Just Taking Another Sip Of My 'Water'.

[rionaleonhart]

Here is the second episode of Charlie Brooker's Radio 4 panel show, So Wrong It's Right, on iPlayer! The panel are Lee Mack, Josie Long and Tom Basden, and it literally made me laugh until I cried. You may be able to listen to it if you're outside the UK, as I think radio on iPlayer isn't as restricted as television; can anyone confirm?


I've been seeing a fair bit of vitriol about Victoria Coren on the Internet, and it's annoying me. I'm sure it's possible for her not to be to one's tastes, but I genuinely believe that she is intelligent and witty and that much of the dislike of her is spawned from pure sexism. I hope I'm wrong, but I suspect people are thinking 'oh, she's the token panel show woman, she won't be any good', and so fail to appreciate her because they're already determined to be disappointed. I think women in comedy are generally judged far more harshly than men.

Anyway, I had the pleasure of seeing Ms Coren in person yesterday, because causethesounds, chocolatepeach, anewcitylife and I went to see Heresy being recorded! If, like me, you've never heard Heresy before: it's a Radio 4 panel show in which the panel argue against commonly-held opinions. The host is the lovely Victoria Coren; the panel on this occasion were David Schneider, David Mitchell and a man who was not called David and therefore unimportant. He will not be mentioned again.*

The recording was extremely short (under an hour! For comparison: Would I Lie To You? recordings take about three hours to ultimately produce an episode of the same length), so this won't be a very long report, but here's what I can remember.




Prior to the recording, the producer told the joke, 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'

I laughed an embarrassing amount.



After the guests had come on but before the actual recording started:

Coren: Has anyone in the audience been drinking? David, I know you're drunk.
Mitchell: As always.



Mitchell watched a lot of television as a child and felt judged. 'I was never going to be a proper person, and I was destroying my imagination by watching Knight Rider.'

Later, explaining the allure of television: 'And moving pictures! And people who look you in the eye.'



Every time Teletubbies came on when Schneider's children were younger, he was forced to act out the opening sequence.

Schneider: Fortunately, this is radio, so I can't do that here.
Coren: Oh, but you can.



A man in the audience who strongly agreed that the television should not be used as a babysitter was asked why.

Audience Man: Well, I watched a lot of television as a child, and I do now have a Transformers tattoo.



On the subject of eating animals that are kept as pets: Schneider thinks the test for whether a species should be considered edible should be whether it can perform tricks that will draw millions of hits on YouTube. If it can, don't eat it.



Coren: (on someone who refused to eat cute things) But who is she to say that a rabbit is cuter than a crayfish?
Mitchell: I have to agree with her on that. There are some things, mammals, that are cute and furry and you want to hug them even if they'd kill you, and then there are other things, like crustaceans, that are basically miniaturised monsters.

He then recounted a traumatic childhood experience of seeing a lobster being boiled alive and being convinced that it wanted to kill him.



Schneider: This got me thinking about people I would eat. ...just me? Would I want to eat someone only if I knew where they'd been, like a loved one, or would I eat... David over there?
Mitchell: You'd want to restrict yourself to people who are trained in overstaffed areas of the economy. So plumbers, no, because of the shortage of plumbers. People with degrees in media studies...
(later)
Schneider: If you're not a vegetarian, then not eating certain animals... I mean, it should be all or nothing, really.
Mitchell: I don't know; I don't want to sound holier-than-thou, but I wouldn't actually eat a human.



Mitchell: The thing is, it'd be weird eating your pets, because you've cared for them and bonded with them and grown to love them, so the solution is to only eat other people's.



Coren: Yes, some people baulk at the idea of eating their pets. Fortunately, that's not a problem for me, because I have two pets: a haddock and a potato.



Mitchell promotes his work on Twitter as part of his plan to accrue as much money as possible and then use it to take over the world. (He actually used the word 'accrue'.) He only talks about his work, he said, because he doesn't believe in giving away free jokes.

Later, a man from the audience was asked about his opinion on Twitter.

Audience Man: I actually follow the three members of the panel who are on Twitter, and they sometimes tweet entertaining things.
Mitchell: I don't. If you've been entertained by one of my tweets, I think you owe me some money.



During pickups, Coren was leafing through her script and exclaimed, 'How did I not ask, "David Schneider, would you eat a weasel?" That's the best question I've ever written.'




Whilst waiting for the venue doors to open, we decided that Charlie Brooker should record Mills & Boon audiobooks. In incredibly sarcastic tones. With mock-wanking noises.

It would be a delight.

(Oh, and Team Too Many Recordings brought tiny cakes to congratulate me on meeting my deadline! ♥! (Victoria sponges, appropriately enough.))


* Nothing against the man; I just genuinely can't remember anything he said.