rionaleonhart | Also, I Genuinely Believe That Oxford Is Silent Hill.

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Also, I Genuinely Believe That Oxford Is Silent Hill.

I seem to remember that there was a 'Five/Ten/An Infinite Number Of Fannish Confessions' meme going around a while ago, and I thought 'hey, that could be fun!'

But then it occurred to me that I, er, don't really have much to confess. At least, not that I can think of. I think I've already mentioned most of my shameful shameful fannish secrets. 'I AM IN LOVE WITH AN RPS THREESOME' or 'I CAN'T STOP WRITING CROSSOVERS HELP' wouldn't exactly be news, would it?

However, I was able to come up with four things:

- I am a colossal feedback addict. I'd forgotten what the feedback high felt like until I wrote and posted a couple of fics very recently. The problem with this is that I'll sometimes be tempted to put up a subpar story just for the feedback (yes, it's awful, I know), and then I'll come to my senses after two hours, take it down and hide from the community for a while in shame.

- I will write absolutely anything if the idea pesters me enough. I can't write smut to save my life, but I can be persuaded to write almost any concept, no matter how ridiculous. It's why I always end up writing ridiculous crossovers and parrotmonkey/elf romance. Some of you have already taken advantage of this by suggesting insane fanfic ideas to me until I snap and write them, damn you.

(I love you all really. Some of the fanfics I'm most pleased with have come out of evil persuasion by you people.)

- I don't like Terry Pratchett. I have tried and tried to like the Discworld books, but I just can't. I'm sorry. I couldn't even get into Good Omens, even though I really like what little I've read of Gaiman.

- I am attracted to the wrong Top Gear presenter.

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WRITE A LABYRINTH CROSSOVER.

DO IT.

Pfft. Not like the Discworld? You're just not trying hard enough.
(I'm joking. You are entitled to your own opinions, and some people find his writing difficult to click into.

...

NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.)

'I AM IN LOVE WITH AN RPS THREESOME'

ME TOO! Also I've been slashing certain geordies since the mid 90's... I think I'm worse...

'I CAN'T STOP WRITING CROSSOVERS HELP'

I need to nip back over there and encourage you again because I liked the lack of surprise at the ship and the crack about Jack's teeth :D

I don't like Terry Pratchett. I have tried and tried to like the Discworld books, but I just can't. I'm sorry. I couldn't even get into Good Omens, even though I really like what little I've read of Gaiman.

...not even Good Omens?! Wow... that's the one that cracks most people I know... oh, Gaiman on his own, have you read Stardust? I think you'd like *nods*

I am attracted to the wrong Top Gear presenter.

Is it James May? Because there's room in that crazy boat for the two of us *pats seat*. Otherwise; go away you're scaring me ;)

But but but encouraging me is a bad idea! Aaaah!

I haven't read Stardust, no, but I'm nearing the end of American Gods, which I've really been enjoying.

It's not James May.

I really am very embarrassed about this.

Is it the Stig?

If it's not, is it Jeremy Clarkson?

Is there a prize involved if I guessed correctly?

No, yes, and you get the prize of my avoiding you for the rest of my life in shame.

Well, you're not the only one, there are some like-minded people around on That Community.

If you still feel embarrassed, I think you need to look at the dog some more. She's adorable! And sensible! But most of all adorable. She beats EVERYONE. So just look at my icon until your fancying goes away.

Also, I was hoping for a slightly better prize than that.

I hate discworld.

and even though I own a copy of good omens, I didn't even like it that much.

>:

I am attracted to the wrong Top Gear presenter.

Clarkson??

I CAN'T HELP IT

HELP ME

"I don't like Terry Pratchett."

That makes me sad.

"I can't write smut to save my life, but I can be persuaded to write almost any concept, no matter how ridiculous. It's why I always end up writing ridiculous crossovers and parrotmonkey/elf romance. Some of you have already taken advantage of this by suggesting insane fanfic ideas to me until I snap and write them, damn you."

I know how you feel. Especially since YOU helped to pester me into writing three crazy Top Gear crossover fics and one fic that was just Top Gear but still quite crazy.

"I am attracted to the wrong Top Gear presenter."

And this is why I fangirl the dog. No matter what the other three do, the dog will always be more adorable and cuddly.

and then I'll come to my senses after two hours, take it down and hide from the community for a while in shame

um. Does this explain why one day I looked on topgearslash and saw you'd posted fic, about which I made a mental note to read, but which then had mysteriously vanished a couple of hours later when I got round to doing so?

also, not even Good Omens? *cries*

also also? regarding Gaiman, Coraline is very good, as well as the obvious Sandman and American Gods and so on.

Does this explain why one day I looked on topgearslash and saw you'd posted fic, about which I made a mental note to read, but which then had mysteriously vanished a couple of hours later when I got round to doing so?

Er, yes it does. I put it up and then realised 'WHO WOULD WANT TO READ THIS? IT HAS NO SUBSTANCE AT ALL AND REVOLVES ENTIRELY AROUND JEREMY AND JAMES ANNOYING EACH OTHER IN A CAR.'

*puts up hand*

I want to read it.

"IT HAS NO SUBSTANCE AT ALL AND REVOLVES ENTIRELY AROUND JEREMY AND JAMES ANNOYING EACH OTHER IN A CAR.'"

THIS IS WHAT TOP GEAR IS!

OF COURSE I WANT TO READ IT. SUBSTANCE IS OVERRATED.

*also raises hand*

Sorry, been a bit absent lately, but yes, I'd love to see that!

*encourages*

If you let me know your e-mail address, I'll send it to you. My address is on my profile.

Jezza isn't the wrong one to fancy, he's well hot! I love him. My friend and I often gather in mutual love, and have a little 'Clarkson Wall' we stare at. He's so cool!

I'm not alone?

I seriously think that I might cry from happiness.

Also, I want to see this 'Clarkson Wall'.

You're definitely not alone!

Essentially, the wall is just lots of screencaps and pictures I got from www.sundive.co.uk and gave to her to put on her wall. So he watched over us in her room while we watch Top Gear! He's got the most crazy hair ever. And the best one-liners.

Although I can't work out why he's so fanciable ... still, I'm going to roll with it!

Not like Terry Pratchett?

Oh man, I would go into a fannish spiel about the awesome of him and how he changed the way I look at words but. Yeah. Your own opinion. (aagahhaghsskhjasj does not compute how can you not like NO I WILL NOT GO INTO THIS FREEDOM OF CHOICE FREEDOM OF CHOICE AAAAGHH)

I haven't published fanfic in such a long time. Such a long time. But I am always terribly amused by all these silly silly drabbles and one-setences you do - I never knew someone could write fic like that before! Maybe I should try it out?

(Oh god, perhaps I should put up the 400 word fic I wrote for the Old Kingdom Trilogy but it's terrible oh dear.)

I have not seen much Top Gear! I have heard it is a little like Mythbusters! I don't know why I am using exclamation marks! They seem to add a sense of enthusiasm! I did see that Clash of the Villians thing, which was just...so much great, it was like a quantum singularity of nerd. Is it all like that?

(WILL NOT RANT ABOUT TERRY PRATCHETT YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD ENOUGH)

(...Not even Small Gods? That's a favourite, I hear.)

(I TRIED TO LIKE HIM I REALLY DID. PERHAPS THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. If you made a post about his awesomeness I probably would read it, because I am interested in knowing what his appeal is.)

I never knew someone could write fic like that before! Maybe I should try it out?

You should! It really is a lot of fun. (I think I probably particularly like silly drabbles and one-sentence fics because I have The Shortest Attention Span In The World, though.)

(I never finished reading Sabriel (it's my shockingly short attention span again). Maybe I should go back to it?)

TOP GEAR IS FANTASTIC. Yes, it is very much all like that. I advise you to watch this, which is a ridiculously fun challenge in which the three presenters try to make their own hydro-cars and it is an absolute disaster. (You can probably tack 'and it is an absolute disaster' onto the end of the description of any Top Gear challenge.)

(Well, his appeal for me is partly the bits of his books that are an enormous piss-take of the conventions of fantasy. Examples: The True King who actually doesn't want to be king, the fact that his werewolves/dwarfs/trolls/zombies/vampires etc. are actually people rather than archtypes, the elves actually being a bunch of evil bastards. He also does fabulous things with names, anti-climax, literary references, and the meanings of words. Also! Death. I just, I love Death. I think he needs a hug.)

The Shortest? You sure about that? I've been known to lose interest in sentences as I say them. Maybe I'll do that onesentence request meme for my fandoms.

(Never? How far d'you get?)

I have started watching the video and the dude just reasoned his way into making an aquatic vehicle with a mast and sails. I AM SURE IT WILL END WELL.

(I do remember that there was a takeoff of Anne McCaffrey's Pern novels somewhere in The Colour of Magic, and Good Omens had a Just William parody. Perhaps I would enjoy his work more if I 'got' more of those references.)

Maybe I'll do that onesentence request meme for my fandoms.

Do! Seriously, it's fantastic fun. (If the people who read your journal are anything like those who read mine, though, you'll probably end up being forced to write all sorts of insane crossovers.)

(I don't actually remember. It was quite a while ago. I just got halfway through and sort of forgot to carry on reading.)

Hee, the sailing-car! The mast causes so many problems on the road.

(It does require a fair bit of, er, general knowledge? I collect strange facts and silly history, and the Discworld has loads of that. The books get way better after the first two, honest. And he wrote Good Omens fifteen years ago, his style's changed a bit since then.)

Not many people actually read my journal, so if I do that, I'm relying on you to give me bad, bad ideas.

(Readitreaditreadit it's not to everyone's taste but I feel so alone in my fandom and my strange obsession with Sabriel's father and Mogget.)

Clarkson's car will not stop being on fire. And - honestly, is he crazy? Those engines are enormous, it'd be like trying to haul an elephant around. And the other two are just procrastinating and Hammond is trying to see how much house he can make out of his car and TOYBOTA. EXCUSE ME, THAT'S GENIUS AND I MUST LAUGH.

(Can you recommend one of his books that you think is particularly good?)

I have to warn you in advance that I may sort of, er, request Top Gear fic.

(I am very busy at the moment, but when I've sorted my life out I will!)

And - honestly, is he crazy?

Yes. As you will quickly learn.

(Small Gods ftw. Reaper Man contains one of my favourite passages ever written and is when Death starts becoming less RRRRGH and more HMMM? Um...The Watch books, that is Guards, Guards!, Men At Arms, Jingo and The Fifth Elephant are pretty universally popular. They also need to be read more or less in order. I love Going Postal because it's about words and the power of words, which, yeah, kind of my kink, nearly. The Last Hero has spectacular illustrations. But it's hard to tell what'll appeal to different people. I haven't read them all yet, either.)

Ooh, er. I don't know much about it yet. I'm not sure what would happen if you did. Possibly there would be me bs-ing my way around car knowledge and confusing my dad (who is a car nut) with all sorts of weird questions.

(Horray!)

I'm....I'm getting that impression. Everyone is stalling and he just doesn't care because it means he wins by default. Wow. Hammond is also such a dweeby little guy, so happy about his magazines. And his, er. What was that last one there?

(Thank you! I'll see if I can get my hands on Small Gods or Going Postal at some point in the future.)

I probably wouldn't request anything requiring huge amounts of car knowledge, mainly because I, er, know practically nothing about them myself. It'll probably all be 'CLARKSON MOCKS HAMMOND FOR EVER' and 'THE TOP GEAR TEAM IN SPACE'.

And his, er. What was that last one there?

I can't tell whether this question is rhetorical, so you'll have to forgive me if I answer it: it was, rather fantastically, the Gay Times. I love the scene later on in which James is reading it and drinking tea.

First of all, Gay Times? AHHAHAHHAAAHAA that's great in an awful way. (Mm, tea. Okay, what. Brain sometimes I don't even know if you are actually a brain and not some sort of tea strainer that has mutated out of control).

Second of all, I blame you for this completely.

It is EXACTLY like Mythbusters in that their goal is to destroy things in a fantastic manner, preferably by setting it on fire.

Although I don't think Top Gear will ever beat the blowing up of a cement truck the Mythbusters did, because that was AMAZING.

Destruction? Chaos? Mayhem? Arson? Excellent!

Har, Mythbusters rocks because - just, EXPLOSIONS. That's all the hosts ever want and they'll do whatever it takes to make it happen.

(Cement truck? Holy crap. My favourite clip ties between the insults vs. sweet-talk thing with the peas and when they did that chinese firework chair thing. I will buy their DVD one day. OOH - have you seen The Chaser's War On Everything?)

"Destruction? Chaos? Mayhem? Arson? Excellent!"

It is! For maximum destruction, look for the caravan trip, it's on YouTube somewhere.

"That's all the hosts ever want and they'll do whatever it takes to make it happen."

Even if it has nothing to do with the myth :D

For some reason, when I first saw the title of the meme, I actually thought that you were talking about Doctor slash. You know, Five/Ten or something crazy like that. I DO NOT KNOW!

I had a love/hate relationship with Good Omens. Crowley and Aziraphale = many hearts. The rest of it = who cares? (Er, by which I mean, I don't care. I know many many people do care.) How far did you get in reading Good Omens? 'Cause I'll be one of the first to admit it starts out pretty slow and ends extraordinarily slow. I thought.

I got about halfway through. There were aspects of it that I liked (I was very amused by the Just William parody), but I just didn't think it was the masterpiece that everyone seems to see it as.

Oh, okay. Halfway through is definitely enough to know whether you like it or not. I don't really know what's up with the masterpiece mindset unless it has to do with the religious aspect behind it.

And on a completely unrelated note, does every single episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway have Colin and Ryan doing something slashy? All the bits I've seen them in -- which admittedly has only been YouTube clips and one episode on BBC America -- has been really slashy.

...Also, why exactly do you think Oxford is really Silent Hill? Is there a story behind this?

And on a completely unrelated note, does every single episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway have Colin and Ryan doing something slashy?

I'm, er, probably not the person to ask that, because we don't seem to get it on TV here, so my exposure has been solely through YouTube. It certainly does seem to be a very slashy programme indeed, though, doesn't it?

As for Oxford being Silent Hill... it's difficult to explain. Oxford - or, at least, the part of Oxford that I usually visit - is full of graffiti and wide roads and old architecture, and one time when I was here I thought, for no apparent reason, 'If this town were abandoned it would be really creepy', and then I realised that the reason it would be really creepy - apart from the general creepiness of abandoned towns - was that it would be exactly like Silent Hill.

Only, y'know, without the monsters.

Seriously, if I were in charge of shooting the film I would have done it in Oxford. And also Pyramid Head would have been wearing a Father Christmas costume.

I'll come to my senses after two hours, take it down and hide from the community for a while in shame.

Dude, I am SO RELIEVED that I'm not the only person who does this. At the same time, though, I can't believe you have those kind of crises, because honestly Riona, you're brilliant. YOU MUST COME TO TERMS WITH THIS FACT.

The only Terry Pratchett book I've read is Guards! Guards! I spent the whole time going, "By all rights, I should love this to pieces. Why am I not loving this to pieces?" It was weird. I still intend to try reading another one sometime, but, uh, no idea when that sometime will be.

I can't help having these crises! I'll put something up and then I'll panic and think 'THERE'S NO PLOT AND THE WHOLE REASON I WROTE IT WAS BECAUSE I WANTED TO DESCRIBE THIS CHARACTER AS LOOKING LIKE A POODLE AND WHAT IF PEOPLE WHOSE OPINION IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME SEE THIS AND THINK "WHY DID I EVER ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH RIONA, OBVIOUSLY SHE IS RUBBISH AND I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO HER AGAIN"?' and then I will take it down and cower in the horrible fear that somebody actually read it.

If you think I'm brilliant (and I thank you!), obviously I want to keep you thinking that I'm brilliant and not reveal the side of me that writes completely substanceless ramblings and gratuitous sex.

SUBSTANCELESS RAMBLINGS AND GRATUITOUS SEX ARE THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE INTERNET

What I am saying, really, is that if you were to create a super-secret filter where you posted the things you're ashamed of, I would totally want to be on that filter. You wrote Encounter. It is not possible to undo my thinking that you're a genius.

AND ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE YOU SHOULD REALLY WATCH TOP GEAR. I HAVE TO WARN YOU THAT IF YOU ARE LIKE ME IT WILL MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH A REAL-PERSON THREESOME AND THEN HATE YOURSELF FOR IT.

THAT WAS PROBABLY THE WORST ADVERTISEMENT FOR ANYTHING EVER.

SERIOUSLY, I THINK YOU MIGHT LIKE IT.

SURE, RIONA, BECAUSE I REALLY NEED MORE SELF-LOATHING IN MY LIFE.

HONESTLY.

(I would like to watch it, and Squeem is telling me good things about Life On Mars, but at the moment I have no access to a computer that doesn't completely and totally suck. So watching things that aren't available for rent on DVD is just not an option. D:)

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Also, I Genuinely Believe That Oxford Is Silent Hill.

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