rionaleonhart | "This one, or this one?" "...go away."

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"This one, or this one?" "...go away."

A HUSTLE ALMOST WENT HORRIBLY WRONG. I have wanted to see one of them go a bit awry ever since I started watching The Real Hustle, so I was really rather thrilled by this. Although I have to admit that I was genuinely worried that the mark might actually drag Alex off the motorbike and horribly injure him or something.

I do wish Paul and Jess had mocked him about it. The Real Hustle would be so much better if they actually showed the hustlers chatting to each other a little more. There's always the rather frustrating sense of 'these three have a lovely bantering mocking friendship but you are not allowed to see it ha'. Take a leaf out of Top Gear's book, Real Hustle producers! People like it when factual programmes take on a more personal tone! ~~They also write more fanfiction, but that is obviously totally not what I am desperately hoping for at all.~~

Also, ahahaha, the telling-the-truth hustle! Brilliance. The people who'd been taken in seemed almost more amused than annoyed. "Well, I suppose I technically got exactly what was advertised..." And I loved the 'can be made in less than three hours' and the 'no-money-back guarantee'.

(

newbie1990, WHO TOTALLY NEEDS TO UPDATE HER JOURNAL MORE OFTEN, came up with the frankly brilliant idea that Jess is a new incarnation of the Master, trying to take over the world through hotness. This would be amazing. Are you listening, Doctor Who writers? Have the Master played by Jessica-Jane Clement in his/her next appearance. Genius. Also, I've never found Tennant particularly attractive, but I have to admit that Tennant-as-the-Doctor/Jess-as-the-Master would be really rather hot. AND THEY COULD HAVE A CANON KISS OR SOMETHING AND IT WOULD SPAWN ALL SORTS OF INTERESTING (and by 'interesting' I mean 'lol watch the Internet explode') QUESTIONS ABOUT TIME LORD SEXUALITY.)

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I think that the Master should SO go for world domination through hotness! Although I still say that next time, the Master should bring a kitten for the Doctor to play with as a distraction.

And you are so going to write The Real Hustle/Top Gear crossover at some point, right?

WAIT. The Real Hustle, the American special! Never mind that it doesn't work chronologically, CLEARLY the Hustlers sold Clarkson his Ford GT.

...I thought you said 'the Master should be a kitten for the Doctor to play with'. WEIRDEST REGENERATION EVER.

And, er, possibly? Hmmm, I don't have the Real Hustle and Top Gear trios meeting in the Great Big Insane Crossover plan so far, do I? I'll have to fix that. They can try to con the Top Gear trio, but Sherlock Holmes can catch them in the act, and then they'll realise that, y'know, they're all supposed to be on the same side.

"...I thought you said 'the Master should be a kitten for the Doctor to play with'. WEIRDEST REGENERATION EVER."

That would work too! Plus, we all know felines want to take over the world anyway.

See? More plot! Hurrah! They can try to sell Hammond a fake tooth-whitening kit.

QUITE LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD. It is wonderful!

See, now I'm imagining the Doctor nevering being able to escape. He runs away, ducks behind something. "Phew; I think I lost him--" CAT TO THE ARM. He runs, ducks underneath something.
""Should be safe here." CAT TO THE FACE. He runs, hops in the TARDIS, heads to a different planet. "Okay, he definitely shouldn't have been able to follow me out here." FELINE DEATH FROM ABOVE.

*cracks up* Oh god. You have me in fits.

And LJ Hook picks the perfect icon for this comment. Hurrah!

[magi] •ahem•

http://adravet.net/misc/doctor_who_cats/

NOTHING IS HOTTER THAN TENNANT!DOCTOR/SIMM!MASTER. You traitor, you.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY TENNANT!DOCTOR/SIMM!MASTER IS THE HOTTEST THING IN THE WORLD. But I also want Jess being pretty and the question of what happens when your Time Lord lover regenerates into a different gender! Augh! Conflict!

I think that, given the choice, I'd rather Simm returned as the Master. But if he couldn't and I could pick whoever would be the next Master, I'd totally go for Jess. Possibly after she had taken a few acting lessons and developed an accent more suited to smugly superior evilness.

You know I have no idea who this 'Jess' person is, don't you? Presumably her there in your icon?

the question of what happens when your Time Lord lover regenerates into a different gender!

Dude, you should write that.

She is indeed! She's one of the trio at the centre of The Real Hustle; they con people out of their money and valuables, then give them back and show the footage for us all to learn from.

Learn to avoid these scams, obviously. Not learn how to carry them out. Although it would probably be quite educational in that respect if you were watching it for that purpose.

Dude, you should write that.

...ARGH I ACTUALLY SORT OF WANT TO. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO WRITE?

[...ARGH I ACTUALLY SORT OF WANT TO. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO WRITE?]

Hey, you know what Massive Evil Death Crossovers are really good at...?

What about Tennant!Doctor/Simm!Master/Jess!Jess?

Genius. Just yknow, that's it.

Jess/Tennant = pure hot! I can so see the Doctor being tottally won over by her and accepting her as his companion then BAM shes the Master and shes fucked him over. ~~I love~~ I don't like how you can fill my head with these ideas!

Ooh, I love the idea of her sneaking on board as his companion. SURPRISE STEALTH MASTER. It would be wonderful.

It'd keep in character with the Master because sneaky and all that rubbish but it'd be quite Jess as well cause she'd obviously win him over by gussling (is that spelt right?) him. He'd tottally fall in love with her though, and then he'd have to come to terms with the fact he's in love with the Master who used to be male (just to keep all us slashers happy).

I have so far avoided Real Hustle addiction through my general non-watching of TV. However, if they were to start having even half the bantering and mockingness of Top Gear I would most likely make time to watch it. Because most things would be better if they were more like Top Gear.

(I approve of any plan that involves completely insane female villains set on world domination. I also approve of any plan that involves male villains taking on hawt female form for the sexual confusion of the hero).

It is distressing! There'll be half a second of charming banter every five episodes, and I will go YES YES GLORIOUS JOY and then the next moment they'll be focusing on the con again and I will be going AAAAAH NOOOO INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER! BE ADORABLE! PLEASE!

The trouble is that The Real Hustle is not allowed to become as popular as Top Gear, because the moment it does it will instantly become impossible to make any more. "How are we supposed to con people if everyone recognises us?"

For some reason this instantly sparked thoughts in my head of the Top Gear trio trying to shoot an episode of The Real Hustle because "How hard can it be?" very hard as it turns out because everyone of course recognises them... the important bit of the idea though is this:

"Well I think it's obvious who should do Jess's part."

Richard rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I know what you're going to say Jeremy, that it should be me be--."

"Not you."

"Not me?"

"No. me. I'm obviously the best looking one here."

"..."

"I think you might have broken his brain with the sheer absurdity of that one... You do realise what you'll need to be wearing for this hustle?" James asked with a feeling of impending doom, similar to that sparked by the words: How Hard Can It Be?

I don't know, I can't actually write this, I don't know enough about it, but it sounds like a sure recipe for disaster/a Top Gear challenge.

You do realise what you'll need to be wearing for this hustle?

Ahahaha! YES, JEREMY, YOU CAN TOTALLY PULL OFF THE ROLE OF THE CHARMING SEDUCTRESS/THE VULNERABLE GIRL/JAMES OR RICHARD'S GIRLFRIEND. It would be a wonderfully ridiculous challenge. Of course, they'd be stealing cars, as they have to keep up the pretence that cars are actually what Top Gear is about.

I've never found Tennant particularly attractive

Wait, WHAT?!

POSSIBLY I AM SOME SORT OF SEXLESS ALIEN FREAK?

I will confess that he was rather appealing as Barty Crouch Junior. WHY DO I FIND MEN MORE APPEALING WHEN THEY ARE INSANE MURDERERS?

and by 'interesting' I mean 'lol watch the Internet explode'

THIS IS TRUE AND SHOULD HAPPEN mostly to prove doctor/master as canon

DON'T EVER STOP GIVING ME CRACKFIC IDEAS.

also i will watch the repeat of The Real Hustle in a couple of hours. ♥

Doctor/Master is canon already. I mean, wanting to give up travelling for the Master? TRUE LOVE YO.

If it helps, I never found Tennant that attractive either....

I was going to say 'HOORAY, THERE IS ONE OTHER PERSON ON THE ENTIRE PLANET WHO DOESN'T FIND TENNANT ATTRACTIVE', and then I realised that it was you. I assume that you're allowed not to find Tennant attractive if you don't find anyone else in the world attractive either.

Don't ever change. ♥. I genuinely panicked when you made that Rabbit Hole Day post about getting a boyfriend two years ago.

•snickersnort• Technically, I have found people attractive on occasion. Physically attractive, even. It's just that my sense of physical attraction is a function of how much I like/resonate with a person, which leads to perverse little tangles like the fact that I find 9th Doctor quite attractive while Christopher Eccleson kinda puts me off, or I find Daniel Jackson adorable but am apathetic to Michael Shanks.

[Master] Leaving aside the obvious points, what makes you think the Doctor would care? Time Lord society is not so strictly (or so dualistically) gendered.

When I was typing it up, that was exactly what I thought. The original draft of this post included the line 'Is gender relevant to Time Lords?', but I stripped it out because it would still create interesting discussion; after all, most viewers will have automatically assigned human sexuality norms to Time Lords, and it would still raise and answer some questions even for those of us who have considered it, er, more than a normal person might.

[Master] (To be boringly pedantic, it is one of those minor little traits that seem to be mostly random in the history of our biology, and you'll probably encounter variance from universe to universe, but did I mention boring? Science without application is all well and good, but I find I care less for theory these days.)

Keep in mind also that everything you've seen (and, in fact, everything you're seeing now, despite efforts to the contrary) has been presented through a human lens, which will tend to take for granted the similarities between species and brush off or sensationalise the differences.

And while there is a subset of Time Lords who base attraction on physical characteristics, for a large and growing number of Time Lords I'm sure you can see how this would be an unstable proposition at best. (You can compare it, if you'd like, to a human condition predicating attraction on age or some such other transitory state. Paederasty (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty) provides one such suitable example.) (Unstable especially as regards the Doctor. Have you seen what he does to himself?) (Well, the Doctor is difficult to deal with in a number of regards.)

Gyuh. While I'm aware that the current Earth vogue is to go about claiming "sexuality" is such a broad, vague term, it's nonetheless too specific to apply with any real sense of accuracy to Time Lords. If you want any real answers, you'd do well to refine your questions a bit.

I was watching The Real Hustle and got a bit nervy when the guy GRASPED the motorbike.

IT WAS HIGHLY ALARMING. It was sort of great, because they never show the hustles that go a bit wrong, but there was also the sense of 'nooooo! Alex!'

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GREAT? If Master!Jess went back in time to meet Simm!Master ~~and they had HOT HOT TIMELORD THREESOMES WITH THE DOCTOR~~. I want for this to happen.

Also I keep forgetting my LJ name. So whenever I see it I am all 'Hey, I know them!' AND THEN I REMEMBER.

Also, my theory as to the Master being Jess is that the Master's sooouuul is contained within the ring, and that when Master!Jess went back in time, she told Lucy to force the ring on someone. When the hustlers attempted to hustle Lucy, she gave the ring to Jess, and the Master is POSSESSING HER. The doctor does not like the idea of the innocent human being possessed, but the Master is adamant that she is helping him and she enjoys the power. Also, some fiddling with perception filters with Alex's appearance in mind was what led Jack to look like Alex rather than be invisible. Jess felt it would be a good idea. ALSO POSSIBLY LUCY IS PAUL. I do not think that Lucy appreciates this. ...I maybe taking this SLIGHTLY TOO SERIOUSLY. :S.

"When the hustlers attempted to hustle Lucy, she gave the ring to Jess, and the Master is POSSESSING HER."

It would be like Ginny with Tom Riddle's diary! That would be genius!

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"This one, or this one?" "...go away."

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