Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2021-01-10 09:30 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2021-01-10 09:30 pm
Entry tags:
Fanfiction: The Culprit (Persona 4)
I have no idea whether this actually works as a story, but my main goal was just to kick Yosuke in the psychological gut until he cried, and I've succeeded in that, at least. (Sorry, Yosuke. This is what happens when you're my favourite character.)
I continue to be very confused about what to call the Persona protagonists. Apparently the Persona 4 protagonist is called Yu, except when he's called Souji. I've based his characterisation on what little we get in the game, as I haven't yet seen the anime, which I've heard gives him a more concrete character.
Title: The Culprit
Fandom: Persona 4
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,700
Summary: Yosuke is struggling to cope with what he's done.
Namatame was a full-grown man; they’re teenagers. Yosuke hadn’t wanted to ask anyone to help him, he’d wanted to let the others keep their hands clean, but he hadn’t been physically strong enough on his own. He and Yu had shoved Namatame into the television together. Partners to the end.
Namatame hadn’t fought back. He’d barely seemed aware of what was happening to him. He just seemed defeated.
It would’ve been worse if he had fought, right?
Yosuke’s been having nightmares pretty much solidly since. Which is impressive, given that he’s not sure he’s actually slept at all. But they find him when he’s dozing in class, or in the brief bursts of half-consciousness between checking the time at night.
He guesses maybe, on some level, he thought they’d have time to go into the other world and get Namatame out if they changed their mind. But of course the fog had already come. Namatame was found dead the next day.
He’s lying to himself. He knew they wouldn’t have time.
He curls into a tight ball under the covers. He can barely remember what real sleep ever felt like.
-
The house feels a lot quieter without Teddie around, for better or worse. Living with Teddie... well, it had its drawbacks. But it was distracting, at least, and Yosuke could really use some distraction right now.
The rest of his friends are still here, technically, but it doesn’t really feel like it.
Chie’s been avoiding him at school. She’s as subtle about it as you’d expect. If she sees Yosuke ahead of her in the corridor, she will yelp and start walking the other way.
He doesn’t think she hates him. He hopes she doesn’t hate him. He guesses being around him is just... too much for her to handle right now.
It’s kind of too much for Yosuke to handle, too. But it’s not like he can get away from himself.
It took him a while to realise Yukiko was avoiding him too. Chie was kind of a smokescreen. He just realised at some point that he hadn’t seen Yukiko in a while, and then realised that probably wasn’t a coincidence.
Naoto will still meet his eyes. Silently, expressionless.
Naoto was the first one to suggest pushing Namatame into the television. It’s what Yosuke’s thinking about every time they cross paths; he wouldn’t say he’s resentful, exactly, but it’s on his mind. Whether he’d have made the decision without Naoto there, whether Naoto made him a murderer. Whether he made Naoto a murderer; maybe it was meant to be an empty threat, maybe Yosuke screwed everything up by taking it seriously.
Yosuke could ask.
He doesn’t.
Rise will still greet him, still talk to him, as cheerful as ever. Yosuke is grateful for it, but he doesn’t know if he can trust it. He’s seen her turn on a different personality like a light switch. Even before Namatame, he could never be completely sure he knew what Rise was thinking. He definitely doesn’t now.
Kanji’s the one person Yosuke can still feel half-normal around, the one he’s been spending the most time with. Kanji’s a guy who says what he’s thinking; you don’t have to worry that he’s hiding his real opinion of you. And he focuses on what’s in front of him. The past is the past to Kanji, and that’s pretty valuable to a guy who’s been trapped in the third of December for weeks.
And then there’s Yu.
Yosuke never knows what Yu is thinking. A lot of what Yu says feels a little too carefully considered, a little too exactly what Yosuke wants to hear. It took Yosuke a long time to realise it, but after he did... well, it was still good to spend time with Yu, but it was a little uncomfortable every time he noticed it.
And now?
Now they’ve killed someone together, and he has no idea how Yu feels about it.
Which shouldn’t really be a surprise. It’s not like Yosuke knows how he feels about it himself.
-
The bell rings for the end of class, and Yosuke’s halfway out the door when someone grabs his arm. His mind goes straight to dragging Namatame towards the TV whenever anyone touches him.
He jerks around. It’s Yu.
“Can I talk to you?” Yu asks.
Yosuke stares at him for a second, then slips quickly back into the classroom so he’s not blocking foot traffic. His pulse is a racket in his throat.
It’s not like anyone would have been grabbing him to put him into the TV world; it’s over, they put an end to it. But his body hasn’t really caught up to the facts.
Yu walks over to one of the windows, and Yosuke follows. His legs feel a little shaky. He hopes it’s not too obvious.
Not much point in looking through windows these days. The fog is thick and dark outside.
“So, uh,” Yosuke says. He always tries to sound like he did before; he doesn’t want people to worry about him. He’s not sure if he’s getting it right; he’s not sure he can actually remember how he used to sound, back when he didn’t have to think about it. “What’d you want to talk about?”
It feels weird for Yu to approach him. Yosuke feels like he’s always the one asking Yu to hang out; it’s never the other way around. Not really reassuring on the ‘how does Yu actually feel about me?’ front, but it’s not like Yu seems to actively seek out the company of the others either; maybe it’s just the kind of guy Yu is.
He hasn’t been asking Yu to hang out recently, come to think of it. He hadn’t even realised.
Yu glances over at the door. Waiting for the other students to finish filing out of the classroom.
Yosuke suddenly wants to run. He manages to keep himself where he is.
He could strike up a meaningless conversation, something to fill this uncomfortable silence until they’re alone and Yu can bring up whatever he wants to talk about. But he can’t think of anything. This used to be easy.
He keeps casting glances over at Yu instead. Yu looks pale, he looks like he hasn’t been sleeping well. Yosuke’s seen him since that night in the hospital, obviously, at school, but it feels like he hasn’t really seen him until now.
Of course Yu hasn’t been sleeping, even if you forget about what Yosuke made him do. His uncle’s in the hospital; his cousin...
Yosuke feels kind of sick when it hits him. Yu’s been staying alone in that house, all this time. Yosuke’s head has been so tied up in other things that he’s barely even thought about it.
Yosuke killed a man, he told himself he was avenging Nanako, and then she just... slipped out of his mind.
The last of the clattering and chatter dies away, and Yu goes over and slides the doors shut. He turns.
“Have you been avoiding me?” he asks.
Yu can be kind of blunt sometimes.
“Yeah,” Yosuke says. He hadn’t realised it until this moment, and he’s too cornered and exhausted to come up with a lie. “I’m really sorry.”
They look at each other for a moment.
“I just wanted to stop him,” Yosuke says. His voice is shaking, badly. “I was – so angry. And I made you...”
He can’t even say it. He killed a man, he dragged the others into it, and he’s still such a coward he can’t make himself say it aloud.
Yosuke swallows. “I didn’t want him to die. I put you through that, and it was... it was just my screwup.”
Yu’s eyes widen, just a little. If he didn’t hate Yosuke before, he does now.
Yosuke pressured him into murdering someone, and now Yu knows it wasn’t even what Yosuke really wanted. Just a stupid, rash mistake. The people who are important to them can barely look at each other, and a man is dead, and the whole thing is Yosuke’s fault.
“You did it for me,” Yu says.
What? “No. I mean, I loved Nanako-chan, we all did, but – no, I was the one who was insisting on it, you never asked me to—”
“You did it for me,” Yu says. “It was my idea. You didn’t want to.”
Yosuke’s almost in tears. “What are you—”
“I’m the leader, right?” Yu asks. “I’m the one who makes our decisions.”
Once again, it’s exactly what Yosuke needs to hear. It wasn’t Yosuke’s mistake. The whole thing was for Yu; if he doesn’t regret it, Yosuke doesn’t have to either.
But it’s not true.
“I’m sorry I put you through that,” Yu says. “But I really appreciate what you did for me.”
Yosuke grabs for the nearest desk in an effort to keep himself upright. It doesn’t really help; his legs still give way underneath him, and all he achieves is a slightly slower, more controlled collapse.
Yu darts across the room to him, anxious. Still worrying about him, after everything Yosuke has done. It suddenly feels stupid that Yosuke ever questioned how Yu felt about him.
“I’m not asking you to do this,” Yosuke says. His voice is a wavering mess.
“It’s not your job to ask me to do anything,” Yu says, crouching to look into his eyes. “I’m the leader. Remember?”
Yosuke huddles against the wall and presses his face into his knees and breaks into unsteady sobs.
-
Yosuke’s not sure they actually discussed him coming over. Walking back from school is a blur. And then he’s at Dojima’s place with Yu on the phone, asking Yosuke’s parents if Yosuke can stay.
Was that Yosuke’s decision or Yu’s? Yosuke was half-thinking about offering to stay, keeping Yu company in that silent house. But then he... kind of had a breakdown, so maybe Yu decided that Yosuke was the one who shouldn’t be left alone.
It must have been Yu’s decision. Right? Yu’s the leader, he’s the one who decides what they do.
Yu hangs up the phone and smiles at him. Yosuke has to look quickly over at the wall, his eyes stinging a little. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed seeing everyone’s smiles.
Yu’s the one who’s been taking action all along. He’s the one who decided how they should deal with Namatame.
If Yosuke can learn to believe that, he’ll be able to survive.
I continue to be very confused about what to call the Persona protagonists. Apparently the Persona 4 protagonist is called Yu, except when he's called Souji. I've based his characterisation on what little we get in the game, as I haven't yet seen the anime, which I've heard gives him a more concrete character.
Title: The Culprit
Fandom: Persona 4
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,700
Summary: Yosuke is struggling to cope with what he's done.
Namatame was a full-grown man; they’re teenagers. Yosuke hadn’t wanted to ask anyone to help him, he’d wanted to let the others keep their hands clean, but he hadn’t been physically strong enough on his own. He and Yu had shoved Namatame into the television together. Partners to the end.
Namatame hadn’t fought back. He’d barely seemed aware of what was happening to him. He just seemed defeated.
It would’ve been worse if he had fought, right?
Yosuke’s been having nightmares pretty much solidly since. Which is impressive, given that he’s not sure he’s actually slept at all. But they find him when he’s dozing in class, or in the brief bursts of half-consciousness between checking the time at night.
He guesses maybe, on some level, he thought they’d have time to go into the other world and get Namatame out if they changed their mind. But of course the fog had already come. Namatame was found dead the next day.
He’s lying to himself. He knew they wouldn’t have time.
He curls into a tight ball under the covers. He can barely remember what real sleep ever felt like.
The house feels a lot quieter without Teddie around, for better or worse. Living with Teddie... well, it had its drawbacks. But it was distracting, at least, and Yosuke could really use some distraction right now.
The rest of his friends are still here, technically, but it doesn’t really feel like it.
Chie’s been avoiding him at school. She’s as subtle about it as you’d expect. If she sees Yosuke ahead of her in the corridor, she will yelp and start walking the other way.
He doesn’t think she hates him. He hopes she doesn’t hate him. He guesses being around him is just... too much for her to handle right now.
It’s kind of too much for Yosuke to handle, too. But it’s not like he can get away from himself.
It took him a while to realise Yukiko was avoiding him too. Chie was kind of a smokescreen. He just realised at some point that he hadn’t seen Yukiko in a while, and then realised that probably wasn’t a coincidence.
Naoto will still meet his eyes. Silently, expressionless.
Naoto was the first one to suggest pushing Namatame into the television. It’s what Yosuke’s thinking about every time they cross paths; he wouldn’t say he’s resentful, exactly, but it’s on his mind. Whether he’d have made the decision without Naoto there, whether Naoto made him a murderer. Whether he made Naoto a murderer; maybe it was meant to be an empty threat, maybe Yosuke screwed everything up by taking it seriously.
Yosuke could ask.
He doesn’t.
Rise will still greet him, still talk to him, as cheerful as ever. Yosuke is grateful for it, but he doesn’t know if he can trust it. He’s seen her turn on a different personality like a light switch. Even before Namatame, he could never be completely sure he knew what Rise was thinking. He definitely doesn’t now.
Kanji’s the one person Yosuke can still feel half-normal around, the one he’s been spending the most time with. Kanji’s a guy who says what he’s thinking; you don’t have to worry that he’s hiding his real opinion of you. And he focuses on what’s in front of him. The past is the past to Kanji, and that’s pretty valuable to a guy who’s been trapped in the third of December for weeks.
And then there’s Yu.
Yosuke never knows what Yu is thinking. A lot of what Yu says feels a little too carefully considered, a little too exactly what Yosuke wants to hear. It took Yosuke a long time to realise it, but after he did... well, it was still good to spend time with Yu, but it was a little uncomfortable every time he noticed it.
And now?
Now they’ve killed someone together, and he has no idea how Yu feels about it.
Which shouldn’t really be a surprise. It’s not like Yosuke knows how he feels about it himself.
The bell rings for the end of class, and Yosuke’s halfway out the door when someone grabs his arm. His mind goes straight to dragging Namatame towards the TV whenever anyone touches him.
He jerks around. It’s Yu.
“Can I talk to you?” Yu asks.
Yosuke stares at him for a second, then slips quickly back into the classroom so he’s not blocking foot traffic. His pulse is a racket in his throat.
It’s not like anyone would have been grabbing him to put him into the TV world; it’s over, they put an end to it. But his body hasn’t really caught up to the facts.
Yu walks over to one of the windows, and Yosuke follows. His legs feel a little shaky. He hopes it’s not too obvious.
Not much point in looking through windows these days. The fog is thick and dark outside.
“So, uh,” Yosuke says. He always tries to sound like he did before; he doesn’t want people to worry about him. He’s not sure if he’s getting it right; he’s not sure he can actually remember how he used to sound, back when he didn’t have to think about it. “What’d you want to talk about?”
It feels weird for Yu to approach him. Yosuke feels like he’s always the one asking Yu to hang out; it’s never the other way around. Not really reassuring on the ‘how does Yu actually feel about me?’ front, but it’s not like Yu seems to actively seek out the company of the others either; maybe it’s just the kind of guy Yu is.
He hasn’t been asking Yu to hang out recently, come to think of it. He hadn’t even realised.
Yu glances over at the door. Waiting for the other students to finish filing out of the classroom.
Yosuke suddenly wants to run. He manages to keep himself where he is.
He could strike up a meaningless conversation, something to fill this uncomfortable silence until they’re alone and Yu can bring up whatever he wants to talk about. But he can’t think of anything. This used to be easy.
He keeps casting glances over at Yu instead. Yu looks pale, he looks like he hasn’t been sleeping well. Yosuke’s seen him since that night in the hospital, obviously, at school, but it feels like he hasn’t really seen him until now.
Of course Yu hasn’t been sleeping, even if you forget about what Yosuke made him do. His uncle’s in the hospital; his cousin...
Yosuke feels kind of sick when it hits him. Yu’s been staying alone in that house, all this time. Yosuke’s head has been so tied up in other things that he’s barely even thought about it.
Yosuke killed a man, he told himself he was avenging Nanako, and then she just... slipped out of his mind.
The last of the clattering and chatter dies away, and Yu goes over and slides the doors shut. He turns.
“Have you been avoiding me?” he asks.
Yu can be kind of blunt sometimes.
“Yeah,” Yosuke says. He hadn’t realised it until this moment, and he’s too cornered and exhausted to come up with a lie. “I’m really sorry.”
They look at each other for a moment.
“I just wanted to stop him,” Yosuke says. His voice is shaking, badly. “I was – so angry. And I made you...”
He can’t even say it. He killed a man, he dragged the others into it, and he’s still such a coward he can’t make himself say it aloud.
Yosuke swallows. “I didn’t want him to die. I put you through that, and it was... it was just my screwup.”
Yu’s eyes widen, just a little. If he didn’t hate Yosuke before, he does now.
Yosuke pressured him into murdering someone, and now Yu knows it wasn’t even what Yosuke really wanted. Just a stupid, rash mistake. The people who are important to them can barely look at each other, and a man is dead, and the whole thing is Yosuke’s fault.
“You did it for me,” Yu says.
What? “No. I mean, I loved Nanako-chan, we all did, but – no, I was the one who was insisting on it, you never asked me to—”
“You did it for me,” Yu says. “It was my idea. You didn’t want to.”
Yosuke’s almost in tears. “What are you—”
“I’m the leader, right?” Yu asks. “I’m the one who makes our decisions.”
Once again, it’s exactly what Yosuke needs to hear. It wasn’t Yosuke’s mistake. The whole thing was for Yu; if he doesn’t regret it, Yosuke doesn’t have to either.
But it’s not true.
“I’m sorry I put you through that,” Yu says. “But I really appreciate what you did for me.”
Yosuke grabs for the nearest desk in an effort to keep himself upright. It doesn’t really help; his legs still give way underneath him, and all he achieves is a slightly slower, more controlled collapse.
Yu darts across the room to him, anxious. Still worrying about him, after everything Yosuke has done. It suddenly feels stupid that Yosuke ever questioned how Yu felt about him.
“I’m not asking you to do this,” Yosuke says. His voice is a wavering mess.
“It’s not your job to ask me to do anything,” Yu says, crouching to look into his eyes. “I’m the leader. Remember?”
Yosuke huddles against the wall and presses his face into his knees and breaks into unsteady sobs.
Yosuke’s not sure they actually discussed him coming over. Walking back from school is a blur. And then he’s at Dojima’s place with Yu on the phone, asking Yosuke’s parents if Yosuke can stay.
Was that Yosuke’s decision or Yu’s? Yosuke was half-thinking about offering to stay, keeping Yu company in that silent house. But then he... kind of had a breakdown, so maybe Yu decided that Yosuke was the one who shouldn’t be left alone.
It must have been Yu’s decision. Right? Yu’s the leader, he’s the one who decides what they do.
Yu hangs up the phone and smiles at him. Yosuke has to look quickly over at the wall, his eyes stinging a little. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed seeing everyone’s smiles.
Yu’s the one who’s been taking action all along. He’s the one who decided how they should deal with Namatame.
If Yosuke can learn to believe that, he’ll be able to survive.
no subject
(And then there's the clearly correct name, i.e. the name I choose for my playthrough.)
Thank you! I'm glad this hurt you. (I just sat here for a moment, trying to think of a nicer way to express my feelings than 'I'm glad this hurt you', but I did not succeed.)
no subject
I mean, considering the things I say to you, I think that's completely fair.