I Was Most Excited To See The Grebes, But I Can't Deny The Classic Appeal Of The Mallard.

[rionaleonhart]

Ages and ages ago, I attempted the demo of Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin. Here is how this game begins:

- A mysterious armoured figure cuts down a load of soldiers with no context.
- The game cuts to a boss fight against a dragon with no context.
- The protagonist Jack walks through a field of wheat while playing Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' on his mobile phone. It is crucial to note that, with the exception of the party's strangely modern outfits, this game's setting is otherwise mediaeval.
- Jack approaches a city, then senses someone behind him and whips around to see two strangers, Jed and Ash:

Jed: (raising a glowing crystal) Look. The crystals can sense each other.
Ash: (also holding a crystal) You have one too, don't you?
Jack: (raising his crystal) My mission is to kill Chaos. That's all I know.
Jed: Me too.
Ash: Good. We're all on the same hunt.
Jack: I'm Jack.
Jed: Jed.
Ash: Ash.

And then they all fistbump.

And that's how this game's main characters meet. This is definitely how human beings interact on encountering someone for the first time.

It's important to note that you can strip all the characters down to their boxers. For half the first mission, I had everyone running around with no trousers.


Unfortunately, I was catastrophically bad at Stranger of Paradise and concluded that I wouldn't be able to play it. I was still vaguely curious about it, though, so I recently watched a Let's Play.

Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin is a very bad game. Or, rather, it's a very badly told story; as the gameplay really isn't my thing, I'm not qualified to judge that aspect of it.

It has fun elements! I enjoy that Jack is a gruff action hero trapped in a swords-and-sorcery story, and he's furious about it; I love that, if anyone starts trying to offer exposition, he'll immediately tell them to fuck off. But it's just so sparsely, weirdly written that it's impossible to get invested.

Which is a shame, because there are glimpses of something interesting here. Jack's an extremely angry character who has a lot of feelings and doesn't know how to deal with them, i.e. exactly my sort of character! I'd be so into him if the game actually took the time to flesh out its party! Let's have a moment of silence for the character I'd have been obsessed with in a universe where the game had better writing.


I feel this entry probably has a very limited audience, so here's a poll for broader appeal.

Poll #31786 the impossible choice

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 43

View Respondents

Choose a water bird I saw at Hyde Park a couple of days ago.

View Answers

Coot
5 (11.6%)

Mallard
6 (14.0%)

Tufted duck
2 (4.7%)

Canada goose
1 (2.3%)

Egyptian goose
6 (14.0%)

Great crested grebe
3 (7.0%)

Black-headed gull
2 (4.7%)

Heron
11 (25.6%)

Moorhen
3 (7.0%)

Swan
4 (9.3%)

Comments

[pauraque]

I always have trouble knowing how to talk to new people, but to be fair I have not tried carrying around a glowing crystal hoping to find someone else who is on the same hunt. Perhaps I have been missing out on untold fistbumps!

I chose the coot because they have weird feet. (I assume you saw the Eurasian Coot, but our American Coot is pretty much the same thing.)

[rionaleonhart]

It would have made my teenage years so much easier!

Strong choice! I was tempted by the coot but had to go with the mallard in the end; I'm glad someone's dropped a coot vote in the poll.

[doreyg]

That sounds like a very amusing game. Not a good game, but at least amusing. The "My Way" on a mobile phone made me laugh out loud. How perfectly mediaeval.

I voted for a swan. I like swans, even though I also find them slightly scary.

[rionaleonhart]

At one point the protagonist listens to another character giving a passionate speech, then growls, 'Bullshit,' starts playing metal on his phone and stalks off. Bizarre and magnificent.

Swans are cool but, yes, also scary! I actually saw a man embracing a swan on the excursion that inspired that poll, which strikes me as incredibly dangerous.

[doreyg]

I now have a new way to leave conversations in real life. XD I'm sure this'll go fine!

That is a terrifyingly bad idea. They're so pretty! FROM A DISTANCE.

[lokifan]

I actually saw a man embracing a swan on the excursion that inspired that poll, which strikes me as incredibly dangerous.

Oh my god!!! Madness. I said an exuberant hello to a swan when I was two and it nearly broke my arm.

[wolfy_writing]

Is that not how you usually make friends? Look for peopel with glowing crystals so you can kill Chaos together?

I picked herons, because I apparently have very basic taste in birds.

[rionaleonhart]

Herons are very cool birds! They're such a striking shape. And I think one of the herons I saw on this particular excursion was a juvenile, which was pretty neat.

My relationship with herons took a bit of a downturn last year, when one snatched up a baby coot in front of me and the chick's screaming parents. Interesting moment of nature in action, but that didn't make it any less distressing to watch!

[necrophilia]

I tried to get through the demo and couldn't. The writing was amazingly bad but ceased to entertain with how terrible it was after the first few scenes; the gameplay and interface reminded me of any mobile game ported to a main console where the devs don't bother to make use of all the new hardware and memory they have access to. And it had the worst princess that I, a proud aficionado of fictional princesses, ever had to witness.

I will say that, like, that's now two post-FFXV Final Fantasy games that have made me long for FFXV instead. Which isn't a lot, but as the saying goes, it's weird that it happened twice.

I voted for a swan because they're gorgeous bullies. They're Regina George of the pond.

[rionaleonhart]

I was absolutely bewildered to realise that you spoke to NPCs in the town by choosing their names from a menu on the world map. For just a line or two of dialogue each! Who designed this game??

I will say that, like, that's now two post-FFXV Final Fantasy games that have made me long for FFXV instead. Which isn't a lot, but as the saying goes, it's weird that it happened twice.

A sentiment I share! Final Fantasy XV was a weird mess, but it was such a good weird mess.

[alaterdate]

I watched a Let's Play of this game too. They ran it multiplayer and it was a lot of fun to see multiple people bewildered by this game's story and gameplay at the same time lol. I agree that there are intriguing tidbits of character parceled out, but definitely not enough. The game was so bizarre I had this constant fluctuation of "this is terrible. but i love it. but it's so bad. but it could be good?" going on. Watching the LP was amusing, but ultimately I forgot about this game completely until reading this post lol.

Mallard, just because.

[rionaleonhart]

The Let's Play I watched (by PlayFrame) was also multiplayer! Definitely seems like a game best experienced with other people, or perhaps not experienced at all. "this is terrible. but i love it. but it's so bad. but it could be good?" really sums up the experience!

[marginaliana]

I watched PlayFrame's version too and was equally baffled by every single choice the game designers made. The flannel shirt on one of the player characters was Certainly A Choice.

[rionaleonhart]

God, it really was. I love that they'd periodically improve the characters' armour with what I can only describe as a 'Look Stupider' button.

[newbie1990]

Egyptian goose, because they look as chaotic as they are. Tempted to pick a nice friendly duck, but erred on the side of evil. Those grebes are stylish little guys, though. (I know nothing about birds and had to look both of those up, thank you for broadening my horizons by being The Bird Mutual.)

[rionaleonhart]

It feels strange to be called The Bird Mutual because one of my mutuals is very much The Bird Mutual from my perspective, and I could not dream of aspiring to her feathered crown! But I'm still delighted to be associated with birds. Birds are great.

[trepkos]

So, did you see all those birds? If so, what kind of swan was it?

[rionaleonhart]

All of these birds put in an appearance on Sunday! I think all the swans I saw were mute swans. There were also a couple of cormorants; I forgot to put those in the poll!

[rosa_heartlily]

Oh, I'd have picked cormorant if it was on the poll! They are one of the possible inspirations for our Liver Birds. As are herons - which I did pick.

[aestivalis]

📢 HERON SWEEP GET HYPE 📢

[rionaleonhart]

I was about to go 'a suspicious declaration from someone who hasn't actually voted for the heron!' and then realised you'd voted as one of your FIFTY MILLION roleplay journals. (I failed to reply, but I actually did read the entry in which you laid them all out, and I was left slightly in awe.)

[aestivalis]

Upon first noticing I had voted with the wrong account I immediately moved to rectify the situation, but then I realised it would artificially inflate the heron numbers and I would be mortified to tarnish the heron grand slam!

[rosa_heartlily]

I like herons because they are crafty so-and-so's. I saw a wild life programme that featured a heron that had learned to fish with bread thrown by humans.

I had to look up the Egyptian goose - and then felt silly because I've seen them in so many tomb paintings from Ancient Egypt! Doh...

I have no comment at all to offer on SoP. Nothing about what I heard or read or saw about it ever appealed.

[rionaleonhart]

a heron that had learned to fish with bread thrown by humans.

Oh, that's very cool! Also cool: the goose tomb paintings, which I had not seen and was compelled to look up after reading this comment.

I think giving Stranger of Paradise a miss is probably the right call, to be honest.

[magistrate]

If I was going to get a mysterious armored figure cutting down a load of soldiers with no context, I'd kinda want it to be the opening to Fire Emblem: Three Houses, which I have given serious thought to saving up to get a Switch for.

And I was going to select heron, and then I looked up pictures of the great crested grebe, and they can ruffle up their little faces! And that was my vote, right there.

[rionaleonhart]

I'd only seen a great crested grebe once before, earlier this year, and then there were three or four at the park! I was so excited. They're very handsome birds!

[apiphile]

i saw one mucking about in New River not long ago, which was a) very close to me and b) very exciting. (New River delights me: it's neither new nor a river).

[apiphile]

My choice was a moorhen because when I was at Eltham Palace on Saturday with my visiting Americans, they got to see one in real life for the first time!

[rionaleonhart]

Introducing people to the moorhen sounds like a great way to spend a Saturday! I was curious, while writing this poll, about how many of these birds would be familiar overseas.

[apiphile]

herons apparently are! i know this because we encountered on in st james park and the chicagoans were like ah yes, a heron.

[lokifan]

And that's how this game's main characters meet. This is definitely how human beings interact on encountering someone for the first time.

My favourite comment on this was that it's how toddlers make friends: you show the other kids at nursery your cool rock!

It's important to note that you can strip all the characters down to their boxers. For half the first mission, I had everyone running around with no trousers.

Incredible! And yeah I love that kind of 'in the wrong genre' thing.

Chose a coot cos this weekend I went blackberry picking with my housemate in our local park (benefits of living in zone 4!) and the coots in the lake came to say hi :)

[rionaleonhart]

it's how toddlers make friends: you show the other kids at nursery your cool rock!

Ha, extremely true!

I love coots! I definitely considered them for my vote. I'm glad you got a coot visit during your blackberry picking excursion; it sounds like a lovely time!

[i_wish_to_remain_nameless]

I voted coots because I think they are cute, and I like their bright red eyes and charcoal feathers.

[rionaleonhart]

Coots are extremely cute! I'm glad to see they've had a few votes.

[lassarina]

Every time someone talks about SoP I'm like "man I'm not sure I'm ever even going to boot up that free copy I got from my PSN sub." Wild.

[rionaleonhart]

It's such a puzzling game on every level!