He Ran Off To The City, And Wandered About In The Street

[rionaleonhart]

Write a list of twelve characters, numbered one to twelve. Then answer these questions. Do NOT check behind the cut until you've written your own list! Unless you're absolutely certain that you're never going to do this meme, or if you've done it already - in which case, check away!

Spoilers for Final Fantasy X. If I knew how, I'd highlight the offending answers in black and stick a brightly-coloured 'assless freak' in there somewhere. Unfortunately, however, I do not.



1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven (Captain Jack Harkness/Phineas Nigellus) fic? Do you want to?
...no I have not, but I SO want to. Seriously. I was thinking that he would have to go back in time to his non-portrait years, but if they investigated Grimmauld Place and found his portrait, and Phineas was all outraged at the intrusion and then there were seventy-two pages of sexually-charged snarky banter...

...well, it would obviously be the BEST HYPOTHETICAL FIC EVER.

2. Do you think Four (Rinoa Heartilly) is hot? How hot?
She's good-looking. I wouldn't say 'hot'.

3. What would happen if Twelve (Seifer Almasy) got Eight (Rose Tyler) pregnant?
...then, er, that would be extremely odd. I really don't think that Seifer would get on well with Rose - she'd probably hate his arrogance. If he did get her pregnant somehow (again an odd thought - I can't see Rose consenting, but I can't see Seifer being a rapist, and I'm thinking WAY TOO HARD ABOUT THIS SILLY QUESTION THING), then there'd probably be a load of angst about having to leave the TARDIS and ending her Wacky Time-Travelling Adventures and suchlike. I can't imagine Seifer being prepared to raise the child. Possibly Jack would help her through the early stages, but I think he'd get pretty bored hanging around in one place.

Basically, if Rose gets pregnant by anyone (other than Mickey, in which case she'd be upset at leaving the TARDIS but at least he'll never leave her), she's screwed (no pun intended). Then again, I have no idea what her stance on abortion would be.

Also, what were the chances of it actually being a female getting pregnant, eh?

4. Can you rec any fics about Nine (Zell)?
I should have put the Ninth Doctor there instead, shouldn't I? I automatically think of him whenever I see 'Nine'. Anyway, I have a bunch of fics that I'd love to rec about Zell, but I cannot because Baco has taken them down. And that makes me sad.

Well, there are still excellent Zell fanfics out there, even if some of the best are missing. Take a look at Another Path to your Destiny, by kadrin; Darkside by draegonhawke (WHO SHOULD TOTALLY FINISH THE COMMENTARY FOR IT. AND ALSO LINK ME TO SAID COMMENTARY, BECAUSE I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED THE URL); and Rescue by the Book by tenshi_no_korin. You could check out the rest of the stuff on bishonenink if you have the time and the inclination, although quite a bit of it involves pretty young men having lots of sex, so if you're not interested in that you may want to steer clear.

5. Would Two (Vincent Valentine) and Six (Captain Jack Harkness) make a good couple?
Anyone and Six would make a good couple.

Actually, I'm not so sure on this one. Vincent doesn't seem enormously seduceable. If Jack worked hard enough, I suppose he might be able to get there in the end, but it'd probably take a very long time indeed, and Vincent would probably transform into Chaos and claw him to pieces during sex. Nobody wants that.

6. Five/Nine (Pyramid Head/Zell) or Five/Ten (Pyramid Head/Auron)? Why?
Hmm. I really, really wouldn't wish Five on anyone. Auron would work better aesthetically, 'cause of all the red, and his being in Silent Hill would make more sense. I honestly cannot imagine an encounter between Zell and Pyramid Head. What the hell would happen?

...unless we're talking Quistis-as-Pyramid Head. In which case... nope, still incredibly weird.

7. What would happen if Seven (the Ninth Doctor) walked in on Two (Vincent Valentine) and Twelve (Seifer Almasy) having sex?
Er. He doesn't know these people. He'd probably either leave, or wait politely for them to finish so he could ask them a question. Incidentally, Vincent and Seifer are quite astonishingly incompatible. Is this part of Vincent's penance, perchance?

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten (Squall Leonhart/Auron) fic.
He's a cold mercenary who cares about very little and says 'Whatever' too much! He's a dead guardian keeping a promise for a man who is now a giant flying whale! They fight crime!

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight (James Sunderland/Rose Tyler) fluff?
Erm, nothing involving James Sunderland could possibly be fluffy. Also, they're from different fandoms, and as far as I know I'm the only person who's ever crossed over the two. I'm going to say 'no'. NO WAIT I WILL WRITE IT.

James clung to her, half-laughing, half-sobbing. "I didn't think you'd be here. I - you died. I've been missing you so much -"
Rose blinked. "Er, this might be a bit awkward, but are you confusing me with someone else?"
James stared at her for a long time. AND THEN HE WENT 'BLAAAAAAAAARGH' AND JUMPED OUT OF A WINDOW.

You see? It just can't be fluffy. He sucks all the fluff out of everything and into this weird vortex of angst and insanity.

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve (Ninth Doctor/Seifer Almasy) hurt/comfort fic.
Ninth Doctor/Seifer Almasy? Well, I can't picture Seifer doing much comforting, so he'll be the one getting hurt. The title would be: And That's How You Repay Me?

11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four (Rinoa Heartilly) to deflower One (James Sunderland)?
...Er, okay. This would have to be pre-marriage-to-Mary, obviously. Rinoa and James... I guess I'd use Time Compression and a lot of alcohol.

12. Does anyone on your friends list read Seven (Ninth Doctor) slash?
Some of them write it. I've written it. Captain Jack Harkness is his travelling companion. The answer, I think, is yes.

13. Does anyone on your friends list read Three (Squall Leonhart) het?
Indeed they do! I can't think of anything interesting to say here! I will use multiple exclamation marks in the hope that it will make this sound more exciting and enthusiastic!

14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven (Phineas Nigellus)?
Nobody writes for Phineas Nigellus. I really wish they would, because he's by far my favourite character in the Harry Potter series. If anyone knows of any fanworks involving him, point me?

15. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five (Vincent Valentine/Rinoa Heartilly/Pyramid Head)?
...er, kadrin might, if I asked very nicely indeed. But just looking at that combination is making my brain melt. I'm not sure I'd be able to survive an entire fic.

16. What might Ten (Auron) scream at a moment of great passion?
"Where is the sense in all this? Braska believed in Yevon's teachings and died for them! Jecht believed in Braska and gave his life for him!"

If you meant sexual passion, I can't image a particularly passionate Auron and therefore Auron either doesn't experience sexual passion or doesn't scream when he does. MOST CONVENIENT.

(I originally thought that this referred to Zell, which would be much easier. 'OHHHH YEEEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" With the multiple exclamation points, because that's what Zell does.)

17. If you wrote a songfic about Eight (Rose Tyler), which song would you choose?
The Ballad of Barry Allen. In which she is the 'you' referred to (and you say the time goes rushing by/it seems so slow to me/and you see it blurry 'round you fly/but it takes so long/seems so slow). And most of the fic would focus on the Doctor, although I wouldn't have meant it to.

I don't like songfics much. It makes sense that they wouldn't like me and would go off in all the wrong directions.

18. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve (James Sunderland/Captain Jack Harkness/Seifer Almasy) fic, what would the warnings be?
WARNINGS: Slash, threesome, insanity, angst, angst, angst, LOTS OF ANGST, more insanity. There should probably be a 'lots of sex', as it involves Jack and two other characters, but I'm not one for writing sex. Maybe 'implied sex'. Lots of implied sex. More angst. DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DROP JAMES INTO ANYTHING?

19. What might be a good pick-up line for Two (Vincent Valentine) to use on Ten (Auron)?
Vincent wouldn't care for using pick-up lines, and Auron wouldn't be receptive to them. BEST PAIRING EVER. Tragically, they would never speak a word to each other. For some reason I picture them both visiting the same bar at the same time for years, drinking in synchronisation right next to each other, looking remarkably similar and red-clad, and yet never speaking. Possibly they would develop telepathy. But then they wouldn't use it.

Basically, Vincent's best bet (and the thing he would be most likely to do) would be to sit there being quiet and brooding, and then if he's lucky maybe Auron will come over and be cryptic at him, and then they'll save the world. Save it with THE POWER OF BROODINESS AND FLOWING RED GARMENTS.

20. When was the last time you read a fic about Five (Pyramid Head)?
Er, that was probably when I was re-reading thebaconfat's Incredibly Vague Pyramid Head/James Sunderland drabble, written for kadrin before he actually played the game and therefore avoiding spoilers Most Cautiously. Yesterday, maybe, or the day before. I've been reading through kadrin's old LJ entries (which is something I would advise everyone to do at least once a year, because he is A GENIUS), and he linked to it.

It may, however, have been kadrin's drabble from a drabble-for-each-one-of-your-icons meme. This was also written before he actually played the game. You can read it here. It contains no Silent Hill 2 spoilers whatsoever.

21. What is Six's (Captain Jack Harkness') super-sekrit kink?
...Captain Jack does not keep his kinks a secret how do I answer this?

Er, he secretly likes good old-fashioned regular missionary sex, and he wishes that for once his partners would stop insisting on all these adventurous positions.

22. Would Eleven (Phineas Nigellus) shag Nine (Zell Dincht)? Drunk or sober?
Okay, Phineas Nigellus is a portrait and therefore that would be kind of physically impossible.

Even if we're talking about pre-portrait Phineas, no. Just no. He's got a lot of dignity and values it very highly. Zell... erm, Zell is Zell.

23. If Three (Squall Leonhart) and Seven (Ninth Doctor) get together, who tops?
They never have sex. Their relationship is entirely intellectual. They discuss questions of good and evil. Sometimes. Usually Squall just says '...whatever', and stalks off. The question of sex never comes up. Sometimes Jack suggests it teasingly, but then Squall just stares daggers at him until he laughs, shrugs and goes off to find Irvine.

24. 'One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three.' What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

Okay, I'm going to write that summary out with the names so you can appreciate just how bizarre this actually is.

James Sunderland and Zell Dincht are in a happy relationship until Zell suddenly runs off with Rinoa Heartilly. James, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Phineas Nigellus and a brief unhappy affair with Seifer Almasy, then follows the wise advice of Pyramid Head and finds true love with Squall Leonhart.

Right.

Nobody should write it. If someone did, draegonhawke, thebaconfat, squeemu and pretty much everyone who's familiar with both Silent Hill 2 and Final Fantasy VIII would read it out of morbid curiosity. I certainly would. I mean, how can you pass over a fic that has James following the wise advice of Pyramid Head regarding his love life?

25. How would you feel if Seven/Eight (Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler) were canon?
...er, it practically is, which unfortunately makes the answer to the last question a little boring. But, er, yay! Doctor/Rose! For once, a pairing from these questions that isn't completely bizarre!

Comments

[rionaleonhart]

Heh. 'Do Wah Diddy Diddy' is like a virus - it gets stuck in your head and never leaves it ever, and anyone who comes into contact with you immediately catches the Do Wah Diddy Diddy. MOST TRAGIC.

And thank you! Most of the characters I ramble about are from random videogames, which I play more than I probably should.