Their Legal Wedding Was In London; This Was The Illegal Wedding.

[rionaleonhart]

'There's another loo past baggage reclaim,' my mum points out.

'Yes, of course there are Toulouse,' I say.

I am escorted out of France.


Over the weekend, I attended my brother Joseph's wedding! In France, which was experiencing an intense heatwave.

'Thank you all for joining us for our wedding in Hell,' Joseph greeted us in his speech. It was nearly 40°C. He turned to his bride. 'Eleanor, you're looking incredible. I think we can all agree that there are two extreme heat events in the south of France today.'

Shakira's 'Whenever, Wherever' played at the end of the ceremony, as the bride and groom walked up the aisle together. Incredible choice.

Joseph and Eleanor were told to feed each other the first bite of wedding cake 'gently and lovingly' and just mashed it into each other's faces simultaneously. They both had the same idea independently and have no idea who struck first. Truly made for each other.

Prior to the wedding, we were staying near a mountain that had the same name as my dad. Mum suggested that we climb it.

Dad: You want to climb to the top of the mountain?
Mum: I feel we should, as it's your name.
Dad: Bloody lucky I'm not called Everest.

Our flight back was cancelled, so we were trapped in Toulouse for two days, but there are worse places to be trapped! It gave us the opportunity to have a meal with the newlyweds, and I spent some time reading in a nice little park - the Parc du Grand Noble - which had avenues of trees and an interesting fountain you could stand inside. If you went there in the morning, you could see rabbits; they seemed to live under the wooden walkways.

There was a lot of cool wildlife on this trip, actually! I hadn't seen hummingbird hawk-moths before, and they're fascinatingly strange; they're moths that look like hummingbirds. I had seen scarce swallowtails before, but they're still very cool; they're butterflies with wings that seem to be set backwards and have false antennae at the bottom, to confuse predators, so they look upside-down when they're feeding on flowers. A lot of little lizards, one of which crawled onto Eleanor's hand during the wedding meal, and she was so excited she went around the tables to show everyone her new friend.

At one point we caught a glimpse of wild boar piglets trotting across the road; they were little and stripy and cute as hell. A bat fluttered over and over my head, drawing constant restless figures-of-eight against the dusk sky. We watched house martins flitting into their nests in the eaves; we watched swallows blizzarding around a town square. I'd never seen birds move like that: flying around in large numbers, but all moving as individuals, not as a flock.

As a final note, two different people at the wedding introduced themselves to me with 'HI, I'M INTO FANFICTION AND I WAS TOLD TO TALK TO YOU.' It was pretty great.

Comments

[marginaliana]

"I think we can all agree that there are two extreme heat events in the south of France today." - truly related to you, no doubt

[rionaleonhart]

I asked him afterwards if he'd had second thoughts at any point about including that line. 'Absolutely not,' he said. 'That's the one thing I knew I was definitely going to say.'

[necrophilia]

A lot of little lizards, one of which crawled onto Eleanor's hand during the wedding meal, and she was so excited she went around the tables to show everyone her new friend.

I would have done the exact same thing, Eleanor. And then I would have tried to take the lizard on the honeymoon as the guest of honour.

It sounds like you had a lovely time! Except for the 40 C part. I've been there. It is not wedding weather.

[rionaleonhart]

I wasn't invited on the honeymoon, so I can't say for sure that they didn't bring the lizard along.

(Riona: Joseph, why are you not taking me to Italy?
Joseph: On... my honeymoon?
Riona: Yes.
Joseph: Because, after much consideration, I decided to marry someone else.)

[gool_duck]

After much consideration!!!

[wolfy_writing]

Congratulations to your brother!

And congratulations on the impressively terrible pun!

There are definitely worse places to be stuck than on a vacation near a nice park with rabbits.

Between the cake-mashing and the lizard, I think your brother has made an excellent choice of who to marry!

[rionaleonhart]

Between the cake-mashing and the lizard, I think your brother has made an excellent choice of who to marry!

He has! They've been together for twelve years, and Eleanor's basically functioned as my sister for a long time. Our whole family was delighted by the engagement. (I got a bit emotional when she thanked us in her speech for welcoming her in and being so nice to her.)

[corvidology]

Congratulations to you and your family! It sounds like a lovely time.

[rionaleonhart]

Thank you! It really was.

[rionaleonhart]

It was indeed delightful! The boar piglets were just a second's glimpse, but a thrilling one.

[lassarina]

Apart from the weather, this sounds so charming! I too would have showed off the lizard friend.

[rionaleonhart]

It was a very good wedding, and a very good lizard friend!

[apiphile]

Mum: I feel we should, as it's your name.

Is she aware that this is not a reason

'Thank you all for joining us for our wedding in Hell,' Joseph greeted us in his speech.

Fair.

That actually sounds like a much nicer place to be trapped than most! (PIGLETS?!)

As a final note, two different people at the wedding introduced themselves to me with 'HI, I'M INTO FANFICTION AND I WAS TOLD TO TALK TO YOU.' It was pretty great.

I went to a wedding many years ago where I was seated on the Internet Weirdos table with all of the bride's other Internet Weirdo friends, it was pretty great, too.

[rionaleonhart]

Is she aware that this is not a reason

I didn't even question this. I was absolutely prepared to accept that, as my dad shared his name with a mountain, we had to climb it.

I went to a wedding many years ago where I was seated on the Internet Weirdos table with all of the bride's other Internet Weirdo friends

Excellent seating arrangements! I got along extremely well with the Internet Weirdos I met at the wedding, but sadly they weren't seated near me.

[apiphile]

... Truly you are your parents' child.

[wyomingsmustache]

What do you MEAN your brothers are old enough to get married. (I know the passage of time is a thing, it's just trippy.)

I continue to be in awe of how funny your family is. Also I love your sister in law getting excited over a lizard at her wedding. That's pretty special.

[rionaleonhart]

What do you MEAN your brothers are old enough to get married.

It's bizarre! I'm glad my niece exists, but her existence is still absolutely incomprehensible to me.

[wyomingsmustache]

Yeah, my niece is fifteen next month and I don't know how to wrap my brain around that. Buck fucking wild.

[trepkos]

That sounds amazing! Your dad is funny. The couple sound lovely. Lizard friends!

[rionaleonhart]

It was great! I haven't been abroad in a few years, for obvious reasons; it was a really nice excursion.

[thawrecka]

Congrats to your brother! Sounds like a great time, other than the heat.

[rionaleonhart]

Thank you! It was indeed great, even if it was also extremely warm.

[runicmagitek]

Oh my god, I'm DYING at the random banter throughout this recollection 🤣 also love people came up to you with the knowledge you were into fanfiction. Bless!! 💖 Aside from the heat, I hope you had a lovely time.

[rionaleonhart]

I'm glad you enjoyed my family being ridiculous! I certainly did.

also love people came up to you with the knowledge you were into fanfiction.

It's good to know that I've cultivated exactly the reputation I deserve. One of them got into fanfiction with Skyfall, and we chattered enthusiastically about fandom culture and our respective fandom histories. One of them had only just discovered fanfiction and had been mindblown by the first one she'd read and was extremely excited about this new world, which was lovely to see.

[newbie1990]

This is all so wholesome, especially all the fanfiction fans being directed to you!

[rionaleonhart]

It was great! I was very confused when a stranger came up and said she'd been told to introduce herself to me, and then immediately delighted when she explained that she wrote fanfiction.

[felis]

This post made me smile, thank you! Much appreciated. :D

[rionaleonhart]

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[queenlua]

the pun density + wildlife density in this post made it basically the perfect post, imo :P swallows are some of my absolute FAVORITE birds to watch; there's nothing like the way they move.

glad the wedding was fun!

[rionaleonhart]

I'm delighted you enjoyed this! The swallows were absolutely fascinating; we were having a meal beside the town square, and they were zooming around the place for a good hour or two. Aren't you tired, swallows?