(no subject)

[rionaleonhart]

(warning: this post contains spoilers for Silent Hill 2)

Ladies and Gentlemen, why you should never try to write Jack Harkness/James Sunderland, no matter how much the idea pesters you.



Riona's Mind: Hey, Riona, got an idea for you.
Riona: Yeah?
Riona's Mind: You're going to write Jack Harkness/James Sunderland.
Riona: ...I'm going to what?
Riona's Mind: OKAY SEEYA. *flees*
Riona: I'm not going to write it! I'm not going to - I'm not - you can't do this to me!


FIVE MINUTES LATER:


Riona, With Notebook: ...dammit. Well, on the bright side, it's written solely for a silly pairing, and it's got Jack in it. This shouldn't take too long.

James: Mary?
Jack: My name is Maria Jack.
James: ...how the hell did I mistake you for my wife?
Jack: So, what're you doing here?
James: I'm meant to meet a dead person.
Jack: Yeah, that makes sense.

Riona: Introductions over! Now get to the shagging, guys, so I can stop being bugged by this stupid idea.

Jack: I've got a better idea. Let's discuss how weird it is that you're picking up boxes of shotgun bullets despite not having a shotgun.
James: ...now that I think about it, that is kind of strange.

Riona: THIS IS SO NOT SUPPOSED TO INVOLVE GAMEPLAY ASPECTS.

James: *kind of sort of angst*

Riona: Right, now's my chance. Jack, be comforting.

Jack: Sure! *touches James comfortingly on the shoulder*
James: ARGH PYRAMID HEAD *very nearly shoots Jack*
Jack: ...um, okay.

Riona: ...it shouldn't be this hard.

James: I'm not insane. I'm not insane. I swear I'm not insane.
Jack: Yeah, James, whatever. Where are you going, anyway?
James: The Lakeview, obviously.
Jack: ...how exactly were you planning to get across the lake?
James: ...well, I thought that maybe if I went into some random abandoned buildings...
Jack: ...
James: ...I'm really not insane.

Riona: THIS ISN'T WORKING AT ALL.

Jack: Hey, let's go to a strip bar!
James: ...you want to go into an abandoned strip bar. In an abandoned town. With monsters. You want to go to a strip bar.
Jack: SURE WHY NOT.

Riona: Right. Right, I can get them drunk. All is not lost.

Jack: *drinks*
James: *drinks*
Jack: Hey, can you show me the letter?
James: No, I... lost it.
Jack: ...you lost it?
James: OMG I AM OFFENDED THAT YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A LIE.

Riona: Okay, you're both fairly drunk. Now, James, I want you to -

James: OKAY I WILL THINK ABOUT SELF-HARM.

Riona: ...that totally wasn't going to be the end of that sentence.

James: Actually, I'm not thinking about self-harm. Because I would never consider suicide. I spent two hours staring at Angela's knife, but I totally wasn't considering suicide. Nope.
Jack: ...
James: Still not insane!

Riona: FOR GOD'S SAKE, JAMES, KISS HIM ALREADY.

James: I think instead I will tell you exactly what I wanted to do to my sick wife.

Riona: ...oh. Oh, Hyne, that's nasty. I really didn't want to know that.

James: AND NOW I WILL KISS THE NEAREST HUMAN BEING.

Riona: FINALLY!

James: Of course, this is entirely to cause him pain.

Riona: ...okaaaay, good enough. Maybe I'll get this finished!

Writer's Block: I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Riona: *sobs hopelessly*


Also, a brief anecdote:

Riona: Hey, Fred, what're you doing?
Fred (Riona's eleven-year-old brother): Playing Runescape.
Riona: (shocked) Hey! Hey, you can't type that!
Fred: Why not?
Riona: You can't put an apostrophe in a possessive pronoun! 'You're' always means 'you are' - you mean 'your'.
Fred: Ah, okay. Thanks.
Riona: (walking away with the sense of A Job Well Done) Thank Hyne I caught that. He'd have looked really stupid if he'd said 'I want to have you're babies'.
*pause*
Riona: ...wait a second...