Kingdom Hearts III: Spoiler-Free Predictions.

Kingdom Hearts III is out in approximately a fortnight! I've managed to avoid hearing any spoilers outside what's shown in the trailers. Here are my predictions! (These predictions don't touch on any plot details or Disney worlds revealed in the trailers, just in case anyone reading this is trying to stay entirely spoiler-free.)

As the game has been leaked, I should mention that I'm staying well away from any leak discussion and I have no idea whether any of these are accurate; please do not confirm or deny any of these predictions if you have solid knowledge.


- Five minutes in, the game will have stopped making sense to people who haven't played the side games. Twenty minutes in, the game will have stopped making sense to people who have. (This may be an overly generous estimate.)

- They won't bring in Zell or Rinoa, even though I really want them to.

- I'm almost certain that Lightning will be in it, though, and I'm excited about that. Sora would probably be awed by her.

- Ardyn will not be in it, but that would be incredible (and horrible).

- Sora/Kairi will be heavily implied but not actually confirmed.

- Sora/Riku will also be heavily implied but not actually confirmed. It's been the case in every other game in the series; why stop now?

- Riku and Mickey Mouse will have uncomfortable amounts of sexual tension. (This is almost guaranteed.)

- At some point there will be an incredibly dramatic, emotional scene involving Mickey Mouse and it will be impossible to take seriously.

- There probably won't be enough Riku (in my eyes, let's be honest, there could never be enough Riku), and there definitely won't be enough Kairi, but maybe this time they'll be a little better about giving Kairi screentime? Maybe? Please?

- I'm very concerned that I'm going to end up shipping Kairi/Lea. Is that a prediction? (Also a prediction about my response to this game: I am extremely likely to cry.)

- This isn't a prediction but a plea: please please please please let Xion interact with Roxas, and with Sora, and with Lea. Somehow. I also want to see Aqua interact with everyone. I want to see everyone interact with everyone.

- I both suspect and hope that this game may introduce a new character with the stupidest hairstyle yet.

- There will almost certainly be a really obnoxious rhythm action minigame, and frankly I can't wait.

- The ending may well do some ridiculous meta thing and go 'WE NEED YOUR HELP, YOU THE PLAYER, ALSO YOU'RE PROBABLY ANSEM SOMEHOW' and I will laugh uncontrollably. Then it turns out that the 'III' in Kingdom Hearts III isn't 3; it's actually 111, and this is a universe where the series just kept going until etc.

- Winnie-the-Pooh will be possessed by demonic forces.

- At some point you'll fight a whale that is also a ship that is also an aeroplane as it soars majestically through space. The background music will be a steadily escalating chant of 'darkness darkness DARKNESS DARKNESS'

Well, Not Really. It's This Git!

Final verdict on Pokémon: Let's Go, Eevee!: I haven't felt this much sheer joy in a Pokémon game since the first time I played Pokémon Red as a child. I wasn't sure about the Pokémon Go-style capture mechanic and perpetual EXP share at first, but, to be honest, I think the game benefits from cutting down on battling. You don't need to fight every wild Pokémon! (Getting to see the Pokémon in the wild rather than having random encounters is fantastic.)

And everything's so cute! And I'm interested in the character dynamics, which almost never happens in a Pokémon game! My character doesn't speak, and yet I'm interested in her relationship with my rival, with Blue, with Giovanni.

Giovanni respects me, which I find weird and fascinating. 'Let us meet again someday! Farewell!' he says, after your final defeat of him. I sort of want to write fanfiction about the unlikely dynamic between crime boss Giovanni and this kid. But this kid is me, and we've seen in Old Fanfiction Book Club what happens when I attempt self-insert Pokémon fanfiction.

I loved this git trying to get into Viridian Gym, unaware of my presence. 'Open sesame!' (pause) 'Yeah, I guess that isn't gonna work...' What a loser. I'm charmed.

(I feel slightly bad for naming my rival 'this git', given that he ended up being pretty endearing, but I can't think of him as anything else now.)

'This is my grandson! ...Erm, what was his name, now?' made me laugh aloud in startled delight. Incredible.

I ended up using all six of my Pokémon in the final battle against this git, my Eevee last, which was not consciously done but felt rad as hell when I realised it.

And this git's final Pokémon was the grieving Cubone he took into his care at Pokémon Tower! That's so sweet! I was going 'huh, what, he's not sending out Raichu last?' and then he came out with a Marowak and suddenly it all made sense.

What a delight of a game. I really, really enjoyed it.