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rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-20 06:18 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-20 06:18 pm
Entry tags:
God Bless Us, Everyone?
After seeing Christmas Carol Goes Wrong on stage, I bought the official script; I thought it would be a nice way to remind myself of my evening at the theatre. And it is! But it's also interesting to see how many things had been changed or added by the time I saw it in performance.
Flicking through, here are some of the more interesting differences I've noticed between the script version and the actual performance I saw on the fourteenth of January!
In the script, Chris dismisses the idea of an afterparty without further explanation during the pre-show meeting: 'Absolutely not!' In the performance, he specifically says there's no budget for an afterparty; they have to worry about props, costumes—
Robert: Easy; we'll just perform nude.
Later, towards the end of the first half, Dennis starts reading his lines from the wrong piece of paper. In the script, this is:
Dennis: Noah's Ark show report. Badgers contained: three. Badgers loose: six. (later) Badgers contained: one. Badgers loose: eight. Patrons dead: three.
(The Noah's Ark play is mentioned multiple times in the script but didn't make it into the performance. Apparently the cast were proud of Noah's Ark - 'only having badgers turned out to be a real blessing in disguise' - despite the aforementioned dead patrons.)
In the performance, Dennis instead gets hold of:
Dennis: Nude Hamlet. Act I, scene I. Hamlet enters, nude. (later) 'To see or not to see my penis.'
This all works as a nice setup for the later lines showcasing Robert's obsession with nude performance, which are in the script:
Robert: We'll do Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. But nude!
Chris: Robert, you will play the lead in our next show.
Robert: Yes!
Chris: Whatever production you like!
Robert: The nude—
Chris: Not nude.
Robert: Well, what's the point, then?
The script envisions a very ambitious ending for the first half, with Robert attempting to drop a chandelier on Chris and a bunch of people falling dramatically as a result of an unfortunate domino effect! Unfortunately, this did not happen when I saw it; I wonder if they concluded it'd just be too difficult to stage.
In the script, when Chris-as-Scrooge wakes up on Christmas morning, he asks Dennis what day it is. In the performance, Dennis wasn't on stage at first, leading to this sequence (which presumably goes slightly differently every night!):
Chris: (looks out from the stage) You, boy! What day is it?
(A beat of silence, and then a clamour of responses from the audience: Wednesday, Christmas Day, 14 January. Chris stands staring at the audience until the calls die down.)
Chris: What the hell are you doing? What made you think it's all right for all of you to just... chip in? I mean, have you ever been to the theatre before?
Audience member: He's behind you!
Chris: He's behind me? (looks back at Scrooge's bed) A bed's behind me. Look, I'm just trying to give a good performance; all of you decided to chip in—
Audience member: Oh, no, we didn't!
Chris: And I heard the things you said. 'Wednesday'. (scoffs) Let's try it again. It's in the title of the show; it can't be that hard. What day is it?
(Assorted responses from the audience. One person in the front calls 'Carol Day!' twice.)
Chris: Yes, I heard you the first time. 'Carol Day'. Hilarious. I'm going to give you one more chance. What day is it? Three, two, one...
Audience: Christmas Day!
Chris: Christmas Day!
Dennis: (running on stage dressed as the boy) It's Christmas Day, sir!
Chris: Yes, well, it's too late now.
In the script, I was surprised to find that the Christmas Carol performance ends with Max getting eaten by the colossal puppet Tiny Tim. In the actual performance I saw, Chris-as-Scrooge is the one who gets eaten, which is a much better choice; in the climactic moment, obviously you eat the protagonist!
In the script, post-play, Sandra asks if there's been any sign of Chris. Robert's response is 'No. Left straight away. Took the Styrofoam goose with him and ran off towards the canal, screaming "I'm an artist."' In the actual performance, as Chris was the one who'd been eaten, Robert responded with, 'No. When I last saw him, he was crawling out of Tiny Tim's massive arsehole. Then he ran off towards the canal, screaming, "I'm better than this."'
And a few minor details:
- The script, tragically, does not note the fact that Annie hugs all of her castmates when they turn up for rehearsals! Annie and Robert hugging enthusiastically is very important to me.
- In the script, Sandra says she can do 'all twelve emotions' in performance. In the actual performance, she says she can do all three: happy, sad and hungry.
- The detail that the drama society's motto is 'The show must go on, regardless of the human cost' is not in the script!
- A line from Annie in the script that didn't make it into the performance: 'I'm trying to get celebrity guests. I've sent an invite to Charles Dickens, but I haven't heard back yet. All these stuck-up authors never get back to us. We had the same thing with Oscar Wilde last year.'
- In the performance, when Robert's CV is used as a makeshift curtain in the stage model, Robert is clearly proud: 'Now, that's a curtain!'
Finally, a delightful little exchange from the script that I don't remember being in the show itself:
Sandra: Listen, we all know the Cornley Gazette's official policy has been not to review our shows since our immersive production of Dracula.
Robert: The small print on the ticket clearly said I would enter his house and bite him.
Flicking through, here are some of the more interesting differences I've noticed between the script version and the actual performance I saw on the fourteenth of January!
In the script, Chris dismisses the idea of an afterparty without further explanation during the pre-show meeting: 'Absolutely not!' In the performance, he specifically says there's no budget for an afterparty; they have to worry about props, costumes—
Robert: Easy; we'll just perform nude.
Later, towards the end of the first half, Dennis starts reading his lines from the wrong piece of paper. In the script, this is:
Dennis: Noah's Ark show report. Badgers contained: three. Badgers loose: six. (later) Badgers contained: one. Badgers loose: eight. Patrons dead: three.
(The Noah's Ark play is mentioned multiple times in the script but didn't make it into the performance. Apparently the cast were proud of Noah's Ark - 'only having badgers turned out to be a real blessing in disguise' - despite the aforementioned dead patrons.)
In the performance, Dennis instead gets hold of:
Dennis: Nude Hamlet. Act I, scene I. Hamlet enters, nude. (later) 'To see or not to see my penis.'
This all works as a nice setup for the later lines showcasing Robert's obsession with nude performance, which are in the script:
Robert: We'll do Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. But nude!
Chris: Robert, you will play the lead in our next show.
Robert: Yes!
Chris: Whatever production you like!
Robert: The nude—
Chris: Not nude.
Robert: Well, what's the point, then?
The script envisions a very ambitious ending for the first half, with Robert attempting to drop a chandelier on Chris and a bunch of people falling dramatically as a result of an unfortunate domino effect! Unfortunately, this did not happen when I saw it; I wonder if they concluded it'd just be too difficult to stage.
In the script, when Chris-as-Scrooge wakes up on Christmas morning, he asks Dennis what day it is. In the performance, Dennis wasn't on stage at first, leading to this sequence (which presumably goes slightly differently every night!):
Chris: (looks out from the stage) You, boy! What day is it?
(A beat of silence, and then a clamour of responses from the audience: Wednesday, Christmas Day, 14 January. Chris stands staring at the audience until the calls die down.)
Chris: What the hell are you doing? What made you think it's all right for all of you to just... chip in? I mean, have you ever been to the theatre before?
Audience member: He's behind you!
Chris: He's behind me? (looks back at Scrooge's bed) A bed's behind me. Look, I'm just trying to give a good performance; all of you decided to chip in—
Audience member: Oh, no, we didn't!
Chris: And I heard the things you said. 'Wednesday'. (scoffs) Let's try it again. It's in the title of the show; it can't be that hard. What day is it?
(Assorted responses from the audience. One person in the front calls 'Carol Day!' twice.)
Chris: Yes, I heard you the first time. 'Carol Day'. Hilarious. I'm going to give you one more chance. What day is it? Three, two, one...
Audience: Christmas Day!
Chris: Christmas Day!
Dennis: (running on stage dressed as the boy) It's Christmas Day, sir!
Chris: Yes, well, it's too late now.
In the script, I was surprised to find that the Christmas Carol performance ends with Max getting eaten by the colossal puppet Tiny Tim. In the actual performance I saw, Chris-as-Scrooge is the one who gets eaten, which is a much better choice; in the climactic moment, obviously you eat the protagonist!
In the script, post-play, Sandra asks if there's been any sign of Chris. Robert's response is 'No. Left straight away. Took the Styrofoam goose with him and ran off towards the canal, screaming "I'm an artist."' In the actual performance, as Chris was the one who'd been eaten, Robert responded with, 'No. When I last saw him, he was crawling out of Tiny Tim's massive arsehole. Then he ran off towards the canal, screaming, "I'm better than this."'
And a few minor details:
- The script, tragically, does not note the fact that Annie hugs all of her castmates when they turn up for rehearsals! Annie and Robert hugging enthusiastically is very important to me.
- In the script, Sandra says she can do 'all twelve emotions' in performance. In the actual performance, she says she can do all three: happy, sad and hungry.
- The detail that the drama society's motto is 'The show must go on, regardless of the human cost' is not in the script!
- A line from Annie in the script that didn't make it into the performance: 'I'm trying to get celebrity guests. I've sent an invite to Charles Dickens, but I haven't heard back yet. All these stuck-up authors never get back to us. We had the same thing with Oscar Wilde last year.'
- In the performance, when Robert's CV is used as a makeshift curtain in the stage model, Robert is clearly proud: 'Now, that's a curtain!'
Finally, a delightful little exchange from the script that I don't remember being in the show itself:
Sandra: Listen, we all know the Cornley Gazette's official policy has been not to review our shows since our immersive production of Dracula.
Robert: The small print on the ticket clearly said I would enter his house and bite him.
no subject
Robert: The nude—
Chris: Not nude.
Robert: Well, what's the point, then?
I fear he speaks for you as well at this point.
(which presumably goes slightly differently every night!):
I am living for the idea that the script has been published DIFFERENTLY to the actual script used onstage solely for the purpose of implying that even the Show That Goes Wrong is going wrong.
in the climactic moment, obviously you eat the protagonist!
Listening and learning
In the actual performance, she says she can do all three: happy, sad and hungry.
Good, that's funnier.
Robert: The small print on the ticket clearly said I would enter his house and bite him.
Thereby hangs a tale, etc.
no subject