Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-06 05:35 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-06 05:35 pm
Entry tags:
Fanfiction: The Fic That Goes Wrong (The Goes Wrong Show)
This was so much fun to write.
Title: The Fic That Goes Wrong
Fandom: The Goes Wrong Show
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1,400
Good evening, and welcome to another edition of 'Fic of the Week'. I am Chris Bean, the author.
Tonight’s story is a classic tale of huddling for warmth. The cast is a little tighter than most of our works, but I think that will ultimately make for a more focused piece. I have taken every possible measure to ensure that everything will run smoothly.
Please enjoy tonight’s work of fanfiction, 'Two’s Company'.
“Can I have a word, Chris?”
“A word? Annie, the story’s about to start.”
“It’ll be quick. I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything... untoward about your intentions.”
“Untoward?”
“Well, it’s a bit weird, isn’t it? A story about just you and me sharing a bed? I mean, where are the others?”
“Annie, I chose you because you’re our most reliable actress. I thought, if we kept the cast to just two competent people, things might actually run smoothly this time.”
“Oh. Well, that’s nice.”
“It would’ve been you and Jonathan, but he couldn’t open the cabin door in the first draft. Or the second, or the third.”
“All right, then. I’m ready to go.”
“Untoward. Christ.”
Oh, Jesus, the story’s started. Erm. Hold on.
Chris and Annie had gone out for a stroll together in the underrated Cornley countryside. The plan had just been to discuss their upcoming play, but somewhere along the line they’d lost their way back, and now it was starting—
“You see,” Annie said, entirely disregarding her script, “this is why I think this is a bit fishy.”
“Excuse me?”
“We don’t have character names. We’re just Chris and Annie. And we’re actors in this story as well. Really makes it seem like you might be trying to get a moment alone with me.”
This was a genuinely outrageous accusation. Chris and Annie were, quite obviously, playing fictionalised versions of themselves on account of the medium: this was a work of fanfiction. Chris could not possibly invent characters wholesale to star in this tale, because then it wouldn’t be fanfiction, would it, Annie? It would be original fiction, and that’s not what the readers are here for.
“What are the readers here for?” Annie asked. “I’m not sure there’s anyone out there who’s shipping me and you.”
“What does shipping mean? No, never mind. Just stay focused on your role.”
Anyway. Somewhere along the line they’d lost their way back, and now it was starting to snow.
No, not that much.
N-no, it really wasn’t supposed to be snowing this much.
Jesus Christ, I can’t see a foot in front of my face. Trevor, could you turn down the snow, please?
Right. Trevor is claiming that he ‘can’t control the sodding weather’, so for the rest of the story I’d like you to envision that it’s snowing considerably less than it may appear. The ideal level, largely for the sake of the personages involved in this story, would be ‘enough snow to make it clear that temperature is a concern’, rather than ‘horrendous blizzard’.
As it happens, Chris and Annie bolted desperately through the snow and straight into the cabin where we lay our scene, but, for the sake of realism, please assume that they actually spent some time wandering and searching for shelter.
“Well,” Chris said, barely panting at all, “at least we’re out of that.”
“It’s still so cold, though,” Annie said, rubbing her arms. “How are we going to warm up?”
They took a moment to take in their surroundings. They’d found themselves in a little cabin of unknown ownership, well-lit but unheated. In front of them was an inviting double bed.
Chris and Annie hunted through the rest of the cabin to see what they were dealing with. It was a short search. A small bathroom and kitchen led off the main room, but there only appeared to be one bed in the place.
Now, Chris and Annie were colleagues and had a great deal of respect for each other, but they certainly didn’t have the sort of relationship where they’d be comfortable sharing a bed. They exchanged uncertain glances.
“I could sleep on the floor,” Chris offered, selflessly.
“In this cold?” Annie asked. “I don’t want to have to explain to the others that their... beloved director—”
Again without the pause, please, Annie.
“In this cold?” Annie asked. “I don’t want to have to explain to the others that their beloved director froze to death in the night.”
Then the door creaked open, and—
What? No, it didn’t. Why is the door opening? There’s not meant to be anyone else at the cabin.
The door creaked open, and in came...?
Robert. Of course. Robert, panting and brushing snow from his coat. This was intended to be a two-hander, but apparently Robert is somehow also here.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Chris demanded, reasonably.
“There’s a damn snowstorm out there,” Robert said. “Where else was I supposed to go?”
Chris took several deep and understandable breaths. “I don’t know; somewhere other than the set for this week’s work of fanfiction, perhaps?”
“What?” Robert asked, unbuttoning his coat in a frankly unfortunate sign that he wasn’t going anywhere. “That’s not happening today.”
“It is absolutely happening today. It’s happening right now, in fact.”
“Well, why wasn’t I informed?” Robert demanded. The schedule had, in fact, been up on the wall of the rehearsal room and perfectly visible for several weeks. “Just as well I took shelter here; I almost wasn’t in it. So what are we doing?”
“Chris wants us to huddle for warmth in this bed,” Annie explained.
“Ugh. Really? I suppose at least it’ll do something for this cold.” Robert hung up his coat and got to work, alarmingly, on his trousers.
“Not the three of us!” Chris snapped. “Just me and Annie! Nobody else was supposed to be here!”
Robert paused in stripping off, his trousers halfway down his thighs. He looked up at Chris with an expression of completely unwarranted disgust. “God. Really, Chris? I always knew you were a pervert, but you can’t exploit your actors for your own sick satisfaction.”
“You did not ‘always know’ I— I’m not a pervert! I’m a professional! You’d think a group of actors would understand the concept of acting, but apparently that’s too much to ask.”
Robert shrugged. “Just think it’s a bit fishy that you’d be so eager to jump into bed with one of your actresses without even giving your best actor a role.”
“Huddling for warmth is a longstanding fanfiction tradition! It’s perfectly legitimate to explore that!”
“Fine.” Down to his vest and boxers, Robert climbed into the cabin’s one bed. “Let’s see what all the fuss is about, then.”
Chris dragged a hand slowly across his own face. It didn’t help. “This is a story about two people learning more about each other in an intimate situation, Robert. Not everything can be an ensemble piece.”
The door opened again.
No, it didn’t! For God’s sake, what is it this time?
Sandra poked her head inside the cabin. Followed by Vanessa, followed by Max and Dennis. Why the hell was everyone apparently out for a walk in this weather?
“Sorry,” Sandra said, as Max closed the door behind them and, inexplicably, Dennis opened it again. A brief tussle ensued, fortunately ending in a closed door. “It’s really storming out there. Are we interrupting something?”
“It’s a fanfiction thing, apparently,” Robert said. “We’re all huddling up in this bed.”
“Oh.” Vanessa looked around the room. “All... all of us? It looks a bit snug for seven people.”
Robert shrugged. “I assume that’s what the fanfiction people like. From what I’ve heard, they’re all a bunch of deviants.”
“It’s almost,” Chris muttered, “as if it were originally intended for two.”
The bed was, in the end, extremely overcrowded and uncomfortable, and anyone who actually managed to sleep would soon be awoken by one of the other residents climbing over everyone to get to the loo. It was not romantic. It was, at the very least, warm.
-
In the morning, they discovered Jonathan outside the door to the cabin, lying barely conscious in the snow.
Yes, of course I’m calling an ambulance! But I have to record what happens, don’t I? Otherwise this story is never going to reach any sort of conclusi
Title: The Fic That Goes Wrong
Fandom: The Goes Wrong Show
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1,400
Good evening, and welcome to another edition of 'Fic of the Week'. I am Chris Bean, the author.
Tonight’s story is a classic tale of huddling for warmth. The cast is a little tighter than most of our works, but I think that will ultimately make for a more focused piece. I have taken every possible measure to ensure that everything will run smoothly.
Please enjoy tonight’s work of fanfiction, 'Two’s Company'.
“Can I have a word, Chris?”
“A word? Annie, the story’s about to start.”
“It’ll be quick. I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything... untoward about your intentions.”
“Untoward?”
“Well, it’s a bit weird, isn’t it? A story about just you and me sharing a bed? I mean, where are the others?”
“Annie, I chose you because you’re our most reliable actress. I thought, if we kept the cast to just two competent people, things might actually run smoothly this time.”
“Oh. Well, that’s nice.”
“It would’ve been you and Jonathan, but he couldn’t open the cabin door in the first draft. Or the second, or the third.”
“All right, then. I’m ready to go.”
“Untoward. Christ.”
Oh, Jesus, the story’s started. Erm. Hold on.
Chris and Annie had gone out for a stroll together in the underrated Cornley countryside. The plan had just been to discuss their upcoming play, but somewhere along the line they’d lost their way back, and now it was starting—
“You see,” Annie said, entirely disregarding her script, “this is why I think this is a bit fishy.”
“Excuse me?”
“We don’t have character names. We’re just Chris and Annie. And we’re actors in this story as well. Really makes it seem like you might be trying to get a moment alone with me.”
This was a genuinely outrageous accusation. Chris and Annie were, quite obviously, playing fictionalised versions of themselves on account of the medium: this was a work of fanfiction. Chris could not possibly invent characters wholesale to star in this tale, because then it wouldn’t be fanfiction, would it, Annie? It would be original fiction, and that’s not what the readers are here for.
“What are the readers here for?” Annie asked. “I’m not sure there’s anyone out there who’s shipping me and you.”
“What does shipping mean? No, never mind. Just stay focused on your role.”
Anyway. Somewhere along the line they’d lost their way back, and now it was starting to snow.
No, not that much.
N-no, it really wasn’t supposed to be snowing this much.
Jesus Christ, I can’t see a foot in front of my face. Trevor, could you turn down the snow, please?
Right. Trevor is claiming that he ‘can’t control the sodding weather’, so for the rest of the story I’d like you to envision that it’s snowing considerably less than it may appear. The ideal level, largely for the sake of the personages involved in this story, would be ‘enough snow to make it clear that temperature is a concern’, rather than ‘horrendous blizzard’.
As it happens, Chris and Annie bolted desperately through the snow and straight into the cabin where we lay our scene, but, for the sake of realism, please assume that they actually spent some time wandering and searching for shelter.
“Well,” Chris said, barely panting at all, “at least we’re out of that.”
“It’s still so cold, though,” Annie said, rubbing her arms. “How are we going to warm up?”
They took a moment to take in their surroundings. They’d found themselves in a little cabin of unknown ownership, well-lit but unheated. In front of them was an inviting double bed.
Chris and Annie hunted through the rest of the cabin to see what they were dealing with. It was a short search. A small bathroom and kitchen led off the main room, but there only appeared to be one bed in the place.
Now, Chris and Annie were colleagues and had a great deal of respect for each other, but they certainly didn’t have the sort of relationship where they’d be comfortable sharing a bed. They exchanged uncertain glances.
“I could sleep on the floor,” Chris offered, selflessly.
“In this cold?” Annie asked. “I don’t want to have to explain to the others that their... beloved director—”
Again without the pause, please, Annie.
“In this cold?” Annie asked. “I don’t want to have to explain to the others that their beloved director froze to death in the night.”
Then the door creaked open, and—
What? No, it didn’t. Why is the door opening? There’s not meant to be anyone else at the cabin.
The door creaked open, and in came...?
Robert. Of course. Robert, panting and brushing snow from his coat. This was intended to be a two-hander, but apparently Robert is somehow also here.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Chris demanded, reasonably.
“There’s a damn snowstorm out there,” Robert said. “Where else was I supposed to go?”
Chris took several deep and understandable breaths. “I don’t know; somewhere other than the set for this week’s work of fanfiction, perhaps?”
“What?” Robert asked, unbuttoning his coat in a frankly unfortunate sign that he wasn’t going anywhere. “That’s not happening today.”
“It is absolutely happening today. It’s happening right now, in fact.”
“Well, why wasn’t I informed?” Robert demanded. The schedule had, in fact, been up on the wall of the rehearsal room and perfectly visible for several weeks. “Just as well I took shelter here; I almost wasn’t in it. So what are we doing?”
“Chris wants us to huddle for warmth in this bed,” Annie explained.
“Ugh. Really? I suppose at least it’ll do something for this cold.” Robert hung up his coat and got to work, alarmingly, on his trousers.
“Not the three of us!” Chris snapped. “Just me and Annie! Nobody else was supposed to be here!”
Robert paused in stripping off, his trousers halfway down his thighs. He looked up at Chris with an expression of completely unwarranted disgust. “God. Really, Chris? I always knew you were a pervert, but you can’t exploit your actors for your own sick satisfaction.”
“You did not ‘always know’ I— I’m not a pervert! I’m a professional! You’d think a group of actors would understand the concept of acting, but apparently that’s too much to ask.”
Robert shrugged. “Just think it’s a bit fishy that you’d be so eager to jump into bed with one of your actresses without even giving your best actor a role.”
“Huddling for warmth is a longstanding fanfiction tradition! It’s perfectly legitimate to explore that!”
“Fine.” Down to his vest and boxers, Robert climbed into the cabin’s one bed. “Let’s see what all the fuss is about, then.”
Chris dragged a hand slowly across his own face. It didn’t help. “This is a story about two people learning more about each other in an intimate situation, Robert. Not everything can be an ensemble piece.”
The door opened again.
No, it didn’t! For God’s sake, what is it this time?
Sandra poked her head inside the cabin. Followed by Vanessa, followed by Max and Dennis. Why the hell was everyone apparently out for a walk in this weather?
“Sorry,” Sandra said, as Max closed the door behind them and, inexplicably, Dennis opened it again. A brief tussle ensued, fortunately ending in a closed door. “It’s really storming out there. Are we interrupting something?”
“It’s a fanfiction thing, apparently,” Robert said. “We’re all huddling up in this bed.”
“Oh.” Vanessa looked around the room. “All... all of us? It looks a bit snug for seven people.”
Robert shrugged. “I assume that’s what the fanfiction people like. From what I’ve heard, they’re all a bunch of deviants.”
“It’s almost,” Chris muttered, “as if it were originally intended for two.”
The bed was, in the end, extremely overcrowded and uncomfortable, and anyone who actually managed to sleep would soon be awoken by one of the other residents climbing over everyone to get to the loo. It was not romantic. It was, at the very least, warm.
In the morning, they discovered Jonathan outside the door to the cabin, lying barely conscious in the snow.
Yes, of course I’m calling an ambulance! But I have to record what happens, don’t I? Otherwise this story is never going to reach any sort of conclusi
ROBERT (mid-thirties, neatly trimmed beard, rather dashing) nobly takes over writing, so CHRIS (insufferable little bastard) can attend to the wellbeing of his cast.
CHRIS: (tearing out his already thinning hair) No, he doesn't! This is a work of fanfiction, Robert; you can't approach it like a script! There's a completely different set of conventions!
Oh, please, Chris. All forms of art are birthed from the theatre. I don't know much about this fanfiction business, but I can assure you that the audience aren't going to collapse and die if they read a good old-fashioned script. What's this 'post' button here?
CHRIS: NO, ROBERT, IT'S NOT FINISHED, YOU CAN'T PRES
CHRIS: (tearing out his already thinning hair) No, he doesn't! This is a work of fanfiction, Robert; you can't approach it like a script! There's a completely different set of conventions!
Oh, please, Chris. All forms of art are birthed from the theatre. I don't know much about this fanfiction business, but I can assure you that the audience aren't going to collapse and die if they read a good old-fashioned script. What's this 'post' button here?
CHRIS: NO, ROBERT, IT'S NOT FINISHED, YOU CAN'T PRES
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
1. Bravo, felicitations, very delightful! Even without context this is a ton of fun. Also, when it comes to Enjoying a Thing, you remain the undisputed master of finding ways to make fic of it.
2. Strikes me very much that this is what I assume Stanley Parable fic must be like.
3. “You did not ‘always know’ I— I’m not a pervert! I’m a professional! You’d think a group of actors would understand the concept of acting, but apparently that’s too much to ask.” - so this guy is just Rimmer in my mind, and ergo I am assuming he is your favourite character.
no subject
Chris does have Rimmer vibes sometimes; one of my housemates commented on their similarity while we were watching! He's fun - I enjoy the sense of barely restrained murderousness radiating off him as things go increasingly wrong - but my favourite is actually Robert, my beloved. He's so weird and loud and egotistic and he causes so many problems ♥
Thank you so much!!
no subject
I love this!
This is perfect!
I love how the narration keeps reacting!
I ws going to say that was the perfect ending, but then the actual ending happened!
You nailed it!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject