Me Has This Report.

[rionaleonhart]

Last night's episode of Newswipe featured a segment in which there were multiple Charlie Brookers! My mad desire to read Brooker/himself fanfiction is in no way abated by this. Anger and sarcasm and self-loathing and eventual sex! It would be marvellous.

(And completely ridiculous, obviously. Why has all the fanfiction I've wanted to read lately been for a completely absurd concept, a barely-existent fandom or both?

Actually, come to think of it, my writing's been on the unusual side as well; the most mainstream thing I've written in the past year has been a Merlin/Pokémon crossover. I suppose I'm more likely to write things if I have an 'if I don't write this, who will?' feeling about them. Basically, I'm just being hugely self-indulgent. (I am frequently amazed and delighted when people actually read my fanfiction, because I'm well aware that very few people wake up in the morning and think 'what I feel like reading is a fic in which Charlie Brooker teaches David Mitchell to train Pokémon'. I'm glad others enjoy it when I cater to my own ridiculously specific tastes!))

Anyway. Brooker/himself. Brooker meets his alternate-universe self in his own flat. They argue with and swear at each other a lot, and Other Brooker insists on dragging up all of Brooker's insecurities and parading them in front of him, thus interestingly redefining 'sadomasochism'. The other him is only ever present when Brooker is alone; there's an element of 'is this really me, or have I just gone mental?' running throughout the hypothetical fic and never quite resolved. Eventually, Brooker decides that, hallucination or not, he's shagging him anyway.

Er, for reasons. Good reasons. There's development or something. LOOK, IT WOULD BE AWESOME.

The thing is, I'm not a great fan of explicit sex scenes, so I'm not sure why I'm so keen on this. I think I want the sex just because they would still be sniping at each other the entire time, which would be rather fun, and there would be a fascinating clash of self-loathing and lust, and the lust would perpetuate the self-loathing because you're actually fucking yourself, how fucking narcissistic is that, that is literally the definition of narcissism.

Oh, my goodness, this is a dreadful entry. I'm so sorry.

Comments

[anewcitylife.livejournal.com]

I think I would really like a fic where Other Charlie walks in on Charlie wanking and subjects him to a torrent of humilating abuse.. which leads to sex. Obviously.

Why am I so fucked up.

[rionaleonhart]

If you're fucked up, so am I, because I think that sounds entirely brilliant. I love your mind!

[anewcitylife.livejournal.com]

Hooray!

(...I am sort of maybe writing this.)

[rionaleonhart]

asfhsdadfsfdfgh are you joking?

PLEASE DO NOT BE JOKING.

Oh, my goodness, I am embarrassingly excited about this.

[anewcitylife.livejournal.com]

I'm not joking. First time I've written fic in over a year and... yeah. Blimey.

AND HERE IT IS (http://community.livejournal.com/brookerfic/1786.html#cutid1)

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Hee, Brooker! He would have INCREDIBLE fights with himself, that would probably end with 'so, wanna shag, then?' 'Well, you already ARE a wanker, so why not?' and then they shag, although if it's actual penetrative sex, there'd be a lot arguing as to who'll be doing the penetrating.

In coincidental news, a show I'm watching had two versions of the same character as well, due to a mistake in Magical Transportation, as Character A really wanted to be transported to the other place, but also stay where she was, so the magic literally split her in two. It was awesome, the half that stayed behind had all the compassion and emotion, and the half that had been transported had all the reasoning and sense of duty, and the halves didn't get on AT ALL.

I love it when TV shows make self/self SO EASY.

[rionaleonhart]

The fights would be a joy. (And, yes, I briefly wondered who would be doing the penetrating. Then I realised that that was a ridiculous thing to ponder, because the answer, of course, is 'Charlie Brooker'.)

It was awesome, the half that stayed behind had all the compassion and emotion, and the half that had been transported had all the reasoning and sense of duty, and the halves didn't get on AT ALL.

Oh, that sounds like fun. It reminds me of one of the Animorphs books, actually: Rachel (naturally rather bold and fiery-tempered) split into two people, on account of being cut in half whilst in starfish form. One was rather sweet and timid, and the other was insanely angry and reckless.

I had not yet developed my interest in character/self when I read the Animorphs books, which is possibly for the best.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

They would end up flipping a coin, maybe? I also want David Mitchell to somehow get dragged in, if only because he would panic quite a lot at having to deal with two Charlies. 'Charlie, listen to me - no, not you, the other Charlie. No, I'm not calling you the Other Charlie, I was just trying to indicate to this Charlie that I wanted to talk to you rather than to him, and oh bollocks.'

The Magical Transportation was because Kahlan (the split character) has this rather official ruling position, and she had to go to her hometown for a bit to do some ruling, but she also wanted to stay with her love interest Richard. So her inner Ruling Position Self went, and her inner In Love Self stayed. Her Ruling Position Self went slightly powerhungry dictator and her In Love Self became ridiculously jealous of any woman who even looked at her love interest. Obviously, the crackier part of the fandom is going 'Kahlan/Kahlan plz? Now please :D?' I love a cracky fandom!

[rionaleonhart]

Ooh, the .gif you've posted below is gorgeous (and I actually thought Kahlan was Morgana for a second. Morgana/Morgana would be amazing). Could I ask you to edit the comment so it's a link, rather than an embedded image, though? It's quite a large file, and I'd prefer not to load it every time I view my entry. Sorry.

(The red-haired woman to the right of the Kahlans looks sort of like Anna from Supernatural.)

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, 3 mb is a bit much. And hey, maybe it's where Anna ended up! She could do worse.

[rionaleonhart]

Thank you!

I forgot to comment on the idea of dragging David Mitchell in! On the one hand, it does sort of damage the 'is the doppelganger real or in Brooker's head?' aspect of it. On the other, I am always in favour of more David Mitchell. Hmmm.

'Charlie, listen to me - no, not you, the other Charlie. No, I'm not calling you the Other Charlie, I was just trying to indicate to this Charlie that I wanted to talk to you rather than to him, and oh bollocks.'

Ahahaha, adorable! Poor Mitchell!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Maybe Charlie can go 'hmm, I need someone sensible who tell me if this second Charlie is real, or in my head' and decides to ring Mitchell.

I think I just like making David Mitchell suffer and go 'but, er, no, I didn't mean that, okay, maybe I did, but, er' a lot.

[rionaleonhart]

I think I just like making David Mitchell suffer and go 'but, er, no, I didn't mean that, okay, maybe I did, but, er' a lot.

Who doesn't?

(Sorry, Mitchell.)

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

KAHLAN/KAHLAN WOULD BE AMAZING.

Admittedly, I have only sort of half-watched bits of the first series, but I did watch most of the finale. So, upon seeing Darken Rahl in the new trailers, promptly went "Wait, didn't Richard kill him?" and my dad went "...yup."

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

KAHLAN CONFESSED HERSELF. IT WAS KINDA HOT.

Ah, but in the second series, Darken Rahl does some evil stuff in the Underworld. So he's still in the show, but in a sort of spirit form. It, er, sort of makes more sense in the context of the show.

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

fffffffffff. And I thought Kahlan confessing Richard was hot.

...Right.

I'm trying to watch the show with an open mind, but my dad is constantly going THAT ISN'T HOW IT HAPPENED IN THE BOOKS and i'm just like *facepalm* because I constantly get told off for doing that. BUT. I like it a lot.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

SHE TOTALLY PWNED HERSELF.

Speaking as someone who has read up to book 7 and didn't much like the series, I totally embrace all the changes from the books. It means the whole bit where Richard was kidnapped by the Mord'sith is shorter and has slightly less BDSMy implications, and there's less attempted rape. And Richard himself is less of a douchebag.

Basically, don't read the books, they're bollocks.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Kahlan also spends some time eyeing herself:

Kahlan likes what she sees (http://i49.tinypic.com/29vbbr6.gif).

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

I love you so much sometimes.

That's all I have to say, really. I just finished reading The Hell of it All and I swear you were leering over my shoulder at every sentence.

[rionaleonhart]

I probably was. There are worse methods of procrastination than mastering invisibility, travelling to London and hovering over your shoulder to read Charlie Brooker columns. Well, probably.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

I hope not what with reading most of that book on the toilet and all.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

I thought of you the second the second Charlie came on screen.

[rionaleonhart]

I am almost proud of myself for creating such associations.

[timydamonkey.livejournal.com]

So I have to write this modern day interpretation of Echo and Narcissus for Friday, and now I'm incredibly tempted to write your brilliatly plotted Charlie Brooker/himself and to never hand it in ever. It's narcisstic enough!

...I have more will than this. << I shall do something else, even if it pales in comparison.

[rionaleonhart]

do it do it do it do it

That is a pretty cool task! Also, this comment contains no subliminal messages.

do it do it do it do it

(Ahahaha, it is not 'brilliantly plotted'. The plot is 'THEY SHOUT AT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY HAVE SEX AND IT'S GREAT'.)

[timydamonkey.livejournal.com]

It is! I like how my class assignment is essentially "write fanfic". We had to create Mary Sues at primary school once (well, they weren't technically supposed to be Mary Sues, but everybody was like eight, so they were) too!

I've been trying to think up non-obvious (that means you, fashion industry) narcisstic modern fic takes all week and got next to nowhere, hence - brilliantly plotted! :P

I'll let you know if it ever goes anywhere!

[darkest-alchemy.livejournal.com]

It may be a dreadful entry, but it made me laugh.
I still don't really know who Charlie Brooker is (though just going by that clip, he seems like someone I would like), but that fic idea sounds awesome (also, I'm a very much a supporter of person/himself fic anyway). You should probably write this.

[rionaleonhart]

I love your love for person/himself. It is, I feel, an underappreciated pairing formula.

Oh, dear, a part of me does want to try writing it, but I really shouldn't embark on any new fics whilst I have all this work for university looming over me. Also, I am terrible with sex scenes.

[darkest-alchemy.livejournal.com]

It's Derren Brown's fault, of course; he planted the idea in my head, but now I think the world needs more person/himself fic.

I suppose it wouldn't need to be explicit sex though, right? Maybe it could be more dialogue with them sniping at each other and just kind of skip over the actual sex stuff. I'm not great with sex scenes either, if I try to write anything explicit it usually turns into crack.

[derryderrydown.livejournal.com]

I agree that Brooker/Brooker would be awesome!

[rionaleonhart]

Your icon is extremely alarming, but I'm glad you agree!

[derryderrydown.livejournal.com]

I don't have a paid LJ account so I don't have very many icons here! This is my only Brooker icon on LJ so you have to put up with it.

Or you can have Stig's thighs, instead.

[fastfoodjunkie.livejournal.com]

Such an intriguing idea! I love the fact that we love Brooker slash so much, we're more than happy to just go with Brooker/Brooker/Brooker! I know if I was writing it, it'd turn into one big angst fest, at least to begin with. Oh, the possibilities of torturing poor Charlie's sanity!

He gripped the edge of the sink with both hands, staring at his dimly lit reflection with an expression so full of disgust he had to look away again, averting his gaze to the grimy taps below.

'Fucking hell, Brooker,' he thought. 'Get. A. Fucking. Grip.'

He dropped his head, closed his eyes tightly, breathed slowly in and out three times. He swallowed, hard, then jerked his head up sharply, 'it won't be there, it won't be there' running like a mantra through his head.

He only just managed to bite down on a cry of dismay.

He was there again; the other one. Looming just behind his left shoulder, watching him in the mirror with intensely dark, intimidatingly contemptuous eyes.

Two of them; two reflections, and Charlie could feel breath ghosting across the back of his neck.

[rionaleonhart]

Ooh, this angsty take on it is potentially extremely interesting. And that's a very hot last line you have there. Erm.

[proleptic-fancy.livejournal.com]

I only know who these people are from the Pokemon fic (which was wonderful, by the way), but this entry is awesome and not at all dreadful anyway. Largely because all fandoms need more selfcest and/or general clonesex.

So basically yes I would read this. With bells on.

[rionaleonhart]

I am pleased that you appreciate fandom's general need for character/self fanfiction. It creates such an intriguing opportunity for character exploration! Also sometimes it's hot.

(Thank you; I'm glad you enjoyed the fic!)

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

SELF/SELF IS THE BEST. I cannot explain why, but it is. (Relevant: please watch the film Moon so that you can discuss Sam Bell/Sam Bell at length with me.)

The other him is only ever present when Brooker is alone; there's an element of 'is this really me, or have I just gone mental?' running throughout the hypothetical fic and never quite resolved.

...Okay I am genuinely fascinated by this idea.

[rionaleonhart]

Self/self is delightful. I think that having someone meet a replica of themselves is always going to reveal fascinating things about their character. (Should the opportunity arise, I shall!)

[mythtaken.livejournal.com]

Oh you. :)

I was all I HOPE IS WATCHING THIS during the multiple Brooker segment.

Tangentially, I love that he can look that disgruntled even when buying a chocolate bar from a newsagent, and also that he seems to have as much difficulty getting in his front door as I do mine.

[rionaleonhart]

I am quite amused to find that multiple people thought of me during that sequence.

Oh, yes, his 'bah, going to the newsagent's' face was rather wonderful. I love Brooker's array of mildly unsettling expressions.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Write it!

Come on! Getting Charlie Brooker to shag himself, how hard can it be?

Er, it's probably not a good idea to throw Jeremy Clarkson into the mix. But seriously, this is Charlie "I will now have full sex with this loaf of bread!" Brooker. Getting him to have sex that makes some weird meta point about things works. Plus, the way you've plotted it is really fascinating.

[rionaleonhart]

anewcitylife has written a brilliant Brooker/himself ficlet! It's over at brookerfic, although I don't think you're a member at the moment. (But there's now a 'pairing: charlie brooker/himself' tag, and that just pleads for more use.)

But seriously, this is Charlie "I will now have full sex with this loaf of bread!" Brooker.

You make a good point.

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

I read your fic! Most of it, anyway.

...I kind of want you to write some Holmes/Pokemon fic now. Because I want to know what Pokemon Holmes would have. (Watson's, whatever it is, would be intensely loyal and also outrageously surly.)

I have been writing Modern Day!AU Holmes fic, mainly because there is not enough of it. At all.

[rionaleonhart]

Holmes and Watson are extremely difficult to assign Pokémon. I think Holmes may have a Farfetch'd, actually, although I'm not sure why. Watson could have a Growlithe.

House is a fairly impressive Modern Day AU Holmes fic, but there's always room for more!

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes! Or possibly an Arcanine, because I can see a Growlithe being kind of happy and adorable all the time. Arcanine is slightly... larger. And therefore scarier.

House is fairly impressive, but the more I read Holmes, the more differences I find. ...Also, I keep lurking on Holmes/Watson communities and seeing H/W and reading it as House/Wilson. Goddamnit.

My AU features Watson mostly being exasperated with Holmes all the time.