reipan: Edward's got two degrees. School bores him senseless.
Why does he still go there?
rionaleonhart: There must be some reason. Some
sparkly reason.
reipan: I suppose having the vampires not go to school would sort of ruin
Twilight. 'Here are Edward and Bella! They never meet! ...the end!'
rionaleonhart: Maybe, maybe the sparkles command the vampires to stay in school because they fancy the teacher or something.
reipan: The sparkles can't speak, Hats.
rionaleonhart: Maybe they can.
reipan: ...sentient sparkles?
rionaleonhart: When Edward is angsting, he runs off to talk to them. 'My sparkles are my only friends!'
rionaleonhart: Seriously, why isn't James gorgeous? Vampires are
supposed to be gorgeous. She
says in the books that it's a biological prey-attracting thing.
reipan: Maybe he's James of Team Rocket.
rionaleonhart: ...and the Team Rocket incompetence genes fused with the sparkly vampire gorgeousness genes to create something not quite so gorgeous?
reipan: Or maybe he was really ugly to begin with, and the vampire venom can only do so much.
rionaleonhart: That makes sense! Or... as much sense as anything in these books does.
reipan: It's in my brain now. I want Bella and Edward to join Team Rocket. Bella's Pokémon would fairly obviously be a Jigglypuff, or possibly a Chansey... what would Edward have? What
sparkles?
reipan: I don't buy that the vampires can't sleep. I mean, sleep isn't just a physical thing; it's also psychological. Why haven't all the vampires gone crazy yet?
rionaleonhart: Are you sure they haven't? Maybe the vampires have some sparkly sleep-alternative.
reipan: Why aren't they having wild hallucinations?
rionaleonhart: Maybe they are! Maybe their brains try to cope with the lack of sleep by dreaming while they're awake.
reipan: Being in school can't make that easy. 'Excuse me, Miss, I have to go. There's a unicorn in the corner, and it's
staring at me.'
rionaleonhart: 'Oh, Edward, I love you so.'
'That's great, Bella, but we have to save the townsfolk from the evil unicorns. To the Cullenmobile!'
'...Edward, you've just massacred another town of innocents. They're not unicorns! They don't even have horns!'
reipan: 'Oh, Edward, I love you so.'
'That's great, but... aren't you my mother?'
rionaleonhart: Oh, those wacky Cullens. I wish we'd written
Twilight.
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