My Name Is Twilight And I Am A Dracula.

[rionaleonhart]

Tales of Riona's Family: once upon a time, my father went into a McDonalds' bathroom. They had, he noticed, installed rather fancy new urinals: stainless steel, set into the wall.

There he was, happily pissing away, when another man walked past.

"That's a sink," the man said.


On the subject of public toilets: if you have a room full of ladies, in case ladies are required, and you wish to put a sign on the door conveying this, how do you word it to avoid the mistaken assumption that the door leads to the ladies' toilets, rather than simply to a room containing ladies? 'Room Containing Ladies' is a bit clunky. 'Ladies' or 'Ladies Room' obviously wouldn't work. 'Lady Room', whilst not usually used to signpost a lavatory, could be taken for an attempt at 'Ladies' Room' by a grammatically challenged signwriter.

This is genuinely the sort of thing I think about from day to day. I was pondering this a little while ago, and eventually asked reipan for help. She suggested 'Ladies Within', which I think is rather delightful.


You know what would be amazing? A rewrite of the Twilight series, with Sharpay from High School Musical in the role of Bella. She would severely test Edward's resolution not to kill, not by smelling delicious but by constantly pursuing him and forcing him to sing upbeat duets with her. I would laugh incessantly.

("And the best part is you already sparkle, so we don't even need the sequined outfit!"

"Please leave me alone.")

Oh, yes, and of course she would demand that Edward turn her not because she wants eternal life but because she wants to glitter in the sunlight, ignoring Edward's protests that vampires have a responsibility to hide their existence. Also because being turned into a vampire makes you super hot. Not that she's not super hot already, obviously, but being a little more fabulous is never a bad thing.

Comments

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Only if Ryan sulks around in the background.

[rionaleonhart]

And how could he not? He's a bit taken with Jacob.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

The vampire versus werewolves MUSICAL SHOWDOWN.

[yumiboo.livejournal.com]

You know what would be amazing? A rewrite of the Twilight series, with Sharpay from High School Musical in the role of Bella.

I want this to be wrote, just because of the line, "And the best part is you already sparkle, so we don't even need the sequined outfit!"
My god, this is beautiful and wrong and full of sugary sweetness and cavities.

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

I am apparently incapable of trying to solve your room containing ladies conundrum without Sounding A Bit Like A Serial Killer. LADY CONTAINER! LADY BOX!

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

'Ladies Only', perhaps?

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

Nah, that just implies that it's a restroom that ONLY ladies may use.

[rionaleonhart]

Ah, but this is a room of ladies, rather than a room for ladies. If you require an actress, for example, or a female voiceover artist, or a woman to be photographed for a magazine advertisement, you might go to the room of ladies in order to meet someone who can help. Non-ladies who require a lady are permitted to enter. 'Only Ladies' would be closer, but it's still not entirely clear.

It's possible that I'm thinking too much about this. I am unlikely to ever actually be called upon to label a room full of ladies.

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I want this Twilight rewrite so hard. You had me at "instead of Bella". Even my Twihard friend hates her! (Not... not that I know any Twihards or voluntarily associate with them. >.>)

[rionaleonhart]

I'm quite interested in knowing what percentage of people who have read Twilight actually like the character of Bella 'Stupid Unattractive Humans With Their Stupid Being Nice To Me' Swan. I imagine it's quite small. (There is no need to dissociate yourself! Twilight fans are not inherently bad people. I wouldn't call myself a fan of Twilight by any means, and I think the books are terribly written, but the amount of loathing expressed towards fans in some corners of the Internet makes me a bit uncomfortable.)

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I don't seriously dissociate myself, I just have fun pretending that they're socially unacceptable, on the level of prostitutes and vegetarians.

She also doesn't find RPattz attractive; I think she has some good sense, even if she does read Twilight for fun.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Which, considering she's happy to associate with me, is really not very serious social stigma.

(Just so you know, I'm not a prostitute.)

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking of you when I added vegetarians. I thought "Wolfy'll see that and get a laugh out of it."

[faeries-bite.livejournal.com]

I love your brain. And you, of course, but mainly your brain.
Despite my contempt for both HSM and Twilight, I would read the hell out of that. It would be the perfect place to use that immortal line: 'Do I dazzle you?'

As to your lavatory-intended-for-the-use-of-the-female-of-the-species-ONLY dilemma, may I suggest a sign of the pictorial variety, which is not only universally recognisable and understood, but entirely sidesteps the problem?

[rionaleonhart]

It would be the perfect place to use that immortal line: 'Do I dazzle you?'

Ahahaha, it really would! Sharpay is far more dazzling than Edward Cullen.

The problem is that this hypothetical room isn't a lavatory; it is simply a room full of ladies. Perhaps I shouldn't be thinking about this so much. I'm not sure how many establishments face this particular signing problem.

[squeemu.livejournal.com]

I laughed so much at the tale of your dad and the McDonald's bathroom. It sounds disturbingly like something my dad would do. Also, "happily pissing away," is one of the best phrases ever.

Although not as awesome as "we don't even need the sequined outfit!" I REALLY, REALLY WANT YOU TO WRITE THIS. Pleeease. It would be amazing.

[cobecat.livejournal.com]

I would suggest 'Contains Ladies' but that kind of sounds like an ingredients warning label...what about 'Room of Ladies'?

[ontophantoms.livejournal.com]

Despite never having seen HSM and never having read Twilight, but knowing what I do about them, I am in full support of this crossover.