Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-08-02 09:49 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2026-08-02 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
Fanfiction: The Medic (The Goes Wrong Show, Robert/Chris(/Trevor))
My last six entries have not been about The Goes Wrong Show, so perhaps you were beginning to think you were safe. Bad news, I'm afraid.
Title: The Medic
Fandom: The Goes Wrong Show
Rating: 14
Pairing: Robert/Chris, sort of Robert/Chris/Trevor
Wordcount: 2,200
Summary: “I am planning to make a sexual advance towards Chris,” Robert announces, and Trevor chokes.
Robert normally pretty much ignores Trevor during rehearsals, but he’s been glancing in Trevor’s direction a lot today. Trevor has a bad feeling about it. When Robert’s paying attention to him, it usually means he wants something, and Robert’s demands tend to range from ‘inconvenient’ to ‘insane’.
The moment the rehearsal is over, Trevor makes for the exit. Robert’s been watching Chris a lot as well; with any luck, Chris is the one who’ll end up cornered, and Trevor will be able to get away before—
“Ah, Trevor, I thought I might have a word.”
Trevor closes his eyes for a moment, tensing his jaw. Turns to face Robert. “You did, did you?”
Robert glances at the others, gathering their things. Getting ready to go home, the lucky bastards. “Perhaps in private.”
That’s unusual. That actually gets Trevor kind of interested. Robert doesn’t usually care who hears his latest stupid demand; if anything, he welcomes the audience. “Green room?”
-
“As you’re the first aider,” Robert says, closing the door of the green room, “there’s something I wanted to run past you.”
“We’re all the first aider,” Trevor points out. With their rate of casualties, the policy is usually just that whoever’s closest and still conscious deals with the injury.
“Yes, but you’re the principal first aider. By which I mean that you are not an actor, so you rarely have anything better to do.”
Trevor has learnt, in his time with the drama society, that there’s no point arguing that first aid might sometimes be more important than acting, actually. “What d’you need?”
“I am planning to make a sexual advance towards Chris,” Robert announces.
Trevor chokes. “What?”
“As you may be aware,” Robert says, “sexual activity carries certain health risks. Choking, tearing, loss of consciousness, broken vertebrae, pregnancy—”
“Do you think you’re likely to get Chris pregnant?” Trevor asks, feeling slightly giddy.
“I simply intend to take appropriate precautions,” Robert says. “As such, I would like to have a first aider on site.”
“On site,” Trevor says. “On the site of... the sex. You. Shagging Chris. And me, standing there with a first aid kit?”
“Well, it sounds like you understand the role,” Robert says. “Can I count on your presence on opening night?”
This can’t really be happening, can it? “What if Chris says no?”
“Why would Chris say no?”
“Well, what if he doesn’t want to shag you?”
A frown crosses Robert’s face. “Hadn’t considered that. I suppose you might do in a pinch, although then we’ll need a different medic.”
“I might – what if I don’t want to shag you?” Trevor demands, his voice hiking higher.
Robert folds his arms. “You’re taking a very negative attitude, Trevor. Let’s engage the main performers before we start worrying about understudies. Chris is probably still hanging around the playhouse, if you’ve got a moment.”
Trevor should probably say he’s busy, go home. But...
Well, he can’t say he’s not curious. If Robert’s planning to seduce Chris, it’d be a shame to miss Chris’s face when he realises what’s happening.
-
There’s not much seduction, in the end. Robert, having cornered Chris in his dressing room, barely takes the time to say hello before getting to the point.
“Would you like to have sex?” Robert asks, conversationally.
Chris’s eyes widen. He opens his mouth. It takes several seconds for anything to come out of it, like he’s on the other end of a video call with a slow connection. “Would I – what sort of – my God, Robert, what sort of question is that?”
“A fairly self-explanatory one, I thought,” Robert says. “Are you interested in sex?”
“With—” His eyes, visibly panicked, fall on Trevor’s; Trevor shrugs at him. “With anyone in particular, or—?”
“With me,” Robert says, flat and incredulous. “With me, obviously, Chris. Who asks that question and means it generally?”
“Well, I don’t – I don’t pretend to know how your mind works, Robert, and I don’t understand why Trevor is here, and – and – is this really happening?”
Wait, did Chris think sex with Trevor might be on the table?
“What if it’d been with me?” Trevor asks. This is definitely a bad idea, but it’s hard not to wonder, now that it’s come up. “What would you say to that?”
“Trevor,” Chris says, desperately, “can you please not make this any more complicated?”
“I did not bring you here to compete with me for the role, Trevor,” Robert says, extremely stern. “If you insist on making this into an audition, I think it’s a foregone conclusion, but fine. Chris, take a seat and part your thighs.”
“Excuse me?” Chris squeaks.
“No competition,” Trevor says, holding up his hands. “Just asking a question. Probably best if you don’t answer, anyway. Forget it.”
“All right. All right.” Chris takes several deep, slow breaths. Maybe not that slow, but it looks like he’s trying to breathe slowly, at least. “Let... let me get back on my feet. Robert, why...” He seems to hesitate, for a long moment. “Why are you asking me this?”
“For God’s sake, Chris, why do you think I’m asking? When I ask you for the lead, it’s because I want the lead.”
“Yes, I... I understand that you...” Chris makes a vague hand gesture. Glances at Trevor. Trevor edges towards a shadowy corner of the room, in an effort to blend into the background; he hadn’t really considered how awkward it would feel to be here while they’re talking this through. “I’m just not sure... well, why you want that with me.”
“I’m in love with you, I suppose,” Robert says, “or something similar.”
About five seconds pass in silence.
“Oh,” Chris says, softly.
Somehow, that’s not a possibility that had crossed Trevor’s mind. He’d thought Robert was just... okay, he’s not sure what he thought Robert was doing. Hopefully that doesn’t mean he has to read anything into Robert’s you might do in a pinch.
Robert waves a hand in the air. “We can deal with all that later. Romance is not essential for this scene. What are your feelings on the matter of sex? Trevor is here to serve as a medic if required, so we can get down to business straight away.”
“As a medi—” Chris cuts himself off, suddenly, and some of the incredulity has gone from his voice when he speaks again. “Well, that’s... probably sensible, I suppose. But... Trevor, does that mean you’d be there?”
“If you’re asking that question,” Trevor says, raising his eyebrows, “does that mean you’re saying yes?”
Chris suddenly starts coughing very hard, and then harder, and... okay, they might need a medic after all.
-
“How are you feeling?” Trevor asks, taking a seat by Chris’s hospital bed. It’s a familiar scene; they’ve got their own ward reserved for the drama society.
“Embarrassed, mainly,” Chris says. “I didn’t mean to choke that badly.”
Trevor laughs, quietly. “I didn’t think you did it on purpose, mate.”
“I was just... taken aback, I suppose. I—”
“I’ve explained to the doctor that you’re allergic to the concept of sex,” Robert announces, sweeping into the room.
“Thank you,” Chris says, unhappily. “I’m not.”
“There’s no shame in virginity, of course, given your condition, but I thought we might try to find a way around it,” Robert says. “Have you tried antihistamines?”
“I’m not – Robert, I’m not a virgin, and I am not allergic to sex. I choked, that’s all.”
Robert frowns. “Well, I knew that was a possibility, but my penis wasn’t anywhere near you.”
Chris flushes, impressively deeply; Trevor’s reminded of their performance of Carrie, when the bucket of blood in the rigging accidentally triggered during Chris’s opening speech. “On my – on my saliva, Robert.”
“Ah,” Robert says, solemnly. “Drooling. Well, I suppose it’s understandable.” He sits down on the side of Chris’s bed; Trevor catches the way Chris’s eyes flicker across Robert, widening slightly. “If you’d like to take me up on my offer, this is in many ways the perfect location. If there are any medical issues, we can have you looked at straight away.”
A couple of seconds pass before Chris shakes his head. Clears his throat. “I don’t think the medical staff would appreciate it.”
“Really?” Robert asks. “We’ll be straight back in here as soon as you leave, you know.”
“Only,” Chris says, “if I sleep with you.”
He says it firmly, all let’s not assume this is happening, but Trevor catches a hint of a tremor somewhere in there.
“You can’t do it here, anyway,” Trevor says. “I’m supposed to be your medic; you’d be putting me out of a job. I need to see how this car crash ends.”
“This car crash ends, ideally,” Chris says, “with all of us greeting each other professionally at the drama society’s next session, having forgotten the matter.”
There’s a brief silence.
“After the sex?” Robert asks.
Chris presses both hands over his face. “For God’s sake.”
-
Robert ends up setting off before long, with an ominous reminder to Chris to ‘drop by any time; remember to bring Trevor with you’. Trevor takes care of the paperwork: discharge forms, ward reservation renewals, the game of Cornley Drama Society Injury Bingo tacked up behind the reception desk.
And then he drives Chris home, barely colliding with anything at all.
“You want me to come in with you?” Trevor asks, pulling up outside Chris’s place.
Chris gives him an odd look, sharp, suspicious.
“I’m not gonna fuck you,” Trevor says. “I’m just thinking, y’know, been a weird day. Maybe you want to talk about it.”
Maybe Trevor wants to talk about it, if he’s honest. It’s weird to have ‘might end up watching Chris get shagged by Robert’ just sitting there in his future. He kind of wants to know how likely it actually is.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Chris says. “Robert’s simply being inappropriate. Perhaps it’s taken a new form, but it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.”
Trevor drums his hands on the steering wheel for a moment. I suppose you might do in a pinch. “Maybe you should turn him down, then.”
“I have,” Chris says. There’s a moment’s hesitation. “Haven’t I?”
“Not that I heard,” Trevor says. “Maybe you implied it, but you know how Robert feels about subtext.” He pulls out his phone. “You want me to text him right now? I can tell him you’re not interested.”
Chris takes in a breath and opens his mouth and says absolutely nothing.
Huh.
“Unless you’re interested,” Trevor says, carefully.
Chris rubs a palm across his forehead. Runs his hands back through his hair, several times, in a motion that’s starting to look increasingly frantic. Trevor, sensing an incoming explosion, sits very still.
“He’s just impossible” is what bursts out of Chris at last. “If he’d just kissed me, or – if he’d made any effort to seduce me, to create a romantic scene—” He shakes his head, fiercely. “How am I supposed to know if I want this if he just... proposes it out of nowhere?”
Trevor shrugs. “Well, how does thinking about it make you feel?”
“Incredibly frustrated,” Chris mutters, his head in his hands. “I mean, what would you do in my position?”
Trevor thinks about that for a moment. And then for a moment more. Maybe for a moment too long; unhelpful things are starting to happen in the trouser region.
“I think I’d probably go for it,” he says at last.
“With Robert?” Chris echoes, incredulous. “Really? If you were me, or if you were you?”
“Not sure it really matters,” Trevor says. “Sex is sex; it’s good fun. It doesn’t have to be that big a deal. You haven’t said no yet; I’m guessing you don’t totally hate the idea. So, yeah, I’d probably go for it.”
Chris is silent for a long moment, looking at him.
“Even knowing your stage manager would be watching?” he asks at last.
“If I knew my handsome and reliable stage manager would be on the scene,” Trevor says, “I’d be even keener. At least I’d know someone’d be there to step in if things went wrong.”
“Step in in the sense of... offering medical attention?”
“Yeah, obviously. What’d you think I meant?”
“And you’re not... you’re not suggesting this just because you’d get to watch?”
“Chris,” Trevor says. “Do you seriously think I wouldn’t be able to find better porn than you and Robert if I wanted it?”
Chris closes his eyes. Breathes for a moment, slowly and shakily.
“It’s not a good idea, is it?” he asks at last.
“Nor was doing Hamilton,” Trevor says, “but that didn’t stop you. I can drive you to Robert’s if you want.”
-
“Can I wank?” Trevor thinks to ask, at the last moment.
“Absolutely not,” Robert says, glancing up from his stripping of Chris: swift, ruthless, practical. Chris looks like a rabbit staring up at a fox, if rabbits are ever kind of into that. “You are to be on call at all times as the medic for this scene. How do you expect to respond to an emergency if you’re coming all over the place?”
This could be a challenge. Trevor grits his teeth, braces himself.
It’s almost a relief when, two minutes in, he has to break out the defibrillator.
Title: The Medic
Fandom: The Goes Wrong Show
Rating: 14
Pairing: Robert/Chris, sort of Robert/Chris/Trevor
Wordcount: 2,200
Summary: “I am planning to make a sexual advance towards Chris,” Robert announces, and Trevor chokes.
Robert normally pretty much ignores Trevor during rehearsals, but he’s been glancing in Trevor’s direction a lot today. Trevor has a bad feeling about it. When Robert’s paying attention to him, it usually means he wants something, and Robert’s demands tend to range from ‘inconvenient’ to ‘insane’.
The moment the rehearsal is over, Trevor makes for the exit. Robert’s been watching Chris a lot as well; with any luck, Chris is the one who’ll end up cornered, and Trevor will be able to get away before—
“Ah, Trevor, I thought I might have a word.”
Trevor closes his eyes for a moment, tensing his jaw. Turns to face Robert. “You did, did you?”
Robert glances at the others, gathering their things. Getting ready to go home, the lucky bastards. “Perhaps in private.”
That’s unusual. That actually gets Trevor kind of interested. Robert doesn’t usually care who hears his latest stupid demand; if anything, he welcomes the audience. “Green room?”
“As you’re the first aider,” Robert says, closing the door of the green room, “there’s something I wanted to run past you.”
“We’re all the first aider,” Trevor points out. With their rate of casualties, the policy is usually just that whoever’s closest and still conscious deals with the injury.
“Yes, but you’re the principal first aider. By which I mean that you are not an actor, so you rarely have anything better to do.”
Trevor has learnt, in his time with the drama society, that there’s no point arguing that first aid might sometimes be more important than acting, actually. “What d’you need?”
“I am planning to make a sexual advance towards Chris,” Robert announces.
Trevor chokes. “What?”
“As you may be aware,” Robert says, “sexual activity carries certain health risks. Choking, tearing, loss of consciousness, broken vertebrae, pregnancy—”
“Do you think you’re likely to get Chris pregnant?” Trevor asks, feeling slightly giddy.
“I simply intend to take appropriate precautions,” Robert says. “As such, I would like to have a first aider on site.”
“On site,” Trevor says. “On the site of... the sex. You. Shagging Chris. And me, standing there with a first aid kit?”
“Well, it sounds like you understand the role,” Robert says. “Can I count on your presence on opening night?”
This can’t really be happening, can it? “What if Chris says no?”
“Why would Chris say no?”
“Well, what if he doesn’t want to shag you?”
A frown crosses Robert’s face. “Hadn’t considered that. I suppose you might do in a pinch, although then we’ll need a different medic.”
“I might – what if I don’t want to shag you?” Trevor demands, his voice hiking higher.
Robert folds his arms. “You’re taking a very negative attitude, Trevor. Let’s engage the main performers before we start worrying about understudies. Chris is probably still hanging around the playhouse, if you’ve got a moment.”
Trevor should probably say he’s busy, go home. But...
Well, he can’t say he’s not curious. If Robert’s planning to seduce Chris, it’d be a shame to miss Chris’s face when he realises what’s happening.
There’s not much seduction, in the end. Robert, having cornered Chris in his dressing room, barely takes the time to say hello before getting to the point.
“Would you like to have sex?” Robert asks, conversationally.
Chris’s eyes widen. He opens his mouth. It takes several seconds for anything to come out of it, like he’s on the other end of a video call with a slow connection. “Would I – what sort of – my God, Robert, what sort of question is that?”
“A fairly self-explanatory one, I thought,” Robert says. “Are you interested in sex?”
“With—” His eyes, visibly panicked, fall on Trevor’s; Trevor shrugs at him. “With anyone in particular, or—?”
“With me,” Robert says, flat and incredulous. “With me, obviously, Chris. Who asks that question and means it generally?”
“Well, I don’t – I don’t pretend to know how your mind works, Robert, and I don’t understand why Trevor is here, and – and – is this really happening?”
Wait, did Chris think sex with Trevor might be on the table?
“What if it’d been with me?” Trevor asks. This is definitely a bad idea, but it’s hard not to wonder, now that it’s come up. “What would you say to that?”
“Trevor,” Chris says, desperately, “can you please not make this any more complicated?”
“I did not bring you here to compete with me for the role, Trevor,” Robert says, extremely stern. “If you insist on making this into an audition, I think it’s a foregone conclusion, but fine. Chris, take a seat and part your thighs.”
“Excuse me?” Chris squeaks.
“No competition,” Trevor says, holding up his hands. “Just asking a question. Probably best if you don’t answer, anyway. Forget it.”
“All right. All right.” Chris takes several deep, slow breaths. Maybe not that slow, but it looks like he’s trying to breathe slowly, at least. “Let... let me get back on my feet. Robert, why...” He seems to hesitate, for a long moment. “Why are you asking me this?”
“For God’s sake, Chris, why do you think I’m asking? When I ask you for the lead, it’s because I want the lead.”
“Yes, I... I understand that you...” Chris makes a vague hand gesture. Glances at Trevor. Trevor edges towards a shadowy corner of the room, in an effort to blend into the background; he hadn’t really considered how awkward it would feel to be here while they’re talking this through. “I’m just not sure... well, why you want that with me.”
“I’m in love with you, I suppose,” Robert says, “or something similar.”
About five seconds pass in silence.
“Oh,” Chris says, softly.
Somehow, that’s not a possibility that had crossed Trevor’s mind. He’d thought Robert was just... okay, he’s not sure what he thought Robert was doing. Hopefully that doesn’t mean he has to read anything into Robert’s you might do in a pinch.
Robert waves a hand in the air. “We can deal with all that later. Romance is not essential for this scene. What are your feelings on the matter of sex? Trevor is here to serve as a medic if required, so we can get down to business straight away.”
“As a medi—” Chris cuts himself off, suddenly, and some of the incredulity has gone from his voice when he speaks again. “Well, that’s... probably sensible, I suppose. But... Trevor, does that mean you’d be there?”
“If you’re asking that question,” Trevor says, raising his eyebrows, “does that mean you’re saying yes?”
Chris suddenly starts coughing very hard, and then harder, and... okay, they might need a medic after all.
“How are you feeling?” Trevor asks, taking a seat by Chris’s hospital bed. It’s a familiar scene; they’ve got their own ward reserved for the drama society.
“Embarrassed, mainly,” Chris says. “I didn’t mean to choke that badly.”
Trevor laughs, quietly. “I didn’t think you did it on purpose, mate.”
“I was just... taken aback, I suppose. I—”
“I’ve explained to the doctor that you’re allergic to the concept of sex,” Robert announces, sweeping into the room.
“Thank you,” Chris says, unhappily. “I’m not.”
“There’s no shame in virginity, of course, given your condition, but I thought we might try to find a way around it,” Robert says. “Have you tried antihistamines?”
“I’m not – Robert, I’m not a virgin, and I am not allergic to sex. I choked, that’s all.”
Robert frowns. “Well, I knew that was a possibility, but my penis wasn’t anywhere near you.”
Chris flushes, impressively deeply; Trevor’s reminded of their performance of Carrie, when the bucket of blood in the rigging accidentally triggered during Chris’s opening speech. “On my – on my saliva, Robert.”
“Ah,” Robert says, solemnly. “Drooling. Well, I suppose it’s understandable.” He sits down on the side of Chris’s bed; Trevor catches the way Chris’s eyes flicker across Robert, widening slightly. “If you’d like to take me up on my offer, this is in many ways the perfect location. If there are any medical issues, we can have you looked at straight away.”
A couple of seconds pass before Chris shakes his head. Clears his throat. “I don’t think the medical staff would appreciate it.”
“Really?” Robert asks. “We’ll be straight back in here as soon as you leave, you know.”
“Only,” Chris says, “if I sleep with you.”
He says it firmly, all let’s not assume this is happening, but Trevor catches a hint of a tremor somewhere in there.
“You can’t do it here, anyway,” Trevor says. “I’m supposed to be your medic; you’d be putting me out of a job. I need to see how this car crash ends.”
“This car crash ends, ideally,” Chris says, “with all of us greeting each other professionally at the drama society’s next session, having forgotten the matter.”
There’s a brief silence.
“After the sex?” Robert asks.
Chris presses both hands over his face. “For God’s sake.”
Robert ends up setting off before long, with an ominous reminder to Chris to ‘drop by any time; remember to bring Trevor with you’. Trevor takes care of the paperwork: discharge forms, ward reservation renewals, the game of Cornley Drama Society Injury Bingo tacked up behind the reception desk.
And then he drives Chris home, barely colliding with anything at all.
“You want me to come in with you?” Trevor asks, pulling up outside Chris’s place.
Chris gives him an odd look, sharp, suspicious.
“I’m not gonna fuck you,” Trevor says. “I’m just thinking, y’know, been a weird day. Maybe you want to talk about it.”
Maybe Trevor wants to talk about it, if he’s honest. It’s weird to have ‘might end up watching Chris get shagged by Robert’ just sitting there in his future. He kind of wants to know how likely it actually is.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Chris says. “Robert’s simply being inappropriate. Perhaps it’s taken a new form, but it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.”
Trevor drums his hands on the steering wheel for a moment. I suppose you might do in a pinch. “Maybe you should turn him down, then.”
“I have,” Chris says. There’s a moment’s hesitation. “Haven’t I?”
“Not that I heard,” Trevor says. “Maybe you implied it, but you know how Robert feels about subtext.” He pulls out his phone. “You want me to text him right now? I can tell him you’re not interested.”
Chris takes in a breath and opens his mouth and says absolutely nothing.
Huh.
“Unless you’re interested,” Trevor says, carefully.
Chris rubs a palm across his forehead. Runs his hands back through his hair, several times, in a motion that’s starting to look increasingly frantic. Trevor, sensing an incoming explosion, sits very still.
“He’s just impossible” is what bursts out of Chris at last. “If he’d just kissed me, or – if he’d made any effort to seduce me, to create a romantic scene—” He shakes his head, fiercely. “How am I supposed to know if I want this if he just... proposes it out of nowhere?”
Trevor shrugs. “Well, how does thinking about it make you feel?”
“Incredibly frustrated,” Chris mutters, his head in his hands. “I mean, what would you do in my position?”
Trevor thinks about that for a moment. And then for a moment more. Maybe for a moment too long; unhelpful things are starting to happen in the trouser region.
“I think I’d probably go for it,” he says at last.
“With Robert?” Chris echoes, incredulous. “Really? If you were me, or if you were you?”
“Not sure it really matters,” Trevor says. “Sex is sex; it’s good fun. It doesn’t have to be that big a deal. You haven’t said no yet; I’m guessing you don’t totally hate the idea. So, yeah, I’d probably go for it.”
Chris is silent for a long moment, looking at him.
“Even knowing your stage manager would be watching?” he asks at last.
“If I knew my handsome and reliable stage manager would be on the scene,” Trevor says, “I’d be even keener. At least I’d know someone’d be there to step in if things went wrong.”
“Step in in the sense of... offering medical attention?”
“Yeah, obviously. What’d you think I meant?”
“And you’re not... you’re not suggesting this just because you’d get to watch?”
“Chris,” Trevor says. “Do you seriously think I wouldn’t be able to find better porn than you and Robert if I wanted it?”
Chris closes his eyes. Breathes for a moment, slowly and shakily.
“It’s not a good idea, is it?” he asks at last.
“Nor was doing Hamilton,” Trevor says, “but that didn’t stop you. I can drive you to Robert’s if you want.”
“Can I wank?” Trevor thinks to ask, at the last moment.
“Absolutely not,” Robert says, glancing up from his stripping of Chris: swift, ruthless, practical. Chris looks like a rabbit staring up at a fox, if rabbits are ever kind of into that. “You are to be on call at all times as the medic for this scene. How do you expect to respond to an emergency if you’re coming all over the place?”
This could be a challenge. Trevor grits his teeth, braces himself.
It’s almost a relief when, two minutes in, he has to break out the defibrillator.
no subject
Robert deciding he needs a first aider on hand in case he breaks Chris's vertebrae or gets him pregnant is perfect!
Robert had considered "What if the sex puts Chris in the hospital?", but not "What if Chris doesn't want to sleep wtih me?"
Robert, you walked up to Chris and asked him out of the blue, and also you made a point of bringing Trevor along, you can't expect Chris to assume anything normal is happening!
Yes, Trevor, Robert is in love with Chris and also has "I could be in love with Trevor in a pinch" feelings, this isn't going to get less weird. (I suspect Robert is at least a little in love with everyone in the drama society.)
Chris chokes himself into the hospital before they even do anything!
Robert! This is so...Robert.
You can't put him in a situation this insane and deny him the satisfaction of seeing how it turns out!
I just got the vision of Robert partnering with Garth Marenghi! It is terrifying and amazing!
I love that Trevor thinks sex doesn't have to be a big deal and is advising Chris, to whom all things sexual are an extremely big deal.
I feel like Robert would actually be much better at sex parties than at most other social situations, and also I love the rabbit comparison.
no subject
Safe sex is important!
you can't expect Chris to assume anything normal is happening!
Incredibly phrased. Poor Chris; he so rarely gets to assume anything normal is happening.
Yes, Trevor, Robert is in love with Chris and also has "I could be in love with Trevor in a pinch" feelings, this isn't going to get less weird. (I suspect Robert is at least a little in love with everyone in the drama society.)
My reaction to this, you will be unsurprised to hear, is a delighted 'yes yes yessssss'.
I just got the vision of Robert partnering with Garth Marenghi! It is terrifying and amazing!
Holy shit. In some ways, Robert is the perfect actor for a Marenghi project, but their respective egos would lead them to clash so badly.
I love that Trevor thinks sex doesn't have to be a big deal and is advising Chris, to whom all things sexual are an extremely big deal.
Chris can't understand why he's surrounded by all these weirdos who don't hate themselves at the mere thought of sex.
Thank you so much!
no subject
I enjoy his absolute absence of boundaries and directness so much.
“As you may be aware,” Robert says, “sexual activity carries certain health risks. Choking, tearing, loss of consciousness, broken vertebrae, pregnancy—”
Only if you're doing it right
A frown crosses Robert’s face. “Hadn’t considered that. I suppose you might do in a pinch, although then we’ll need a different medic.”
In-cred-ible
“Would you like to have sex?” Robert asks, conversationally.
I would infinitely prefer it if people approached it this way tbh. One of the few good things about Grindr imo.
“I did not bring you here to compete with me for the role, Trevor,” Robert says, extremely stern. “If you insist on making this into an audition, I think it’s a foregone conclusion, but fine. Chris, take a seat and part your thighs.”
I had a cup in my hands when I read this and very nearly threw it
“I’m in love with you, I suppose,” Robert says, “or something similar.”
Hahahahhaa
Robert waves a hand in the air. “We can deal with all that later. Romance is not essential for this scene. What are your feelings on the matter of sex? Trevor is here to serve as a medic if required, so we can get down to business straight away.”
I cannot believe this also apparently worked on Chris's mother. Truly remarkable.
“I’ve explained to the doctor that you’re allergic to the concept of sex,” Robert announces, sweeping into the room.
*hoot*
“Ah,” Robert says, solemnly. “Drooling. Well, I suppose it’s understandable.” He sits down on the side of Chris’s bed; Trevor catches the way Chris’s eyes flicker across Robert, widening slightly. “If you’d like to take me up on my offer, this is in many ways the perfect location. If there are any medical issues, we can have you looked at straight away.”
robert why are you so fixated on medical issues
“You can’t do it here, anyway,” Trevor says. “I’m supposed to be your medic; you’d be putting me out of a job. I need to see how this car crash ends.”
He speaks for us all
the game of Cornley Drama Society Injury Bingo tacked up behind the reception desk.
*shriek* this feels like it could be canon
Trevor thinks about that for a moment. And then for a moment more. Maybe for a moment too long; unhelpful things are starting to happen in the trouser region.
Pervert
“If I knew my handsome and reliable stage manager would be on the scene,” Trevor says, “I’d be even keener. At least I’d know someone’d be there to step in if things went wrong.”
Love it
“Chris,” Trevor says. “Do you seriously think I wouldn’t be able to find better porn than you and Robert if I wanted it?”
He's so mean. He should try professional domming. It's probably less hazardous than stage managing.
“Can I wank?” Trevor thinks to ask, at the last moment.
Trevor if you'd said nothing they probably wouldn't even have noticed.
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He's a character who gets things done! I appreciate that, whenever I want something to happen in a fic, I can just make it Robert's goal and watch him determinedly pursue it into existence.
I had a cup in my hands when I read this and very nearly threw it
This made me smile SO HARD.
I cannot believe this also apparently worked on Chris's mother. Truly remarkable.
'I'm paying a visit to your mother this evening, Chris; I thought perhaps you could serve as the first aider for—'
'NO.'
robert why are you so fixated on medical issues
He encounters a lot of them! Acting's a dangerous business, you know.
He's so mean. He should try professional domming.
I would be FASCINATED to see this.
Thank you so much!
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This was, like, a really good summary for getting me to click on this fic.
I need to see how this car crash ends.
My feelings exactly!
“Nor was doing Hamilton,” Trevor says, “but that didn’t stop you. I can drive you to Robert’s if you want.”
This made me laugh.
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