My mum, reminiscing about her schooldays: 'We had a groundsman who we all fancied. And then we decided he was full of himself, so we all turned against him and locked him in a shed.'
Torchwood: Miracle Day begins tomorrow in the UK (nine o'clock, BBC One)! I've been a bit torn on whether to watch it, because I really don't know what level of quality to expect from Torchwood (in my opinion, Children of Earth was well worth watching but the first two series were largely dire), but I suppose I have to at least give it a try.
Here are my predictions for Miracle Day, bearing in mind that I know nothing but the basic concept:
- Captain Jack will have sexual tension with at least three characters and will kiss at least one. Large parts of the Jack/Ianto fandom will consider this a personal taunt and write furious screeds.
- The person Jack kisses will be female (or one of the people, if he kisses more than one). Two days later, fandom_wank will report on someone who believes, despite the fact that Jack's sexuality is and always has been 'yes, I'll shag that', that this means Jack is being 'made straight'.
- Captain Jack will make at least three references to previous boyfriends/girlfriends (e.g. 'I once dated a guy with three heads'); one of these will clearly be Ianto, although he won't be referred to by name.
- Myfanwy will be mentioned. Tosh and Owen, sadly, will not.
- The main plot will be resolved in episode four, and the remaining six episodes will be devoted to Jack having time-travelling sky-pirating sexual-tensioning adventures with Balthier and Fran of Final Fantasy XII. Let me dream.
- There will be at least four jokes about Wales, despite the fact that it is no longer set there.
- There will be an average of one explosion per episode.
- Someone will backflip whilst shooting.
- There will be a fight sequence on top of a train. Or on top of an aeroplane, because trains aren't quite ridiculous enough for Torchwood.
- We will learn that Rhys writes fanfiction.
- Rhys will die. I will be extremely distressed by this. In fact, I have quite a specific theory about this: Rhys will be mortally wounded near the end of the series, and Gwen will be forced to undo the 'miracle' knowing that in doing so she will cause his death.
- Oh, hang on, Gwen was pregnant, wasn't she? Gwen has a baby and the baby is you.
Again, these are pure speculation. I've no idea what is going to happen. Let's find out! (Any predictions of your own?)
(I'm being a bit ungenerous to the Torchwood fandom in the first two points, I suspect. This is because I've never really been involved in the fandom, so the only parts I've been exposed to are the really scary parts that occasionally rear up to alarm fandom in general. I'm sure the majority of Torchwood fans are perfectly lovely and reasonable; certainly the ones on my flist are.)
Torchwood: Miracle Day begins tomorrow in the UK (nine o'clock, BBC One)! I've been a bit torn on whether to watch it, because I really don't know what level of quality to expect from Torchwood (in my opinion, Children of Earth was well worth watching but the first two series were largely dire), but I suppose I have to at least give it a try.
Here are my predictions for Miracle Day, bearing in mind that I know nothing but the basic concept:
- Captain Jack will have sexual tension with at least three characters and will kiss at least one. Large parts of the Jack/Ianto fandom will consider this a personal taunt and write furious screeds.
- The person Jack kisses will be female (or one of the people, if he kisses more than one). Two days later, fandom_wank will report on someone who believes, despite the fact that Jack's sexuality is and always has been 'yes, I'll shag that', that this means Jack is being 'made straight'.
- Captain Jack will make at least three references to previous boyfriends/girlfriends (e.g. 'I once dated a guy with three heads'); one of these will clearly be Ianto, although he won't be referred to by name.
- Myfanwy will be mentioned. Tosh and Owen, sadly, will not.
- The main plot will be resolved in episode four, and the remaining six episodes will be devoted to Jack having time-travelling sky-pirating sexual-tensioning adventures with Balthier and Fran of Final Fantasy XII. Let me dream.
- There will be at least four jokes about Wales, despite the fact that it is no longer set there.
- There will be an average of one explosion per episode.
- Someone will backflip whilst shooting.
- There will be a fight sequence on top of a train. Or on top of an aeroplane, because trains aren't quite ridiculous enough for Torchwood.
- We will learn that Rhys writes fanfiction.
- Rhys will die. I will be extremely distressed by this. In fact, I have quite a specific theory about this: Rhys will be mortally wounded near the end of the series, and Gwen will be forced to undo the 'miracle' knowing that in doing so she will cause his death.
- Oh, hang on, Gwen was pregnant, wasn't she? Gwen has a baby and the baby is you.
Again, these are pure speculation. I've no idea what is going to happen. Let's find out! (Any predictions of your own?)
(I'm being a bit ungenerous to the Torchwood fandom in the first two points, I suspect. This is because I've never really been involved in the fandom, so the only parts I've been exposed to are the really scary parts that occasionally rear up to alarm fandom in general. I'm sure the majority of Torchwood fans are perfectly lovely and reasonable; certainly the ones on my flist are.)
