IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR THE TRI-STATE AREA

[rionaleonhart]

PEOPLE OF THE TRI-STATE AREA, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.

I AM INSTRUCTING YOU TO oh, wait, I forgot to turn off the Caps Lockinator.

The Caps Lock key, I mean. The Caps Lock key.

In any case, I am your friend Riona the Leonhart or whatever my name is and am definitely not an evil scientist who has determined her password using some sort of ingenious Password Decodinator. As your friend Riona the Leonhart, I am here to tell you that you should all support Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz in the upcoming Danville Mayoral Election.

I realize that some of you may not live in Danville and this Internet thing probably extends across the entire Tri-State Area, but this is not a problem! Simply kidnap and imprison or otherwise incapacitate a Danville citizen and use their identity to vote for Heinz. I can assure you as your well-informed Internet friend that this is entirely legal and not a problem at all. If you are having trouble finding a suitable trap, Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. in the center of town offers a wide selection. (Do not forget to release your captive afterwards! There's no point in being Mayor if there's no one to subjugate, right?)

Please do ensure that you have voted for Heinz Doofenshmirtz and not for the other Doofenshmirtz also running for Mayor, Roger Doofenshmirtz, who is a big pooface.

Thank you! Now, if you'll excuse me, the platypus has escaped his trap and it looks like we'll have to fight.

Yours absolutely sincerely, pinky swear,
Riona the Leonhart

Comments

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

Dear Riona,

Naturally, you have my vote! I agree with Heinz about all the issues. (Laughing. Vending machines. Exterminating Platypi.)

I look forward to the hostile takeover election results.

Charitably yours,
Dev

[rionaleonhart]

Thank you very much, Dev Chieftain! Although I think perhaps you should not say 'I' have your vote, because that might cause people to think that I am Heinz Doofenshmirtz, which is clearly not the case because, as you can see, I am your friend Riona.

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, of course. I only meant that naturally, you are my friend and, being so very persuasive and obviously actually Riona and not someone else, you have convinced me to vote for H. Doofenshmirtz, whose leadership I feel will greatly benefit me and Mr. Hans Wilson, whose vote I will be making for him as I do not actually live in the Tri-State area, but he no longer has a working brain car.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Dear Completely Real Riona.

Which three states?

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Also, I have been advised to ask if Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz has some sort of Writinator or Unblockinator or other such device that might help someone with writer's block.

[rionaleonhart]

Dear Amy Wolf,

The three states of the Tri-State Area! Obviously! Are there other states? No. I didn't think so.

I Heinz did create an Unblockinator once, but that was toilet-related. Perhaps he could create a Writinator, forcing EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA TO WRITE WHILE HE CARRIES OUT HIS PLANS UNIMPEDED.

Not evil plans, obviously. Good plans suitable for a good Mayor. It's just that other people can be a distraction.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Excellent! I am currently in a state!

I would happily write up a storm while Heinz Doofenshmirtz goes about his good plans. Invent the Writinator, and you have my support!

[angelofcaffeine.livejournal.com]

This is a good post and you should feel good.

[rionaleonhart]

Well, of course it is a good post, Angel of Caffeine! It is for a good cause and will help instate a good Mayor. I am concerned only with what is best for the Tri-State Area.

[loz]

:D :D :D

[rionaleonhart]

Lozenger Eight, why is there a number in your name? Are there seven other Lozengers? And something seems to have gone wrong with your comment; it's just a bunch of colons and Ds.

[nano_moose]

Alas, Friend Riona the Leonhart, as an Australian I cannot support the extermination of platypi, an important and wonderful example of our extraordinary native wildlife.

I hope that should you Mr. Doofenshmirtz win the upcoming election, he will reconsider on this issue and not impose too harsh a penalty on those platypus sympathisers who reside in Danville, or those like myself on other continents.

Sincerely,
Nano-Moose

[rionaleonhart]

A moose?

NANO THE MOOSE?

Well, obviously I would not expect a secret agent to see eye to eye with me on this! A nice touch claiming you are an Australian to gain sympathy for the platypus, but I happen to know that the moose is not native to Australia and in any case how would you get on this Internet from all the way over there?

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

Riona, please do inform Dr. Doofenshmirtz that the vote of one Joe Carmichael has just been assured. Joe Carmichael who is me, obviously, and not this guy I've just tied up.

[rionaleonhart]

Your vote is appreciated, Joe Carmichael!

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

Joe Carmichael is, I mean I'm, happy to be of any assistance to you, I mean to Dr. Doofenschmirtz.

By the way, I wonder if you might ask Dr. Doofenschmirtz what his stance on the hot-button issues is. Things like the kid vote and platypus rights, I mean.

[rionaleonhart]

Right, well, his big stance is that people have to start spelling his name right. I mean, it's right there on a giant building in the center of town! What more do you need? And they never have any trouble spelling Roger Doofenshmirtz's surname, oh, no. So his first act as Mayor will be to emblazon his name on EVERY BUILDING IN THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA.

Or just Danville, you know, it depends on how far the Mayor's rights actually extend.

Why would goats want to vote? I suppose they can have it. Only if they vote for Heinz, obviously. And platypuses can do whatever, but there are going to be a whole lot of laws coming in about platypuses in hats.

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I'm sure a nice jingle might help them remember your name. I mean his name.

Goats, you know, are very politically minded. Can't manage the voting booth proper though, so you'll want to have proxies for them. So you're okay with platypusses (platypi? platipodes?) in general, you just don't like the hat-wearing kind? Am I understanding this correctly?

[rionaleonhart]

It's not that I don't like them, exactly, but my life would be a whole lot easier if people were legally obliged to keep an eye on them and report their movements.

I'm - I'm obviously just using 'I' as shorthand for 'Heinz Doofenshmirtz' here. Just imagine this is what I'd say if I were Doofenshmirtz, which I'm not.

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

But surely they could hide by simply not wearing hats? And what about other animals in hats?

Of course, of course. I'm just using 'you' as shorthand as well, because I know you're really Riona and not Doofenshmirtz.

[galaxysong9.livejournal.com]

Danville where? Because I know many people who live in Danville, Virginia! YOU HAVE THEIR VOTES if it means they can keep their guns.

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I bet if they use their guns for the extermination of platypi, they'll be allowed.

[rionaleonhart]

Guns? Eesh, I don't know; they seem a bit dangerous, don't they? Can't people just build some kind of Blindly-Accept-Everything-I-Sayinator to settle their differences?

[vampirespider.livejournal.com]

♥ x 100. You certainly have my vote. Wait, I mean Heinz Doofenshmirtz has my vote. Yes.

[rionaleonhart]

Thank you, Vampire Spider! I like your name; it sounds so evil.

[yumiboo.livejournal.com]

Uh, well, Riona... I'd vote for Doofenshmirtz if I was in the US, but alas, I am not. Perhaps if he made a run for Prime Minister in England - I mean, there aren't any platypi over here :)

[rionaleonhart]

An intriguing idea, Yumi Boo! Perhaps he should run for Mayor of London; I mean, I've seen the guy you've got right now and, you know, really? Really?

[yumiboo.livejournal.com]

I know! There is no questioning he'd win, even without the aid of some sort of opinion-changerinator.

[xavantina.livejournal.com]

This comment is as OT as they get. Guess who just won a spot on the Madison Avenue Advertising Walk of Fame (there is such a thing, apparently)? Mayhem! Along with the Coca Cola polar bears, which should tell you something about how big a thing it is, despite me never hearing about it. It was a public vote, which explains a lot ;) On his Facebook, Mayhem gracefully thanks his victims, eh, he means fans, for their support. Btw, his Facebook is epic, you should go stalk it.

I just thought I'd share this very random information with the only person I know who might care. May you fall off your chair in a freak chairing accident (aka someone mysteriously sabotaged it in the middle of the night, smiling wickedly while he worked) as you read this comment, causing you to knock something heavy out of an open window, smashing the windshield of a car parked outside. You know, in his honour.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Has Dr. Doofenshmirtz considered subjugating Roger? If there are no other candidates, he'll automatically win!