Team Rocket: Worst Hunters Ever, Besides The Top Gear Team.

[rionaleonhart]

CATCHING UP ON fandomsecrets IS MAKING ME REALLY PARANOID. You guys know it's okay to say 'actually, this doesn't really interest me' when I'm trying to get you into something I love, right? I don't want you to feel that I am holding a gun to your head and demanding that you LOVE SUPERNATURAL.

Not that I'm going to shut up about it or anything, obviously. From the latest of my e-mail exchanges with dracothelizard:

rionaleonhart: I do hope Ellen and Jo return eventually. In fact, I hope they become a kickarse mother-daughter hunting duo. Yes.
dracothelizard: Yes, clearly the best way for Ellen to make sure nothing happens to Jo is become a hunting duo THEMSELVES. But imagine the angst if Jo gets captured by something. Or the anger, for that matter.
...I may be too invested in the wrong family of this show.
rionaleonhart: Hey, if you want to write fanfiction about the Adventures of Ellen and Jo, Saving People, Hunting Things, no complaints here.
dracothelizard: I already know that the epilogue would be Sam and Dean driving around and wondering where all the supernatural things are, because Ellen and Jo got them ALL.
rionaleonhart: AHAHAHA, GENIUS. I would be okay with the actual television series ending like that. 'Okay, we've sorted out our personal problems, now to get back to saving... wait, where are all the monsters?' Cut to Ellen and Jo, driving off into the sunset and blaring REO Speedwagon.

So, yes, add Ellen/Jo to Ryan/Sharpay and Ruby/Bela on the List of Duos Who Really Should Take Up Hunting Together (those are not romantic slashes. Well, unless you want them to be). There've got to be others, right? CHASE. CHASE AND CAMERON BEING INCREDIBLY DORKY AND ADORABLE AND EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE HUNTERS TOGETHER. MAYBE EVEN CHASE AND CAMERON AND FOREMAN, AND HOUSE COMES ALONG ON ALL THE HUNTS AND IS RIDICULOUSLY UNHELPFUL.

JD AND TURK. 'Playthings' would have gone so badly had they been the ones to check out the hotel, because they would have become completely distracted by playing with the dolls and everyone would have died.

CHELL AND THE WEIGHTED COMPANION CUBE. WEIGHTED WITH SALT. SHE USES HER HANDHELD PORTAL DEVICE TO DROP THE FAITHFUL CUBE ON SUPERNATURAL ENTITIES. TAKE THAT, VENGEFUL SPIRITS. GLaDOS should narrate, obviously, because I can't imagine a silent woman/inanimate object team would allow for much witty banter.

Comments

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

You are ignoring my emails again.

I HAD A SUPERNATURAL DREAM LAST NIGHT. I watched bits of the finale in it? Ummmm Dean was singing a lot. It upset me for some reason. And I was like RIONA IT IS MAKING ME CRY and you were like I KNOW RIGHT. And then I can't remember the rest.

[rionaleonhart]

Augh! Sorry! Three on Sunday should be fine, and I am looking forward very much to the Epic Gay of Harry and Peter. I love them so much.

And Goofy would be a Reliant Robin in a Top Kingdom Gear Hearts world. AND DONALD WOULD BE MAY'S SAILING CAR.

And it seems that Supernatural invades the subconsciouses of people who don't watch it on a fairly regular basis. MOST MYSTERIOUS.

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

It probably didn't help that I was watching a film before I went to sleep that had some brotherly love I interpreted in ENTIRELY THE WRONG WAY.

I blame incest on the Winchesters.

[the-funmonkey.livejournal.com]

Dr Cox and Jordan the reformed demon would make such an awesome pair of hunters that it's making me jibber.
Other good pairings:
Phil Jupitus and Bill Bailey from Never Mind the Buzzcocks, who'd be from the Bobby Singer school of hunting,
*Holmes and Watson, obviously,
*The Narrator/Tyler from Fight Club,
*THE GILMORE GIRLS :D

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, Cox and Jordan would be amazing hunters. AND THE NARRATOR AND TYLER AS HUNTER(S) IS A BRILLIANT IDEA. YOU'RE A GENIUS.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

No, no, Fran needs to join them as well!

Or, even better, Bernard can insist they need to exorcise Fran.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

*The Narrator/Tyler from Fight Club,

They need to do this. Hunt, make their own explosives, and have weird gay subtext that's rather brain-breaking when you know the plot twist.

[dancesontrains.livejournal.com]

Hee, don't worry; I'm not interested in SPN, although I do enjoy reading your natterings :D

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

I still think Chase, Cameron and Foreman need to run into Sam and Dean as they're investigating a patient's house.

Also, House used to be hunter, because he thought a roadtrip by himself after his medical training sounded like fun, and then he accidentally got involved in something supernatural, hunted for a couple of years, and then decided to become the world's most brilliant diagnostician.

The entire SG-1 team also needs to be hunters, although that might just be a bit much. Maybe they can split up in Sam and Daniel doing most of the research while Teal'c and Jack do most of actual hunting. And then every now and then Sam and Daniel rescue Teal'c and Jack, who had ALMOST escaped by himself, thank you.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Oh, and team Top Gear OBVIOUSLY have to be hunters.

And I'd say Team Torchwood but a) they already kinda are and b) they would terrible at it, because Jack would end up wanting to see what sex with a demon is like while Owen taunts the Reapers.

Team Torchwood would probably be number 2 on the World's Worst Hunters list, because there's no way they're better than Team Top Gear.

[rionaleonhart]

Team Torchwood totally top the World's Worst Hunters list. I can't believe I forgot about them! And I still love your 'the ducklings and the Winchesters cross paths when they both break into the same house' idea. (You know what would be adorable? Sam/Cameron.)

[kelly96.livejournal.com]

ANT AND DEC.

They'd be short and adorable and squeak a lot and oh God, this must happen now.

[rionaleonhart]

AHAHAHA, AGREED. I don't know how safe I'd feel if Ant and Dec were the only protection I had against supernatural creatures, but they need to be hunters anyway.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

I don't want you to feel that I am holding a gun to your head and demanding that you LOVE SUPERNATURAL.

Liar! What about that time you held a gun to my head and demanded that I love Supernatural?

Or, more factually, that time I said Sam's hair annoyed me, and you were like, "But Sam is awesome, and you must love him!"?

So, yes, add Ellen/Jo to Ryan/Sharpay and Ruby/Bela on the List of Duos Who Really Should Take Up Hunting Together (those are not romantic slashes. Well, unless you want them to be).

Ruby/Bela clearly should be a romantic slash. Ruby gets Bela out of Hell, and tries to persuade her to do vaguely good things of the "Being nastier to the monsters than the humans," type, while Bela tries to distract her with money and sex! It's perfect!

Of all the people who have been to Hell on the show, I really don't want Bela to turn out to be Ruby. That would cut the amount of awesome in the universe in half. I'm fine with Dean being Ruby, though. Because then he can occasionally punch himself in the face for being a jackass and calling women sluts for no reason (I'm a terrible sucker for Dean, but he's kind of a jackass sometimes and in need of a good punch in the face).

[rionaleonhart]

OH, FINE. I'll admit that I demand everyone love the Winchesters. But... but I don't use guns, at least?

I do love the Dean-as-Ruby theory. It just makes sense. Well, all right, I don't know whether Dean would ever tell Sam to embrace his mind-powers of questionable origin, but still. Dean as Ruby. Awesome.

And Ruby/Bela would be ridiculously hot. (Ooh, this comment just inspired me to go looking and it turns out there's a spnfemslash community!)

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god I WANT THOSE LAST THREE MORE THAN I CAN SAY. OH MY GOD. I WANT. I WANT THEM SO MUCH. OH GOD. JD AND TURK IN PLAYTHINGS. AND AND AND AND AND AND THEY'D HAVE TO BE RESCUED. COX AND CARLA WOULD HAVE TO TEAM UP TO SAVE THEM. AND THEN HIT THEM A LITTLE TO TRY TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THEM. OH MY GOD.

OH MY GOD.

[rionaleonhart]

EEEEEEEE, YES. IT WOULD BE AMAZING.

Also, this comment inspired me to go looking for Scrubs/Supernatural crossovers and look what I found!

On the elevator down, JD tried to imagine himself as a bounty hunter. He needed a really cool outfit to pull it off, but nothing flashy so he could still blend in with the civilians. And he needed backup. Turk would be awesome backup. They could have their own reality show. The J-Dizzle Chocolate and Vanizzle Bounty Hour.

“How do we kill these goddamn things?” Cox said, getting back to his feet and backing away.
“You cut their fuckin’ heads off,” Dean said. “Is it too much to hope that you guys have scalpels the size of machetes around here somewhere?”
“They’re on backorder,” JD said, rubbing at his throat, fingers coming away bloody.

He slammed into the facing wall at the bottom and had second thoughts about being a bounty hunter, because obviously there was a lot of wall slamming involved and it got old very quickly. Also, there were vampires.

THUMBS UP.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

TRULY TERRIBLE IDEA #3697: Blending Top Gear and Fight Club. As in post old-Top Gear Jeremy is The Narrator, a bitter insomniac who deeply resents that May fellow taking over his Top Gear and (in his head) running it into the ground. Jeremy meets a mysterious and pretty man called Tyler Durden Richard Hammond, and is inspired to start the new Top Gear, and fill it with ill-conceived nattering about society and manhood, and lots of largely gratuitous explosions. After Jason Dawes leaves, claiming the whole thing's "creepy" for some reason Jeremy can't fathom, it's Richard's idea to bring James on board. Naturally, Richard and James start shagging like mad rabbits while Jeremy seethes in jealousy. And then Project Mayhem happens.

This is obviously a bad idea for several reasons:

1) If anyone can pull off Tyler Durden-style speeches, it's Jeremy.

2) Richard's too short.

3) It probably stretches plausibility for everyone to just go along with a television show where two of the three presenters were Jeremy Clarkson, and Jeremy Clarkson's other personality.

4) No one from Top Gear should ever be involved in anything called Project Mayhem, not even in fiction.

[rionaleonhart]

How do you come up with these ideas? Never stop.

'Project Mayhem' is just Top Gear's invisible subtitle, anyway.

It probably stretches plausibility for everyone to just go along with a television show where two of the three presenters were Jeremy Clarkson, and Jeremy Clarkson's other personality.

I think this idea is so awesome that plausibility doesn't even matter.

Perhaps Jeremy could be Richard's alternate personality. Richard certainly aspires to be like Jeremy. It wouldn't fit quite so neatly into the actual history of Top Gear, of course, but that's what alternate universes are for.

[dots.livejournal.com]

Demon hunting SeeD. Also known as, Selphie with a salt-loaded rocket launcher.

[rionaleonhart]

SO MUCH YES. I was going to say 'they're already sort of hunters, really, aren't they?', and then you said salt-loaded rocket launcher and okay, that would be amazing. I sort of want Selphie to team up with the Winchesters and strike fear into the hearts of both the demons and her teammates. And Sam and Dean would keep going off into corners and having muttered 'Maybe she's possessed.' 'I, er, I think this is just what she's like' conversations.

[nixwilliams.livejournal.com]

johnnypurple: you should friend her, she always talks about supernatural.

me: *friends*

jp: she doesn't ship the brothers, though.

me: AAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!! TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!111!!!1

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Er, I may ship brothers even less than Riona. Riona will, on occasion, write twisted and wrong Sam/Dean. I don't, and only read Sam/Dean if it's written by Riona (tried poking around at other Wincest fic once, and was completely put off). And I may even write het (and be plotting to write Dean/Bela femmeslash, where Dean touches the artifact that men aren't allowed to touch, suffers the consequences, and winds up having a weird, slightly sex-laden adventure with Bela to retrieve it and switch back. If I can figure out whether Dean would make the "Sam, I've been turned into a chick," call, and how long it would take Sam to stop laughing).

So non-Wincesters are creeping onto your flist.

[rionaleonhart]

HA, YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP.

I have a pretty weird relationship with the Sam/Dean pairing; most of the time I just think of them as brothers (their brotherly relationship is so wonderful), but I will on occasion have a Sam/Dean fic idea I'd really like to see, and I do read it (although I generally skip over any sex scenes). I certainly don't judge anyone for 'shipping it!

ANYWAY. It's nice to meet you!