Also, The Floor Is Electrified.
Jul. 13th, 2009 02:00 pmMore Metal Gear Solid, and I have now met up with Otacon!
(A note: if I want to post anything that I think is a significant storyline spoiler, I'll put it under a cut, but I am slightly more relaxed when posting about decade-old videogames than I am when posting about present-day television. If you're planning to play the original Metal Gear Solid and you don't want to know things like 'there is a point at which Snake has to avoid being gored by angry unicorns', let me know and I'll be more cautious in my entries about it.)
- NUMBER OF TIMES I HAVE DIED TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE CARGO HOLD: at least eight. The number would be about half this were it not for the fact that I returned to the building under the impression that the rocket launcher I required would be in the armoury, saved in the armoury before realising that I had made a horrible error, and so ended up having to pass through the infrared sensors three times.
If I have to go back that way again, I'll cry.
- I love the part with the electrified floor, just because it is so over-the-top trying to kill you. THE PLACE IS FILLED WITH POISON GAS. ALSO, THE FLOOR IS ELECTRIFIED. Who designed this place, why is it only Level 3 security if it tries to keep even people with keycards out to the extent of poisoning and electrocuting them, and why not attach explosives to the door for good measure?
- 'Yes, hurt me more!' Oh, my, Cyborg Ninja. And then, of course, there was all of Revolver Ocelot's sexual gun-imagery earlier. I imagine that this game has a great deal of fanfiction catering to mildly unusual tastes.
- Have I mentioned how hilarious I find the Cyborg Ninja? I mean, he is a ninja who is also a cyborg. That is excellent.
- Oh, I do sort of love Otacon. He stutters! He cowers! He doesn't want to hurt people; he just wants to create awesome giant robots! Bless him.
- I do wish he'd stop saying 'Japanese anime', though.
- Also, I could use some of that amazing cloaking technology, Otacon. Just - just so you know.
- Ahahaha, the heartbeat-vibration! Nice try, Metal Gear Solid, but I know enough about your sequels not to be fooled.
- I'm sorry, Mei Ling; you seem very nice, but when I call you it's because I want to save my game. I don't particularly want to hear the story of how you became a pilot, or what Confucius would think about the situation. Most of the time you launch into conversation after I've saved, which is fine, but you do occasionally start talking before giving me the 'save' option. What if I need to save immediately, Mei Ling? What then?
You know what I would love to see? I would love to see Jeremy Clarkson playing this game. This is largely, I'll confess, because I am still fairly terrible at it and would find watching someone more terrible rather comforting, but also because it would be hilarious. (Jeremy Clarkson actually trying to infiltrate a nuclear storage facility would also be fairly hilarious, but only until he was shot to pieces, which I suspect would happen within, at a generous estimate, about three seconds.)
Oh, James May could be the equivalent of Otacon!
HANG ON, I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THIS.
What I am also not supposed to be thinking about is what Pokémon Solid Snake would have. I initally thought it would have to be one capable of stealth, but then I decided that Togepi would be more fun. Snake is hiding under the tank, listening to the footsteps of the guard as he waits for him to pass. He glances to the side to check on Togepi, but - oh, no, what is this? Togepi has wandered out from beneath the tank!
'Togi, togi, prrri!' Togepi chirrups.
The guard will know instantly that Togepi does not belong, of course, because all of the guards have Houndour. Snake slams his forehead against the floor and waits to be discovered. This always happens. He doesn't know why he doesn't just keep Togepi in a Pokéball.
(A note: if I want to post anything that I think is a significant storyline spoiler, I'll put it under a cut, but I am slightly more relaxed when posting about decade-old videogames than I am when posting about present-day television. If you're planning to play the original Metal Gear Solid and you don't want to know things like 'there is a point at which Snake has to avoid being gored by angry unicorns', let me know and I'll be more cautious in my entries about it.)
- NUMBER OF TIMES I HAVE DIED TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE CARGO HOLD: at least eight. The number would be about half this were it not for the fact that I returned to the building under the impression that the rocket launcher I required would be in the armoury, saved in the armoury before realising that I had made a horrible error, and so ended up having to pass through the infrared sensors three times.
If I have to go back that way again, I'll cry.
- I love the part with the electrified floor, just because it is so over-the-top trying to kill you. THE PLACE IS FILLED WITH POISON GAS. ALSO, THE FLOOR IS ELECTRIFIED. Who designed this place, why is it only Level 3 security if it tries to keep even people with keycards out to the extent of poisoning and electrocuting them, and why not attach explosives to the door for good measure?
- 'Yes, hurt me more!' Oh, my, Cyborg Ninja. And then, of course, there was all of Revolver Ocelot's sexual gun-imagery earlier. I imagine that this game has a great deal of fanfiction catering to mildly unusual tastes.
- Have I mentioned how hilarious I find the Cyborg Ninja? I mean, he is a ninja who is also a cyborg. That is excellent.
- Oh, I do sort of love Otacon. He stutters! He cowers! He doesn't want to hurt people; he just wants to create awesome giant robots! Bless him.
- I do wish he'd stop saying 'Japanese anime', though.
- Also, I could use some of that amazing cloaking technology, Otacon. Just - just so you know.
- Ahahaha, the heartbeat-vibration! Nice try, Metal Gear Solid, but I know enough about your sequels not to be fooled.
- I'm sorry, Mei Ling; you seem very nice, but when I call you it's because I want to save my game. I don't particularly want to hear the story of how you became a pilot, or what Confucius would think about the situation. Most of the time you launch into conversation after I've saved, which is fine, but you do occasionally start talking before giving me the 'save' option. What if I need to save immediately, Mei Ling? What then?
You know what I would love to see? I would love to see Jeremy Clarkson playing this game. This is largely, I'll confess, because I am still fairly terrible at it and would find watching someone more terrible rather comforting, but also because it would be hilarious. (Jeremy Clarkson actually trying to infiltrate a nuclear storage facility would also be fairly hilarious, but only until he was shot to pieces, which I suspect would happen within, at a generous estimate, about three seconds.)
Oh, James May could be the equivalent of Otacon!
HANG ON, I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THIS.
What I am also not supposed to be thinking about is what Pokémon Solid Snake would have. I initally thought it would have to be one capable of stealth, but then I decided that Togepi would be more fun. Snake is hiding under the tank, listening to the footsteps of the guard as he waits for him to pass. He glances to the side to check on Togepi, but - oh, no, what is this? Togepi has wandered out from beneath the tank!
'Togi, togi, prrri!' Togepi chirrups.
The guard will know instantly that Togepi does not belong, of course, because all of the guards have Houndour. Snake slams his forehead against the floor and waits to be discovered. This always happens. He doesn't know why he doesn't just keep Togepi in a Pokéball.
