This book is like drugs. Bad, bad drugs. There should be support groups. There should be interventions where all of your friends crowd into your bedroom at FOUR AM BECAUSE YOU'RE AWAKE READING IT and tell you that you have a problem and that they still love you and they're going to get you some help. And then they'll replace it with, like, The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde and all will be well.

XD Your plot would have been so much better. More Ian McKellen + cane!fighting + crushing disappointment! Teabing and House should have gone on the quest together, and then at the end, Teabing would betray House and they'd have an awesome CANE!FIGHT TO THE DEATH and House would walk away by revealing at the last minute that he really *is* British and this would make Teabing show some mercy (hoping that maybe they can settle this in a peaceful, mild British manner over a cup of tea) and then House will just brain him and limp away, snickering.

I imagine that Dr. Cox has had several tantrums over Dan Brown. Several of these probably involved whacking JD over the head with the book. One may have involved storming into the theater and dumping JD's popcorn over his head and then dragging him out by his collar so they can have sex in the movie!theater!bathroom.