rionaleonhart | Tom And Josh: A Slightly Excessive Introduction To Their Filial Relationship.

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Tom And Josh: A Slightly Excessive Introduction To Their Filial Relationship.

bubbles_san made the mistake of asking me to fill her in on the story behind Josh and his dad in Waterloo Road. Because I cannot stop talking about this ridiculous programme, my resulting explanation went well over the comment limit, and so I thought I'd post it as an entry instead. People who aren't planning to watch Waterloo Road themselves but still find themselves oddly intrigued by all my rambling about it: this is for you.

Major spoilers for the entire fifth series, obviously.

reipan is not allowed to read this.

The Rather Fraught Adventures of Josh and His Dad: An Excessively Long Summary

Waterloo Road: (merges with another school, John Foster's)
Headmistress: All right, let's start mingling! Introduce yourself to someone from the other school, everyone!
John Foster's Student: Hi; I'm Josh.
Tom: Mr Clarkson.
Josh: ...Tom Clarkson?
Tom: ...no: Mr.

Tom: Josh! Why do you keep posting these pictures of me and an ex-girlfriend all over the school?
Josh: She's my mum.
Tom: What?
Josh: I'm your son.
Tom: What?
Josh: Surprise!

Tom: Okay, there's got to be some sort of mistake. We used protection. I'm going to ask my ex-girlfriend about this.
Tom's Ex-Girlfriend, Georgia: Yeah, Josh is your son.
Tom: Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? What the hell?

Josh: So, were you surprised to see me?
Tom: I was really, really surprised.
Josh: You must have known I'd find you one day.
Tom: I didn't know you existed, so no, not really.
Josh: ...who do you think you're kidding? You walked out on me and my mum.
Tom: ...I didn't even know she was pregnant.
Josh: Are you telling me my mum's been lying to me my whole life?
Tom: Yes! That is exactly what I am saying!
Josh: I thought it'd be cool having a dad, but you're just full of crap.
Tom: I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT.

Tom: GEORGIA
Georgia: Yeah, sorry about that.

Josh: So yeah, it turns out my mum was lying to me.
Tom: Guess so.
Josh: I used to obsess about who my dad was. I built you up into this superhero. I kept asking my mum all these questions. I guess she said you'd walked out just to shut me up. So then I thought you were just a scumbag.
Tom: ...
Josh: ...I know you're not. But it doesn't change anything, you being this great guy. I'm still nothing to you.
Tom: I don't know; maybe we could get to know each other better. (gives Josh game tickets) This Saturday. I thought we could go. Sort of a father-son thing.
Josh: (hands the tickets back) I don't like football.
Tom: ...you're not making this easy for me, are you?
Josh: Why should you care about me? You didn't even know I existed.
Tom: I don't know. I know, without me, you wouldn't be living and breathing. Is that enough?
Josh: ...who's playing?

Josh: Hey, do you want to come over tonight for dinner? :D?
Tom: All right.
Josh: :D (prepares a meal, obviously trying really hard to impress)
Georgia, Tom and Josh: (eat)
Josh: NOW I'M GOING TO GO AND DO HOMEWORK WHILE YOU TWO, I DON'T KNOW, ~~GET BACK TOGETHER PLEASE :D~~ TALK OR SOMETHING OKAY BYE (leaves)
Tom: Yeah, okay, Josh is a pretty cool kid.
Georgia: So are you saying you're glad I got pregnant?
Tom: ...oh, I suppose so. (toasts) To dodgy condoms.
Georgia: To turkey basters.
Tom: ...
Georgia: ...
Tom: GEORGIA

Josh: Hey, Dad! It's Mum's birthday soon, so I thought we could take her out somewhere nice. Sort of as a surprise.
Tom: WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER, OKAY, STOP TRYING
Josh: ...I was only trying to be nice.

Tom: Okay, Josh, things have been a little weird between us, and you deserve to know why.
Georgia: Don't do this.
Tom: You weren't an accident, Josh. Your mother stole my sperm.
Josh: *lol*
(pause)
Josh: ...wait, what?

Josh: Where've you been? I've been waiting ages.
Tom: Josh? Weren't you supposed to be coming over tomorrow?
Josh: Help me with my bags.
Tom: What?
Josh: I'm moving in.
Tom: What?
Josh: Surprise!

...and that's the main 'surprise son' arc. There's a fairly major moment in their relationship in episode sixteen, though (

reipan, if you disobeyed my earlier instruction and opened the LJ-cut, please stop reading here; I really want to see your reaction to this episode):

Finn: (swaggers into the school)
Josh: (totally falls for him and starts following him around everywhere)
Finn: Dope?
Josh: yes Finn please give me drugs so I can be cool like you

Tom: Josh, you've been really weird this lesson. What is it?
Josh: ...
Tom: Have you been taking drugs?
Josh: ...it's like cannabis.
Tom: >:(
Josh: It's legal!
Tom: I don't care! You can't smoke drugs in school!
Josh: How is it different to when you let me drink at home?
Tom: We're in school.
Josh: I didn't think you'd make such a big deal of it! I thought we were mates!
Tom: I'm not supposed to be your mate; I'm supposed to be your father. Maybe I should send you back to your mum.
Josh: Well okay then if you're going to be like that I'll just put the drugs in your food without your knowledge.

(At Josh's next class:)
Mr Budgen: Sit down, everyone.
Pupil: Isn't Miss Campbell supposed to be teaching us?
Mr Budgen: Miss Campbell is worried about her pregnancy, so Mr Clarkson is driving her to the hospital.
Josh: oh my god

Josh: MR MEAD MY DAD'S NOT ANSWERING HIS PHONE YOU NEED TO CALL MISS CAMPBELL AND GET HER TO STOP HIM DRIVING HE'S NOT SAFE
Chris: He's not safe?
Josh: I spiked his food. Please, you have to call her.
School Inspector To Whom Chris Unfortunately Happens To Be Talking: ...does this happen a lot at this school?

Chris: (calls Kim Campbell) Kim?
Kim: Hello?
Chris: Are you still on your way to the hospital?
Kim: Yeah; Tom's being a bit OH MY GOD TOM
(SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
Chris: Kim? Kim?
Josh: What's going on? Are they all right?
Chris: (dials) Ambulance, please.
Josh: oh my god oh my god

(In the hospital:)
Kim: (sits down next to Josh)
Josh: ...are you okay?
Kim: I am. So's the baby.
Josh: ...is my dad okay?
Kim: ...I don't know.
Josh: But he will be, right? He'll - he'll be fine.
Kim: Josh... why did you do it?
Josh: ...I was mad at him. He was going to kick me out, send me back to my mum's - I didn't know he was going to drive, I -
Kim: ...
Josh: I'm really, really sorry, Miss.
(hug)

(In Tom's hospital room. Tom is attached to various machines but conscious. I'm going to transcribe this scene accurately.)
Nurse: Your dad's still very ill. He had a collapsed lung, but he is responding well now. Hopefully he's going to be fine.
Josh: ...I'm really, really sorry, Dad. I've been thinking... well, you're gonna need someone to help you out, and get the shopping and take you to the loo and that. (almost crying now) I love you, Dad. Please don't send me away.
Tom: (very weak voice) Josh. You're not going anywhere.
Josh: Really? I promise I won't do drugs or anything, and I'll tidy and I'll - I'll take the rubbish out and everything. As long as we can be mates again.
Tom: (takes his hand) Mates. But father and son first, eh?
Josh: (nods)
Tom: I make the rules, and you follow them.
Josh: 'Kay.
Tom: First rule: you're grounded. For a year.

And then there is Josh's coming-out story, where the summary is 'Josh is confused! Tom doesn't handle the news that his son might be gay at all well! Josh calls him out on it!' The present state of their relationship is 'Tom is still a bit uncomfortable with Josh's sexuality but trying really hard to be supportive'. Some wonderful person has isolated Josh's coming-out storyline and posted it to YouTube: parts one, two, three.

Josh and Tom's relationship is constantly going wrong, and I am so invested in it. It breaks my heart. The heartbreak is not helped by the fact that Josh is generally adorable and his voice wavers when he's really upset.

In conclusion: I talk too much. I'm sorry. I hope at least a couple of you were curious about this Josh-Tom thing and have now been sufficiently enlightened.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hah, "Your mother stole my sperm"; that's such a hilariously weird line.

(Now you mention it, I saw the episode where Tom found out he had a surprise son. I have no idea who anyone is though so didn't realise that was the gay Josh you were on about.)

It's the exact line from the episode. Most of this is paraphrased, but 'You weren't an accident, Josh. Your mother stole my sperm' isn't an easy line to forget.

How do you make everything in the world interesting? It's like a superpower!

Sperm theft! How can that not be interesting?

Complete change of subject - I've been rewatching Peep Show, and is there actually an episode where Mark is talking about moving to India and bringing Jeremy along as his white concubine, or have I hit the phase of insomnia where I start hallucinating?

I agree with Wolfy. I have no interest whatsoever in watching this show and yet I want to know everything about everyone. (Riona, if you want to take this as an invitation, uh. Go for it.)

Also, trufax: When you used Mr. Clarkson in your Pokemon fic in relation to something being set on fire, I immediately thought of Jeremy before going "..no, that's not right".

I would also happily read The Complete History of Waterloo Road in Recap Form.

Ahahahaha, I don't even want to think about how long it would take to summarise Waterloo Road in its entirety. (And yet I actually found myself considering it after reading this comment. No, self; not possible.)

Someone needs to write fanfiction in which Jeremy Clarkson discovers that Josh is his surprise son. Or, on second thoughts, perhaps not.

Or where Jeremy is a teacher at Waterloo "Angst and drama are my favorite words" Road? I'd read it.

I had the same though re: Clarkson. I think Jeremy should be a History teacher, and only focus on great feats of British engineering, and wars.

Well you know he would.

thanks for posting links to Josh's coming out story. I mean, it's sort of worthy and unrealistic, but you know what I liked? I like that all your theorising and good works have not prevented me from immediately shipping.

Immediately shipping Josh/Tom.

THE FIRST THING I DID WAS SEE FILIAL INCEST.

BRB

GOING DIRECTLY TO HELL.

SO YEAH YOU'RE A PRETTY AWFUL PERSON. ~~I'm intrigued.~~

please note that the struck-out bit doesn't mean I won't cry and throw things at you if you write it.

I promise I won't write it, I have too much else on at the moment.

Wow I am ridiculously bad at keeping my own promises.

I'm afraid "I can't bear to think of you with another man" does not read any other way than SEXUAL JEALOUSY for me.

La la la going to hell.

...come to think of it, that was a bit fishily phrased OH MY GOD STOP IT.

Well it's one explanation for why he's so uncomfortable with it.

YOU'RE THE WORST FRIEND EVER.

Well if Josh didn't have such pretty eyes...

I am actually flailing in distress at my computer screen.

(FROM YOUR LJ:

'I'm not really the kind of sadist who gets off on making Riona cry.'

LIES.)

and now they're WRESTLING in the hall before the girls come in? This shit just writes itself. A little friendly father/son snuggling on the sofa with a slightly sloshed Josh (try saying that fast) and a sudden freeze, a mutual unexpressed desire to lunge that paralyses them as their eyes lock -

*pout* I'm just trying to convert you. Come to the dark side. We have half-naked sweaty teenage boys grunting in suppressed ecstasy.

...well you succeeded in converting me

*victory fist* AND NOW THE REST OF THE INTERNET.

YOU ARE ALL COMING DOWN WITH ME. ALL OF YOU.

oh my god I want it. I don't want to want it, but I do. How have you done this to me?

(11:29:39 PM) charlie: and then you had to go and mention WRITHING
(11:29:49 PM) del: *beams* panting, too
(11:29:59 PM) del: desperate little inelegant nips to the throat
(11:30:09 PM) del: the zealous carelessness of inexperienced youth

I am basically the Bad Fairy Of Corruption.

WHY DO I WANT TO SEE THE REST OF THIS CONVERSATION

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO CONFLICTED ABOUT A 'SHIP BEFORE

I'm going to try not to punch you the next time we meet, but it may take some effort.

If it helps you make the decision, you are aware that I will just enjoy being punched?

*surreptitious whistle* (http://apiphile.tumblr.com/post/1264911758/delilah-theres-all-this-tension-charlie-and)

BOOKMARKING IT, FUCK YOU

Although you do get points for telling Dan Brown to shut up in the entry below. And then lose them again for being smug in the entry above.

Edited 2010-10-07 22:44 (UTC)

As long as I maintain a constant somewhere around the median of RIONA IS GOING TO CONSIDER THIS FATHER/SON THING PROPERLY.

God, and the early series of Waterloo Road show that when he's younger Tom lacks self-restraint, lacks the strength to do the right thing in the face of what he wants - he kisses another woman at his wedding reception, for goodness' sake - and 'saying it half-heartedly and unconsciously moving his hips' is just - augh - it could happen.

*Purr*

It could. And can you imagine the awkwardness in the morning. OR imagine Josh's COMPLETE UNCONCERN coupled with Tom being just ... so conflicted and guilt-ridden?

Hmmm hmmmm mmm *chairdance*

BUT IT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL.

the angst! the wrongnessi! HEY RIONA I DISTINCTLY RECALL YOU SAYING YOU LIKED A SENSE OF 'WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS', this would be perfect!

I love you.

The wrongness is so tempting! But, augh, I really love their relationship. BUT THE WRONGNESS IS SO TEMPTING.

But why wouldn't you love their relationship if there was also an element of sexual attraction (WHICH THERE CLEARLY IS) adding another layer of complexity to it?

...Oh God I had totally not seen it that way until now. :| thankyou, now I'm going to hell too. ~~i believe my icon is appropriate.~~

I now have two and a half pages of tiny purple pen-written Tom/Josh in my notebook and I fear I may already have saved everyone a seat in the Bad Place.

I find it hilarious that a good part of Josh & Tom's story seems to be GEORGIA! (I now seriously can't help but imagine a little angry fist shake happening as well)

But yeah I ♥ those two. As well as Janeece ~~idk why anymore, she loves dinosaurs, I need no other reason~~.

(I now seriously can't help but imagine a little angry fist shake happening as well)

Ahahaha, and now neither can I.

The episode with the museum trip was adorable and made me love Janeece as well. She was so interested! She stroked the dinosaur under its chin! Awwww.

I'm fairly certain Desperate Housewives had more ridiculous plots than 'your mother stole my sperm'.

I just can't think of any at the moment.

More ridiculous? I've got about a million fandoms and I'm having trouble thinking of a more ridiculous plotline from any of them, so I have to confess that I'm curious.

Well, Desperate Housewives IS an American drama series, so it's definitely had its fair share of ridiculousness.

One of the more ridiculous ones was when a rather perfectionist couple decided to fake being pregnant. Their teenage daughter had become pregnant, but obviously that was going to ruin the couple's reputation, so they sent their daughter away while they pretended to be pregnant, so that when the baby arrived, they could pretend it was their child rather than their grandchild.

This same perfectionist housewife, in an earlier season, had become a widow and then started dating the pharmacist who had poisoned her husband out of jealousy. The housewife didn't know about the poisoning, though.

I've come to the conclusion that Georgia is a terrible person and I'm sort of glad that Josh has left her. So there, terrible person, so there!

Josh: Well okay then if you're going to be like that I'll just put the drugs in your food without your knowledge.

JOSH STOP TAKING AFTER YOUR MOTHER.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. That would be Mother genes and Finn influence.

...WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE.

She is pretty awful. After the revelation that she deliberately impregnated herself, she's protesting BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GLAD JOSH WAS BORN and Tom is going THAT'S REALLY NOT THE POINT, GEORGIA.

...WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE.

This could be the tagline for Waterloo Road.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Tom And Josh: A Slightly Excessive Introduction To Their Filial Relationship.

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