Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2019-01-07 07:02 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2019-01-07 07:02 pm
Entry tags:
Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel's Pokémon Journey, Part Five
I love how many of you are coming along on this ridiculous adventure with me.
Previously on Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel, on her way to the Pewter Gym, ran into her perplexingly assigned rival James, not to be confused with any Jameses who might actually exist in Pokémon canon. He's just dramatically challenged her to a battle. Things are about to get weird.
The original author's note for chapter nine: Hey, nobody's sent me any characters! :( If I don't get any, the story will end at chapter 15!
Anyway, I REALLY REALLY HATE CHAPTERS 9 AND 10. So, out of guilt for bad quality I bring you not one, not two, but THREE chapters for your enjoyment (or torture)! I suggest you read the first two with your eyes closed.
Unfortunately, right now you're only getting the chapters I hated even at the age of thirteen. (I started writing this at twelve, but I only started posting it to fanfiction.net when I was thirteen, which makes it hard to pin down which chapters were written at which age.)
"Go, Lucky!"
Oh, huh, I didn't think I'd given James's Eevee a name!
"Go, Secret!" I felt my mouth form the words. I heard my voice saying them. But I seemed to be watching the battle from a long way off.
Secret emerged from the Pokéball. "All right, a real battle!" she cried, and got into such a silly fighting pose that I couldn't help laughing.
Sorry, Secret; you're so excited, and I'm about to go to whole new lengths to avoid writing a fight scene.
"Lucky, Tackle!"
"Secret, Ember!"
...
{A dark shape walked warily across the charred and blackened landscape. He was hidden in the shadow, but his eyes were bright and alert, with a light always on them that came from nowhere- and yet, everywhere. And the eyes were constantly flickering across the dead land, and the charred skeletons of trees were the only sign of life ever having been there. He picked up a blackened bone from the ground; it crumbled to dust in his hands. He slung his heavy backpack down onto the black ground. There was no moon, but an ever-changing sky of grey-purple clouds swept constantly over the land. This was the end of all places, and the last of all worlds.}
This is why little Riona hated this chapter. I tried to be ~poetic~ and then got really selfconscious about it.
The line 'This was the end of all places, and the last of all worlds' is definitely stolen word-for-word from The Amber Spyglass, the third book in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy.
...
I reeled backwards, feeling the power of the vision like a physical force, as if somebody had dealt me a blow to the forehead. I hit the ground and blackened out.
Rachel's having visions! Eight chapters with absolutely no indication of anything supernatural in this universe, and suddenly Rachel's having visions.
I'm oddly charmed by 'blackened out'.
...
"Rachel? Rachel?"
{Voices... voices. A person, calling my name. Another vision? Nothing made sense anymore... nothing mattered...}
"Rachel, snap out of it! Rachel!"
{No... no more... let me sleep... nothing... let me see nothing...}
"RACHEL!"
I jerked awake, feeling as if I'd been slapped. I looked up to see JB crouching over me, his face full of concern. Secret leapt instantly to my side and cuddled against me, crying softly.
Poor Secret! I do like her relationship with Rachel.
"Rachel..." whispered JB, and I was astonished to see tears running down his face. "Rachel..."
Huh. This suggests I might have been thinking of a potential JB/Rachel romance, or I suppose maybe JB's submitter suggested it? (Maybe I fell into the 'he's the only guy travelling with Rachel who isn't based on my brothers; BETTER HAVE A ROMANCE' trap.) In any case, if that was the plan, it never manifests. Just as well; I doubt I'd have been able to construct a convincing romance. JB, you and Rachel met a chapter ago and you've exchanged about four lines.
Of course, Rachel/Oak's Dramatic Son James is the true OTP and I'm sad we don't get to see his reaction to her passing out. In my memory, Oak's Dramatic Son James was the one who was watching over her in concern when she regained consciousness, but APPARENTLY HE JUST FUCKED OFF SOMEWHERE.
***
{Blackness.
Not midnight-black. This was total blackness. Nothing was visible.
Little by little, the darkness lifts. I am standing a little way off, watching the battle.
Tenses going a bit dodgy here.
An Eevee comes out of its Pokéball. A Vulpix is there as well.
Continuity's also a bit of a disaster. Secret was sent out after Lucky.
There are two humans. They are not important. The Pokémon are what I am after.
The Eevee charges forward. The Vulpix lets out a burst of fire.
When Pokémon are fighting, they are at their most alert.
The Eevee keels forward, fainted. The perfect opportunity.
The perfect opportunity to steal an Eevee: when it's just fainted right in front of two trainers.
But my attention is suddenly caught by the girl. She has gone rigid, a strange expression on her face. Something is wrong here.
I melted away into the woods.
Oh, no, one of the trainers is incapacitated! This obviously means it's a less good time to steal the Pokémon.
I took out the gleaming knife, and felt for the tiniest snag in the air. Having found it, I worked quickly. In seconds a window was cut through between the two worlds. I stepped into the strange, demolished world of Tonshieka. Someday, I would discover its secret. But not now.
Eight chapters with absolutely no indication of anything supernatural in this universe, and suddenly I've flat-out stolen the concept of the subtle knife from Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series. As you may be starting to suspect, I was really into His Dark Materials.
God knows what Tonshieka's secret is. I don't know, the fic never gets there, and I doubt whether even twelve-year-old me had the faintest idea.
Someday. someday, I would get those Pokémon. Someday, I will take them all, every one on this planet. And I will bring glory to the name of Team Rocket!}
I'll be honest: having a knife that can cut into other worlds is pretty cool in itself. Do you really need to steal Pokémon when you have a magical knife?
...
I woke up. Ignoring the fact that my pillow was wet with tears, I leapt out of bed and ran out into the open, the moonlight. I almost expected the figure outside, waiting.
dun dun dunnnnnnnn
The dark figure stood there in front of me. It was a tall man, wearing black clothes and hidden in shadow. The only part I could clearly see were his glinting eyes. I noticed a knife-handle sticking out of his pocket. The other-world knife. He was the man from my visions.
"I knew you were coming," I whispered.
The man smiled slowly. His eyes flashed. "Ahh, yes. I noticed you have a - mental link with me? That is interesting. Very interesting. And you know about the knife?"
I nodded slowly. My throat was dry.
Two chapters ago this was a normal 'yay, let's go on our Pokémon journey' fic! How does Rachel now have a psychic link with a Team Rocket member who can travel between universes? Why was this the moment I decided I was going to start ripping off Harry Potter and The Subtle Knife simultaneously?
"Well, about the mental link? That's not good." He grinned, and slowly shook his head. "You will have many visions of me. You may be able to find out Team Rocket's plans, if you are watching me at the wrong time. And we wouldn't want that, would we? So I will just have to dispose of you."
He let a Pokéball fly from his hand. A ferocious Arcanine appeared. I was frozen with terror. It roared, and leapt right at me, knocking me over. There was only one thing to do.
Lie on my back and scream.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It was almost on top of me! I scrambled sideways, up and ran. The Team Rocket member was laughing. Laughing as if his sides would split.
And it was then that I found out something.
An Arcanine is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY faster than a twelve-year-old girl.
A second more, and it-
A MASSIVE blast of water came flying towards it, laced with electricity, a blast of fire shooting alongside it. The Arcanine keeled over from this sudden, vicious assault. Looking around, I was certain that I spotted a girl melting back into the forest shadows, a Pikachu and Growlithe behind her.
I do sort of like that, even though I've given Rachel a super-special telepathic link, she still doesn't have superpowers and there's not much she can do when someone attacks her with a GIANT FIRE DOG. Even if it means I had to resort to a deus ex machina here. (I do at least follow up on this girl; it's not just 'a passing person saves Rachel and is NEVER SEEN AGAIN'.)
The TR member was furious. He looked as if he was going to make a lunge for me, but then he changed his mind. He pulled the world-knife I had seen in the visions out of his pocket, leapt up and slashed at the air with it. A window opened into a strange, silent town. He leapt through. The window vanished.
I stood there for a minute, frozen in shock.
Then, I went back into the tent. But it was a long, long time before sleep would come.
This is, I'm almost certain, the last mention in the entire fic of the magical knife or of travelling between worlds. You might reasonably have expected this to be a significant detail of the plot! BUT NO.
...
{Oh no... not another one... No...
"Have you found it?"
The Team Rocket member was standing in front of a shadowed man. "Not yet. I will soon, though... but that is a minor inconvenience at present, I must have misplaced it. More importantly, I have a new idea for the Great Project. This one will create massive amounts of energy. Enough to easily take the world."
There's presumably some sort of intermediate step between 'generate loads of energy' and 'TAKE OVER THE WORLD', but it's never made clear.
I'm not sure what the misplaced thing mentioned here is. Is it... the knife? I'd expect him to be more concerned if he'd lost his MAGICAL KNIFE THAT CAN CUT BETWEEN WORLDS.
"But- what about the girl who is linked with you? She may overhear us. And then, would she be a threat to us?"
"She is twelve years old. She is no threat. And I have made it clear to her that messing with Team Rocket would be a very bad idea indeed...Indeed, I have found a simple way to sever the mental link. We can do it just before I explain the plan, if you like."
The man relaxed. "So, what is your plan? How are we to get all of this valuable power? What do you have in mind?"
"It would require a lot of energy. The Pokémon may be able to provide that. But, whether they can or can't, the process will create far more than was used. And I think it would be very, very interesting to study the results. Listen, Giovanni. This will be Team Rocket's best plan yet..."
"Wait," interrupted Giovanni. "Get rid of the link. Now."
You'd sort of expect him to have severed the mental link as soon as he discovered how, but instead he holds on to it just long enough for Rachel to hear vague details of this EVIL ENERGY-GENERATION PLAN.
"Certainly."
He closes his eyes... the room begins to fade and spin, before dissolving into blackness... and I find myself falling... falling...}
...
I woke up suddenly. Very suddenly. There were millions of questions going through my head. Who was that strange girl? Why did she rescue me? What was Team Rocket's sinister plan? And would anyone be able to stop it...?
In the next instalment of Old Fanfiction Book Club: we discover Team Rocket's sinister plan and, in the process, expose young Riona's dark secret.
Previously on Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel, on her way to the Pewter Gym, ran into her perplexingly assigned rival James, not to be confused with any Jameses who might actually exist in Pokémon canon. He's just dramatically challenged her to a battle. Things are about to get weird.
The original author's note for chapter nine: Hey, nobody's sent me any characters! :( If I don't get any, the story will end at chapter 15!
Anyway, I REALLY REALLY HATE CHAPTERS 9 AND 10. So, out of guilt for bad quality I bring you not one, not two, but THREE chapters for your enjoyment (or torture)! I suggest you read the first two with your eyes closed.
Unfortunately, right now you're only getting the chapters I hated even at the age of thirteen. (I started writing this at twelve, but I only started posting it to fanfiction.net when I was thirteen, which makes it hard to pin down which chapters were written at which age.)
"Go, Lucky!"
Oh, huh, I didn't think I'd given James's Eevee a name!
"Go, Secret!" I felt my mouth form the words. I heard my voice saying them. But I seemed to be watching the battle from a long way off.
Secret emerged from the Pokéball. "All right, a real battle!" she cried, and got into such a silly fighting pose that I couldn't help laughing.
Sorry, Secret; you're so excited, and I'm about to go to whole new lengths to avoid writing a fight scene.
"Lucky, Tackle!"
"Secret, Ember!"
...
{A dark shape walked warily across the charred and blackened landscape. He was hidden in the shadow, but his eyes were bright and alert, with a light always on them that came from nowhere- and yet, everywhere. And the eyes were constantly flickering across the dead land, and the charred skeletons of trees were the only sign of life ever having been there. He picked up a blackened bone from the ground; it crumbled to dust in his hands. He slung his heavy backpack down onto the black ground. There was no moon, but an ever-changing sky of grey-purple clouds swept constantly over the land. This was the end of all places, and the last of all worlds.}
This is why little Riona hated this chapter. I tried to be ~poetic~ and then got really selfconscious about it.
The line 'This was the end of all places, and the last of all worlds' is definitely stolen word-for-word from The Amber Spyglass, the third book in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy.
...
I reeled backwards, feeling the power of the vision like a physical force, as if somebody had dealt me a blow to the forehead. I hit the ground and blackened out.
Rachel's having visions! Eight chapters with absolutely no indication of anything supernatural in this universe, and suddenly Rachel's having visions.
I'm oddly charmed by 'blackened out'.
...
"Rachel? Rachel?"
{Voices... voices. A person, calling my name. Another vision? Nothing made sense anymore... nothing mattered...}
"Rachel, snap out of it! Rachel!"
{No... no more... let me sleep... nothing... let me see nothing...}
"RACHEL!"
I jerked awake, feeling as if I'd been slapped. I looked up to see JB crouching over me, his face full of concern. Secret leapt instantly to my side and cuddled against me, crying softly.
Poor Secret! I do like her relationship with Rachel.
"Rachel..." whispered JB, and I was astonished to see tears running down his face. "Rachel..."
Huh. This suggests I might have been thinking of a potential JB/Rachel romance, or I suppose maybe JB's submitter suggested it? (Maybe I fell into the 'he's the only guy travelling with Rachel who isn't based on my brothers; BETTER HAVE A ROMANCE' trap.) In any case, if that was the plan, it never manifests. Just as well; I doubt I'd have been able to construct a convincing romance. JB, you and Rachel met a chapter ago and you've exchanged about four lines.
Of course, Rachel/Oak's Dramatic Son James is the true OTP and I'm sad we don't get to see his reaction to her passing out. In my memory, Oak's Dramatic Son James was the one who was watching over her in concern when she regained consciousness, but APPARENTLY HE JUST FUCKED OFF SOMEWHERE.
***
{Blackness.
Not midnight-black. This was total blackness. Nothing was visible.
Little by little, the darkness lifts. I am standing a little way off, watching the battle.
Tenses going a bit dodgy here.
An Eevee comes out of its Pokéball. A Vulpix is there as well.
Continuity's also a bit of a disaster. Secret was sent out after Lucky.
There are two humans. They are not important. The Pokémon are what I am after.
The Eevee charges forward. The Vulpix lets out a burst of fire.
When Pokémon are fighting, they are at their most alert.
The Eevee keels forward, fainted. The perfect opportunity.
The perfect opportunity to steal an Eevee: when it's just fainted right in front of two trainers.
But my attention is suddenly caught by the girl. She has gone rigid, a strange expression on her face. Something is wrong here.
I melted away into the woods.
Oh, no, one of the trainers is incapacitated! This obviously means it's a less good time to steal the Pokémon.
I took out the gleaming knife, and felt for the tiniest snag in the air. Having found it, I worked quickly. In seconds a window was cut through between the two worlds. I stepped into the strange, demolished world of Tonshieka. Someday, I would discover its secret. But not now.
Eight chapters with absolutely no indication of anything supernatural in this universe, and suddenly I've flat-out stolen the concept of the subtle knife from Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series. As you may be starting to suspect, I was really into His Dark Materials.
God knows what Tonshieka's secret is. I don't know, the fic never gets there, and I doubt whether even twelve-year-old me had the faintest idea.
Someday. someday, I would get those Pokémon. Someday, I will take them all, every one on this planet. And I will bring glory to the name of Team Rocket!}
I'll be honest: having a knife that can cut into other worlds is pretty cool in itself. Do you really need to steal Pokémon when you have a magical knife?
...
I woke up. Ignoring the fact that my pillow was wet with tears, I leapt out of bed and ran out into the open, the moonlight. I almost expected the figure outside, waiting.
dun dun dunnnnnnnn
The dark figure stood there in front of me. It was a tall man, wearing black clothes and hidden in shadow. The only part I could clearly see were his glinting eyes. I noticed a knife-handle sticking out of his pocket. The other-world knife. He was the man from my visions.
"I knew you were coming," I whispered.
The man smiled slowly. His eyes flashed. "Ahh, yes. I noticed you have a - mental link with me? That is interesting. Very interesting. And you know about the knife?"
I nodded slowly. My throat was dry.
Two chapters ago this was a normal 'yay, let's go on our Pokémon journey' fic! How does Rachel now have a psychic link with a Team Rocket member who can travel between universes? Why was this the moment I decided I was going to start ripping off Harry Potter and The Subtle Knife simultaneously?
"Well, about the mental link? That's not good." He grinned, and slowly shook his head. "You will have many visions of me. You may be able to find out Team Rocket's plans, if you are watching me at the wrong time. And we wouldn't want that, would we? So I will just have to dispose of you."
He let a Pokéball fly from his hand. A ferocious Arcanine appeared. I was frozen with terror. It roared, and leapt right at me, knocking me over. There was only one thing to do.
Lie on my back and scream.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It was almost on top of me! I scrambled sideways, up and ran. The Team Rocket member was laughing. Laughing as if his sides would split.
And it was then that I found out something.
An Arcanine is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY faster than a twelve-year-old girl.
A second more, and it-
A MASSIVE blast of water came flying towards it, laced with electricity, a blast of fire shooting alongside it. The Arcanine keeled over from this sudden, vicious assault. Looking around, I was certain that I spotted a girl melting back into the forest shadows, a Pikachu and Growlithe behind her.
I do sort of like that, even though I've given Rachel a super-special telepathic link, she still doesn't have superpowers and there's not much she can do when someone attacks her with a GIANT FIRE DOG. Even if it means I had to resort to a deus ex machina here. (I do at least follow up on this girl; it's not just 'a passing person saves Rachel and is NEVER SEEN AGAIN'.)
The TR member was furious. He looked as if he was going to make a lunge for me, but then he changed his mind. He pulled the world-knife I had seen in the visions out of his pocket, leapt up and slashed at the air with it. A window opened into a strange, silent town. He leapt through. The window vanished.
I stood there for a minute, frozen in shock.
Then, I went back into the tent. But it was a long, long time before sleep would come.
This is, I'm almost certain, the last mention in the entire fic of the magical knife or of travelling between worlds. You might reasonably have expected this to be a significant detail of the plot! BUT NO.
...
{Oh no... not another one... No...
"Have you found it?"
The Team Rocket member was standing in front of a shadowed man. "Not yet. I will soon, though... but that is a minor inconvenience at present, I must have misplaced it. More importantly, I have a new idea for the Great Project. This one will create massive amounts of energy. Enough to easily take the world."
There's presumably some sort of intermediate step between 'generate loads of energy' and 'TAKE OVER THE WORLD', but it's never made clear.
I'm not sure what the misplaced thing mentioned here is. Is it... the knife? I'd expect him to be more concerned if he'd lost his MAGICAL KNIFE THAT CAN CUT BETWEEN WORLDS.
"But- what about the girl who is linked with you? She may overhear us. And then, would she be a threat to us?"
"She is twelve years old. She is no threat. And I have made it clear to her that messing with Team Rocket would be a very bad idea indeed...Indeed, I have found a simple way to sever the mental link. We can do it just before I explain the plan, if you like."
The man relaxed. "So, what is your plan? How are we to get all of this valuable power? What do you have in mind?"
"It would require a lot of energy. The Pokémon may be able to provide that. But, whether they can or can't, the process will create far more than was used. And I think it would be very, very interesting to study the results. Listen, Giovanni. This will be Team Rocket's best plan yet..."
"Wait," interrupted Giovanni. "Get rid of the link. Now."
You'd sort of expect him to have severed the mental link as soon as he discovered how, but instead he holds on to it just long enough for Rachel to hear vague details of this EVIL ENERGY-GENERATION PLAN.
"Certainly."
He closes his eyes... the room begins to fade and spin, before dissolving into blackness... and I find myself falling... falling...}
...
I woke up suddenly. Very suddenly. There were millions of questions going through my head. Who was that strange girl? Why did she rescue me? What was Team Rocket's sinister plan? And would anyone be able to stop it...?
In the next instalment of Old Fanfiction Book Club: we discover Team Rocket's sinister plan and, in the process, expose young Riona's dark secret.
no subject
Thirteen-year-old you had nothing to be ashamed of on the getting poetic front!
So I know the main Team Rocket people in the cartoon are kind of faily and mostly harmless, and other members of the team are supposed to be a bit more serious - is “Mysterious menacing person who can cut holes in the universe for interdimensional travel and is fully prepared to murder a child” as weird of a fit for the team as I tend to imagine?
And Rachel’s psychically connected with the mysterious stranger! I’m guessing he is and/or murdered a family member of hers? Possibly with magic?
“Ooh, there’s a magical link with this child and she can spy on my plans! But no worry, it’s easily severed! ...after I engage in just enough conversation to be tantalizingly full of hints!”
And now mystery girl! I’m guessing...a slightly reworked interpretation of someone young Riona knew on a message board?
no subject
eta: Team Rocket are actually the least ridiculous organization in Pokemon canon. They're basically the Pokemon mafia. That's it. It's the Hoenn and later teams when they started to get a bit weird.
no subject
no subject
no subject
I'm touched that you think there might be any explanation at all for the psychic connection.
And now mystery girl! I’m guessing...a slightly reworked interpretation of someone young Riona knew on a message board?
Close; she's another message-board character submission!