For This Is A Volvo, The Caravan's Friend.

[rionaleonhart]

It seems that, no matter where I decide my limits fanfiction-wise are, I am always completely wrong. To wit:

Riona: No, I'm never going to write interspecies romance. Because that would be ridiculous.
Jak II: HEY WHY NOT WRITE TORN/PECKER FIC?
Riona: ...because it makes no sense whatsoever, the characters never even meet in canon and they're completely different species?
Microsoft Word Document: Too late, you've already written it.
Riona: What?

Riona: Hmmm. Threesomes are a bit much, really, aren't they? Not, I think, an aspect of fanfiction I'm going to get involved in.
The Doctor, Rose and Jack: Oh, really?
Riona: ...oh. Oh, I see.

Riona: Eh, I'm not really into crossovers.
Doctor Who: Hey, wouldn't it be interesting if my characters went to Silent Hill?
Riona: ...er, I suppose so?
Assorted Memes: We force you to cross various fandoms over. This is usually draegonhawke's fault.
Riona: ...hey, this is kind of fun.
Silent Hill: Hey, did you realise that I can be crossed over with everything?
House and Scrubs: Hey, wouldn't we go so well together?
Top Gear and Harry Potter: Hey, we probably wouldn't go well together, but wouldn't we be fun to write?
Riona: ARGH WHEN DID I GET ADDICTED TO CROSSOVERS?

Riona: Er, I find real-person slash really kind of bizarre and unnerving. I don't think I'll ever write it. I really don't know why people -
Clarkson, Hammond and May: (bicker and snipe and flirt and have the most wonderful dynamic ever)
Riona: Argh! Where did my principles go?

Riona: Well, at least I'll never be a fan of human/inanimate object.
Clarkson: OH MY GOD BUGATTI VEYRON LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE.
Riona: Um -
Clarkson: (on an Alfa Romeo) All I have to do is picture it in black with tan leather and I'm nursing a semi.
Riona: DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT.

There, er, really isn't much point to this. This is mainly random musing, because I've been writing Really Rather A Lot Of Top Gear Slash recently and feeling incredibly guilty about it. The thing is, the Clarkson/Hammond/May dynamic is a wonderful one that I'm just not going to be able to find anywhere else. If I want to explore it (and I really, really do), I have to write RPS.

(I do have limits with RPS that I don't with regular fanfiction. I can't bring their wives into it. I can't deal with things such as infidelity and divorce and death when I'm writing about real, living people. I don't write serious, heavy angst; partially because that's just not what I love about Top Gear, but also because there's a guilt factor that you just don't get when the characters are fictional.)

Also, if this pattern continues, I'm probably going to end up writing necrophilia. Which worries me.

Comments

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

*sympathises*

I never actually got the point of RPF and figured I would never write it and then Top Gear and its sheer crack came along and I was doomed. But yeah, there are obvious limits.

Which I will no doubt go past merrily in a couple of months.

And I think I sort of wrote necrophilia. I wrote Voldemort/Dead!Dumbledore but Dumbledore was brought back to life to be a Inferi of sorts. Erm. Yes.

[rionaleonhart]

Of course, one of the problems with RPF is what if you write something horrible and then it actually happens? I mean, if I'd written about Hammond being in a car crash before the Dragster Incident, I'd probably have felt horribly guilty, even though I'd have known logically that I couldn't possibly have had anything to do with it.

ALSO DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE INSANE? But I love you for it and now to look through your Memories! Yes, there is the promisingly-titled 'Zombie!Dumbledore and Voldemort' entry. I'll have to look at that when I have a moment.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Clearly, we shouldn't write fics with horrible things happening! Although if, for some strange reason, I would've written TG death!fic I would feel very very strange about it now. Although if in the new series they crush a car to the size of a mini just for fun, I will feel very confused and slightly worried that my mind is being read somehow.

"ALSO DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE INSANE?"

It was a challenge! Of sorts!

That's beginning to be my excuse for every fic nowadays. 'I didn't WANT to write RPF! It's all Riona's and Moose's fault! I had nothing to do with it, honestly!'

I hope you will enjoy like think the fic is well-written.

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

I've said this before and i'll say it again:

Real Person Slash is horribly fucking disturbing!

not that there's anything wrong with that

[rionaleonhart]

I completely agree. But I can't stop writing it, which is unfortunate.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

You're doomed. Trust me. I was having this internal debate eight years ago re: Messrs McPartlin and Donnelly. Eight years on I have few principles left.

*pats sympathetically*

Riona: Well, at least I'll never be a fan of human/inanimate object.
Clarkson: OH MY GOD BUGATTI VEYRON LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE.
Riona: Um -
Clarkson: (on an Alfa Romeo) All I have to do is picture it in black with tan leather and I'm nursing a semi.
Riona: DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT.

*sniggers*

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

He is a shameless carwhore (but only because he can't get his One True Bugatti Veyron love!). I think there was a bit of a discussion on Fandom Wank on Clarkson's carwhoring and the fact that it would require Hammond and May to be turned into cars before Clarkson would notice them In That Way.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

the fact that it would require Hammond and May to be turned into cars before Clarkson would notice them In That Way.

*snerk* Is it wrong that I can see James May as a slightly shabby E-Type?

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, James is so an old Jaguar. Probably dark green. And Hammond could be a Renault Clio.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

British Racing Green, has to be! Oooh, no, not a Clio... it's small and cool, but it's not fast and scary enough!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Hammond would be a small car with supercar pretensions, clearly.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

An MX-5 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:2007_coupe_roadster.jpg), maybe?

[rionaleonhart]

it would require Hammond and May to be turned into cars before Clarkson would notice them In That Way.

WRITE IT.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO.

Not that this has EVER stopped me before.

What sort of cars would they be though? I can see May as a sort of old Bentley (or possibly a London cab NO I DON'T KNOW WHY) and maybe Hammond would be a small car with supercar pretensions.

And oh god Clarkson would have Stig driving them around the track.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't know, maybe Clarkson wouldn't *want* to share with the Stig... *laughs*

[rionaleonhart]

And oh god Clarkson would have Stig driving them around the track.

Oh, he so would. This is such a gloriously perfectly insane idea.

Hammond is difficult, and I can't believe I'm seriously considering the question 'if Hammond were a car, what would he be?'.

[nano_moose]

...Torn/Pecker.

TORN/PECKER.

That's about the extent of my reaction, really. Man, J&D was my original fandom, whydya have to do that? (I kid. You are wonderful. But I must admit that seeing that pairing written factured my reality just a little.)

I'm fairly lucky in that all the characters in my head ever clamour for is extra screentime, not completely ridiculous crossovers or pairings (although that may be because I don't notice subtext unless it comes in the form of a sledgehammer). But I totally get the Silent Hill thing! It doesn't just invade your world, it invades all the others you play in. SHUT UP I AM NOT WRITING HUNGRY CITIES/SILENT HILL, DAMN IT.

(opens word processor)

AAAAAAAGH.

[rionaleonhart]

I. UM. I CAN EXPLAIN.

...no, I can't. I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHETHER IT COULD BE DONE. WAS THAT SO WRONG?

It doesn't just invade your world, it invades all the others you play in.

That is exactly it. I think that thebaconfat summed it up pretty much perfectly here.

(I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HUNGRY CITIES IS BUT I WANT TO SEE THIS REGARDLESS.)

[nano_moose]

Hungry City Chronicles (not Cities, dammit brain) by Phillip Reeve. A series of four books that Do Not Suck. Books that I will one day drop on Dan Brown's head. Even if they won't kill him because they're not heavy enough, I can just use that to demonstrate why quality is a bazillion times better than quantity. It's the series that Phillip Reeve wrote before the one about the Victorian space pirates. It's about Victorian Post-Apocalypse - eh - stuff. And pirates. And cyborg zombies.

[thebaconfat.livejournal.com]

James/Maria is a kind of necrophilia.

For every one of these posts you do, I'm gladder that I have no access to Top Gear. AND ANGRIER.

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

...Also, because I am dreadfully curious, what is this Top Gun you (which "you"? Whichever) speak of?

[rionaleonhart]

Top Gear is a British motoring programme NO WAIT STOP RUNNING AWAY. It's not really about cars! Not really! Come back!

The presenters are called Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. They review cars in a humorous manner, and every so often they do something completely insane.

Such as handcuffing themselves to buses for no good reason.

Or going on a caravan holiday. You should probably know that all three of them despise caravans and everything about them, and that they can't be in a confined space together for any length of time without attempting to kill each other.

Or trying to make ordinary cars seaworthy.

Or trying to make a people-carrier into a convertible.

Or trying to present a radio show when they quite obviously don't have a clue about radio.

It is glorious.

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

...That was an hour and a half of my life I am never getting back and have no desire to get back. I may, in fact, go lose it again. That is, indeed, glorious!

Also, even after only that, I suspect I will not be able to hear the sentence, "How hard can it be?" anytime soon without thinking of boat-cars or... burning car washes or something.

[rionaleonhart]

(Reposted because I am the worst HTMLer ever and apparently unthinkingly use the italics tag no matter what I actually want to do.)

Oh, God, you're absolutely right. Right. Er, so I have written necrophilia without really realising it. WHERE ARE MY LIMITS NOW?

...er, I haven't written overage/underage yet? ...I think?

WHAT NO I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING YOU GLAD THAT YOU HAVE NO ACCESS TO TOP GEAR. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GO 'WHAT IS THIS TOP GEAR? I MUST SEE IT AT ALL COSTS' AND FIND SOME ELABORATE WAY OF GETTING TO WATCH IT.

[invisiblecake.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's what I did.

All of my fandoms keep bleeding into each other!

I got into Top Gear because I was at a convention, where I was dressed as Iron Man, and I went to a Doctor Who panel and they mentioned it. And then, the first time I saw it, it was conveniently the ep with David Tennant! So, now I'm hooked on this, and people keep doing weird crossovers (coughYOUcough), and now I'm getting into Supernatural and stuff as well!

Also, I never thought I'd like man/car EVAR, but now I'm addicted to it. More needs to be written.