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, we are important, aren't we? Would you mind telling me, my good Captain, who you captain for?"
♥
This was awesome, thank you so much. You have to continue it! THEY JUST GOT STARTED!
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I love that Balthier came back just so he could say that in front of Jack.
He so did. The only reason he didn't put them in the quiver earlier was because he wanted to show off his haul.
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(Also, your icon is adorable. Eeee, Mickey and Jake!)
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(Hee! Thank you!)
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Now, if you'll excuse me, denial is calling ;D
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(And thank you!)