rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
Riona ([personal profile] rionaleonhart) wrote2019-08-06 11:22 pm

Fanfiction: Across the Line (Your Turn to Die)

I feel like a part of me went 'you know, I really enjoyed writing my Queer Eye AU for Final Fantasy XV, but it was too cute and now I have to write something horrible to make up for it'.

Not unrelatedly, I've expanded the Your Turn to Die snippet from the preceding entry into a full fic. Many thanks to Rei for offering advice and helping me act things out so I could work out whether they were physically possible.


Title: Across the Line
Fandom: Your Turn to Die
Rating: R
Pairing: maybe a hint of Keiji/Sara
Wordcount: 2,100
Summary: Sara obtains two things in quick succession: a gun, and permanent psychological trauma. Keiji knows what that’s like.
Warnings: Violence, blood, character death. Spoilers up to the end of Chapter Two, specifically the Human Flower route.



There’s a handgun in the medical office, just sitting there among the supplies. Gauze, cotton balls, antiseptic, gun. It definitely wasn’t there before the second Main Game.

Is whoever’s behind this planning to put them through another Russian roulette puzzle? Or are they just throwing a weapon into the cage and seeing what happens?

Picking it up kind of makes Sara feel sick. But she can’t leave it where it is. Someone could find it.

She has... recent experience with a revolver, obviously. But that’s not what this is. How does she know if it has bullets in it?

She takes it to Keiji. He knows guns. Q-taro does as well, she remembers, but she doesn’t know if she can trust him.

She doesn’t know if she can trust Keiji either.

But she takes it to Keiji.

“Do you know if it’s loaded?” she asks.

“Interesting find.” He does something with the... what is it called, the magazine? “Yeah, this could shoot.”

They’re alone.

“You want me to talk you through how it’s done?” Keiji asks.

“What?” Sara asks. “No. Who would I want to shoot?”

Keiji shrugs. Tries to hand her the gun. She pulls her hand away; she doesn’t want to take it.

But they’re alone, and he’s holding a loaded gun.

“You remember I’ve got a history with guns, right?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. “You’re gonna make me hold on to this one? I didn’t think you were that cruel, Sara.”

He’s smiling, just a little. There’s an out-of-place fondness to his words. Like he’s saying I didn’t think you were that cruel, and I’m so proud that you’ve proved me wrong.

She lets him take her hand. He runs his thumb across her palm, then presses the gun into it. Closes her fingers over it.

“Sou’s a dangerous guy,” he says, quietly. “If you’re not sure who to point that at.”

He always speaks in the same calm, amused tone of voice. It makes it hard to know if he’s joking or not.

“I don’t think you mean that,” Sara says. “Shooting someone messed you up, right?”

Keiji shrugs and smiles. “Maybe it’d be nice to have company.”

-

“You were the deciding vote,” Sou says into her ear, holding her wrists behind her back. Keeping her pinned against the wall.

She should have been more careful.

“You’re the one who voted knowing Kanna was going to die,” Sou says.

A new door had appeared off the relaxation room. She should have asked someone else to check it out with her.

Sou has been missing since the second Main Game vote.

She guesses she’s found him.

“She was going to take the Sacrifice from you,” Sou says. “She loved you so much she was going to die for you. And you pay her back by killing her?”

He’s forcing her face against the wall; it’s a little hard to speak. “It was her decision; I was just trying to—”

“Right,” Sou says. She can feel him shaking; she doesn’t know if it’s from anger. “She wasn’t old enough to drive or drink, but she was absolutely old enough to make the decision to die.”

Sara tries to keep her thoughts steady. Sou took her by surprise, but he’s not particularly strong; it’s not like Q-taro or Keiji has her. She can get out of this.

“I guess that means you can make that decision, too,” Sou says. “But guess what? It’s not your choice.”

She kicks back under his knee, as hard as she can.

He jerks back, stumbling, swearing, and she manages to wrench her wrists out of his grip and twist around. Knees him in – she’s aiming for the groin, he’s dropped a little on the leg she attacked and his groin’s lower than she expected, she catches him in the chest instead, but it seems to hit hard.

She runs for the door.

This is a semi-automatic, Keiji says in her memories.

Sou’s going to come after her again. He’s going to come after all of them. Everyone who voted for Kanna. Sara. Keiji. Gin.

The gun is in her hand. She’s been carrying it around in her satchel, the one she’s been using for all the weird things she picks up in this place, but she doesn’t remember taking it out. It’s like the thought put it there.

Basically, it means you don’t have to worry too much about reloading. Unless you empty the clip, and there are only so many people here for you to kill, so that’s not going to be a problem unless you’re a really terrible shot.

I’m not planning to kill anyone, she’d said.

Well, in that case this is all hypothetical. Just worth knowing how to use it so you don’t shoot your own foot off. This is the safety. If you stand like this...

She turns around. Sou is just stumbling to his feet.

He said he’d kill all of them. She might never have another opportunity.

She pictures Keiji standing against her back. Showing her how to stand, showing her how to line up the sights. His hand on hers, his fingers curling around hers, pulling them in.

Pulling the trigger for her.

The recoil snaps through her, but somehow it feels like it’s not really happening. Like she didn’t really shoot, like this is all something happening very far away.

And Sou—

He doesn’t just—

Somehow this hadn’t occurred to her—

He doesn’t just die. He jolts back with a gasp of breath, clutching his side with both hands. And suddenly Sara’s not watching from some vague distance any more; she’s standing here, the pistol still in her hands, and this is real.

And then Sou starts to laugh.

“Oh, of course.” Sou’s voice is breathless and pained and weirdly ecstatic. “Sara Chidouin. The one everyone trusts. It’s a—” He hisses through his teeth, dropping to one knee in small jerks, like a stuttering video. “It’s an honour to be the one you show your, hh, your true colours to.”

“It’s not my true colours!” Sara snaps back, her hands shaking around the gun. “This isn’t me! You made me—”

She chokes on her horror and rage. She’s so, so angry with Sou for forcing her to kill him.

“I made you,” Sou echoes, through his laughter, through his quick harsh breathing. “Of course. Are you going to finish me off, or are you just having fun watching?”

She’s shaking too badly; there are tears in her eyes. She can’t aim.

But she can’t stand here and listen to Sou’s wet, strangled laughter.

She walks towards Sou, although her legs feel like they’ll just collapse under her at any moment. Kneels in front of him. Puts one hand around the back of his neck, to hold him steady, and presses the gun against his forehead with the other.

“I don’t want to do this,” she whispers.

“Do it,” Sou hisses into her face. “Or I’ll kill you. I’ll kill all the others in front of you, and I’ll kill you last. If you were just going to shoot me now, you could have voted for me instead of Kanna. I’ll never forget that.”

She doesn’t want to be reminded of how much Kanna mattered to him. She wants to believe he’s a monster who doesn’t care about anyone, so she can pull this trigger with no regrets.

She can feel his breath against her wrist, unsteady and shallow and too fast. She forces the barrel harder against his forehead; it’s the only way she can keep the pistol from shaking.

Keiji’s here, she tells herself. He’s beside her, he’s steadying her arm. He’s the one doing this.

“I guess,” Sou says, and then he cuts himself off with coughing. Blood spatters Sara’s sleeve. “I guess it was exposing Joe that gave you a taste for blood, right?”

Who is Joe?

Keiji had mentioned a Joe after the second Main Game. When Sara had asked who he was, Keiji had given her a look that scared her; it felt like something was really wrong. But he hadn’t explained.

Whatever the name means, it freaks her out when she hears it, it pisses her off. It makes her feel like there’s a huge void in her head and she’s scrambling not to fall into it.

Maybe the answer is to create a different pit to fall into.

She fires.

-

For a while she just kneels there, breathing slowly through her mouth. Holding Sou against her, his chin resting on her shoulder. His blood soaking into her jacket.

She’s dropped the pistol; it’s just lying on the floor. Anyone could come in and pick it up. Maybe shoot her; she’s obviously a danger.

That might make things simpler. The alternative is that she actually has to deal with what she’s just done.

Eventually, she eases Sou’s body away from her and gets unsteadily to her feet. When she turns around, she sees Keiji leaning against the doorframe, arms folded, expression blank. Watching like it’s some kind of audition he’s evaluating.

-

Keiji helps Sara back to her room; she’s shaking too badly to walk without support. They don’t speak.

He takes her into the bathroom, eases her out of her jacket, gently cleans the blood from her hands and face with a damp flannel. He pauses for a moment when he reaches her neckline; some blood seeped down under her shirt while she was holding the body.

She touches the knot of her tie: a question. He just hands the flannel to her, and she lets out the breath she’s been half-holding.

She’ll need to wash properly, change her clothes. There’s still blood in her hair, under her shirt, under her fingernails. Cleaning her up is more a gesture than anything else.

But she thinks it might have made her feel a little better, although it’s hard to pin down anything she’s feeling right now. She murdered a man, but someone is still prepared to touch her.

“You want to be left alone?” Keiji asks at last. It’s strange to hear a normal voice. For a moment, she’d forgotten what people sound like when they’re not choking on blood.

She breathes for a moment, still sitting on the side of the bath, staring at the floor. She feels so cold, somehow.

“How much did you see?” she asks, once she thinks she might have found her voice. She only stumbles over the words a little.

“It doesn’t matter,” Keiji says. “It doesn’t make a difference, Sara.”

It’s so obviously ridiculous that she actually almost laughs. “Don’t lie to me. Of course it does.”

Maybe somebody has to lie to her, now that Sou is dead.

How is she going to explain this to the others? She just let Keiji take her away from the scene; she wasn’t thinking clearly enough to do anything more than that. They should have cleared away the body somehow. What if Gin finds it?

“Did you pick up the gun?” she asks.

“Seemed like a good idea,” he says. “You want it?”

She shudders, wrapping her arms around herself. “No.”

“Hey,” he says. A hand on her shoulder, and she tries not to tense up. “I’ve been here, okay? Not gonna pretend you’ll come out well-adjusted, but you’ll come out alive.”

She forces herself to look at him. It takes her a couple of attempts before she manages to speak. “I told myself you were the one pulling the trigger.”

She doesn’t want to tell him, but she has to. It doesn’t seem right that she can feel guilty about imagining things when she’s shot a person dead, but Keiji killed someone, and it changed him, and in her head she made him do it again.

He’s quiet for a moment, but then he laughs. It’s a strange, dark, quiet laugh, and she’s not sure whether he’s trying to set her at ease or not. “I guess maybe I was.”

She swallows.

He strokes her blood-matted hair back behind her ear. “The others trust you. Probably best if we tell them this was me.”

It’s a suggestion that makes sense, as a strategy for the game they’re in. But it also means she’s gone through this hellish, screwed-up thing – she’s done this hellish, screwed-up thing – and Keiji’s the only one she can talk to about it. She’s trapping herself in a box with him. She’s putting her psyche in his hands.

You should probably stop trusting someone after they nudge you into something like this.

“You’re probably right,” she says.
wolfy_writing: (Default)

[personal profile] wolfy_writing 2019-08-09 10:35 am (UTC)(link)
He’s smiling, just a little. There’s an out-of-place fondness to his words. Like he’s saying I didn’t think you were that cruel, and I’m so proud that you’ve proved me wrong.

This is wonderfully creepy!

“Right,” Sou says. She can feel him shaking; she doesn’t know if it’s from anger. “She wasn’t old enough to drive or drink, but she was absolutely old enough to make the decision to die.”

I love what his anger is about!

She pictures Keiji standing against her back. Showing her how to stand, showing her how to line up the sights. His hand on hers, his fingers curling around hers, pulling them in.

Ooh, I love this!

He doesn’t just die. He jolts back with a gasp of breath, clutching his side with both hands. And suddenly Sara’s not watching from some vague distance any more; she’s standing here, the pistol still in her hands, and this is real.

This is so horrible, you're the best writer!

She walks towards Sou, although her legs feel like they’ll just collapse under her at any moment. Kneels in front of him. Puts one hand around the back of his neck, to hold him steady, and presses the gun against his forehead with the other.

I love the position and the body language of how she does this! It's a weird combination of trying to help him and trying to kill him.

Keiji had mentioned a Joe after the second Main Game. When Sara had asked who he was, Keiji had given her a look that scared her; it felt like something was really wrong. But he hadn’t explained.

This is a fascinating and creepy mystery!

Maybe the answer is to create a different pit to fall into.

This line is perfect!

She murdered a man, but someone is still prepared to touch her.

This is wonderful! Every line of this is so good!

He strokes her blood-matted hair back behind her ear. “The others trust you. Probably best if we tell them this was me.”

I love how he's doing all of those things that are on some level so generous and so supportive, and he's molding her in a very specific way!