I'm Writing The Essay, I Swear.

[rionaleonhart]

I have been thinking about the Ianto/Gwen comment I made a few entries ago, and I have decided that the ideal solution to any A/B versus A/C 'shipwar may very well actually be having B and C run off together. Wilson/Cameron would be adorable; they could cuddle up and lament the fact that House ruined their lives together. Tifa/Aerith is obviously brilliant. Riku/Kairi makes complete sense. Rinoa/Every Character of Final Fantasy VIII Except Squall makes less sense, but I suppose it would be a pleasant change from all the Rinoa-bashing. (Seriously, Rinoa isn't even one of my favourite characters, but I can't go near VIII fanfiction any more because the treatment of her is so appalling. Unless it's written by you, of course. You're all great.)

BRIEF INTERLUDE:

[Poll #1136354]

(I think I may actually incline towards calling her Aerith when I'm talking about the original game and Aeris for Kingdom Hearts. JUST TO BE RIDICULOUSLY CONTRARY. YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO CALL THE CHARACTERS, TRANSLATION TEAM.)

So, how would B/C pairings in your fandoms work?

Comments

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

*giggling that your evil 'irritate the shippers' plan has backfired so quickly*

[rionaleonhart]

SHUT UP. HOW DID YOU LOCATE MY SINGLE 'SHIPPING WEAK SPOT?

(At least, I hope it's single. I suppose I do have an adverse reaction to Holmes being paired up with anyone but Watson, too.)

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

I WILL FIND MORE. Erm. Top Gear Dog and anyone who isn't Jeremy?

(I have that one too, but shush. People only 'ship Holmes/Adler out of some misplaced urge for het.)

[rionaleonhart]

...I don't mind Top Gear Dog/Fusker? And I do sort of hope that some day someone will write Top Gear Human/Richard or James, so I won't have to feel like The Freak Who Wrote That One Fic.

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

Blast. I will need my plotting cap, evidently.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Rather than using Top Gear Dog, try using cars.

Also, as for the A/B + A/C = B/C running off with each other, does that work with Jeremy/Veyron and Jeremy/Ford GT and then the Veyron and the Ford GT run off with each other? I mean, as soon as you involve machines it gets a bit complicated.

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

I've sort of wanted some car/car porn for a wee while now; particularly from the Veyron/plane race where two Veyrons spent the night in a hangar together.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

If you do car/car, I'll be so impressed.

Oliver/Pagani Zonda would be kind of interesting. The Zonda would totally love him and leave him. Actually you could do Richard/Zonda/Oliver, where the Zonda loved and left them both, and they went to each other for comfort.

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

I aimed for a quick car/car drabble and missed. Damn. I'll have to try again, obviously.

--
It’s Jeremy’s ultimate fantasy, so of course it scares the hell out of Richard. He foolishly tries to find some solace in May but his sanity compass seems to have swung due weird again, and the mad bugger agrees with the tall bastard.

There’s no point in asking how it would work or what would go where, as the only logic this conversation is going to see already accelerating towards the horizon: What’s good? Sex. Cars. What’s better? Them together. What would be better still? Sex with more cars, obviously.

Richard runs off before they ask him and Oliver to join them.
--

[rionaleonhart]

You are so brilliant. 'his sanity compass seems to have swung due weird again' is a fabulous phrase, and 'What would be better still? Sex with more cars, obviously' is hilariously wonderful, and seriously, I don't know how you've managed to pack so much genius into such a tiny fic.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

If this what happens when you miss, keep missing! It's amazing!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Keep trying! Please keep trying a lot, especially if it leads to this :D

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

In the Torchwood crossover I'm not writing, Richard wants to take Myfanwy back with him, and rename her Top Gear Pterodactyl. And if not for Draco objecting I would have considered Top Gear Dog/Myfanwy (seriously, Myfanwy isn't more likely to eat her than she is to eat Richard!)

[rionaleonhart]

I somehow managed to misread that as 'Myfanwy isn't more likely to eat her than she is to eat Riona', so I very much hope Myfanwy won't eat her.

Also, you should consider Top Gear Dog/Myfanwy. PAY NO ATTENTION TO ANYTHING DRACO SAYS.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Myfanwy won't eat TG, Richard, or you, unless any of you manages to get the special sauce on yourself. And the one most likely to have that happen is Richard, because Jeremy would think it was funny to squirt him with it, and watch him run from the pterodactyl. Or squirt James, if there was a camera around, and he could go, "Look, I made James run on camera!"

So you and TG are safer than Richard or James. Or Jeremy, because I could see revenge-squirting.

Basically, Top Gear Dog is the one least likely to get eaten by a pterodactyl. And due to some messed-up imprinting thing, they could nuzzle and flirt and be adorable in a 'mad interspecies lesbianism' way.

And yes, I expect "adorable in a 'mad interspecies lesbianism' way" to be a future post title.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"Top Gear Dog is the one least likely to get eaten by a pterodactyl."

I approve of this!

[rionaleonhart]

What about me? You traitor.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

What do you think would happen to Jack if Myfanwy ate him? I mean, he can't die.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

You won't even be in the fic! Unless, of course, Amy_wolf has changed the plot, in which case I approve of you and TG's survival!

And if Jeremy happens to accidentally spill some sauce on Owen, well, accidents happen.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Owen will not be killed. Possibly lightly mauled. He needs to be alive so he can hear about James's Cessna, have angst about Diane, shag James, and have more angst over, "No, it was a very nice one-night stand, but I'm not leaving my Cessna for you, either."

I also need to work out why Gwen would shag James. So he can get the full set.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on, James/Owen would be mean to James! And I think Rhys/James is slightly more likely, they'd probably have an excellent time going to the local pub.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

I want James to get a full set! And Rhys doesn't work at Torchwood.

Although, now I'm seeing Rhys at a pub with James, going, "This is rather homoerotic."

Maybe a full set >and Rhys.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

It could be Gwen/James/Rhys, because I wouldn't want Gwen and Rhys to cheat on each other.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Gwen already cheats on Rhys!

Basically the story starts with them turning up at Torchwood going, "We've lost our Stig. He told us to go to you." (The Stig was taken by mysterious alien baddies who also do not speak, but they don't know that.) Richard goes, "Ooh, a pterodactyl!" and wanders off to play with Myfanwy. Jeremy has the whole, "Are you a homosexual?" "Want to come back to my office and find out?" bit. James and Ianto have the hot-beverage-related argument-and-sex. Myfanwy carries Richard off, and they both get grabbed by the evil aliens. At this point, the Top Gear boys could be all, "We've lost our Hamster!" and worry, and maybe Gwen could ask Rhys to bring something (like toothbrushes), leading to cuteness, comforting, and a Gwen/James/Rhys threeway? While Jeremy's off having denial and annoying Toshiko with his efforts to reassert his heterosexuality?

Then Myfanwy comes back, there's more drama, and Richard/Stig off in the ship (the aliens are using Richard to get to the Stig; they kept him because the Stig seems to care about him more than some random pterodactyl). And then there's a rescue mission, with James watching Toshiko work, and they have sex because of the whole, "Science is hawt!/He knows formulae!" thing. And then they go rescue Richard and the Stig.

I also want to add James/Owen so James can have a full set and Owen can have, "They always love their Cessnas more!" angst (because James would prefer his Cessna as a long-term companion). And Jack, because they'd both be within ten feet of each other for several portions of the story. And there's a Jeremy-fancies-Richard bit that's expressed almost exclusively through dramatic rescuing and shagging other people.

So, yeah.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"Gwen already cheats on Rhys!"

But she stopped the affair with Owen, and they're engaged. Plus, a threesome would be something different after all the one-on-one shagging that's been going on.

Jack could go 'hang on, you've slept with my entire team except for me?!' and be rather indignant about it.

If only Diane could somehow come back so there could be a James/Cessna/Diane threesome.