Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-29 07:35 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-01-29 07:35 pm
Entry tags:
Fanfiction: Educational Experiences (The Goes Wrong Show, everyone/everyone)
Of course I was going to write this. Inevitably I was going to write this. It didn't help that Robert accused Sandra of 'flirting with everyone' in Peter Pan Goes Wrong; my reaction was very much to perk up and go 'everyone, you say?'
Title: Educational Experiences
Fandom: The Goes Wrong Show
Rating: 15
Pairing: everyone/everyone, particularly Robert/Sandra and Sandra/everyone
Wordcount: 1,800
Summary: Robert folds his arms. “If you’re not going to take the orgy seriously, we won’t have it.”
It’s a month or so before Robert next sees his fellow actors, after their performance of Peter Pan. This is largely because the drama society has been forced to scatter and go into temporary hiding: an occasional unfortunate necessity. Still, at least the delay gives time for ruffled feelings to settle back down, after the accidental broadcast of... certain private conversations.
While Robert is flicking through the script for Joseph and the Amazing Second-Hand Duffel Coat, someone opens his dressing-room door without knocking.
“You were wrong, you know.” It’s Sandra’s voice. “I don’t flirt with everyone.”
It’s possible that some feelings may remain a little ruffled.
“Could’ve fooled me,” Robert says, keeping his attention on the script. “Name one member of the drama society you don’t flirt with.”
“I only flirt with people I’d be willing to spend the night with.”
He’ll admit it: that startles Robert into looking at her.
“Is that so?” he asks, after a moment.
“Not that you’d be interested, of course,” Sandra says. “Being such a professional. So disdainful of my inappropriate flirting.”
“Well, it could be worth doing,” Robert says. “Sleeping with one’s castmates is an educational experience; it informs love scenes and such.”
Sandra, oddly enough, laughs. He frowns a question at her.
“Oh,” Sandra says. “Wow. I think you actually believe that.”
“Of course I do. As a method actor, I make an effort to sleep with anyone who’s acting opposite me as my romantic interest. Not that our director appreciates the care I put in; he never wants me as the romantic lead.”
Sandra raises her eyebrows. “And you were so judgemental of me and Jonathan.”
“You weren’t discreet,” Robert says. “And there were feelings involved, which is always unwise. That’s how you get Wendy running off with the crocodile in the middle of Peter Pan.”
“So you wouldn’t enjoy it?” Sandra asks, leaning back casually against the wall. “If we had sex?”
“Well, depends if it’s any good or not.”
Sandra lets out a small, mock-offended gasp.
“I don’t dislike sex,” Robert says. “Quite the contrary. It’s a performance, and I always enjoy an opportunity to perform. But, with castmates and props and such to take into account, one never knows quite how a performance will play out until the opening night.”
“With this theatre company,” Sandra says, “I’m learning to make an educated guess. Are you going to take your clothes off, or should I try my luck with Chris?”
“I take it you and Max didn’t last long.”
“Max and I have an understanding,” Sandra says. “I hope I can count on you not to get too attached.”
This all seems reasonable. There’s just one fly in the ointment: this conversation, the prologue before the act. Robert has delayed proceedings unnecessarily, equivocated a little too long; he’s failed to portray his designated role as a man of action.
“Right,” he says. “We’re redoing this scene.”
“This scene,” Sandra repeats, frowning. “This scene in... our lives?”
“I can manage a better depiction of Robert Grove,” Robert says. “You’ve done an adequate Sandra; there’s no need to change your portrayal.”
“Thank you,” Sandra says, after a moment. “I think.”
“Right.” Robert waves his hand at the door. “Come back in, and we’ll do it again.”
She leaves the room, with a glance back over her shoulder at him. A moment later, Sandra enters.
“Hi, Robert,” she says. “You looked good in the pirate hat.”
Not what she said before. Strange; she’s usually better at learning her lines.
“Hello, Sandra,” Robert says. “I’ve concluded that we should sleep together.”
A smile flickers at the corner of Sandra’s mouth. “Sounds like a capital idea.”
-
It is, all things considered, a very successful performance. When Robert moves to kiss her, though, Sandra shifts away, gently holding him back with a hand on his chest.
“May I kiss you?” Robert asks.
Sandra raises her eyebrows. “I did warn you not to get attached.”
“I’m not getting attached. Just seems odd not to. Imagine having a love scene without kissing. Deranged.”
“Depends on the characters, really,” Sandra says.
“Deranged,” Robert repeats, with conviction.
“Hmm,” Sandra says. “If you must, I suppose. It’s your own feelings you’re risking.”
“Not very romantic,” Robert comments.
Sandra laughs. “That’s the point.”
She kisses back, at least.
-
“So are you planning to sleep through the others?” Robert asks, watching as Sandra reattires herself. “Or have you already?”
Sandra shrugs. “Might see who’ll have me.”
“Excellent,” Robert says. “I’ll watch.”
Sandra snorts with startled laughter. “Oh, will you?”
“It all contributes to a better understanding of what I’m dealing with on stage. Getting to know how one’s fellow thespians interact, et cetera. We should be having an orgy whenever a new member joins, really; I’ve proposed it, but I don’t think Chris has checked the suggestion box in months.”
“Of course. It’d be less weird if you just got off on it, you know.”
Robert bristles. “How dare you suggest such a thing?”
“Oh, I believe what you’re saying about your motives.” She pulls her boots on, looking thoughtful. “I wonder if Chris will, though.”
-
“You and—” Chris’s voice chokes off for a moment; he’s staring at Sandra. “You and me?”
“And me,” Robert reminds him. “The audience, so to speak.”
“Why would you ever suggest such a depraved thing?” Chris’s eyes flick from Sandra to Robert and back again. “I mean, what’s wrong with both of you? Even if you were joking, why would it even cross your mind?”
“The sex itself,” Sandra asks, “or Robert watching?”
“Any of it! All of it! This is – this is absolutely unacceptable; surely you must see that.”
“Hmm,” Sandra says. “I don’t think he’s going to like your orgy proposal, Robert.”
“Shame,” Robert says. “I’ll have to stand in as the director for that, I suppose.”
Chris’s eyes widen apoplectically. “What are – what are you talking about?”
Sandra gives an exaggerated sigh. “Anyway, let’s see if Annie will sleep with me instead.”
“Probably more likely,” Robert agrees, accompanying her out of Chris’s dressing room.
“What are you—”
Chris’s voice gets cut off as they close the door behind them.
-
Watching Sandra with various individual members of the drama society isn’t as efficient as an orgy, of course, but it’s an educational experience nonetheless.
“For God’s sake, Dennis, don’t look at the audience,” Robert says. “Look at her. You actually have half a chance of doing well here; there aren’t any lines to learn.”
“I’ve never done this before,” Dennis says, slightly high-pitched. “Is there – is it – is it normal for Robert to be there?”
“Do you want me to send him away?” Sandra asks.
Robert jolts to his feet. “This is outrageous! Imagine if we told our audience to go away halfway through a play.”
“You – you did that,” Dennis says. “When the script said long silence. You yelled at the audience that their breathing was ruining it. You told them to go away and never darken the doors of a theatre again.”
“Fine.” Robert wheels and storms towards the door. “Enjoy your sex, I suppose. Hardly seems like there’s any point to it now.”
-
“I’d like to introduce you all to the newest member of the drama society,” Chris says. “This is Vanessa Wilcock-Wynn-Carroway.”
“Good strong name,” Robert says, approving. “Does she know about the orgy for new members?”
Vanessa’s eyes widen. “Um?”
“While we of course value the input of all members of the drama society,” Chris says, addressing this to Vanessa before turning his focus to Robert, “nobody wants an orgy, Robert.”
Sandra raises a hand, followed by Max. Annie glances around at everyone, looking simultaneously bemused and delighted, then raises a hand as well. Trevor gives a small shrug, then half-raises his—
“Now, hold on,” Robert says. “There’s no purpose to having the stage manager involved in the orgy. It’s an acting exercise.”
“What in God’s name is going on?” Chris asks.
“Hey,” Trevor says, “you drag me onto the stage often enough.”
“He genuinely thinks it’s for the sake of acting, doesn’t he?” Max asks Sandra, audibly.
Sandra nods. “It’s fascinating, isn’t it?”
Robert folds his arms, glaring at them. “If you’re not going to take the orgy seriously, we won’t have it.”
“We won’t!” Chris exclaims. “We won’t have it! There will be no orgy!”
“Sorry,” Max says. “I’m taking it seriously. It’s very serious.”
“Right,” Robert says. “That’s me, Sandra, Max, Annie. Trevor, I suppose. Who else? Dennis? Jonathan?”
Jonathan hesitates. “I... probably won’t be able to make it. Physically, I mean.”
“We’ll have it in the rehearsal room and leave the door open,” Robert says. “Minimal obstacles.”
“You will not,” Chris snaps.
“Can I... can I be a bit in the orgy?” Dennis asks.
“A bit?” Robert asks. “What does that mean, a bit?”
“I don’t know. An orgy sounds like... a bit much. But I’d like – I’d like to be there, I don’t want to be left out. Maybe I could just kiss some people or something?”
“Right,” Robert says. “Fine. And there’s Vanessa, of course.”
“I – I don’t think—” Vanessa swallows. “Thank you? But I don’t think I’ll be in the orgy.”
“What are you talking about?” Robert asks. “We’re having it in your honour. You’re the new addition.”
“Robert,” Chris says, “Vanessa can actually act. Don’t you dare scare her off before we’ve had a production with her.”
“Fine,” Robert says. “We haven’t had one before, so I suppose it’s still worth doing. Vanessa, we’ll be in the rehearsal room if you change your mind. Or you, Chris,” he adds, magnanimously.
“For God’s sake,” Chris mutters. “Fine. Fine, go ahead and debase the rehearsal room with your filth. Apparently none of you will listen to a word I say anyway.”
“You’ll like it here,” Annie assures Vanessa, cheerfully. “It’s a lot of fun.”
Vanessa makes a small and indistinct noise.
-
After the orgy, Robert draws up a ranking of the drama society as sexual partners on the rehearsal room whiteboard, based on his objective observations, with a handful of useful tips for improving performance.
This turns out to be a surprisingly unpopular decision. But his notes are at least received with slightly less naked hostility, so to speak, than they were when he tried to give them during the act itself.
Chris strides into the room and stops dead, staring at the whiteboard. It’s a moment before he speaks, his voice incredulous. “Last place?”
“Well, what did you expect, Chris?” Robert asks. “You weren’t a part of the orgy.”
“Neither was Vanessa! She’s in fourth!”
“In the absence of concrete experience, I’m forced to rely on instinct and general observations,” Robert says.
“This is ridiculous,” Chris says. “You have no idea what I’m like in bed.”
Robert shrugs. “If you think you can change my opinion, all you have to do is participate in the next orgy.”
“No,” Chris says. “And there’s not going to be a next orgy. And – and no. Obviously I’m not going to do that.”
“Obviously,” Robert agrees.
Holding Chris’s gaze, he moves Vanessa up to third place.
“For God’s sake,” Chris says. “Fine.”
Title: Educational Experiences
Fandom: The Goes Wrong Show
Rating: 15
Pairing: everyone/everyone, particularly Robert/Sandra and Sandra/everyone
Wordcount: 1,800
Summary: Robert folds his arms. “If you’re not going to take the orgy seriously, we won’t have it.”
It’s a month or so before Robert next sees his fellow actors, after their performance of Peter Pan. This is largely because the drama society has been forced to scatter and go into temporary hiding: an occasional unfortunate necessity. Still, at least the delay gives time for ruffled feelings to settle back down, after the accidental broadcast of... certain private conversations.
While Robert is flicking through the script for Joseph and the Amazing Second-Hand Duffel Coat, someone opens his dressing-room door without knocking.
“You were wrong, you know.” It’s Sandra’s voice. “I don’t flirt with everyone.”
It’s possible that some feelings may remain a little ruffled.
“Could’ve fooled me,” Robert says, keeping his attention on the script. “Name one member of the drama society you don’t flirt with.”
“I only flirt with people I’d be willing to spend the night with.”
He’ll admit it: that startles Robert into looking at her.
“Is that so?” he asks, after a moment.
“Not that you’d be interested, of course,” Sandra says. “Being such a professional. So disdainful of my inappropriate flirting.”
“Well, it could be worth doing,” Robert says. “Sleeping with one’s castmates is an educational experience; it informs love scenes and such.”
Sandra, oddly enough, laughs. He frowns a question at her.
“Oh,” Sandra says. “Wow. I think you actually believe that.”
“Of course I do. As a method actor, I make an effort to sleep with anyone who’s acting opposite me as my romantic interest. Not that our director appreciates the care I put in; he never wants me as the romantic lead.”
Sandra raises her eyebrows. “And you were so judgemental of me and Jonathan.”
“You weren’t discreet,” Robert says. “And there were feelings involved, which is always unwise. That’s how you get Wendy running off with the crocodile in the middle of Peter Pan.”
“So you wouldn’t enjoy it?” Sandra asks, leaning back casually against the wall. “If we had sex?”
“Well, depends if it’s any good or not.”
Sandra lets out a small, mock-offended gasp.
“I don’t dislike sex,” Robert says. “Quite the contrary. It’s a performance, and I always enjoy an opportunity to perform. But, with castmates and props and such to take into account, one never knows quite how a performance will play out until the opening night.”
“With this theatre company,” Sandra says, “I’m learning to make an educated guess. Are you going to take your clothes off, or should I try my luck with Chris?”
“I take it you and Max didn’t last long.”
“Max and I have an understanding,” Sandra says. “I hope I can count on you not to get too attached.”
This all seems reasonable. There’s just one fly in the ointment: this conversation, the prologue before the act. Robert has delayed proceedings unnecessarily, equivocated a little too long; he’s failed to portray his designated role as a man of action.
“Right,” he says. “We’re redoing this scene.”
“This scene,” Sandra repeats, frowning. “This scene in... our lives?”
“I can manage a better depiction of Robert Grove,” Robert says. “You’ve done an adequate Sandra; there’s no need to change your portrayal.”
“Thank you,” Sandra says, after a moment. “I think.”
“Right.” Robert waves his hand at the door. “Come back in, and we’ll do it again.”
She leaves the room, with a glance back over her shoulder at him. A moment later, Sandra enters.
“Hi, Robert,” she says. “You looked good in the pirate hat.”
Not what she said before. Strange; she’s usually better at learning her lines.
“Hello, Sandra,” Robert says. “I’ve concluded that we should sleep together.”
A smile flickers at the corner of Sandra’s mouth. “Sounds like a capital idea.”
It is, all things considered, a very successful performance. When Robert moves to kiss her, though, Sandra shifts away, gently holding him back with a hand on his chest.
“May I kiss you?” Robert asks.
Sandra raises her eyebrows. “I did warn you not to get attached.”
“I’m not getting attached. Just seems odd not to. Imagine having a love scene without kissing. Deranged.”
“Depends on the characters, really,” Sandra says.
“Deranged,” Robert repeats, with conviction.
“Hmm,” Sandra says. “If you must, I suppose. It’s your own feelings you’re risking.”
“Not very romantic,” Robert comments.
Sandra laughs. “That’s the point.”
She kisses back, at least.
“So are you planning to sleep through the others?” Robert asks, watching as Sandra reattires herself. “Or have you already?”
Sandra shrugs. “Might see who’ll have me.”
“Excellent,” Robert says. “I’ll watch.”
Sandra snorts with startled laughter. “Oh, will you?”
“It all contributes to a better understanding of what I’m dealing with on stage. Getting to know how one’s fellow thespians interact, et cetera. We should be having an orgy whenever a new member joins, really; I’ve proposed it, but I don’t think Chris has checked the suggestion box in months.”
“Of course. It’d be less weird if you just got off on it, you know.”
Robert bristles. “How dare you suggest such a thing?”
“Oh, I believe what you’re saying about your motives.” She pulls her boots on, looking thoughtful. “I wonder if Chris will, though.”
“You and—” Chris’s voice chokes off for a moment; he’s staring at Sandra. “You and me?”
“And me,” Robert reminds him. “The audience, so to speak.”
“Why would you ever suggest such a depraved thing?” Chris’s eyes flick from Sandra to Robert and back again. “I mean, what’s wrong with both of you? Even if you were joking, why would it even cross your mind?”
“The sex itself,” Sandra asks, “or Robert watching?”
“Any of it! All of it! This is – this is absolutely unacceptable; surely you must see that.”
“Hmm,” Sandra says. “I don’t think he’s going to like your orgy proposal, Robert.”
“Shame,” Robert says. “I’ll have to stand in as the director for that, I suppose.”
Chris’s eyes widen apoplectically. “What are – what are you talking about?”
Sandra gives an exaggerated sigh. “Anyway, let’s see if Annie will sleep with me instead.”
“Probably more likely,” Robert agrees, accompanying her out of Chris’s dressing room.
“What are you—”
Chris’s voice gets cut off as they close the door behind them.
Watching Sandra with various individual members of the drama society isn’t as efficient as an orgy, of course, but it’s an educational experience nonetheless.
“For God’s sake, Dennis, don’t look at the audience,” Robert says. “Look at her. You actually have half a chance of doing well here; there aren’t any lines to learn.”
“I’ve never done this before,” Dennis says, slightly high-pitched. “Is there – is it – is it normal for Robert to be there?”
“Do you want me to send him away?” Sandra asks.
Robert jolts to his feet. “This is outrageous! Imagine if we told our audience to go away halfway through a play.”
“You – you did that,” Dennis says. “When the script said long silence. You yelled at the audience that their breathing was ruining it. You told them to go away and never darken the doors of a theatre again.”
“Fine.” Robert wheels and storms towards the door. “Enjoy your sex, I suppose. Hardly seems like there’s any point to it now.”
“I’d like to introduce you all to the newest member of the drama society,” Chris says. “This is Vanessa Wilcock-Wynn-Carroway.”
“Good strong name,” Robert says, approving. “Does she know about the orgy for new members?”
Vanessa’s eyes widen. “Um?”
“While we of course value the input of all members of the drama society,” Chris says, addressing this to Vanessa before turning his focus to Robert, “nobody wants an orgy, Robert.”
Sandra raises a hand, followed by Max. Annie glances around at everyone, looking simultaneously bemused and delighted, then raises a hand as well. Trevor gives a small shrug, then half-raises his—
“Now, hold on,” Robert says. “There’s no purpose to having the stage manager involved in the orgy. It’s an acting exercise.”
“What in God’s name is going on?” Chris asks.
“Hey,” Trevor says, “you drag me onto the stage often enough.”
“He genuinely thinks it’s for the sake of acting, doesn’t he?” Max asks Sandra, audibly.
Sandra nods. “It’s fascinating, isn’t it?”
Robert folds his arms, glaring at them. “If you’re not going to take the orgy seriously, we won’t have it.”
“We won’t!” Chris exclaims. “We won’t have it! There will be no orgy!”
“Sorry,” Max says. “I’m taking it seriously. It’s very serious.”
“Right,” Robert says. “That’s me, Sandra, Max, Annie. Trevor, I suppose. Who else? Dennis? Jonathan?”
Jonathan hesitates. “I... probably won’t be able to make it. Physically, I mean.”
“We’ll have it in the rehearsal room and leave the door open,” Robert says. “Minimal obstacles.”
“You will not,” Chris snaps.
“Can I... can I be a bit in the orgy?” Dennis asks.
“A bit?” Robert asks. “What does that mean, a bit?”
“I don’t know. An orgy sounds like... a bit much. But I’d like – I’d like to be there, I don’t want to be left out. Maybe I could just kiss some people or something?”
“Right,” Robert says. “Fine. And there’s Vanessa, of course.”
“I – I don’t think—” Vanessa swallows. “Thank you? But I don’t think I’ll be in the orgy.”
“What are you talking about?” Robert asks. “We’re having it in your honour. You’re the new addition.”
“Robert,” Chris says, “Vanessa can actually act. Don’t you dare scare her off before we’ve had a production with her.”
“Fine,” Robert says. “We haven’t had one before, so I suppose it’s still worth doing. Vanessa, we’ll be in the rehearsal room if you change your mind. Or you, Chris,” he adds, magnanimously.
“For God’s sake,” Chris mutters. “Fine. Fine, go ahead and debase the rehearsal room with your filth. Apparently none of you will listen to a word I say anyway.”
“You’ll like it here,” Annie assures Vanessa, cheerfully. “It’s a lot of fun.”
Vanessa makes a small and indistinct noise.
After the orgy, Robert draws up a ranking of the drama society as sexual partners on the rehearsal room whiteboard, based on his objective observations, with a handful of useful tips for improving performance.
This turns out to be a surprisingly unpopular decision. But his notes are at least received with slightly less naked hostility, so to speak, than they were when he tried to give them during the act itself.
Chris strides into the room and stops dead, staring at the whiteboard. It’s a moment before he speaks, his voice incredulous. “Last place?”
“Well, what did you expect, Chris?” Robert asks. “You weren’t a part of the orgy.”
“Neither was Vanessa! She’s in fourth!”
“In the absence of concrete experience, I’m forced to rely on instinct and general observations,” Robert says.
“This is ridiculous,” Chris says. “You have no idea what I’m like in bed.”
Robert shrugs. “If you think you can change my opinion, all you have to do is participate in the next orgy.”
“No,” Chris says. “And there’s not going to be a next orgy. And – and no. Obviously I’m not going to do that.”
“Obviously,” Robert agrees.
Holding Chris’s gaze, he moves Vanessa up to third place.
“For God’s sake,” Chris says. “Fine.”
no subject
I'm glad Trevor got to join the orgy!
no subject