Disclaimer: I Realise That Unions Are Good Things.

[rionaleonhart]

...FINE, ROYAL MAIL, GO ON STRIKE WHEN I AM JUST DISCOVERING THE JOYS OF PHYSICAL POST. I was just about to make a 'hey, who wants a letter?' offer, too. I suppose I'll have to make it in a week or so. Also, I've posted a couple of things in the last few days, and I'll be quite annoyed if they don't get delivered until next Thursday. (I'm not optimistic enough to think that the letter I posted this morning will have made it to Vermont already, so that's probably going to languish in a pillarbox for a while.)

Still, at least draegonhawke's letter, which is a hilarious and wonderful combination of observations on the magazine-publishing industry and musings on which current politicians are most likely to secretly be the Master (with a bonus drawing of Fran with a Pidgeot), made it through before the strike came into effect. Thank you so much, draegonhawke!

COMPLETE CHANGE OF SUBJECT TIME.

If you feel like it, write a ficsnippet for a pairing you cannot stand and would never usually write in the comments. Try to portray the pairing fairly, rather than just writing the snippet as a way of displaying All The Reasons This Pairing Is Wrong Wrong Wrong and having it culminate in one character killing the other.* Because I think it could be really interesting! I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU BROADEN YOUR WRITERLY HORIZONS; THIS IS NOT AN UTTERLY TRANSPARENT AND SELFISH ATTEMPT TO GET PEOPLE TO WRITE FIC FOR ME AT ALL.

* Of course, if you genuinely believe that there is no way the pairing can possibly not end in murder, kill away! Er, in the ficsnippet.

Comments

[reipan.livejournal.com]

Write to me, plzkthnx ^_^ Mail makes me happy.

[rionaleonhart]

I will write to you when the Royal Mail employees have stopped asking for stupid things like rights and reasonable wages. Tsk, honestly.

[jantalaimon.livejournal.com]

TITLE: Go Like The Clappers
FANDOM: Just guess. Go on. >3
AUTHOR: Janni
WORD COUNT: Oh, you don't care, do you?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is all your fault. And possibly dracothelizard's.

She should have known she was in for it.

Something just didn't seem...right, somehow.

Usually, things were very simple. Go to the studio, look cute, get fed, listen to those three great oversized pillocks go on and on in some language she didn't understand, then go home and get fed + cossetted by the shortish one with the shiny white, very healthy-looking teeth.

If she'd been smart, she'd have run as soon as she saw that other tall one, the one with the fur on his head curlier than her own pull up alongside her in one of those weird machines they liked to move about in.

If she'd understood English, she'd have heard the lyrics "If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right" come warbling out the window of said conveyance in a terribly off-key, badly-timed cacophony.

Instead, she just heard noise.

If she'd understood English, she'd definitely have run as far and as fast away as she could...but regrettably, she did what she had been hired to do instead.

She sat and looked cute and bored. And continued to do so even when the vehicle stopped, and a red-faced and at least partially-pissed Jeremy Clarkson reached out, picked her off the ground and gently placed her on the passenger's seat whilst hastily hitting the "all windows up" button on his door panel.

The stock car stereo was truly amazing; no-one could hear Top Gear Dog's whimpering, no matter how loud it got.

[rionaleonhart]

YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON EVER.

I KNOW THAT I HAVE SAID THAT OF A COUPLE OF OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THIS TIME IT IS TRUE.

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

You are a sick, sick, sick woman.

(I've said that before, haven't I?)

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

...

Damn. I was going to write JC/TGD.

(Incidentally, you are fantastic and evil. When I grow up, can I be you?)

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Top Gear Dog :( *hugs her a lot*

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

[write a ficsnippet for a pairing you cannot stand and would never usually write in the comments]

WHAT, YOU MEAN EVERY PAIRING EVER?

...I could write a ficsnippet for a pairing you can't stand.... :P

SMILE.

SMIIIILE (http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/01/12/Barack_Obama_070112031201489_wideweb__300x375.jpg). (http://www.ethanol360.com/brk.jpg) ()

[rionaleonhart]

Hee! I did think of you while I was suggesting the challenge, in a 'well, she'd certainly find it easy to find a pairing she's less than fond of' way.

Go on, tell me: what pairings can't I stand?

[jantalaimon.livejournal.com]

You know, if you really did write Obama x Obama, you could call it "Obamanation."

Just saying. >3

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

I did try, but apparently not even your oddly persuasive brand of capslocking can make House/Cameron in any way comprehensible.

Oh, the horror, the horror.

[rionaleonhart]

Isn't there any form in which you could write House/Cameron? I'm rather interested in the idea of House, in a secret relationship with Wilson, cheating on him with the unaware Cameron purely to make them both miserable.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_princess_han_/]

ILU! I checked my mail and screamed really quite loudly when I spotted I had post, then opened it and started grinning like a wild woman at Richard/Richard. I love getting post from people who are as insane as I am!

[aestivalis]

Wh-wh-what? Postal strike? B-but, my doujinshi! D:

Oh, tragic times.

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

Uh, forgive me?

I'm not sure how much this fits your request, but it's Jeremy/TGD (sorrysorrysorry) just from the other direction. It's a bit nasty (sorry). Probably a 18 and slightly warped (sorry).

Have I mentioned how sorry I am?

--

Looking down at the three dogs staring up at her, TG turned her hands over again.

These finger things were odd. She wriggled them again, oddly pleased that it had worked.

She looked at the door with a little trepidation but figured that if humans could figure out how to use them, it couldn't be all that hard. But that could come later- first things first, the little matter of revenge.

Ignoring the Jack Russell and the King Charles Spaniel, she seized the Wolfhound by the scruff of its neck and dragged it over to the sofa, snatching up the broom from the corner of the office.

Holding him down she leant over to hiss in Jeremy's ear: “Now, let's see how much you like it.”

--

[rionaleonhart]

That is hilarious and also incredibly awful. (The dog varieties are so perfectly right for them!)

[jantalaimon.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD.

Now, seriously. Why would you want to be ME when obviously being YOU is nothing short of deliciously evil + fantastic? XD

[culf.livejournal.com]

I am utterly convinced you did this just because you wanted TGD/anyone. You see, the first pairing I thought of was House/Cameron, but on one hand, it would be too easy, on the other, it'd make me feel too angry. Then I thought of Buffy/Giles, but that made me feel physically ill. Then my sister reminded me that there are people out there who believe in Harry/Hermione, but by then, it was too late. I'd already started writing, you see. I wanted to do something Life on Mars related, but couldn't think of any pairing I hated enough. I tried to pair Ray up with anyone, and it still didn't feel too wrong. I didn't even remember that I could bring Frank Morgan into the mix, so I decided on a tiny little crossover. This means I'm now working on a DS Ray Carling/TGD fic, but it's gonna be a bit longer than a snippet, so you'll have to wait.
I'm going to the special hell, aren't I? Do you want me to tell Mal hi from you?

[rionaleonhart]

I will admit that I was wondering how many people would go for Top Gear Dog pairings. I hadn't really expected everyone to! The trouble is that quite a few people on my flist are of the willing-to-embrace-all-pairings variety, so they have to go for things that actively squick them rather than pairings in which they just don't like the dynamics.

P.S. RAY CARLING/TOP GEAR DOG IS INSANE AND YOU MAY BE A BIT OF A GENIUS FOR COMING UP WITH IT.

[newbie1990.livejournal.com]

I don't actually have any pairings I truly hate. I mean, the canon version of Remus/Tonks is mildly annoying (why is your hair pink? It is Dumbledore's funeral), but I've read Remus/Tonks fics that were very good, and...yes, anyway, I FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD DO THIS. IT IS ONLY FAIR.

Also, I only heard about this postal strike through your journal. WHY YES I AM OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE WORLD.

House, in a secret relationship with Wilson, cheating on him with the unaware Cameron purely to make them both miserable.

BEST IDEA EVER.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, yes, Remus/Tonks. I really didn't like it in the canon, because Tonks was so awesome before she went all WOE REMUS DOESN'T LOVE ME I WILL NOW MOPE AROUND AND LOSE ALL MY POWERS. Also, Remus so clearly married her just to cheer her up and not because of any actual feeling on his side. So, er, maybe that's a pairing I should attempt if I do this.

I rely on Livejournal as my primary source of news, so I completely understand!

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

...you know, in the "Trying to create a fandom (involving real people) from absolutely nothing" department, you might want to take a gander at synecdochic's latest post (http://synecdochic.livejournal.com/162464.html). (I think I see the words "how can there be no fic?" and immediately think of you, now.)

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

I need my brain bleaching, stat. I saw the link to pokerslash above and someone mentioned that there *is* snookerslash.

My brain is now filled with humping Stephen Hendrys and Ray Reardons (and, worse, Dean Reynolds humping Steve Davies, which is really, really bizarre) Please send help, less my brain melt.

(And I would write you the snippet, truly I would, but.... eugh...)

[rionaleonhart]

I just went hunting, and look what I found!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Doctor!" Rose gushed. "I knew you'd be back for me!"

"Of course I would be, Rose," the Doctor said, smiling. "Breaking through the barrier between parallel dimensions turned out to be incredibly easy, actually."

"Now we can be together forever!" Rose hugged him tightly, and he hugged her back. "I never doubted it for a second, 'cause obviously I'm the love of your life and no other person in the entire universe could ever compare to me!" She beamed at him.

"I have never met anyone as caring and selfless and clever and human as you, Rose. I should've realised earlier, and should never have tried to pick up other women to travel with me, because they only reminded me of how wonderful you are and how crap they are in comparison," the Doctor told her.

"Oh, Doctor, I've got to tell Mum and Pete and Mickey and everyone that you're back! I never stopped thinking about you once, Doctor."

"Before you do that, Rose, can I ask you a question?" The Doctor looked rather serious for a moment.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

The Doctor got down on one knee, and took her hand. "Only if you don't want me to make an honourable woman out of you before we have sex with each other for the first time and start to repopulate Gallifrey with our beautiful babies."

Rose squealed with delight as she saw the unique ring the Doctor had. It looked expensive but not flashy, just the sort of thing she had always wanted. "You've made me the happiest girl in the universe!"

"And you've made me the happiest Time Lord in the universe!"

And they lived happily ever after and had lots of babies.

---

Nothing against Doctor/Rose, just against the fics where they are OMGSOULMATESFOREVERZ.

[culf.livejournal.com]

Quelle horrour! That's why I can't get into the DW fanfics. They're infested with Doctor/Rose fics, and the pairing does nothing for me. Of the three companions I've seen him have, Donna is without doubt the most awesome. Rose was so unbelievable ordinary that I can't believe he loved her that much.