Or, Alternatively, Silent Hill.

[rionaleonhart]

I want a Doctor Who episode called 'The Lonely Lift', in which they go to a point in the future by which artificial intelligence has become so advanced that Martha becomes trapped in a lift because the 'Ground floor. Please stand clear of the closing doors' announcer voice is lonely and bored and wants someone to talk to.

This is possibly only because I occasionally attempt to engage the automatic voice in conversation and would quite like to watch a scenario in which that would not make me insane. I'm trying to decide whether it would be more fun for the lift to genuinely only want company or for it to be a sadistic entity that takes the opportunity to play games with Martha's mind. Come on, it would be awesome! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO TAKE ME ON AS A SCRIPTWRITER, BBC.

Meanwhile, the Doctor can shag the TARDIS or something.

It is a genius idea.

Comments

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

I MISS NINTH DOCTOR. WAH.

...seriously. Half of my conversations with _coherent nowadays focus on how much cooler Ninth Doctor was than Tenth. Tenth is cool, and if I'd seen him first I'd probably not have a problem, but the contrast, man, the contrast!

...hi, I'm invading your comment thread to whine about something totally unrelated. It is a slow day.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

(As a side note, the voice in the elevators at the Concourse Hotel in Madison, Wisconsin sounds like it's hitting on you. So much so that during WisCon it came up in the panel on gendering AI.)

[rionaleonhart]

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I AGREE WITH YOU. Oh, Nine! Come back! You are a thousand times awesomer than the Doctor we have now!

I am actually rather pleased that you prefer Nine, because everyone seems to be going 'YAY TEN' and I am standing there going 'But... but...'

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

I CAN WRITE BIG LONG ESSAYS ON HOW MUCH MORE SOLID EVERYTHING WAS UNDER NINE. LIKE WHY HE RAN AROUND WITH ROSE. THERE WERE REASONS FOR IT, BIG HEARTRENDING AFFECTIVE REASONS.

I feel really bad about how much I resent Ten, because he's not a bad guy, it's just that he USURPED THE PLACE MEANT FOR NINE and I cannot apparently forgive that ever.

[rionaleonhart]

I WATCH YOUR JOURNAL IN ANTICIPATION OF THESE BIG LONG ESSAYS.

I am really terribly curious about how I would have taken to Ten if I'd watched his episodes first. But, alas, I suppose I'll never know. Because Nine is basically set as my Doctor for ever.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

OH DAMN YOU MEAN I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WRITE THEM NOW? (Possibly I should get at least one more Dr. Who icon. Possibly I was planning on doing this anyway.)

That's basically my response, too. My internal SG-1 continuity cuts of right before the season finale of Season 7; my internal Dr. Who continuity goes wildly divergent at the end of Parting Of The Ways.

[hold-onhope.livejournal.com]

This interests me...I saw Ten first, and so of course I'm like TEN FOR-EVAH, but then I bought S1 and watched Nine and was like oh damn. And always wondered how I would have taken to Nine if I had watched him first. Iiiinteresting.

[flecalicious.livejournal.com]

YAY TEN

...




*stops invading your journal and goes back to reading misplacedmarble's flist*

[rionaleonhart]

GASP. THE TEN FANS HAVE FOUND US. This can only mean a battle to the death.

Or not, because any friend of misplacedmarble is automatically awesome and so I cannot hate you for stupid Doctor-rivalry reasons. Blast.

[flecalicious.livejournal.com]

MWAHAHAHA HERE I AM. Do you prefer duelling pistols or swords? *evil dancing in style of small (evil) pony*

And why thank you! I like being Teh Awesome. Even if I do love my swirly-tied Doctor.

HAMMOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dorcas-gustine.livejournal.com]

I love elevator sequences!!! Especially if they are scary!!!

AND I LOVE YOU MIND!!! :DDDD

[rionaleonhart]

I hate the Silent Hill lifts! I mean, the second game, when you go 'ooh, there's a First Aid kit over there' and you go into the corner and then the doors close and you realise you have been tricked into a secret lift augh? Horrible.

It will probably be best if the Silent Hill lifts never become intelligent. Although they may, of course, be already. You never can tell with Silent Hill.

[jantalaimon.livejournal.com]

Doctor/Martha/Rose/Cptn. Jack/Anyone stuck in a lift in Silent Hill. >3

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. YOU KNOW YOU DO.

[cryforthemoon.livejournal.com]

You are scary. *giggles*

[lo0o0ony-lauren.livejournal.com]

I want the BBC to take you on as a scriptwriter, but somehow I doubt that really helps.

However, I spotted "shag the TARDIS" out of the corner of my eye while I was reading about lonely lifts and my brain went LIFT/TARDIS OTP OMG. I'm sure there's a bigger on the inside gag they're somewhere (ba-dum).

My nan talks to things. When I was younger, she once muttered "thank you" as we were clambering out of an elevator, and I said, "...did you just thank the lift?" And she said, "...no." And I said, "so you were thanking me? Why?" And she said, "Well actually no I was thanking the lift." She does it all the time, but I'd never noticed before. Clearly you're about a thousand times worse, though, because her chats with the lift never extend further than your average British politeness. I just like that she's so conditioned, it extends to inanimate objects.

[lo0o0ony-lauren.livejournal.com]

*perhaps there somewhere? Dear god, and I had an ENGLISH EXAM today. Hello failure!

[rionaleonhart]

LIFT/TARDIS IS BRILLIANT. I have absolutely no idea how it would work, but I am sure that it would be amazing.

Hee! I've, er, always had a habit of thanking ATMs. They give me money! Also, I will apologise to inanimate objects if I bump into/accidentally kick them. And I can totally relate to this comic.

[lo0o0ony-lauren.livejournal.com]

Something to do with the eye of the TARDIS, I suspect, and, er, I don't know, a language made entirely of whirring? There was that thing the Third Doctor said about those people who communicated with their eyebrows (I can't remember their names; even I'm not THAT sad), so I reckon there are probably loaaaads of retarded languages out there. And it's only fair that the TARDIS should get some, surely, because everyone else is.

That comic is pretty awesome. But they're going to all that slidey effort!

[gayjunglefever.livejournal.com]

I can't say I've ever thanked, or chatted to, inanimate objects - I'm clearly just not cool enough - but many a time I have distractedly walked into mirrors and subsequently apologised to my own reflection. (It is mortifying.) Does that count?

[rionaleonhart]

It definitely does count, and it is wonderful.

(Has JD ever done that? He should.)

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

Oh, my goodness. If the BBC doesn't take you on as a scriptwriter, they obviously have problems, and also PLEASE WRITE IT ANYWAY. I can genuinely imagine it, and, like, Martha's expression, and everything, and slakdjlksj it's brilliant.

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

I APPROVE.

In a similar vein, James May/Sat Nav Announcer Lady. Because he totally wrote an article about that, didn't he, I didn't make that up in my brain. Right. RIGHT.

[rionaleonhart]

James May/Sat Nav Announcer Lady. Because he totally wrote an article about that, didn't he

Oh, good Lord, I certainly hope so! CANNOT ESCAPE ADDICTION TO CRACKPAIRINGS. SEND HELP.

[justspaz.livejournal.com]

Would that pairing go something like this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lmBAf4TKVw) commercial? Sorry for imposing on the conversation, but I heard about pairing someone with GPS and I thought about that...

[rionaleonhart]

I SHOULD SO NOT FIND THAT AS CUTE AS I DO.

[justspaz.livejournal.com]

I don't know what it is, but that commercial always makes me want to see the man and his GPS on a candlelit dinner or something, with the machine talking about the best route for the food to get to the mouth or something. It is terribly cute.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

No no no, *JACK* shags the TARDIS, then the Doctor interrupts and screams "HANDS OFF MY BABY" and Jack sulks off to play Hide The Sausage with Martha.

[rionaleonhart]

With a voyeuristic lift, of course. (Honestly, Jack, that's typical. Your friend's been kidnapped by an insane lift, and you force your way in just to have sex with her. Tsk.)

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

And Martha's all, "dude the left can see us" (because that's the token protest - honestly, who'd say *no* to Jack?) and Jack just grins and the lift says, "... I don't mind."

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Elevator of DEATH (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_%28film%29) in a movie. Just ignore the alternate title 'The Shaft', that was clearly the porn version.

[rionaleonhart]

OH, THANKS. You know, half the reason I talk to the automatic voice is in an attempt to relieve my horrible fear of lifts.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Well, what, you mentioned an elevator coming to life! I merely pointed out that a movie like that has been made.

See, most lifts I go into just don't have voices, and the one in the library is a very polite female voice saying which floor it is both in Dutch and English, and she's very posh.

[rionaleonhart]

I don't meet lifts with voices that often, but when I do I'll ask how she is and thank her for warning me about the closing doors. Just so, y'know, she's less likely to turn nasty and trap me between floors.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Ah. Ever do this with other people in it?

Also, I don't think the latter technique would've worked on the Lift of Doom. It killed a small girl, y'know.

[rionaleonhart]

Only if they're close friends. They have given me some very odd looks.

I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE LIFT OF DOOM.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Hee, I can imagine.

Okay, would you like to hear about the movie with the psycho killer in the Amsterdam canals instead?

[rionaleonhart]

Only if he is Jeremy Clarkson and useless.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

The killer was very much NOT useless, and killed quite a lot of people.

WHY would you want a movie with Jeremy Clarkson in scuba gear as a serial killer?

[rionaleonhart]

WHY WOULD ANYONE NOT?

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Well, for starters, you didn't really see the killer for the entire movie, and when you did, he was malformed because of a radioactive incident whilst scuba-diving.

Plus, Jeremy wouldn't swim in canals, he'd get the strongest car ever and mow down other people. Like in Death Proof (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Proof#Death_Proof).

[misplacedmarble.livejournal.com]

Something similar happened on a recent episode of Grey's Anatomy...

Except it was an actual person (doing the lift voice) and there wasn't any trapping involved, but the lift did talk to Addison. And she thought she was going insane.

ANYWAY, I do agree that this would make for a brilliant episode. Petition!

[shark-hat.livejournal.com]

Ha, Hitchhikers Guide crossover, [1] Martha is counselling one of the depressed lifts while Jack and Zaphod are circling round each other and it's anyone's guess whether they have a huge "NO, IT IS I WHO AM COOLER THAN YOU" fight or shag like bunnies. And I bet Arthur would fall in love with Martha and she could abandon him and break his heart.
(Also Ford/Ten OMG)
[1]It is practically canon! No it is, if Adams can file off the serial numbers of the Krikkitmen episode for Life, The Universe And Everything, then by pure logic (um) Who must be able to get into the HHGG universe. Also, with Tardis + Infinite Improbablility drive, anything is possible. And a footnote longer than the comment is totally reasonable. Did I mention Ford/Ten?

[rionaleonhart]

Ahahaha, I actually thought of the Guide half-way through writing this entry and almost put a Marvin reference in the title ('Fifteenth Floor. Oh, God, I'm So Depressed', naturally). Also, why do I find the idea of Arthur/Martha adorable? It is ridiculous. BUT JACK AND ZAPHOD MEETING WOULD BE SO AWESOME.

[1] It is canon! Remember 'The Christmas Invasion'? "Not bad for a man in his jim-jams; very Arthur Dent... now, there was a nice man."

[shark-hat.livejournal.com]

Good grief, I'd forgotten- and I was all "eee!" at the line, too.
IT HAPPENED. They visited Ursa Minor Beta between 42 and Human Nature, bagsy no returns.

Arthur is into clever womens, he would fall for Martha with a thud. And Ford would be all "I sweep you off your feet doooomed planet and still you do not love me, woe" and he and Ten would do comfort sex.
(Sub-etha thumb/Sonic screwdriver OTP.)

Sorry, is stop my plot bunnies hopping over your journal tiem nao.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, plot bunnies are always welcome in my journal! I love hearing new insane crossover ideas (as, er, you've probably guessed, because I've just glanced at your journal and it looks as if you found your way here via my Top Gear crossovers). But you are, of course, entering into a Very Serious contract to write it by suggesting the idea.

[shark-hat.livejournal.com]

Trouble is: reasonable at mad crossover ideas, shit at writing.

The Thumb was very old-fashioned by now; its owner's 15-year stranding on a backwards planet had left him struggling to keep up with the new sub-etha world, where your Thumb was probably part of your Guide, or a flexible touch-screen panel woven into your towel, or was just sugically implanted into your manipulative digit. It didn't have a winning personality, either, or chirpily pipe up with opinions on everything under the suns. It just fitted comfortably into the hand, and did what it was supposed to do: scan the sky for traffic and hail any passing ships that seemed useful for a galactic bum.
And now it was picking up some disturbances that were very odd, but odd in a familiar way. It was supposed, strictly speaking, to blink for attention before signalling anything it had travelled on before (its owner was a pushover for novelty). But something in its little brain went click and it called out to the craft to please, stop, pick us up, just for a little way, honest, we're just passing through; and the four travellers were woken from their chilly doze in the deserted departure lounge by a strange wheezing noise as a ship propelled by an intelligence that was easily amused by small clever devices materialised in front of them.
[insert plot here]