Trabia Garden

th_esaurus sent me this Taskmaster fanvid and I could not process any of it, including the parts I'd seen before. Why is this light entertainment game show so kinky??? I'm not complaining, necessarily, but I'm very confused.

More notes on Taskmaster! We've just finished series seven.


( Notes on Taskmaster, mainly series five and seven. )


Finally, here is perhaps the best exchange I've ever heard in an interview (source):

Russell Howard: So, if the world came to an end, what would be your biggest regret?
Greg Davies: Every winter, when it first goes cold, I pull a muscle in my left shoulder, and I'm reminded of the fact that when I was thirteen I tried to suck my own cock.

I haven't written a post flat-out advertising a canon in years, but I'm having so much fun with Taskmaster and I want everyone else to have fun as well!

I've really missed comedy. I had no idea how much I'd missed comedy. I hadn't watched any panel shows in years, and it never occurred to me that this was a void in my life. Yes, I had a great time in my passionate panel show fandom days, but I didn't feel I was suffering from any sort of comedy deficiency.

And then th_esaurus introduced me to Taskmaster.

And it turns out that laughter is great.

Taskmaster is a British panel/game show in which five celebrities compete in a series of ridiculous tasks. Their efforts are judged by Greg Davies, the Taskmaster.

So long as the contestants stay within the rules specified, they can use any tools available to complete the task. The tools available generally include Alex Horne, the Taskmaster's assistant. Horne is extremely unhelpful if you ask him to clarify the task, but will do just about anything you request.

This is perhaps the root of how astonishingly horny the fandom is. I'm not planning to get into Taskmaster RPF (I think my RPF days are behind me, although they made me some great friends!), but th_esaurus sent me the list of the ten most-used additional tags for Taskmaster works on AO3, and I'd never seen anything like it. In my experience, the most-used additional tag for any fandom on AO3 is almost invariably 'fluff'. For Taskmaster, 'fluff' is nowhere in sight; the most-used tag is 'dom/sub'. (Also in the top ten: 'humiliation', 'obedience', 'restraints' and 'painplay'.)

Anyway! I'm glad the fans are having fun, but I'm not into Taskmaster because it's erotic; I'm into Taskmaster because it is hilarious. I'm watching it with my household now, and we've had to pause episodes because we were all laughing too hard to keep going. It's proved particularly good to watch when we're upset; it's fun and engaging enough to be distracting, without demanding the level of focus that fiction does.

We started out on series twelve, and we've now jumped back to watch from the beginning, which is sort of fascinating. I'd expected to find the show had changed substantially over the course of its twelve series, but the format is almost exactly the same; the only major difference is that the present-day episodes are socially distanced, for obvious reasons. And I'd thought the 'Alex will do any bullshit you ask him to' aspect might take a few series to manifest - I'd envisioned that maybe one contestant would test the limits of what you can request after a while, and then others would pick up on that - but as early as episode two he's being forced to eat a hot toothpaste pie.

One interesting thing about Taskmaster is that each series focuses on a single group of contestants across five to ten episodes, so you have time to get to know the contestants and their approach to tasks, and they have time to get to know each other. Different groups can have very different dynamics. The series twelve team are very friendly and supportive with each other! The series one team are incredibly cutthroat.

Taskmaster is a Channel 4 show, and it's available on All 4, if you have access to that. If you're looking for something engaging and ridiculous, I recommend it! Series twelve involves Victoria Coren Mitchell, which is how th_esaurus managed to hook me in, and she's great on it. (Well, she's terrible, but in a great way.)

So this appeared in The Times this morning.

I'm going to pretend that all these line breaks are for suspense, but in fact they're so the pictures will be correctly centred on my layout.














Frankly, if celebrities didn't want me getting weirdly invested in their personal lives, they probably shouldn't be entering into engagements that are genuinely the most perfect thing in the entire world. Congratulations, you two. I hope you produce fabulously witty and intelligent children, and I hope you're so happy that rainbows sprout up wherever you place your feet and everyone else cries with jealousy. You are both inspirations to me. Keep on being excellent.

My favourite quote so far from For Richer, For Poorer, Victoria Coren's poker memoirs:

There is not enough money in the world for Ram. He is ever so handsome and the lady croupiers get lost in his big dark eyes, but Ram doesn't seem to notice women. If the dealer was topless, Ram would still look at the cards. He once had a girlfriend who asked Ram to write her a love poem. He wrote, 'On the moors there's heather and bramble, but all I want to do is gamble.' They are not together any more.

(I'm reading this book very slowly, I know, but it's absolutely not because I'm not enjoying it. I am savouring it. It's a great book to take to a coffee shop and read over a mug of hot chocolate.)

I bought For Richer, For Poorer on the way to see The Unbelievable Truth being recorded a couple of weeks ago, which leads nicely into my next paragraph: whilst waiting for the recording to begin, valderys and I started talking about throwing underwear at David Mitchell, for some reason (as a general concept; we weren't making plans). We eventually concluded that the only way one could fittingly throw pants at Mitchell would be if they were very sensible plain M&S knickers, still in the five-pack. Nobody should actually do this; there's too much potential for injury, and you'd almost certainly be kicked out of the recording. It's just a thought that amuses me.


I spent the weekend at my aunt's, and in the course of the visit I read The Worry Website, one of many Jacqueline Wilson books belonging to my adorable tiny cousin-once-removed. I cried. I haven't read a Jacqueline Wilson book in so many years, and I'd forgotten what a wonderful writer for children she is.

You know, my first attempt at fanfiction - conceived before I even knew what fanfiction was - was actually a wildly ambitious idea for a film called Harry Potter and the Double Act Twins, in which Ruby and Garnet, the twins from Jacqueline Wilson's Double Act, went to Hogwarts. My best friend from primary school and I were going to write the script and play the twins. There were extremely fierce fights about who got to play Garnet, which, because I am meeker (...more Garnet-like, in fact), I lost.

I still have my handwritten notes on problems we would need to get around when filming it. These notes tell me that I was thinking we could get the necessary owls from bird sanctuaries, although what I've actually written is 'bird sancuo places'. The plan for Quidditch is 'Players sit on brooms suspended by springy wires. They will easily be able to swing round'. There's an illustration, but I note that the illustration doesn't show exactly what the brooms are to be suspended from.

To my recollection, we only actually rehearsed one scene, which involved my brother Joseph (playing Harry Potter) crawling along the landing towards the imagined Voldemort and snarling 'YOU... KILLED... MY... PARENTS' in the most dramatic way you've ever heard.

LET'S ALL REMINISCE ABOUT JACQUELINE WILSON'S BOOKS. I suppose it's possible that you didn't read her books as a child, in which case I can only apologise for your life. Go back in time, read them, and then come back here and join in the reminiscing.

(EDIT: There was another Only Connect wall puzzle here, but as it has now been completed I've popped it under a cut.)


( Only Connect colour wall (now solved!). )


Trying to think of something to include in this entry so it doesn't consist solely of an obnoxious puzzle, I've just realised that I never linked to Kevin Bridges' Would I Lie to You? horse story! In fact, have a handful of my favourite claims.

Reginald D. Hunter: The 'D' in my name stands for 'Delicious'.
David Mitchell: I've had to prise open my bedroom door for the last two years, ever since the door handle fell off.
David Mitchell: As a child, I used to play board games against a bucket with a face painted on it. I called this bucket Stephen Tatlock.
Kevin Bridges: I once accidentally bought a horse.

If you've never seen Would I Lie to You?, I would highly encourage checking some of these out. The concept is that a panellist on one team reads out a claim and the other team have to determine whether it's true or false. It makes me laugh aloud more than any other programme.

Oh, I'd forgotten to mention one of my favourite parts of the Would I Lie to You? recording on Friday! Apparently, a woman once asked Lee Mack to sign her chest, but the pen she gave him didn't work, so without thinking he went over to her other breast and scribbled on it in an attempt to get the ink flowing again.

Also, during the 'This Is My...' round:

Coren: (interrogating Mitchell) All right. One question, and you have to answer this honestly.
Mitchell: Yes. No! No, I don't have to answer it honestly!
Coren: When the producers said 'we're going to bring on the man who has a tattoo of you on one knee and Robert Webb on the other', was your reaction 'oh, good; I'd like to meet him again'?
Mitchell: (glances at the guest, Simon) ...I was obviously delighted by the prospect of furthering my acquaintance with Simon.


To continue the week's unexpected but not unwelcome theme of The Comedy World Bends To Riona's Will, valderys was kind enough to bring me along to another Would I Lie to You? recording on Sunday, and Charlie Brooker was there. He was on Lee Mack's team as well, so he could shout at David Mitchell, which is always a plus.

Other guests were Gregg Wallace of MasterChef, Nina Wadia of EastEnders and Nigel Havers, who has appeared in various things. But Charlie Brooker was there, so they aren't important.

Here is my report!


( Would I Lie to You? recording, 6th March 2011. )


Thank you so much to valderys for the ticket! (How are you so addictive, comedy recordings?) I hope you all enjoy the writeup.

Yesterday, sos_your_face and I went to a recording of Would I Lie to You?. On the journey to the studios, I mentioned that Victoria Coren hadn't appeared on the game before and I'd love to see her there.

'You've said it, so now it's going to happen,' sos_your_face said, referring back to an earlier discussion of my weird power to alter reality: the way Charlie Brooker began flirting with David Mitchell only after I began theoretically 'shipping them, the way I came away from an earlier Would I Lie to You? filming thinking Keeley Hawes/David Mitchell would be adorable and subsequently along came this sketch. 'I'm going to be really disappointed if she's not there tonight. I'm just going to leave and go home.'

'Right,' I said. 'Well, I apologise in advance if on this occasion my reality-warping powers let you down.'


Fast-forward a couple of hours and you'd find us sitting in the studio.

'Next,' Rob Brydon said, 'please welcome to the stage one of my favourite writers, presenters and poker players...'

I actually exclaimed 'Yes!' aloud.

So, yes! On David Mitchell's team were Chris Packham and Mackenzie Crook; on Lee Mack's were Rhod Gilbert and ♥ Victoria Coren ♥. I was convinced for several minutes after Coren's appearance that I was dreaming.

(Victoria Coren is, incidentally, the best player of Would I Lie to You? as a game ever. She got every single claim right.)


Here are some things that I remember from the recording! For anyone unfamiliar with the concept of Would I Lie to You?: a panellist on one team reads out a fact about themselves from a card, and the other team cross-examine them in order to determine whether the fact is true or false.


( Would I Lie to You? recording, 4th March 2011. )


At the end, Coren put on her duffel coat and she and Mitchell walked away together and Mitchell stepped down from the set and held out his hand to assist her and she took it and stepped down and it was the most adorable thing ever. It's fine if you don't want to get married and produce the world's most intelligent and sarcastic children, guys, but I think it would be a great loss to humanity.

Having watched last night's episode (6.08) of Waterloo Road, I... might sort of 'ship Vicki/Chris. I shouldn't, but I do. (AT LEAST IT'S BETTER THAN JOSH/TOM.)

My housemate, who is unfond of Waterloo Road, came home after the episode finished. The subsequent exchange is blacked out due to not-very-specific spoilers for the episode; highlight to read.



DREAMS OF LATE SUMMARISED IN THREE SENTENCES OR FEWER:

- Dreamt that I was Ginny Weasley, and Francesca Montoya of Waterloo Road was blackmailing me, Ron and Hermione into smuggling drugs. I would not have expected this of you, Cesca. Inexplicably, I thought several times throughout the dream 'this really reminds me of primary school'. ( And more condensed dreams under the cut. )


I'm still working my way through Waterloo Road's back catalogue, and episode 2.10 made me so sad. Lorna.


The Best Waterloo Road Fic Ever
Once upon a time, Lorna was sad, which was understandable because everything constantly went wrong in her life. She tried to hide the fact that she was sad, because that's what she does, but someone noticed, possibly Izzie, and everyone gave her a hug. Even Mika, who somehow magically got over her resentment of her. Even Josh, whom she hadn't even met because he doesn't appear for another three series. Everyone. Also Tom punched himself in the balls, precipitating his development into a better person, and then he, Izzie and Lorna all settled down into a three-way relationship and finally stopped ruining each other's lives.

The End

(Seriously, somebody write some Tom/Izzie/Lorna. It's not even that Waterloo Road is a fandom in which nobody's writing fanfiction; there's a section on fanfiction.net with 350 fics in it. It's just that nobody is writing the things I want to read. 'I wonder whether there's any Josh/Finn? All right, no... Chris/Vicki? Tom/Izzie/Lorna? Someone must have written Brett/Davina, surely.' NO. THEY NEVER HAVE. With its rapidly changing cast, Waterloo Road has more than sixty significant characters, so I suppose many more than 350 fics would be required to cover all the possibilities, but still.)

The media I enjoy tend to fall into one of two categories: things with tiny or nonexistent fandoms, and things with massive fandoms and terrible reputations. As, over the past year, I have written fanfiction for The Mentalist (which seems to have a surprisingly small fandom output despite its popularity), Charlie Brooker, Shadow of the Colossus, someone else's original characters, Peep Show and Derren Brown, several of which had no fandom at all when I discovered them, my focus of late appears very much to have been on the former.

It looks as if I may be adding something new to my list of 'popular but divisive things I'm slightly hesitant to admit to enjoying', though, because.

Well.

I've started watching Glee.

I know for a fact that there are people on my flist who genuinely hate Glee, so at this point I have to pause to apologise to them. I actually started up the first episode thinking 'goodness, I hope I don't enjoy this, because then I'm going to talk about it and my flist will glare at me'. If it's any consolation, I don't think it's going to really become a fandom of mine; so far, I have literally no desire to read or write fanfiction about any of the characters. I'm enjoying it, but purely in a 'this is quite fun to watch' way.

I don't think it's even going to become something I talk about much, because at the moment, having watched the first two episodes, I have exactly one thought on it, and it is this:

I AM ALARMED BY HOW HOT I FIND KURT'S THRUSTING IN THE 'PUSH IT' SEQUENCE. It is at about 0.15 in this video. I have rewatched it at least ten times. I can't stop.

(Well, that and 'why go to such obvious trouble to create a diverse cast and then only actually give lines to the straight white able-bodied people?', but it's early days, so perhaps the characters of minorities will come to have a role in the storyline. On the other hand, perhaps it entirely fails to improve and that's why Glee seems to be regarded with such scorn; whilst I know that Glee seems to be disliked by many, I haven't been paying close enough attention to know why. I suppose I shall find out!)


Unrelatedly, a strange side-effect of being a fan of Victoria Coren (who, incidentally, would make a lovely couple with derryderrydown (don't mind me; just received a request to abuse my journal's powers of warping reality)): rather than being irritated by online poker advertisements, I've started smiling fondly at them. Er, all right?

I really shouldn't look at forum comments about You Have Been Watching, because they just end up making me angry.

it could've been improved by ditching that Holly Walsh bint and replacing her with someone who's actually funny and would have contributed to the show

No, Internet. No. Shut up. Holly Walsh contributed, if I recall correctly, more than Mark Watson, but you're not criticising him; chances are you just ignored her contributions because she's an attractive young woman and so you assumed she wouldn't have anything to say worth hearing before she'd even opened her mouth.

It is fine not to find her funny! It is the blatant untruth of saying that she didn't contribute that makes me suspect differences in comedic taste aren't the only factor at work here.

Maybe they could have the next series with a regular panel of David Mitchell, Robert Webb, Reginald D Hunter and Victoria Coren - to look pretty.

OH MY GOD, INTERNET, SHUT UP.

The different standard to which female panel show guests are held really does make me seethe. It is fine not to like Victoria Coren or Josie Long or Holly Walsh or Sue Perkins or Jo Brand or Sarah Millican or Shappi Khorsandi or Lucy Porter or Catherine Tate or Miranda Hart as a performer. It really is. Some of them I love; some of them I can take or leave. It's the same with male comedians; I'm generally not a fan of Frankie Boyle's material, but I understand he's a popular comedian, and I've never really found Andy Parsons funny. They're just not to my tastes. That's fine.

But so often women are simply dismissed as the 'token panel show woman'. So often people seem to assume, the second they see that a panellist has breasts, that she isn't going to be funny, and of course if the viewer is already working under that assumption any woman on the panel is going to have to work much harder than the men to impress them. I know this attitude exists, because, to my shame, I've had to catch it and train it out of myself. Then there's the appearance paradox, which I simply haven't seen in comments about male comedians: women in comedy are criticised if they're attractive, because obviously in that case they're just there to provide 'eye candy' (as we all know, if you spend all the points you gain on levelling up on Charisma, you won't have any left to spend on Intelligence, and I see no reason why we shouldn't apply RPG logic to real life), and they're criticised if they're not attractive, because then what's the point of having them there?

THEY ARE THERE TO MAKE HUMOROUS COMMENTS, INTERNET. THEY ARE THERE TO BE FUNNY. AND, IF YOU GAVE THEM A CHANCE, YOU MIGHT FIND THAT THEY SUCCEED. THEY GET SOME RESPECT; YOU ENJOY PANEL SHOWS MORE. IT IS A WIN-WIN SITUATION.

Perhaps it's easier to name truly outstanding male comedians than it is to name female ones, but I suspect that's just because there are fewer female comedians, and, given the way they're treated, is that a surprise?

In conclusion: shut up, Internet. Shut up, shut up, shut up. There are good female comedians, but you are never going to realise this unless you gain enough respect for women to be able to laugh at them.

(This rant isn't directed at any of you; I just felt it needed to be said.)