Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-28 12:57 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-28 12:57 pm
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Our Audience Is Normally Long Gone By Then.
A fourth batch of fills for the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
threesentenceficathon! I continue to mainly write for The Goes Wrong Show, with one fill for something else per roundup, in a desperate effort to prove I'm still capable of thinking about other things.
Merlin (BBC), Merlin, 50 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'A hundred years for the steadfast heart is nothing... 1026 years of waiting is pushing it.'
Merlin thinks of Arthur constantly, and then every day, and then every month or so. At this distance, the details soften around the edges, voices and faces blurring. It's strange to realise that, if he happened to pass Arthur in the street, he probably wouldn't recognise him.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris and Robert, 90 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated'.
Robert sits straight up in his coffin, and everyone screams.
"And that," Robert says, "is why I should play Romeo; I am excellent at faking my death. Thank you all for attending my audition."
Through the wild, frantic horror, it takes Chris a moment to make sense of the words. "Romeo doesn't even fake his death; he actually dies! You're thinking of Juliet! Why are you – why would you do this to us?"
"Oh." Robert considers that for a moment. "And that is why I should play Juliet."
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris, Sandra and Robert, 250 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'You can't give birth here!'
Sandra screams, and Chris jolts around. An injury?
They've tried so hard to avoid this; they've specifically kept her away from any parts of the set that might collapse. It was probably a mistake to let her perform so heavily pregnant, he knew they were taking a risk, but – but her character is pregnant; you can't buy that sort of authenticity.
"The baby's coming," she gasps out, and – oh. Oh, shit.
The baby is coming. Here, on stage, in the middle of the play.
Chris has no idea what to do in this situation, but he tries to leap into some sort of action. "Vanessa, call an ambulance; Max—" Max is already with Sandra, holding her hand; no instruction needed there. "Robert, just – help Sandra, support her head or something. Annie—"
"Why would I help Sandra?" Robert asks.
Chris turns to stare at him. "Why would you help Sandra, our friend? Our friend who is giving birth? Right now?"
"No, I know why I'd help Sandra," Robert says, impatiently. "I'm asking why my character would help hers. We're in opposing gangs. The audience won't believe it."
"That doesn't matter!"
"Chris, I'm not going to betray my artistic sensibilities. There has to be a reason."
"Fine," Chris says. "You're – you're secretly the father of the child. All right? Your character and Sandra's have a long, previously unrevealed history—"
Robert lights up. "Perfect."
He rushes to Sandra's side.
In the end, it's perhaps the best performance they've ever done.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris, 90 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'some things cannot be broken'.
Chris presses his hands over his face, breathes deeply into his palms. Another theatrical disaster: the stage is strewn with broken props, they've had to smother no fewer than three separate fires, and, at the end of the third act, an impressive mix-up with the rigging somehow resulted in Trevor dropping a chandelier on the sole remaining audience member.
But they've made it to the end of the play, unbroken if not undaunted, and he supposes there's something to be said for that level of determination.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris and Robert, 240 words, NB unwanted (but nonsexual) genital touching. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'nonsexual genital touching'.
"Oh," Robert says, passing Chris in the wings, "hold on a moment," and then there's a brisk and unexpected hand on Chris's penis and Chris absolutely squawks.
"Jesus," Robert mutters, letting him go. "No need for that. There was a tear in your costume; I was tucking you away so you wouldn't scandalise our audience. You're welcome."
From the heat in his face, Chris must be absolutely scarlet; further down, his body is making some sort of confused, alarmed approach towards erection. He's going to have to go on stage like this.
"And it didn't occur to you to just tell me?" he demands. "Like a normal person? I'm not going to thank you for manhandling my genitals."
Sandra's voice, as Juliet, floats through from the stage; she's projecting a little harder than usual. "What commotion is this? Some... some tryst with a lady of the night, perhaps? Prithee, gentle audience, do not listen."
"See," Robert says, "the audience can hear us. You're causing a scene, Chris."
"We will talk about this later, Robert," Chris growls.
He seizes Robert's Lord Montague hat, holds it in front of his crotch and walks on stage as Romeo with as much dignity as he can muster.
An instant later, Lord Montague bursts onto the stage, wrestles Romeo to the ground and reclaims his hat, exposing Romeo's erection, and Chris is forced to admit to himself that the play is probably unsalvageable.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris and Robert, 240 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'should've been me'.
“You’ve really only yourself to blame, Chris,” Robert says. “I should play Scrooge; it’s the obvious casting. I’m merely correcting an injustice. It gives me minimal pleasure to see you like this.”
“You’re insane!” Chris strains furiously against the ropes. “I’m going to have you arrested.”
“Really, Chris, you’re hysterical. I thought you cared about getting the right actor for the role.”
“Don’t you dare walk onto that stage.”
“Well, there is one point to iron out first.” Robert clears his throat. “If I’m in the role of Scrooge, that leaves certain other parts unfilled. I will need you to play the clerk and the Ghost of Christmas Present.”
Chris stares at him.
“So,” Robert says. “If I untie you, you promise you’ll be good? You’ll play the clerk and the ghost for me? You won’t try to escape?”
“I promise,” Chris says, after a long pause.
“Right. Good.” Robert kneels to untie him.
The moment his bonds are loose enough, Chris launches himself at Robert, knocking him to the floor.
“You promised!” Robert sputters, outraged, as Chris scrambles up and pelts onto the stage.
Robert swiftly follows, of course. Their production of A Christmas Carol features no clerk, no Ghost of Christmas Present, and two Scrooges screaming at each other throughout.
The review in the Cornley Gazette calls it ‘a bold and interesting depiction of Scrooge’s self-loathing’. The entire drama society is walking on air for weeks.
It's tricky to write Goes Wrong fanfiction because the entirety of canon consists of the characters putting on plays, making it challenging to envision these characters in any situation other than 'putting on a play'. Not that that's going to keep me from writing, apparently.
threesentenceficathon! I continue to mainly write for The Goes Wrong Show, with one fill for something else per roundup, in a desperate effort to prove I'm still capable of thinking about other things.Merlin (BBC), Merlin, 50 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'A hundred years for the steadfast heart is nothing... 1026 years of waiting is pushing it.'
Merlin thinks of Arthur constantly, and then every day, and then every month or so. At this distance, the details soften around the edges, voices and faces blurring. It's strange to realise that, if he happened to pass Arthur in the street, he probably wouldn't recognise him.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris and Robert, 90 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated'.
Robert sits straight up in his coffin, and everyone screams.
"And that," Robert says, "is why I should play Romeo; I am excellent at faking my death. Thank you all for attending my audition."
Through the wild, frantic horror, it takes Chris a moment to make sense of the words. "Romeo doesn't even fake his death; he actually dies! You're thinking of Juliet! Why are you – why would you do this to us?"
"Oh." Robert considers that for a moment. "And that is why I should play Juliet."
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris, Sandra and Robert, 250 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'You can't give birth here!'
Sandra screams, and Chris jolts around. An injury?
They've tried so hard to avoid this; they've specifically kept her away from any parts of the set that might collapse. It was probably a mistake to let her perform so heavily pregnant, he knew they were taking a risk, but – but her character is pregnant; you can't buy that sort of authenticity.
"The baby's coming," she gasps out, and – oh. Oh, shit.
The baby is coming. Here, on stage, in the middle of the play.
Chris has no idea what to do in this situation, but he tries to leap into some sort of action. "Vanessa, call an ambulance; Max—" Max is already with Sandra, holding her hand; no instruction needed there. "Robert, just – help Sandra, support her head or something. Annie—"
"Why would I help Sandra?" Robert asks.
Chris turns to stare at him. "Why would you help Sandra, our friend? Our friend who is giving birth? Right now?"
"No, I know why I'd help Sandra," Robert says, impatiently. "I'm asking why my character would help hers. We're in opposing gangs. The audience won't believe it."
"That doesn't matter!"
"Chris, I'm not going to betray my artistic sensibilities. There has to be a reason."
"Fine," Chris says. "You're – you're secretly the father of the child. All right? Your character and Sandra's have a long, previously unrevealed history—"
Robert lights up. "Perfect."
He rushes to Sandra's side.
In the end, it's perhaps the best performance they've ever done.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris, 90 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'some things cannot be broken'.
Chris presses his hands over his face, breathes deeply into his palms. Another theatrical disaster: the stage is strewn with broken props, they've had to smother no fewer than three separate fires, and, at the end of the third act, an impressive mix-up with the rigging somehow resulted in Trevor dropping a chandelier on the sole remaining audience member.
But they've made it to the end of the play, unbroken if not undaunted, and he supposes there's something to be said for that level of determination.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris and Robert, 240 words, NB unwanted (but nonsexual) genital touching. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'nonsexual genital touching'.
"Oh," Robert says, passing Chris in the wings, "hold on a moment," and then there's a brisk and unexpected hand on Chris's penis and Chris absolutely squawks.
"Jesus," Robert mutters, letting him go. "No need for that. There was a tear in your costume; I was tucking you away so you wouldn't scandalise our audience. You're welcome."
From the heat in his face, Chris must be absolutely scarlet; further down, his body is making some sort of confused, alarmed approach towards erection. He's going to have to go on stage like this.
"And it didn't occur to you to just tell me?" he demands. "Like a normal person? I'm not going to thank you for manhandling my genitals."
Sandra's voice, as Juliet, floats through from the stage; she's projecting a little harder than usual. "What commotion is this? Some... some tryst with a lady of the night, perhaps? Prithee, gentle audience, do not listen."
"See," Robert says, "the audience can hear us. You're causing a scene, Chris."
"We will talk about this later, Robert," Chris growls.
He seizes Robert's Lord Montague hat, holds it in front of his crotch and walks on stage as Romeo with as much dignity as he can muster.
An instant later, Lord Montague bursts onto the stage, wrestles Romeo to the ground and reclaims his hat, exposing Romeo's erection, and Chris is forced to admit to himself that the play is probably unsalvageable.
The Goes Wrong Show, Chris and Robert, 240 words. First posted here, in response to the prompt 'should've been me'.
“You’ve really only yourself to blame, Chris,” Robert says. “I should play Scrooge; it’s the obvious casting. I’m merely correcting an injustice. It gives me minimal pleasure to see you like this.”
“You’re insane!” Chris strains furiously against the ropes. “I’m going to have you arrested.”
“Really, Chris, you’re hysterical. I thought you cared about getting the right actor for the role.”
“Don’t you dare walk onto that stage.”
“Well, there is one point to iron out first.” Robert clears his throat. “If I’m in the role of Scrooge, that leaves certain other parts unfilled. I will need you to play the clerk and the Ghost of Christmas Present.”
Chris stares at him.
“So,” Robert says. “If I untie you, you promise you’ll be good? You’ll play the clerk and the ghost for me? You won’t try to escape?”
“I promise,” Chris says, after a long pause.
“Right. Good.” Robert kneels to untie him.
The moment his bonds are loose enough, Chris launches himself at Robert, knocking him to the floor.
“You promised!” Robert sputters, outraged, as Chris scrambles up and pelts onto the stage.
Robert swiftly follows, of course. Their production of A Christmas Carol features no clerk, no Ghost of Christmas Present, and two Scrooges screaming at each other throughout.
The review in the Cornley Gazette calls it ‘a bold and interesting depiction of Scrooge’s self-loathing’. The entire drama society is walking on air for weeks.
It's tricky to write Goes Wrong fanfiction because the entirety of canon consists of the characters putting on plays, making it challenging to envision these characters in any situation other than 'putting on a play'. Not that that's going to keep me from writing, apparently.
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I love Robert's adaptability!
Dedication to the arts!
To be fair, Romeo having an erection would not actually be out of character.
If it's weird enough, it's art!
Ooh, what if the Goes Wrong characters are trapped by a storm or something and have no audience, no scripts, no costumes, and no sets, so they have to either go to new extremes of creativity or not put on a play?
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To be fair, Romeo having an erection would not actually be out of character.
Honestly, very true.
Ooh, what if the Goes Wrong characters are trapped by a storm or something
I'll be honest: I got this far and my mind immediately went 'they should all bang.'
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Giggling out loud at this!
"Oh." Robert considers that for a moment. "And that is why I should play Juliet."
Perfect XD
I also really enjoyed Robert needing an in-character reason to help his friend who is giving birth.
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BWAHAHAHA!
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In the end, it's perhaps the best performance they've ever done.
Incredible dedication to their art. I hope the reviewers appreciated it.
Trevor dropping a chandelier on the sole remaining audience member.
Hot damn
An instant later, Lord Montague bursts onto the stage, wrestles Romeo to the ground and reclaims his hat, exposing Romeo's erection, and Chris is forced to admit to himself that the play is probably unsalvageable.
Nonsense, you're just not trying, ahem, hard enough.
The review in the Cornley Gazette calls it ‘a bold and interesting depiction of Scrooge’s self-loathing’. The entire drama society is walking on air for weeks.
AMAZING.
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In response to your kidnapping question: absolutely. According to an apology Robert recorded after their nativity piece, they canonically took the audience hostage for that one.